She clicked a few keys and made a couple of notes in her leather-bound planner. She knew what she really wanted, and that was to work out the restlessness she was having in the nether regions of her body. For that she really wanted the body of one Vincent Caro. Lily pulled the hem of her T-shirt down, bringing it lower over her hips, while pulling up on the throw at her feet so that it came up over her bare legs. Suddenly chilled, she knew what would warm her, and felt nothing but frustration. After picking up her phone, she scrolled through until she once again found Vin’s never-really-deleted number. She let her eyes glance over the fours and the sevens but stopped herself before the number seeped any deeper into her memory banks. Vexed, she put the phone back down with a sigh.
There was no way she could call him after the way she’d left things. Walking away like she was all big and bad and had not a care in the world. Of course she had a care, and he had the upper hand, which he’d used, once again, to let her know that he gave not two craps about their encounter by making no effort to get in touch with her. Yet again. Lily twisted her lips with frustration.
What did it matter? Especially with a guy like him. She knew he was best left forgotten, and besides, someone else would be along soon enough. Someone always came along. If not for anything special, at least for taking care of the momentary urges. And that was all that mattered. Lily wasn’t looking for anything long term, because, unlike her sisters, she knew there was no such thing. Better to hold on to what you could really hold on to, and that was yourself.
Lily fiddled with her work a moment longer when Mama Dee came to her mind. Her grandmother had been so thrilled seeing Sophie and Simon’s honeymoon pictures along with the proofs from the wedding that night. But still her mother couldn’t help pointing out that Lily was the only one of her daughters alone, dateless, and therefore worthy of that matronly distinction at the wedding. She completely left their youngest sister, Violet, off since she was still in college. If the poor girl knew what Lily knew, she’d stay out of state where it was safe.
“What are we going to do with you?” her mother, Renée, had said by way of supposedly easygoing dinner conversation. It felt like echoes of Uncle Gene all over again.
Lily trained her mother with a sharp glare in the middle of the dining room as silence grew over the suddenly not-so-happy family gathering. All eyes had turned to the two of them, waiting for some big confrontation. For a moment she had imagined her brothers-in-law getting their popcorn ready, since this was quickly turning into a weekly thing. “What do you mean do with me, Mom? I was under the impression I didn’t need doing at all.”
Her mother had waved a hand. “Oh, honey, don’t go getting up in arms, now, and don’t be so dramatic and sensitive. I’m just saying you’re almost the last of my girls and you’re the oldest one. I would’ve thought you’d have snagged someone by now. I mean, it’s not like there is anything wrong with you. You’re beautiful. A bit strong-willed, Lord knows where you got that from.” That last bit she murmured under her breath, since she knew exactly where Lily got her strong personality. “You could learn to bend a little bit, at least until you get someone to lean a little in your direction. Relationships take give-and-take, you know.”
Lily had felt her temperature rise and her cheeks flame as her mother continued, seemingly oblivious to her daughter’s anger.
“I’m just saying I hate seeing you here with all of us together and then you go and get in that old jalopy of yours and head toward the city alone, at night. It doesn’t seem right. You could stay here. Your room is always waiting.”
Lily had let out a breath as she struggled to keep her control. It was baffling. Her mother had more nerve than any one person should. She was the most controlling person Lily knew, and she managed their family with an iron fist. Hell, she’d managed her father right out of his place at the table, she had. Her fist was so strong. Lily remembered the massive shouting matches her mother and father used to have, though most of the shouting was one-sided as her mother would explode over some minor infraction or another and take her feelings out on her father. For a while Lily, being the oldest, tried to be the fixer. She worked hard at keeping her sisters quiet, doing little things to distract her mother and steer her mother’s anger away from her father and toward herself. It was as if Lily saw the writing on the wall before either one of them did. He father had called Lily their glue.
