“Tell me, dammit. What? Give me something. More, anything to make me understand how you could end this!” The harshness in his tone was softened slightly by the crack in his voice, the sheen in his brown eyes.
Her chin wobbled as she stared at him. “Don’t yell at me.”
His features relaxed, and she could read the confusion in his eyes as he stared at her. “Sweetheart, I’m trying to get where you’re coming from, but it’s pretty damn hard. That night at your apartment, you said your father was domineering, he was strict, right? What else? The horse? Is he the reason you’re afraid of horses?”
Melanie rolled her lips inward, already retreating. Tell him about the horse. Tell him.
She opened her mouth and wished the right words would come out. But these were all secrets that were stuffed way down, buried under blankets of shame. What good would it do to share it all with Cole? If she exposed herself, she would have nothing left when he still chose her father over her.
“Melanie, you are not going to end this. You know how much you mean to me. You are the first woman since Sarah.”
“I know; I’m sorry,” she whispered and swiped at the tears that began to fall. “But I can’t be around here. I can’t have my father around here or listen when you talk about him and your business. I’m sorry, Cole.” She scrambled, hastily grabbing her clothes, trying to see even though she was blinded by tears. Melanie walked away from Cole, her past, and her future.
Chapter Thirteen
Cole squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block the image of Melanie’s face as she cried in front of him. But nothing worked, because when he shut his eyes, her soft voice was in his head, and the feel of her body was still imprinted on his.
“Ah, hell.”
Cole cursed and leaned his head forward on the fireplace mantle as Gage’s voice cut through the quiet room. He raised the bottle of whiskey to his lips and took a long swallow, not turning around. Gage was muttering something and by the sounds of things, making himself comfortable on the couch.
“I said, ah, hell.”
Cole shrugged and frowned into the fire. He wanted to be left the hell alone. “What are you doing here, Gage? It’s late.”
“Eating. I remembered Mrs. H had some leftover cake in the kitchen. I didn’t expect you’d be here, lurking in the dark like the goddamn grim reaper.”
Cole turned around to glare at his friend. Feet propped up on the coffee table, and what looked like half a cake plopped onto a plate, Gage was staring at him. “What’s with the whiskey and the frown?”
“Nothing. Mind your own business. Why don’t you take that food back to your place?”
“Nah. I like this room. So what’s the problem? You worried about Cori’s wedding?”
He frowned. “No. Well, yes, but there’s nothing I can do about that situation. She says she loves that moron, so that’s that. I think this is where I have to back off and be supportive of them or something.” He took another drink when he thought about the real problem.
Gage stuffed half the cake into his mouth. “So I’m thinking the problem has to do with Hot Mel.”
“I’m pretty sure you just referred to Melanie as Hot Mel, but I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt, since I can’t really understand what you’re saying with all that cake in your mouth.”
He poked his fork in the air. “Get to the reason why you’re standing in the dark, by yourself, polishing off that whiskey.”
Cole rested the bottle on the mantle and walked over to sit in the chair opposite Gage. “You know Anderson Food Group?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s her family’s company.”
“Huh. So why’s that a problem?”
“Because Melanie doesn’t speak to her family. And she asked me not to go through with this deal.”
Gage put down the empty plate of cake and motioned for the bottle of whiskey. “Why is it every time you have a problem I end up getting tanked?” Cole walked over to the mantle to retrieve the abandoned bottle, handed it to Gage, and sat back down and waited. And wondered why he was soliciting advice from a man that had no family or woman to speak of.
“So what’d you tell her?”
“No.”
Gage slid the bottle of whiskey across the coffee table. “I’m going to leave this with you, because you’re going to need it.”
“Can you be serious?”
“I am serious. You’re an idiot. So you’re willing to give up Melanie for a business deal?”
“You of all people know it’s more than just a business deal. You know how much we need this. I have no choice. The entire future of this ranch is on my shoulders. If I can secure this distribution agreement, I won’t have to worry about anything. For years. And you know what this would have meant to Sarah.”
Gage leaned forward. “Sarah’s gone. This ranch has gone on and been profitable for years before this Anderson deal was on the table.”
“You don’t get it. You’ve got no family depending on you; you’ve never been married and had to watch your wife die—”
“You know what, man? Sometimes I think you’re the biggest moron I know.”
Cole stood. “I don’t need this.”
“Sit your ass down.”
Cole clenched his teeth and forced himself to remain still. He was going to give Gage the benefit of the doubt, even though he was itching to hit him. “No.”
Gage stood and walked over to him and he looked pissed as hell. Cole took a step forward.
“Fine. Here’s what I think. I don’t think this is about the Anderson deal at all. I think this is about you being scared shitless to love Melanie. I think you’re using this whole thing with her family as the perfect excuse to end things before you get in too deep.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Did you ask her why she’s not talking to her family?”
“Of course I did. She wouldn’t tell me. Like she doesn’t trust me.”
“Because she doesn’t think you’ll have her back. If she tells you whatever it is she’s hiding and you walk away—like you just did—then she’ll have told you something really painful only to have you ditch her.”
