by Apryl Baker
Tears blurred Lily’s vision and she wiped them away. He sounded so broken.
“Why, Lily? Why do you trust him and not me?”
“Because I was afraid, Adam.” Her words were hesitant, uncertain. “I’ve been seeing Rebekha again, twice a week for the last few weeks. We’ve been talking about that. I was afraid that if I let myself touch you, you’d die, just like Daddy. I couldn’t do that. My mind refused to even contemplate it. Nikoli had no ties to me. He was a stranger and I wasn’t afraid of hurting him like I was you.”
“Do you still think you can hurt me?”
“No. I understand my fears now, and between Nikoli and Rebekha, I’m getting better.”
“Then why not give us a chance, Lils? Let me show you how much I love you, how good we can be together.”
“Because I don’t love you like that, Adam.” Her voice was quiet, somber. She watched him recoil in hurt, and it nearly made her double over from the pain. “I do love you, but I love you like a brother, like my best friend. I don’t know what I’d do without you in my life, but that’s all I feel for you, Adam.”
He stood, his movements stiff and slow. His eyes were haunted when he looked at her, but there was a determination in them too. “When he breaks you, Lily, I will be here to pick up the pieces. Then I’ll show you what you mean to me, and maybe you’ll give us a chance.”
“Adam…”
“No,” he cut her off. “Don’t say anything, Lily. I’m not going to give up on you. I’m the one who will be here for you when he’s gone. Remember that.” Adam walked over and planted a quick kiss on her head. It was so fast, it reminded her of Nikoli’s sneak attacks. It was over so quickly she didn’t have time to freak. He gave her a crooked smile and let himself out, closing the door behind him.
Lily closed her eyes and let her head fall to the desk.
Damn you, Nikoli Kincaid, for ruining any chance I had with Adam.
She cried, cried for the life she could have had, for the happiness that might have been, but mostly she cried for the hurt she’d caused the one person who she never wanted to hurt, but had.
Chapter Seventeen
Lily blinked at the bright sunshine as she walked out of the Miami-Dade airport. To her left, Luther looked ready to fall down and kiss the ground. He didn’t fly so well. Even liquor didn’t do the trick. Nikoli had laughed and told him he should have slept. Lily didn’t think that was an option for the poor guy. Flying truly terrified him. She’d plugged in her headphones and watched a movie on her tablet, and then opened a book she’d bought to bring with her. Nikoli had taken his own advice and slept the entire flight. She had a feeling he didn’t like flying either, only he handled it better than Luther.
They waited for the bus that would take them to the car rental facility on the property, and once there, Nikoli rented a new Lexus. Lily would have taken the less expensive Ford Focus, but as Nikoli kept reminding her, he could afford it. Since she’d told him she knew who he was, he seemed almost irritated with her for not asking him for things, but she didn’t want anything from him. Except for his love, and that was something she wasn’t going to get.
The hotel was expensive too. Lily cringed thinking about the room service bill Luther was sure to run up. He loved room service. He’d spent all day yesterday telling her about the wonderful room service the hotel offered. It was their favorite place to stay when in Miami. Nikoli reserved two rooms, one for them and one for Luther. The front desk clerk was overly helpful when he saw them, which made Lily realize they must have stayed here quite a bit over the years for the staff to know them. She shouldn’t be surprised, though. They were into racing, and Miami was a racing city.
Luther declined going out for lunch. He wanted to pass out. Poor fella looked like he needed it. Nikoli shook his head and carried their luggage down the hall, motioning for Lily to unlock the door. The room was gorgeous. There was a sitting room with a very comfortable looking couch and a wall-mounted TV. A small fridge and sink were tucked into the corner next to the bathroom. Nikoli opened a set of double doors that led to the bedroom and dumped their luggage in front of the dresser that sported a TV sitting on it as well. The massive king sized bed was covered in a lovely gray comforter.
“Do you like it, Lily Bells?” Nikoli asked, coming up behind her and wrapping his arms around her.