Forgiving her mother for her outbursts, he’d explain to Lily when she’d asked why he took her tirades, that love meant bending a bit and seeing past the surface to inside the other person. He’d told Lily he saw inside her mother and knew her deep down where it counted. What a load of bull. It turned out he’d seen inside quite a few other women in the Rockaways and the neighboring counties, and no amount of glue Lily was trying to spread around her home was holding that together.
But still, in that moment, a grown Lily had looked around the table and, feeling like a silly child, wished she could go back to the days when her father was still there and when she still believed in men like him, or men like the one he’d pretended to be. Those who accepted women despite their crankiness and flaws. Their outbursts and mental meltdowns. The ones who gave women a soft space to land instead of the hard concrete that the outside world offered.
Back then if her father was sitting in his usual spot and her mother’s ire was directed her way, he’d be there to give Lily that assurance, that bit of help that he’d always give when her mother came down on her for being flighty or daydreaming or just being her own strong willed self.
Lily knew what he would say, and the memory of it made her smile. “Oh, Renée,” he’d ease out in that slow drawl of his, which was more south of the border than any place north of DC. “You let the girl be. She knows what she’s doing with herself. Don’t you worry about Lily, she’s got it all together.” Then he’d give Lily a serious pat on the hand, his eyes getting a hint of a misty glaze about them. “It will be a sad day when I have to hand you over to another to love, because he surely won’t care for you as much as I do, baby girl.”
Lily had inwardly sighed. Her father wasn’t there, and for all his talk of love and seeing deep inside, he’d left her mother for some woman who was about as deep as a birdbath. Silicone enhanced breasts and an over exaggerated bottom to match, and the kicker was she wasn’t more than ten years Lily’s senior. Hell, her picture still graced their high school cabinet, under the cheer trophies. Lily was devastated the day her father moved out. But still he returned for each of his daughter’s weddings, Little Miss Cheer now gone and a new woman clinging to his arm at each gathering. And through it all, her mother put on a brave face while her frown lines deepened. Lily watched her grow more and more bitter as each year passed. Lily had snorted to herself then. Really she should thank her parents. From them she learned that nothing was forever and only heartbreak was guaranteed. Love? Well, that was for dreamers, and when it came to relationships she was done being one of those.
Lily had looked back at her mother, ready to give her prepared speech about her work and being perfectly happy, when a voice came from the end of the table. “Oh, Renée, let the girl be. Give it a rest. She knows what she’s all about.” Lily let out a much-needed breath. It was Mama Dee speaking the words she longed to hear from her father. Lily turned and gave her grandmother a smile.
Mama Dee looked over at Lily’s mom. “Now, you know I want to see all the girls settled and happy, and it’ll do my heart good, before I go, to know that they will be taken care of, but these are modern times. They have partners now, and the taking care works both ways. Lily will be fine. She’s a smart women, and she’s taking care of herself. Besides, I believe when she finds the right one everything will work out according to plan. And if Mr. Right doesn’t come along, his loss.” And with that declaration Mama Dee turned and gave Lily a smile that was a touch more chilling than reassuring.
“Before you go?” Lily had said. “Why must you go talking like that, Mama Dee? You kn
ow you ain’t going nowhere.”
But like her father, Mama Dee had reached over and put her hand over Lily’s. Her touch was cool and not at all comforting but forced Lily to meet her eyes and not look away. “Oh, honey, we all going sometime and by right, and if I’m lucky my time will be well before all of you.” She’d smiled then and waved her hand, clearly trying to lighten the mood. “So of course I want to get my groove on at weddings for all my girls before I go. I just have you and Violet to go, and I’m gonna do my best with taking my meds and keeping these old hips well lubricated so they are in dancing shape for when that time comes.” Mama Dee had then done a little shimmy in her chair that had everyone giggling.
But Lily couldn’t find her smile, and remembering her grandmother’s shimmy now as she tried to focus on the laptop keys and on the Carlyle graduation party gave Lily pause. Why was it that her family couldn’t understand that she was living her life as she felt she needed? Why was her mother so concerned about her being alone and needing a man? Was it that she really felt so disconnected now that Daddy had moved on? She more than anyone should be proud of her only daughter who had broken free and didn’t fall for the “marriage is the only way to happiness” load of bullcrap.