“When the hell did you get to be an expert on this kind of thing?”
He took another swig from the bottle. “I know all about secrets and shit. Mrs. H and I watch Downton Abbey on Sunday nights.”
Cole squeezed his eyes shut and let a dozen curses run loose. “Move away from me because I swear to God I have never wanted to punch you more.”
“Look. Here’s the thing. Not every guy is lucky enough to find a good woman. For some reason, you’ve been given a chance to love someone again. And not just someone. This is Melanie. You and I both know what kind of a woman she is. So, my final advice to you is don’t blow a chance at happiness because you’re chickenshit.”
Cole blinked, rolled his shoulders, and let the anger drip out of him. Gage was right.
…
Cole dismounted, his feet landing with a thud in the dense snow. He took a long breath of cold winter air and walked over to the clearing of tombstones. He stopped a foot or so from Sarah’s and frowned at the snow covering it.
He brushed the mounds of white off the top of the stone and then crouched down and carefully cleared it away from the front, until the inscription was legible: Sarah Anne Sharpe Forrester…Beloved daughter and wife.
He stood, banging his hands together until his gloves were clean and then went back to his horse and opened the leather satchel and pulled out a vase, bottle of water, and flowers. He walked back to the cleared grave and poured the water into the vase and gently placed the flowers inside and set them on the ground.
“Hi. I know these aren’t going to last out here, but thought you’d like them, even just for a bit. Had trouble finding these. Last hydrangeas in town, someone must have bought them out.”He cleared his throat and leaned his head back, looking at the pristine, blue sky. God, he hadn’t had this
kind of clarity since before Sarah had died. But he did now. It was in everything around him. The snow was whiter, the sky bluer, and the air was purer. The shadow of torture wasn’t following him around, dimming the light on everything he saw.
“Cori’s getting married today. To this guy Adam. I had my doubts about him, but I think it was mostly me just being overprotective. I guess he’s all right. Just wish them well and hope for the best.” He scraped a little mound of ice with the toe of his boot.
“I haven’t been out here in a while, I know. Things have been kind of crazy. Remember when you said you wanted me to find someone to love again? Well, I don’t know how it happened, but I did.” He frowned and forced himself to swallow down the lump in his throat.“It’s Melanie, Cori’s friend. Sarah, I love her. I didn’t want to love anyone. I mean, it took me so damn long to be able to come out here and talk to you like this without wanting to cry, but I never thought I could love someone like this again. And it’s pretty damn scary. And I may have blown it. I just wanted to tell you. I wanted you to know that you were right, and I kept your promise.”
He stood there, letting his words linger in the air. He knew he’d made the right decision. Now he needed to make it up to Melanie.
He leaned down and kissed the top of the tombstone. “Good-bye, Sarah.”
…
Crisp winter air and bright sunshine made it the perfect day for a wedding. The sun sparkled off the mounds of immaculate white snow. Melanie walked purposefully down the front hallway of the Tall Pines Ranch, doing a final check to make sure everything was where it should be. She did a quick survey of the room and her gaze rested on a picture of Sarah and Cole. She approached it, her heart thumping heavily in her chest. She took in every detail as she stared at their wedding picture. They had both been so young. The lines she’d memorized around Cole’s eyes weren’t there when he smiled into the camera. His arms were around Sarah, who looked radiant and jubilant. She forced herself to look away. All she needed was to get through today, and then she wouldn’t have to come back to the ranch anymore.
After they left the cabin yesterday, they had barely spoken. She knew Cole didn’t understand, and she knew he was hurt. She had fooled herself into thinking she could walk away, that the knowledge he could save his company and keep his promise to his wife would be enough. But it wasn’t. Because the feeling that dominated, that made her unable to sleep or eat, was that she had lost Cole, that he would be entering a relationship with her father. That he had inadvertently chosen her father over her.
She glanced down at her watch. Soon the entire house would be filled with well-wishers and family. Corrina was applying the final touches to her makeup upstairs. Cole should be arriving back to the house momentarily. She had done her best to avoid him today, and it looked like he was doing the same, claiming he needed to do some last-minute errands on the day of his sister’s wedding. He stated he only needed ten minutes to shower and dress. Much to her irritation, she actually believed him.
Meanwhile it had taken her almost an hour to put herself together, even though it was the same outfit she wore to almost every single wedding she planned. The pale pink silk sheath dress was elegant enough that she wouldn’t stand out in front of the guests and yet comfortable enough that she could actually perform all the last-minute duties that came with the wedding day. Her hair was pulled back into a smooth knot at the base of her neck, and the only jewelry on her bare arms was the simple, white-gold diamond bracelet Meredith had given her on her sixteenth birthday. It was the only piece of jewelry she had taken when she left home and was the only fine piece of jewelry she now owned. Melanie fingered it gently, wondering if her words had any impact on Meredith at all. She must have thought about Melanie at least one more time. Had she told her fiancée that she’d been to see her sister? Had she told their father?
The muffled sound of a car door slamming shut outside propelled her into action. The house was quiet, but not for long. Melanie walked toward the front door, expecting to greet the cake designer.
