This is Living (Living #1.5)

by Melody Dawn

  “So, I haven’t seen you in two nights. Can you take a break for a few minutes?”

  I know my tone is short, but I’m so angry right now that I really don’t care. No, I’m not accusing him of anything, but why would he be defending someone he barely knows? I tell myself to dial it back a little; it’s not like he knows what she said.

  Tanya, knowing that I haven’t seen Jayson in a few nights, says she is going to take the boys to the cafeteria. Of course, they are thrilled…they think eating there is the bomb.

  They haven’t even reached the elevator and Jayson grabs my hand pulling me along behind him. He forgets that his freaking long legs make me take at least 2 steps for his every one.

  “Hey you, slow down. I can’t keep up.”

  Instead of doing that, he pulls me into an empty room that I know the doctors use to rest during their shift if it’s not busy. It is also the place where many a hospital romance takes place and where a doctor’s wife might go with her husband when she is missing him like hell. That would be me right now.

  Locking the door, he starts stripping me of my clothes. I’m thankful I’ve worn nice lingerie under them. “First things first, why are y’all calling Melissa a skank and a fucking bitch?”

  Oh my God, did he just really ask me that. Why is he so concerned about this woman? I stop his hands from undoing my bra and glare up at him. He knows my looks and this one is as icy as I can make it.

  “I don’t know; probably because she called me out when I asked where you were and then rolled her eyes when Tanya said she was blind if she couldn’t tell the boys were yours. Who the hell does she think she is? Your personal secretary?”

  Instead of answering me, he reaches back and pulls his scrub top over his head. I stare at his muscled chest and as he unties his scrub pants, I’m forgetting why I’m pissed. Once the underwear go down, I’m lost and don’t care who Melissa is or if she is a skank. I think maybe I might be the skank if this is all it takes.

  I decide to put Melissa on the back burner and enjoy my husband. I shove the thoughts out of my mind that have been plaguing me all morning and fall under the spell that has taken me over since the first time he ever touched me. God, please don’t let me lose him; I love him so much.

  He unclasps my bra and yanks my panties down my legs. Pulling me up close, I pull myself up by his shoulders and wrap my legs around his waist. My mind goes blank as he starts to kiss me and I feel his hands roaming all over my body. Just like every single time, we get lost in each other. It never fails; one touch and I don’t remember anything, but how good he makes me feel.

  Carrying me over to the small bed, he starts to lay me down but I refuse to let go of him.

  “Wait, are these sheets clean? Who else has been in this bed?”

  I feel his chest moving against me and I know he is trying not to laugh out loud. Punching him in the arm, I say, “Don’t laugh at me; you know how I am! I just don’t want to be lying in someone else’s stuff.”

  “Well, I’m the only one that’s been on shift the last two days, so you don’t have anything to worry about.”

  Are you sure about that? I shut my eyes at the thought that crossed my mind because just the idea of it makes me want to hurl. I open my eyes and he is just staring at me with an odd look on his face.

  “Why are you looking at me like that,” I ask in a quiet panic. Surely, he doesn’t know what I was just thinking.

  “You tell me. Why did you shut your eyes with a pained look on your face and hesitate when I said it was only me that’s been using this bed?”

  His ability to read me has me at a loss for words. I start to answer, but then shut my mouth. I’m not sure what to say that isn’t going to sound like an accusation. Maybe I should just say what’s been bothering me, then he can reassure me and we’ll move on.

  “Uh, I don’t know. You haven’t been home for two days and didn’t call, plus you only texted when I texted first. I just thought…” Good one, Chloe, that didn’t sound accusatory at all.

  Pulling away from me, he walks over to where he left his scrubs and starts to get dressed. “Wait, what are you doing?”

  With his jaw clenched and eyes flashing, he shakes his head. “Get dressed, Chloe. Go home. I will talk to you later.”

  “Go home? For your information, I’m not some child you get to send away. I cannot believe you just said that to me.”

  “I don’t know what to say to you. I haven’t looked at another woman since the day I laid eyes on you. You can say a lot of things about me, but cheating isn’t one of them.”