“It’s beautiful,” she said, turning her head to meet his wandering lips, and she sighed when his mouth finally landed on hers. His kiss was soft, gentle. It left her breathless.
“Want to try out the bed?” he whispered against her lips before pulling back and staring down at her.
“Nice try.” She leaned her head back against his chest. “Ellie is mine.”
“Not after this weekend,” he promised. The determination in his voice sent a full body shiver though her. “What do you want to do first? Rest, grab a bite to eat, or go see your mom?”
Lily smiled. He hadn’t forgotten that she wanted to see her family. They’d flown out early so he could take her, since they’d be busy tomorrow. She wasn’t quite sure what time the race began. Nikoli said they’d text the time and location to him.
“Can we go see my mom?” she asked. “I called her last night to tell her we were coming. I’m sure she’ll cook a massive meal that no one can finish.”
Nikoli laughed. Lily had grown up in the mountains, and he’d learned that they tended to try and feed people into complacency, or so she’d threatened.
“Sure, baby. Go freshen up, and I’ll go down and program the GPS with the address. Meet me down there when you’re ready.”
He was being so sweet. This was the Nikoli she’d grown to love, not the person he was around everyone else, even Luther. She was going to miss him. Even though he hadn’t said anything, she had a feeling this was their last weekend together. Call it intuition or instinct, but she knew she wasn’t wrong.
She went to the bathroom and took care of her business before she grabbed her purse and the kids’ presents and headed downstairs. She refused to be sad. If she only had him for this weekend, then she was going to enjoy it.
The drive to her mother’s took them about an hour. She lived right outside the city, but with traffic, it took longer than either of them had expected. Lily saw two orange groves on the way. Her mother always raved about the fresh orange juice she got from one of them. She and Lily’s stepfather had moved from North Carolina to Florida right after Lily graduated high school. They loved it, and the kids loved living close to the beach. What kid wouldn’t, though?
When Nikoli slowed the car and pulled into the Spanish style home, Lily got nervous. This was her first big test to see if Nikoli really had helped her deal with her phobia, or if it was just him she could tolerate touching her. What if she started screaming? What if she terrified the twins? What if…
“You’ll be fine, Lily Bells,” Nikoli told her, his eyes calm and reassuring. “You’re better now. You can do this.”
“I don’t know,” she whispered. “If I can’t…”
“You and I have been together for months now, Lily, and nothing bad has happened to me, has it?”
“Well, no.”
“Then have a little faith,” he said. “You aren’t cursed, you aren’t responsible for anyone’s death, and you’re not going to cause anyone to be hurt or to die. You can do this, Lily. I have faith in you, so how about having a little in yourself, Milaya?”
His words wrapped around her, like a cool balm on a hot summer’s day to her rattled nerves, and she returned his smile. She still felt nervous, but the panic that had tried to overwhelm her disappeared. Vanished. Nikoli had that effect on her. He was her woobie. She almost laughed at the thought. She’d had a ratty yellow blanket she’d clutched whenever she was afraid when she was little. Her mama called it her woobie. Nikoli felt like that right now, her own personal woobie.
Her mother stepped out on the porch, and she studied her from where she sat. Lily didn’t look a thing like her mothe
r. Joanna Stanton was a short bundle of energy. Blonde hair was piled up on her head in a messy bun, and she wore a pink tank top and blue jean shorts that showed off her sun kissed skin beautifully. Her mama looked good. The Florida climate suited her.
“Daylight’s wasting,” Lily said.
“What?” Nikoli asked, never having heard her speak like that.
“It’s something my Dad used to say whenever he dreaded doing something. It was his way of reminding himself when something had to be done, there was no point in putting it off.”
“Your father was a wise man,” Nikoli said. “Ready to go?”
Not really, but she got out of the car anyway. She stood staring at her mom. They hadn’t seen each other in a long time. Her mother stared back at her just as intently. Nikoli came over and gently nudged her forward. She glared at him. He needed to give her time. He shook his head no and pushed her forward again. The man was insufferable. He never let her just take a minute and think.