Lily shook her head. This was not where she needed her mind to be, and it frustrated her to no end. She needed to work, not be worried about her mother and her cutting remarks or the fact that maybe she was making those cutting remarks because she was feeling lonely and possibly scared for her daughter and her future. She also didn’t need the added guilt from Mama Dee with buzzkill talk about her mortality. Who could let that slide? Talk about good cop, bad cop. Between the two of them they were about to send her over the edge.
Lily remembered kissing Mama Dee’s cool, soft cheek, and her final words as she had left the house. “Don’t you pay your mama no mind, baby. You got this. Everything you do is gonna be a success. And one day I will see you walk down that aisle, and I’ll be grinning from ear to ear. Trust me, someone is going to catch you, and it’s going to be quite the party.”
She’d shaken her head at Mama Dee and, with a wave of the hand, told her to stop all that talk, that she had plenty of work to do before she even considered marriage. She’d sooner see her name on some top business list before she saw herself walking down a church aisle.
With a frustrated sigh Lily put her mind back on her work as she tapped the keys and started surfing the Internet looking for some inspiration. During her party search she happened across a strange article: “Woman Weds Oneself in the Ultimate Act of Self-Love.” Accompanying the article was a picture of a beautiful woman of forty-five, maybe fifty, with a wide-open smile; smooth, clear skin; and an updo. She was dressed in a white wedding dress and a veil and surrounded by a ten-person female wedding party at some sort of alter.
Lily read the short article quickly and at the end was longing for more details. Could this woman really have wed herself? The article said there was a ceremony, guests and family present to cheer her on as she made a commitment to honor herself in love, care, and devotion.
Her mouth hanging open, Lily read the article again. She was both shocked and excited, her mind racing. Could this be a new budding business opportunity? How many women did she know who were ready to have their dream wedding but were missing that one important little component? The groom.
Also, how many of these women were just like her. Fine with their lives as they were but the world seemed to think they were some sort of charity cases—on the shelf, as it were—just because they hadn’t yet walked down the aisle into the waiting arms of some man. No one gave a woman the credit that men got for the freedom singledom afforded them. The freedom to come and go as you pleased, to consider only yourself when it came to meals (so what if she currently had nothing in her fridge?), the freedom to vacation in any way the winds took her, not to mention the sexual freedom that singledom afforded her or any single women. No, these things were touted as pluses only for bachelors, never for women happy and single in their thirties and forties. Lily grinned. It was as if this article had opened her eyes to a whole new world of celebrations, and she was almost giddy with the possibilities of it.
But still, the article itself seemed almost blasphemous. Just by her upbringing and society being what it is, Lily couldn’t help but think, who would do such a thing and what would others think about this person? It seemed so ridiculous and almost, dare she say, selfish. Just thinking of something so freeing and fabulous as being selfish made her want to kick her own ass. But she knew how people were, and women were most critical of their own kind. She could practically hear the criticism even before the invites went out. A wedding could be expensive, and she was sure most people would think, hell, a person could just spend the money on a nice rejuvenation vacation and keep it moving. Maybe the whole venture was an awful idea. Lily sighed, suddenly feeling deflated, and her balloon hadn’t even gotten off the ground.
And just to put a pin good and well in the already fragile idea, Lily decided to scroll through the comments section, expecting the worse. A few people were kind, giving the woman a thumbs-up for being so brave, but for the most part the comments were scathing, with folks skewering the woman for being just what Lily embarrassingly thought at first glance, selfish. They called her self-indulgent, an attention seeker, and desperate. Desperate. Ouch. That was the worst one of all.