  Shit, shit, shit! This is not what I wanted. Why the hell didn’t I listen to Madison? “I didn’t mean anything by what I said. I was just stating that I haven’t seen you in a while.”

  “It sure as hell sounds like you were accusing me of cheating on you. Is that really what you think I’ve been doing the past couple of days?”

  He looks so angry and I hate it more than anything. I don’t do well with confrontation and this is even worse than usual.

  Instead of reassuring him, I’m standing there frozen, unable to speak. When he sees I’m not going to answer, he slams his hand down on a locker while cursing.

  “Jayson, you are putting words in my mouth,” I finally manage to say.

  Feeling exposed, I began yanking my clothes on. It’s obvious nothing is going to happen here and I’m not standing here naked while he yells at me.

  “Ok, then tell me what you were thinking and don’t lie to me. I’m really fucking pissed right now so tell me that I’m wrong.”

  Without waiting for an answer, he yells, “No, I’m not pissed, I’m fucking hurt that you would think so little of me. All these years and nothing has changed, has it?”

  “Stop this now,” I tell him in a shaky voice.

  “We need to both take a step back and take a breath before we say something we can’t take back. You haven’t called or come home, so yes, I was feeling a bit insecure. I also may have let my emotions and my brain run away from me, but don’t you EVER accuse me by saying nothing has changed. You know that’s not true. I think I will go home. This is not the place or time to discuss issues such as these and I’m not going to stand here and scream back and forth like some characters on a reality show just to get my point across.”

  I can see my words are hitting home with him and now I’m the angry one. I never came out and accused him of cheating on me. You sure didn’t say that he hadn’t when he asked you, did you? I ruthlessly tamp down on these thoughts because while we are both in the wrong here, one of us has to walk away. If it has to be me, then so be it.

  He’s still standing in front of the door and as I near him, I can see the tired lines of his face. I hate that he is so exhausted. I hate that we fought with such hateful words…this is the worst fight we’ve ever had…even more so than when I left him sitting in a restaurant 9 years ago. When I reach him, I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my head on his chest. His body is stiff against mine, but finally he wraps his arms around me and squeezes.

  “I’m sorry I hurt you. I was freaked out when I didn’t hear from you last night and you didn’t come home this morning. Then, when I got here, the new nurse acted strangely when I asked for you.”

  He doesn’t let go, but neither does he respond, so I look up at him and wink, trying to get him in a better mood. “This is where you apologize on bended knee. And then let me out of the deal that says I might have to give any money back for swearing.”

  Bending down, he places his forehead against mine and says, “I’m sorry, too…for everything. I’m exhausted and I have a bitch of a headache.”

  I close the distance and kiss him in reply. “I love you.”

  He mumbles, “Me, too, I have to go.”

  Suddenly he lets go of me and turns to open the door. All I can think of is that he didn’t say I love you back, just “me, too.”

  Before walking out, he stops and presses his forehead against the door wh
ile I stand awkwardly behind him. I’m not sure what is going on, but something is. Though it’s killing me, it’s still not the time to talk about it or spring any other news on him. I place my hand in his and wait. Finally, he opens the door and we walk toward the ER desk where we left Tanya and the boys.

  She is working at the computer while Brendon and Braxton play with the cars she always has for them on the desk behind her. I still feel shaky from what just happened and as we near, I can see she is getting ready to tease us just like any other time I’ve visited and we’ve disappeared for a bit. I shake my head slowly at her and her eyebrows fly up towards her hairline.

  God, I hate fighting with him. This feels so unnatural and even though we both apologized, I don’t feel like anything was truly resolved.

  “J, I’m going to wait here by the doors; can you bring the boys to me, please?”

  My voice sounds stilted even to my own ears and it’s obvious to anyone within hearing distance, something is going on between us. He doesn’t answer me, yet he makes his way behind the counter to get them.

  Scooping them both up into a hug, I can see him saying something to them and they both nod in response. I watch him walk towards me with a forced smile on his face and my stomach rolls with all the volatile emotions coursing through me.

  Right before he gets to me, he lets them down and they run towards me at full speed. I grab each of their hands in mine and as I’m about to turn and leave, he leans down and kisses me on the cheek. “I’ll be home as soon as I can get a replacement.”