She gave him one more glare and started walking. When she reached the porch, her mother took an automatic step back. She knew Lily’s phobia intimately.
“Hi, Mama,” Lily said, her voice hesitant.
“Lily.” Her mother’s voice was just as soft as hers. Lily used to love listening to her read to her when she was little. “Welcome home, sweetheart.”
Lily closed her eyes and took a deep breath, her thoughts focused on what she was about to attempt. She waited for the panic, for the overwhelming fear to consume her, but all she felt was the warmth and the love she associated with her mother. And Nikoli. She could feel his presence behind her, and she took strength from that.
She walked over to her mother and wrapped her arms around her, hugging her tight. “I love you, Mama.”
Her mother let out a strangled cry and hugged her back just as hard. “Oh, my baby…”
Lily felt her mother’s tears fall down and splash her face. She heard the wonder in her voice. It made her heart cry and swell with love at the same time. She’d deprived herself and her mother of this for years, and now instead of panic, she felt a deep sadness. She’d caused them both so much pain.
“I’m so sorry, Mama,” she whispered, her own tears joining her mother’s. “I didn’t mean to hurt you…I just…I…”
“Hush now, sweet girl.” Her mama stroked her hair like she had when she was a little girl. “Hush and let me hold you.”
Behind her, Lily heard the trunk pop, and she knew Nikoli was getting the gifts she’d bought for her family, but it was only a distant thought. Right now, all she was concerned with was that she was in her mother’s arms with no fear, no panic, no need to start screaming.
And that was all because of Nikoli Kincaid.
They spent the afternoon lounging by the pool while her mother cooked them enough food to feed three armies. The twins were ecstatic to see Lily. She hadn’t spent a lot of time with them in person, but she did Skype with her mom and the twins at least two or three times a week. They tore into their gifts like little fiends and squealed with delight. What really broke Lily’s heart was when they were so shocked she hugged them. She spent two hours just sitting on the floor playing with them, smiling like she hadn’t in a very long time.
Once everyone had been fed, Lily offered to help her mom with the dishes. Nikoli was content to sit and talk about baseball with her stepfather. She helped her mom gather up dishes and took them into the kitchen, where she started scraping them. Her mom ran some dishwater for the pots and pans. She always refused to put pans in the dishwasher, proclaiming that was where all the nicks and scratches came from.
“Tell me about this young man of yours,” her mother said without preamble.
“He’s my saving grace, I guess you could say. I would never had learned to control my phobia without him.”
“How did he do it?” her mother asked curiously. “What did he do that we didn’t?”
“It’s not that, Mama. You did everything you could. It was more me. I wanted to change, to be able to let someone touch me. It wouldn’t have worked if I hadn’t needed to change so badly. Nikoli just…he never let me give up. He pushed and pushed and pushed. Sometimes I wanted to strangle him, but he never pushed too far. He knew when to stop. But mostly, he was just there when I needed him.”
“He pushed you?”
Lily snorted. That was putting it mildly. “He pushed my limits, never let me give in to my fear, never let me give up, Mama, even when I wanted to. I never thought I’d be able to let anyone touch me ever again, but I can now, and it’s all due to him. I’m mostly healed because of that man.”
“Oh, baby, I’m so happy for you. I only wish I could have helped you more, gotten you better sooner. I’m so sorry.”
Lily put down the plate she was scraping and took her mother’s hands into hers. “Don’t be sorry, Mama. This phobia of mine wasn’t your fault, and you did do everything you could to make me better. You’re a good mother, and I love you so much. No more tears, okay? Only smiles from now on.”
“It’s good advice, Mrs. Stanton.”
They both turned to see Nikoli lounging in the doorway. Lily felt her heart skip gleefully at the sight of him and cringed a little inside. Not out of fear, but the beginning of pain. This was their last weekend together. She knew it deep down. She couldn’t shake the thought. Intuition. She wanted to curl up and cry.