She swung open the door and stood face-to-face with her father.
Panic filled her, sending blood tunneling through her body, heat scorching her as her father looked at her. His green eyes were just as cold as she remembered. His lean face had deep lines in it, the frown lines even more pronounced than she remembered. And much to her extreme disappointment, he still had the ability to make her want to back up a few steps from him. She didn’t. She squeezed the edge of the door tightly and put on her best poker face.
His face had turned gray, and he practically spat at her. “What are you doing here?”
She stared up at him through eyes that ached to close, to pretend it wasn’t really him standing here. He had asked her something, but the past was pulling her into an abyss where she was four years old and holding out a picture she had drawn. It was of the family. At that point in time, she used to make up excuses for his behavior, desperate to find justifications for his treatment of them. Stupid, worthless girl. You forgot to put a mouth on your mother’s face. And my hair is not red. Next time, try harder. That was back before she could predict every reaction he would have. That was back before she stopped seeking his approval. That was back before she knew there was no point in wanting him to love her or be a real father.
When she was a child, she had clung to the excuses her mother made for him. Only years later did it sink in that her mother was trying to hide what he was really like:: your father had a hard day at work, girls, it’s not your fault…your father is a very important man, he can’t attend school plays…it was your fault for not playing quietly enough, next time try not to upset him…you know you’re to eat dinner by yourselves and not bother the grown-ups…
“Well? What the hell are you doing on Forrester’s ranch?”
His tall, trim frame still commanded authority. He had aged well. Green eyes still sharp, still cold, exactly as she remembered.
Melanie opened her mouth to speak, but her voice had been stolen. No. You’ve changed, you have a voice. You’re not afraid anymore. Speak. This man cost you your mother, your sister, and the only man you’ve ever loved.
He made a noise of impatience and grabbed her arm and everything that was once alive in her died. She stood there, almost catatonic and stared at her father. All the smart-ass comments, the words that she had practiced in front of the mirror were stolen by his vise grip. She was helpless, like the twelve-year-old version of herself, sitting atop that horse. She was her mother. She was her sister. She was like any other woman who stood helpless in front of an aggressor. She tried desperately to find her voice, any voice.
She willed her voice to sound strong and steady. “I’m here for a wedding. You wouldn’t know that, of course, because you knew nothing about my friends. I have been friends with Cole’s younger sister for years.”
“Stop with the mouth. Where is your sister?”
“How would I know?”
“She walked out on me, on her fiancée, this morning.”
Melanie gasped. Had Meredith finally gotten up the nerve to leave? Had she really gotten through to her?
“She spoke with you, didn’t she? What did you say to her?”
Melanie tried to rein in the emotion that was coursing through her, pumping through her veins. “I didn’t have to say anything. Maybe she finally woke up and realized how evil you are and that she didn’t want to marry someone exactly like you.”
He squeezed her arm, twisting the skin painfully as he leaned in close. “Enough. I’m not here for this. I’m here to see Forrester.”
“You’re lucky I haven’t told him all your disgusting secrets.” She yanked her arm free from his grasp and noticed the relief flash across his eyes.
“Of course you haven’t. What would he care about some spoiled, selfish—”
“I’m not. Everything I am, I did on my own.”
“You’re an ingrate. I gave you everything. Your education cost more than most people’s homes
, so just because you think you’ve accomplished something great don’t fool yourself. You haven’t.”
The criticism bounced off her. He meant less and less to her. The place in her heart that was filled with anger, hatred, and hurt was now being replaced by…Cole.
“Good-bye,” she whispered and tried to shut the door.
His large hand held it open and he leaned down, a snarl curling his lip. “I don’t think so. I’m here to see Forrester.”
“His little sister is getting married today. The last thing he needs is to see you. And now that I think about it, I may tell him the truth. About what a monster you are.”
“Don’t you dare turn Forrester against this deal. If you care at all for your mother, then you encourage him to take this deal. She has suffered enough, living through all the questions from friends about where you went. You almost ruined her.”
“You. You ruined her,” she said, taking in a large gulp of air as she found her voice again, her courage. She glared into his eyes, hating that they were the same as hers. All the words she’d rehearsed flooded her mind, and she scrambled to say them as quickly as she could. “Mother should have come with me. Meredith too. I tried and I begged, but they wouldn’t leave you. Mother has fooled herself into thinking you actually love her. If it weren’t out of respect for Mom, I would have gone straight to the press and let them know the real man behind the facade. The little man that makes himself feel big by condescending and demoralizing everyone around him.”
The power of his hand across her face robbed her of speech and stole the breath from her body, but she didn’t fall and she didn’t back down. She ignored all the instincts that told her to seek safety, not to engage in a battle with someone so much larger. She ignored the throbbing pain in her cheekbone and the yell she heard in the distance. Her father turned from her and suddenly Cole filled the doorway, the rage in his face as he made eye contact with her, his eyes searching her face, her body, and then he turned to her father.
“Get your hands off her,” he shouted, his deep voice shaking.
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