by Nicole Smith
He sat in front of me cautiously, expecting the worst I feared. I reached my hands to touch his face. I wanted him to know just how much he meant to me, living or not, I loved him. He smiled as he leaned closer to me, his lips again just lightly brushing mine. I moved closer to him. I had to feel him, to know that he wasn’t just my imagination. He made me feel so warm still and his touch made my skin tingle. I bit gently down onto his lip and I could feel his skin beneath my teeth. He didn’t flinch or back away. He was mine. I pulled away, smiling at him, the tears drying in my eyes. He started to laugh nervously.
“Wow, I’m glad that’s over. You have no idea how nervous I’ve been, anticipating the moment you recognized what you already knew from the first time you saw me. I honestly didn’t want you to but I knew it was just a matter of time. I was scared you would ask me to leave and I didn’t think I would be able to,” he said, relief just pouring out of him. I grabbed hold of both of his hands, looking up at him, to meet his eyes.
“I need to ask you some questions, I think.” He jumped up.
“Not now. I’ll tell you everything later, but today I just want to enjoy this time with you.” I just nodded. Not really sure if I was ready to hear all he had to tell me. I wasn’t the same little girl anymore that just accepted these uninvited visitors. I needed more than just their company. I wanted more. I needed to know why they found me. I wanted to know why they always left me.
“I’ll tell you as much as I can,” he said, seeming to understand my fears. We carried on that day, fresh, as though we were new friends, laughing and chatting casually about nothing serious. He would stop me whenever a deer was close, he showed me a beaver dam and a log in the sun covered with three baby turtles. He was very alert to everything living on our walk. It was such a beautiful day that I wished it would never end. As the sun was starting to set we were back in the canoe again.
Once we neared the houses along the river again, I took over paddling this time. Instead of talking I just stared at him and smiled. He looked so serious and stern. I couldn’t help but laugh. I must have looked crazy to anyone that saw me. As we were getting closer to my backyard, a boy flew in front of me and landed in the middle of the canoe. I screamed and the kid just started laughing in hysterics, holding his side that hit the canoe. There was more laughter coming from the river bank on the opposite side. The boy had used his rope swing to get as far out into the middle of the river as he could before letting go.
“Why did you do that?” I demanded of the kid, who was starting to swim back to shore.
“He dared me,” he said, pointing at another boy.
“Well I guess that explains it, thanks,” I said sarcastically. Adam was slightly amused by this, I could tell by the smirk on his face.
“Sorry, you just looked kind of lonely, so I thought you needed some company,” the boy yelled from the bank. My face went blank. He reminded me that they couldn’t see Adam. They thought I was alone, smiling to myself paddling down the river. I must have looked incredibly pathetic, I thought.
“Are you okay?” I shouted back.
“Yeah, it didn’t really hurt,” I waved as we continued back towards my side of the river. Adam surprised me when he began to explain something I hadn’t noticed about the event.
“There’s a reason it didn’t hurt that kid as much as it could have.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“I cushioned his landing,” he answered.
“How, I thought only I can see you and feel you?”
“Well, he can’t see me, but I can make my presence known if I want to, it’s not all just ghost stories. I can move things, I can make noise and I can let them hear me talk if I decide to. I can even hold them, without them actually feeling me do it. I could have lifted that kid up and thrown him into the river and he would not have felt anyone touching him. This is the reason why I am so sure that I belong here with you. You can see me, hear me and feel me,” he said this with such an intensity in his voice. He jumped out of the canoe and pulled it up onto the bank very swiftly, just in case anyone glanced our way. He carefully helped me out of the canoe. Once on land I grabbed his hand and he led me up toward my house. We sat down in the shelter of the trees and bushes in my backyard. I inched closer until I was snuggled into his chest. I listened for his heart to beat, but it never came. Surprisingly I could feel his breath against my cheek. He was so warm, which surprised me now since he didn’t have blood pumping through his veins. I would have thought he would be cold. I remembered touching Anton, he was warm too. I sighed, remembering how it was so easy to just accept him. I didn’t ask questions then. I just enjoyed his company.
It was the same way with my childhood friend, Cheveyo. I tried to remember if he was warm too. I recalled the time he soothed my frostbitten fingers. It was after a very cold and snowy night. Our father had shouted at me and John to go outside and shovel the long driveway. My mother had tried to stop this to no avail.
“No Travis, there’s way too much snow for two little kids to shovel. The driveway is as long as the tobacco field. What are you thinking?” my mother yelled at him.
“Shut up woman, those kids are going to do what I tell them and that’s final. If they want breakfast and a warm house to live in, they’re going to shovel the damn driveway!” he demanded as he sat down in front of the television with his morning beer.
We slowly put on our snowsuits, mitts, scarves and hats and ventured out, without saying a word to either of them. This really didn’t feel right, but we could tell from his mood, that arguing would be futile. We trudged down to the end of the driveway, through more than a foot of snow. We each took a side, and silently started shoveling. It seemed like forever when I finally looked up and realized we were still so far from the house. I started crying out of exhaustion and frustration.