Lily’s mother went over to Nikoli and wrapped him in a bear hug. He laughed and hugged her back. “What’s that for?”
“For giving me my baby back,” she said, a tremor in her voice. She was fighting not to break down. Nikoli smiled down at her.
Nikoli now understood where Lily got her kindness from. Her mother was one of the sweetest women he’d ever met, coming in a close second to his own mother. He saw the gratitude in her eyes and felt himself blush a little. She had no idea why he’d wanted Lily cured, and looking into her eyes now, he almost felt like a heel. Almost.
“Don’t thank me,” he told her. “Lily is a beautiful woman who deserves to be happy. I only helped a little.”
“You are welcome in this house, young man,” her mother said, wiping her eyes. “Always.”
“Thank you,” Nikoli said and then turned regretful eyes to Lily. “We need to get going, Lily Bells.”
“So soon?” Joanna asked. “It’s barely seven.”
“I have to be up early tomorrow,” Nikoli explained. “I have a race.”
“Race?” Joanna asked sharply.
“Yes, ma’am.” Nikoli nodded. “I came down to Florida to enter a race.”
“You race cars?” Nikoli watched Joanna’s eyes fill up with some emotion he couldn’t explain. She had to be thinking of Lily’s father.
“I do,” he said, keeping his voice calm. “Lily has been helping me get the car ready for the race.”
“Those damn cars.” Joanna shook her head. “Lily was forever under the hood of a car, even after her father died.”
“It kept me sane.” Lily smiled.
“Yes, yes, it did. Have you seen my daughter drive, Nikoli?”
“Yes, ma’am. I let her drive the car I’m entering back to campus when I bought it. She smoked me.”
“That’s my girl.” There was an edge to Joanna’s laughter. Nikoli knew she wasn’t at all happy about Lily in a race car.
“We really do have to go,” Nikoli said gently. “We still have to feed Luther, my partner in crime.”
“Oh my, let me fix him a plate.” Joanna went about doing just that on a paper plate they could take.
He went over and slipped an arm around Lily, loving how she snuggled into his side. He leaned down and whispered, “Happy?”
“More than I could ever tell you,” she whispered back. “Thank you, Nikoli Kincaid.”
He brushed his lips over her hair and caught her mother staring at them. She looked so full of hope he couldn’t meet her eyes. He was, for the first time in a while, starting to feel guilty about his own motives. Lil
y truly was a beautiful person inside and out. She deserved better than to be used the way he wanted to use her.
“Here you go.” Joanna handed the plate to Lily. It was overflowing under the plastic wrap. She was a good cook, and Luther would be groaning with food orgasms before he’d finished the plate.
“Thank you, ma’am,” he said. “It’s been a pleasure to meet you.”
Lily handed Nikoli the plate and hugged her mother. “Love you, Mama.”
“I love you too, baby,” Joanna murmured, and Nikoli smiled, knowing how much this meant to Lily.
“Can you start the car while I tell the twins goodbye?” Lily asked him, and he nodded, telling her mother goodbye once more before walking out into the humid Florida night. He started the car and rolled the windows down before turning on the air conditioning. He blew the heat out and then rolled the windows back up to cool the car off. Carefully putting the plate of food in the back seat, Nikoli leaned back and let the cool air hit him in the face.
She’d been on his mind all week. Ever since she told him about Adam, he knew it was the beginning of the end of their arrangement. He’d gotten a little attached to her, but that wasn’t a bad thing. It just showed him he could eventually care for someone.
The little voice in the back of his mind snorted at his own idiocy, but he ignored it. Lily was an arrangement. That was all. He’d done his part, he’d helped her get past her fear of anyone touching her. She’d gotten Boy Wonder. Now it was time for him to get his half of the deal.
He winced just thinking about it like a deal, something dirty and sordid.
The passenger door opened, and Lily slid in and buckled her seatbelt. “Thank you for bringing me.”
“Of course,” he murmured and pulled out of the driveway.
