by Hamel, B. B.
We tell Ryan the truth on a Saturday afternoon. We’re out at the park, just a small little thing down the street from our place. He’s sitting next to me on the bench and Leah crouches down in front of him.
“Ryan, honey, do you know who Connor is?” she asks.
He shakes his head, fidgeting slightly.
“Honey, do you know who your dad is?”
He shakes his head again.
I scoot next to him. “I’m your dad.”
He looks up at me and smiles a little bit. “Okay,” he says.
“I’m your father. Do you know what that means?” I ask him.
“Yes,” he says. “Dad.”
Something washes over me. It’s not a big moment, and I’m not even sure he fully understands, but hearing him call me Dad makes all this worth it. Leah glances up at me and I can see something in her expression, and I can guess what it meant.
Ryan’s never going to call her Mom. I wish I could make that better, but I can’t. It’s always going to hurt.
“Come on,” I say to him. “Let’s go, okay?”
“Okay,” he says, and he follows me to the swings.
I get him to call me Dad after a few days, and every time he says it, Leah flinches a little bit. I know she’s starting to feel left out, but I don’t know what to do to change that. I go out of my way to try and make things easier for Leah, including picking Ryan up from daycare and doing his routine with him, but nothing makes it all right. Nothing ever will, or maybe I’m just not being inventive enough.
A week passes like that. Leah doesn’t come down into the kitchen and she doesn’t invite me into her bedroom again. I can still feel that tension between us, but I don’t know what to do with it. She seems like she’s slowly moving past it, moving away from what we have, and I can’t blame her. Things are getting more complicated with Ryan all the time, and I don’t know what to do.
It all reaches its peak when I come home one afternoon. Leah wanted to pick up Ryan from daycare, so I’m alone in the house for the first time in a long time. I crack open a beer and drink slowly, standing in the kitchen and looking out the back window.
The mail slot on the door opens and shuts, and a letter drops down onto the floor. I blink, a little surprised. Mail usually comes earlier in the day, when we’re both at work. I walk over and there’s an envelope there on the floor without anything written on it, no stamps or an address. I pick it up, look at both sides, and pull the door open.
The street’s empty. Nobody’s around.
I close the door, feeling odd. I don’t know what to make of this unmarked letter. Clearly someone brought this here and dropped it through that slot without mailing it. I sigh and bring it into the kitchen, and I think I know what it’s going to be.
I pull it open and slide a single piece of paper out. It’s thick and cream colored. The handwriting is neat, if old-fashioned, and I read it slowly with increasing levels of dread.
Connor, congratulations are in order, I believe. You’re to become the legal guardian of Ryan soon, as you should, since you are his father. Nobody is denying that fact, not at all.
I see that you are doing this despite my wishes. I apologize for what happened at the park. That was not well done. We should not have taken that step. I made a foolish mistake, and to make up for it, we have left you alone for these last few weeks.
However, the matter is not dropped. As you will be the legal guardian, you will have control over the boy, and I will make one final plea. If you will not let us raise him, we will take him. I’ve tried to give you time to reconsider, but clearly I’ve been too lenient. So here are the facts.
If you do not give us the boy, we will kill you and Leah, and we will take him. We will raise him as our own.
Or, if you wish to stay alive and in his life, allow us to have him. I will grant you visitation rights. You can ensure that he is growing up safe and sound.
We are not the monsters you imagine we are. Think about this, and make the right choice. This is your last warning. I wish to avoid blood, because Leah is my own niece, but time is running out. Choose wisely.
Yours, Mario Gallo.
I sit in the kitchen and read the letter twice. It fits entirely on one side of the paper, but it seems like it goes on for an entire novel. My spine trembles every time I read the words.
I don’t know what I thought. Maybe some part of me thought the Gallos were done with Ryan and they were letting him go. They made their attempt at grabbing him, and it failed. I thought maybe they’d see that they were making a mistake and move on.
Clearly, that was naïve. They’re not going anywhere and I don’t know why I thought they would.
Leah and Ryan come home a few minutes later. Ryan runs over and hugs me. “Hi, Dad,” he says, and I smile at him.
“How’s it going?” Leah asks me as she puts her stuff away and gets started on Ryan’s dinner.
I bite my lip and look at the letter. “Ryan, bud, go play in the other room. Okay?”
He looks at me and shrugs. He teeters over into the living room and sits down on a mat we have out there, dumping out a pile of big off-brand Legos to smash together.
Leah frowns at me. “What’s wrong?”
I don’t say a word. I just give her the letter. She takes it and reads it, her face slowly sinking into horror.
“What do we do?” she asks me.
“I don’t know,” I admit.
“He’s going to kill us.”
“Maybe.” I shake my head. “You’re still his niece.”
“You read the letter. That was keeping us alive before, but… that’s changing now.”
“Since I’m taking custody.” I sigh. “I don’t know what to do.”
“How long do we have?” she asks me.
I shake my head. “It doesn’t say.”
She goes silent for a second, looking at the letter. She puts it on the table and goes back to getting Ryan’s dinner ready.