The word cut Lily to her core as she thought of Uncle Gene and his prying questions wedding after wedding after wedding. “When is it going to be your turn to get married?” he’d say like an undertrained parrot. With his har-har laugh and a stupid point with his finger gun. Yeah, he’d say it was all innocent banter, but she knew it wasn’t. She knew all the cutting remarks and Aunt Ruby making judgy eyes along with cousin Nikki as her hype girl. The three of them didn’t come out and say it, but they didn’t work hard to hide that they felt there was something quite desperate about her no matter how much she declared the opposite.
Lily looked again at the picture of the woman from the article. She was beautiful. No, not your conventional angular, skinny model beautiful, but she was still beautiful nonetheless. Brown skin, glossy hair—and that smile of hers was captivating. She was a person anyone would want to know or want to be around. And in that moment looking at the picture, Lily wanted to be around her; Lily wanted to know her. Lily did know her. Lily was her.
The realization of the bond with this woman she didn’t know and never met hit Lily like a sucker punch to the gut. Lily looked at the woman’s bright smile, her flawless skin, and her sparking eyes and knew the woman was leaps and bounds ahead of her. She was where, for all her talk, Lily wanted to be. Lily wanted to express that type of inner strength, to say, “Fuck it! I love myself, I’m worthy to receive love, and that is a truth that is good enough for me to celebrate. I don’t need any man to be the validator in order to make it true.”
Suddenly, the image of her mother came to mind and how much more bitter she’d become since her father had left them. Did his walking away from the marriage somehow make her any less worthy of love? Hell, no. She then thought of Mama Dee, who’d found her true love after going through her fair share of frogs along the way. Was she any less loveable during the highs and the lows? Of course not. And for all the talk of dancing at Lily’s wedding? She’d get her dance on, all right. Lily would make sure of it.
Excited, Lily shifted from her laptop to her cell and quickly tapped out a message to her assistant, Tori.
We need to start making plans; we have a wedding.
Already used to the crazy schedule, Tori seemed to be sleeping with her phone surgically attached to her fingers.
Great! Who’s the client?
Me!
Lily was met with nothing but three dots for about a minute and a half. She could almost imagine Tori looking at the screen openmouthed. Finally Tori came back with a reply.
And the groom?
Also me.
This time the silence was
much longer, and Lily couldn’t help but giggle. Poor Tori probably didn’t know what to say. It was fine. Tori was an excellent assistant, and Lily was sure that by morning she’d have her head back on straight. Feeling slightly nervous, but ultimately great about her decision, Lily was once again full of energy and ready to get back on track with work. She now had another project to go all in on, adding her wedding to the mix, but still there was a question of Vincent Caro. Like a bad earworm, he was back on her mind and the stirrings were back in her belly and, dammit, farther below. She was still hungry, that problem nagging at her, brewing up another momentary lapse of reason as she fired off a quick e-mail to Tori telling her to set up a meeting for her with a hot, new potential caterer for her wedding.
Chapter 4
Vin was excited. Okay, excited was pushing it. He didn’t do excited. But still he was moderately charged over the fact that he was meeting a potential client this morning for an in-house event. A wedding, of all things. Now, that thought had his charge draining a bit.
Normally the idea of hosting an in-house event didn’t appeal, and especially a wedding, since dealing with a bride had the potential to be a huge pain in the ass, not to mention the fact that Vin liked total control and he knew that when it came to brides they were all about the control. But money was money, and right now that was his true bottom line. He’d find his way to deal with the rest. The thought of hosting a wedding gave Vin pause as thoughts of Lily once again came to his mind. Somehow yesterday slipped away from him and though she was at the forefront of his mind for most of the day, things got crazy with a freezer malfunction that he thankfully caught early or it could have been disastrous, and then he got into it with his seafood supplier. By the time he had a moment to breathe it was eleven p.m. and once again he had not called her and he was back in the booty call hours. Vin was starting to think that maybe he had an avoidance or dare he think confidence problem when it came to Miss Perry. Vin quickly pushed that thought aside as the feel of her in his arms came back to him. Oh he had a problem alright and it was one he needed to fix and quick. Right after he sealed the deal on this wedding job.
To Me I Wed Page 6