“That lazy ass should be out here helping us!” John shouted toward the house. He rarely voiced his opinion about are child rearing, but he was pissed about this. When we were given the strap for stupid things like tracking dirt in the house, or having a C on our report cards, our father would bend us over, and on bare skin would whip us with his black leather belt. He would say we should be grateful there weren’t any steel spikes on it, like the one his daddy used. I would scream and cry, and try and run, but John wouldn’t fight it, he would barely whimper. I don’t know how he did it. I think it freaked father out, because he would stop midway through and just look at him, throw his belt down on the floor and walk out of the room.
I was starting to feel strange. My head was spinning. My fingers and toes began to feel numb. I couldn’t grab the shovel anymore. It just slid out of my hand.
“John, I can’t walk,” I moaned as I fell over. That’s when the farmer picked me up and put me in his truck. I was awake long enough to notice John had climbed in beside me.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“I don’t think so,” I whispered as the world went black. The farmer had a plow on the front of his truck and he drove it up to the front of the house. I heard Emily’s voice running toward the truck from down the driveway as light hit my eyes again.
“What happened? Are they okay, Jim?” she asked with tears in her eyes. My mother was at the front door, with tears streaking her face too. Her purple eye looked fresh. At least she tried, I thought to myself, trying to smile. Jim set me down in the dining room, on one of the old wooden chairs. Emily told my mother to grab a large bowl of cold water and put the kettle on. Luke gave me his blanket. It hurt so much when she carefully pulled my boots off. My wet wool mitts scraped my hands as she removed them. I started to shake uncontrollably.
That’s when Cheveyo stood behind me and put his arms around my shoulders as Emily slowly put my fingers in the cold water. She ordered my mother to slowly add the hot water. Eventually I started to feel my fingers again but when I tried to move them the burning started. It felt like they were on fire. I began to shout, the pain was too much.
“C
old water, please, more cold!” Emily just continued to hold them in the water.
“Annie, add more hot water,” she ordered again. The burning began to subside when Cheveyo put his hands into the water with mine. I smiled up at him.
“Thank you,” I sighed.
“You’re Welcome,” Emily replied. I smiled uncomfortably, forgetting for a moment that she was helping me too. Then she went to work on my toes. John was sitting in the chair beside me, wrapped up in a blanket. He was drinking tea mother had made for us. I think she was a little unsure of what else to do. When I was able to wiggle my toes and fingers without them hurting too much, Jim told Emily it was time to go.
“Thank you so much, I don’t know what I would have done without you,” my mother cried. They just looked at her like she was a child, patting her on the head.
“Next time you need the driveway plowed just ask,” Jim said as he turned and walked out the door, after giving John and I each a rub on the head. He really was nice. Emily gave me a quick hug, grabbed John’s hand, squeezed it and quickly walked out. I loved them.
“Cheveyo lets go upstairs,” I ordered, as I got up.
“Who?” mother asked, looking at me in an odd way.
“Oh, haven’t you met Cheveyo yet?” I asked, still feeling faint.
“Annie, that’s Cheveyo, Cheveyo that’s Annie. Now let’s go upstairs, I’m tired now.” I headed for the stairs. My mother just watched me go, mouth open, confusion on her face, like she thought I was crazy.
She came upstairs with a plate of food for me a little while later, toast and jam, an egg and some tea.
“Thanks mom,” I said sitting up in bed.
“So tell me about your friend, what was his name again?” she asked.
“Cheveyo, it means spirit warrior or something,” I said in between bites. I was starving.
“Where does he live?” she asked.
“Near the river at the end of the field, he used to live here, when the trees were here, but when they cut them down to build this house and plowed the fields his family had to move farther away,” I told her all I really knew about him.
“Do you know how old this house is?” she asked me.
“No, not really, it seems pretty old though,” I answered in-between bites.
“How old is Cheveyo?” she continued her inquisition.
“I think he is twelve or something, he doesn’t really know,” I began to slurp my tea now, wishing there was a bit more sugar in it.
“This house is almost a hundred years old Natalie,” she said, almost like she was trying to shock me.
“That seems about right,” I replied, not letting her get to me. She was thinking Cheveyo was either a liar or a figment of my imagination. I believed him. I believed in him. I knew he was real. He was more real to me than anyone else.
I looked up at Adam and smiled. I reached for his hands and held them in mine. “You’re so warm, why is that?” I asked, not moving, starting to feel more afraid now of his answers to my questions.
“I am warm because you are warming me,” he said, holding me closer.
“If you were not here, touching me, then I would be cold. I guess I reflect your warmth, even intensify it. This is still very new to me. You’re the only one who has touched me since my death,” he replied. The word death sent chills down my spine. I looked up into his beautiful, sweet face. He smiled nervously at me. I had to reassure him I was not going to run away screaming. I held his face in my hands and leaned in to gently kiss his forehead. He held me closer.
“Thank you. Thank you so much,” he whispered. I decided that I didn’t want to know anymore today. I just wanted to be with him as normal as possible for the rest of the day. I think he was relieved. We started laughing about the boy again.