We don’t talk about it again that night. We got through our routine and end up on the couch together, watching reruns of Frasier on Netflix and not talking. I can feel the tension, but there’s nothing I can do about it.
Mario’s coming and he’s coming for blood. He took it easy on us before, tried to convince us, but they’re done with that now. They’re going to get serious, and I better get serious, too.
I’m not losing Leah, and I’m not losing my son. No matter what, I’m not losing either of them.
Leah puts her hand on my mine and looks into my eyes.
23
Leah
“You have to go,” I say to him.
He blinks, surprised. I’ve been thinking about this all night, ever since I read that letter.
The answer is so obvious. We’ve been fighting it, I think because we’ve both been overwhelmed with trying to come to grips with our situation, but it’s time. He has to take Ryan and get out of the city. They have to go back to California, back to his old life, far away from the Gallo family.
“Go back to California,” I say to him. “They can’t get you out there.”
“We aren’t safe anywhere,” he says softly.
“That’s not true. They control this city, but they can’t just do whatever they want out there. You can protect yourself, keep Ryan safe. You can’t do that here.”
He frowns and looks pained but he doesn’t argue. He knows I’m right. I suspect he’s been trying to put this moment off for as long as possible, all because he wants to stay with me.
But he can’t. This little life we’ve been putting on together, it’s not real. Nothing about it is real. I’m not Ryan’s real mother and I’m not Connor’s real girlfriend or wife or whatever the heck I am. I’m nothing to these men except the girl that got thrown into this situation.
Now it’s time for them to go. Thinking about that hurts so badly but I know it’s the right decision. I can’t let them get hurt just because I selfishly want them to stay.
�
�I can’t go,” he says to me finally. “I just can’t.”
“You can, and you have to.”
“What about the custody thing?”
“Do it over the phone or by email. You don’t need to be in the city for that.”
He looks away. “What about you?”
“What about me?”
His gaze meets mine again. “You know what I mean.”
“I’m nothing to you,” I say to him. “I’m nothing to Ryan. I did a good job taking care of him for a few months, but in the end I’m just nothing. Okay? So take your son and go.”
“I can’t just leave you here.”
“They won’t bother me. I’m their family, after all.”
He stares at me and I can tell this is breaking him up. I hate that I’m saying this, that I’m pushing him away. It’s the last thing I want.
“I can’t,” he says softly.
“You can.”
He moves closer to me. “No, I can’t.”
“You have to.” I say this weakly as he gets closer. I end up in the corner of the couch, and he’s hovering so close.
“I can’t go without you,” he says softly, and he kisses me.
I moan into his kiss. It’s what I wanted to hear so badly, but how can I leave? My whole life is in this city, and I’m nothing to him. We’re not really together, I’m not really Ryan’s mom. I’d just be in the way the whole time, a strange girl with no real attachments to either of them.
His kiss says something else, though. It tells a different story. His kiss is hungry and deep and I can get so lost in it, like an ocean at high tide. I want to let him wash me out and take me, I need it so badly, but I’m afraid.
I let his hands roam my body as he pulls off my shirt and unhooks my bra. His shirt comes off and I kiss his muscular chest as his hands slide down the front of my scrubs, still on from work. I groan and bite down onto his shoulder, which makes him grunt.
“You’re coming with me,” he says, his fingers thrusting inside of me, making me moan. “You’re coming.”
“God damn, Connor,” I gasp. “Why do you do this to me?”
“Because I want you.” His eyes meet mine and I shiver. I see something there I never imagined before. “I want you, Leah.”
We kiss again and I don’t put up a fight. There’s nothing left to fight about. Connor and Ryan both came into my life like a storm, changing absolutely everything, and now I’m left coming to grips with this new version of me.
Now that storm is threatening to blow me off course, down a path I never pictured before. I don’t know if I can do it, but I want it. Part of me needs it.
I push him back, taking control for once. I straddle him and grab onto his shoulders as I grind my hips against him. I can feel his hard cock already and he grunts his pleasure as I bite his lower lip and look into his eyes.
“I don’t know if I can come,” I say. “I don’t know anything else. My whole family’s here.”
“Your family’s the reason we’re leaving.” He pulls my hair back, kissing my neck. “You have to come, Leah. I can’t do this without you. Ryan needs you.”
I hesitate, letting that sink in. “Are you sure?” I ask him, stopping. “Are you sure he really needs me? I’m a total stranger that almost got him taken.”
“You’re a good person, better than his real mother ever was. He needs someone like you in his life.”
I sigh, staring into his eyes, and I make my decision.
I kiss him full and slow and his hands move up my skin, cupping my breasts, teasing my nipples. I kiss his muscular chest as I sink down in front of him to get onto my knees between his legs. I tug off his pants and his boxer briefs, taking his cock in my hand and look up at him as I stroke it.
I suck him deep and slow, letting him sink into my throat. I want to taste him so badly it almost hurts, and I start to lose myself in the moment, sucking his cock wildly. His groans keep me going, faster and faster, lips suctioned tight around his thick shaft. He grabs my hair and pushes me down deep, thrusting into my mouth and I can barely fit him, but I love it. I love how hard he is, how he takes control and takes what he wants. I pull back and gasp, and he pulls me up against him again, kissing me deep as I reach back to stroke him.