“It would have been so hilarious if you had picked him up above your head and thrown him into the river. He wouldn’t have been laughing then,” I said smiling.
“I definitely thought about it, but I wasn’t sure how you would have reacted to his response,” he laughed.
“You’re such a naughty phantom,” I joked. He smiled, seeming not to mind the term. I decided I had better get inside for dinner.
“Will you meet me later?” I asked anxiously.
“Try and stop me,” he said smiling.
5. FATE
“Where have you been all day?” my mother asked as she held the door open for me.
“Since when do you care?” I replied, surprised by her sudden need to mother me.
“I always care. I just wanted you to know that some of your friends stopped by today to see you.” I was surprised by that. I didn’t really remember telling people where I lived, although it’s a village, it’s not hard to find someone I’m sure.
“Who stopped by?” I asked.
“I think he said his name was Justin and the girl was Christie. They seem nice. They said there was a party tonight, close by. They wanted to bring you,” she said this seeming to think going to the party would be good for me. I sighed heavily.
“I think you spend too much time alone, you should go out,” she said quickly.
“I’ll think about it,” I told her, knowing there was no way I was going to miss seeing Adam tonight.
Once I finished eating and helping my mother clean the kitchen, I told her I was going to go upstairs and read. Half way up the stairs I saw Adam standing at the top. He didn’t look happy. He grabbed my hand as I reached the top of the stairs.
“They are coming back for you. I think you should go. I was thinking that your mother is right. It does seem strange that you spend all your free time alone. You have to play amongst the living when you’re alive,” he said seriously.
“No, I just want to be with you.” I could tell by the look on his face that I wasn’t going to win this argument.
“Fine, do you promise to be here when I get back from this `living’ nonsense?” I asked.
“I will not move. I’ll be here waiting to hear all about your evening. Just watch out for those boys. I don’t want to have to go and pay them a visit,” he said grinning.
“You’re the only boy I can handle,” I said squeezing his hand. That’s when there was a knock on the front door.
“I guess you were right, they’re back,” I said feeling disappointed. I grabbed a pair of jeans and a clean tee-shirt then quickly ran a comb through my hair and brushed my teeth. He never took his eyes off me the whole time. I just smiled at him as I grabbed a sweater.
“I’ll miss you,” I said, kissing his cheek.
“I’ll miss you more,” he replied sweetly.
“Have fun,” he said, pushing me out my bedroom door. I quickly ran downstairs before I could change my mind. Justin was alone this time.
“Hi. Sorry to not have called first but I don’t have your number, yet,” he said smiling.
“Funny. Well, where are we going?” I asked as I put on my shoes.
“You’ll see,” he said, heading out the door.
“Bye mom!” I yelled.
“Have fun!” she yelled back. I quickly glanced up the stairs, but he wasn’t there. When we got to his car I realized Christie wasn’t with him at all.
“I’m sorry you had to leave the party to come back and get me. You shouldn’t have,” I said, really meaning it.
“The party is close by, it’s no big deal. Besides I wanted to come get you. I really don’t think you have enough fun in your life. You’re way too serious for your own good. I plan on loosening you up tonight,” he said with a grin. He was cute, but in a boyish way. I definitely wasn’t interested in him like he wanted me to be. I’ll have to be careful not to give him any ideas tonight. I turned his radio on and it blared loudly, startling me. He turned it down a little.
“Don’t you like punk?”
“Sometimes, just on a lower volume in such small spaces.” I was missing Adam already. Justin began telling me who was at the party. I didn’t really care. I just hoped he would bring me h
ome early. As we pulled up to an old farm house, there were already a lot of cars parked in the drive way. Some cars were even parked on the lawn. `Someone’s going to be in trouble tomorrow’, I thought.
As we walked closer to the house I could hear laughing and loud music playing. There was a lot of shouting too. I had never been to a big party before. I liked to be alone or in small groups with my friends. This party was starting to make me nervous already. Justin noticed I was slowing down. He grabbed my hand.
“It’s okay. I won’t leave your side, I promise,” Justin shouted as he opened the front door. I was handed a drink even before the door closed behind me. I was well aware of the effects of alcohol. I was no stranger to drunken revelry. I had even indulged on a few occasions myself back in one of our previous towns. The summer before we moved here I had been searching for a place to hide in our house when I had stumbled upon one of my father’s stashes. He had grocery bags full of green weeds. I had called my cousin, Danielle, to come over and help me with it. I knew I could sell a few small sandwich sized bags of it without my father even noticing. She was more than willing to help me out. Danielle and I had become pretty good friends after that. One night we had grabbed a bottle of vodka off the table to celebrate our business partnership. We did shots until we emptied it. She also taught me how to play a few drinking games.
One particular night I was so sick I threw up in a ditch as we walked home from her friend’s house. I was fourteen at the time. She was a few years older than me. I thought we were immortal then. We climbed trees, flung ourselves off swings, rode on a tube through the rapids. We used to put on our rollerblades, squat down and grab car bumpers at stop lights and dare each other to hold on when the light turned green. We had a few scraped knees but never any serious injuries.