He pulls me aside and puts my knees on the floor, getting behind me, my elbows on the seat of the couch. He tugs off my scrubs and my panties, spreading my ass and tonguing me from behind. I gasp and look over my shoulder at him as he licks and sucks my pussy from behind, eating me up, and I love every second of it as intensity floods my whole body.
It’s not just the pleasure this time, although that’s great. It’s the whole idea of him and I, that I might run away with him, become something more than just a random girl thrown into this whole mess. He’s intent on making it happen, and I can tell from the way he touches me that nothing’s going to stop him.
He pulls back and slaps my ass hard before teasing my pussy with his cock. I wiggle my hips, impatient for him, and he slowly sinks himself inside of me.
I groan and throw my head back. It feels so fucking good, more pleasure than pain this time as his thick shaft spreads me open. I lean back, up onto my knees, and reach over my shoulder to pull his mouth against mine. I kiss him slow and deep, his cock buried inside of me, and I want to live in this moment, in the pure pleasure of this moment.
Joy unfurls through me as he pushes me forward and starts to fuck me. He’s rough this time, slapping my ass, not holding back. We’re less worried about being quiet as he pulls my hair and buries himself in me. His thrusts are deep and tough and I’m moaning his name, saying it over and over, practically begging for him to keep going.
His hands on my ass send shivers down my spine. I know I’ll have red marks on my skin but I love it. I’ll savor those marks later. Right now, all I can do is move my hips back against him as he pushes me harder into the couch, holding me down, pulling one arm behind my back and thrusting hard into my cunt.
He pulls back and stands, and I realize we’re both sweating. I turn to him, still on my knees, and take his cock into my throat. He groans and I don’t give him a break, not a single second without pleasure. I suck him hard and fast and he pushes me down deep, gagging me.
I pull back and he brings me up to my feet. He sits back down and I straddle him, sliding back down onto his shaft. I ride his cock like that, his hands cupping my ass, his tongue on my breasts. I kiss him full and deep as I move faster and faster, riding my hips, gasping with pleasure.
“This is why I can’t leave without you,” he whispers in my ear. “This fucking pussy, this ass.” He grips my ass and slaps it. “I can’t leave without this body.”
I groan and move faster, needing it so badly I can barely breathe. He grabs my hair and pulls it back, making me support myself with my hands on his knees behind me. He takes over thrusting, hammering up inside of me as he grabs onto my hips and I feel like I’m in heaven, pure bliss rolling down my skin.
He grabs me and rolls me over onto my back on the couch. He spreads my legs, leaning me slightly to one side, and starts to fuck me again like that. I can see the pleasure in his eyes as he grabs my breasts then pins my hands above my head, his hips thrusting over and over, filling me up, pushing deep and rough.
I groan and I can feel it starting to build. I know I’m so close. I start to grind against him, moving my hips faster, writhing and begging him to keep fucking me, keep going faster, keep going deeper. He does what I ask, eyes flashing with need and pleasure and something else, something deeper.
I come hard on his big fat cock, my whole body shaking with pleasure. He fucks me through it, not holding back, and I can see his own orgasm coming. I moan, encouraging him, and I feel him come inside of me, filling my pussy up with his hot cum.
We collapse onto the couch together and he holds me tight. I snuggle up against him, feeling his breath on my neck, his warmth on my back. This was what I needed, although I didn’t even realize it. This moment with
him is all the convincing I needed.
“Give me two days,” I whisper to him. “Two days to say goodbye and get my things together. And then we’ll go.”
He nods, nuzzling into my hair. “Okay. Two days and we’ll go.”
“Thank you.” I turn and kiss him over my shoulder.
He holds me tighter. The future feels so uncertain, but for once in my life, the uncertainty doesn’t bother me, not one bit.
24
Connor
I put in my notice at work the next day, and I’m brutally honest with my boss about it. Obviously, he’s not happy, but I explain that there’s a family emergency and we have to leave town in the next two days. He doesn’t push back too hard, and when I leave at the end of the day, I know this chapter of my life is over.
Leah calls me from the car as I’m walking back home. “How’d it go?” I ask her.
“Not good. My boss flipped out.”
“I’m sorry.” I sigh, looking at the crowd of people as they pass me on the street. “But what else can we do?”
“Nothing. She’ll get over it eventually. I just can’t get another job at a hospital in this city anytime soon.”
I laugh a little bit. “Damn. Huge loss there.”
“I know, right?” She sounds like she’s in a good mood, which shouldn’t surprise me. We’re about to run away together, and that should be exciting. “Listen, I’m almost at Ryan’s daycare. I’ll be home soon.”
“I’ll be there.”
“Good.” She hesitates, and I think she’s going to say something else. “See you.”
She hangs up the phone. I smile to myself, slipping my phone back into my jeans, and I start to walk faster. I want to beat her back home, have dinner started for her. I know this isn’t easy but we both can tell that it’s the right decision. Even still, I need to make this transition as painless as possible for her.