  He sounds so hollow and I feel like I’ve done some kind of irreparable damage that I don’t know how to fix. I nod my head and head out the door. When I look back, he’s still standing there. I wave, then quickly walk away without waiting to see if he responds. My heart feels like it is going to burst out of my chest. All I want to do is rewind the past 12 or more hours so none of this ever happened.

  We walk for what seems like an eternity until finally the car comes into view. Upon reaching it, I turn on the engine, adjust the AC until it’s cool, and buckle both boys into their seats before shutting the door behind me. I don’t want them to hear the phone call I’m about to make. Or anything I might say in reference to their dad.

  Leaning against the car, I finally give my tears free reign to pour down my face. I grab my cell phone and click on the favorites’ icon. I’m about to call Madison, but I realize that I need heavier backup then even my best friend. Plus Madison sometimes ploughs ahead without listening to everything and I don’t want her attacking Jayson…or me.

  I see the name that I know will give me the best advice I could think of asking for. It’s been like that ever since I met her. The phone picks up and all I can do is sob, “Ava, I need you!”

  My phone rings while I’m in the kitchen setting out food for dinner later on this evening. I see it’s Chloe. It’s been a few days since I’ve heard from her and I’m always thrilled to talk to her and my babies…my son and my grandsons.

  “Hey Chloe, it’s good to hear…”

  I can’t get the rest of my sentence out for the sobs I hear coming through my phone. “Ava, I need you!”

  “Oh my God, what’s happened? Are you ok? Are the boys ok. Oh no, it’s Jayson. Tell me!”

  I don’t usually get flustered like this, but the idea of anything happening to them makes me shake with fear.

  “Chloe, you need to calm down and talk to me. Is anyone hurt?”

  I hear her taking deep breaths and it seems like a year passes in the seconds it takes for her to get the crying under control.

  “No, no one’s hurt. It’s me and Jayson. Something bad is going on. We had a f-f-fight at the hospital. He didn’t come home for 2 days or call me last night, then he got held over for another shift this morning. I-I-I think I may have hinted he was cheating on m-me. He hates me now, Ava…I can tell.”

  Now that I know no one is dying or ill, I can get my mom cap on and see what in the hell is going on here. These two never fight beyond little spats here and there. Not like Connor and Madison where the fights can get way over the top. I’ve always thought it was odd, but it worked for them so I never questioned it.

  “All right, honey…you need to calm down. Where are you? Where are the boys?”

  Though the sobs are dying down, I can still hear the tears in her voice. While waiting for her to answer, I contemplate how in the world they got from Jayson doing a double shift to him cheating on her.

  “I’m in the parking garage. The boys are in the car and I’m standing next to it.”

  “Are you ok to drive? I don’t want you behind the wheel if you are too upset. If you think you’re ok, why don’t you bring the twins by here and we’ll talk. Do you want me to call Madison to come over, too?”

  Immediately, she says, “No, no. Please don’t call her, Ava.”

  Well, that’s interesting. Why doesn’t she want Madison to know and why am I finding out before her? I’ll figure it out. Right now, I need to get her over here and see what the hell she and Jayson are thinking.

  “Ok, Chloe, I won’t ask her to come over. Now, drive safely. If you need me, call me back. I’ll be watching for you.”

  I think about calling Madison, but decide to go right to the source: my son. I have no doubt with him being an idiot stubborn Reece male that he has more than a lot to do with this. I click on his cell phone number and after it rings twice, it goes right to voicemail. Oh no, he did not. I know that he saw it was me and sent me to his messages. He must have forgotten how persistent I can be. Clicking on his contact info, I next press the button for the back line to the ER department.

  “Nurses Desk, how may I help you?”

  “Yes, I need to speak to Dr. Reece; this is his mother, Ava.” I haven’t called Jayson very many times at the hospital, but the few times I have, I always get patched through immediately unless he is working on someone.

  Not this time. Instead, I hear a snooty voice say, “I’m sorry, Dr. Reece is busy; you will have to leave a message or call back later.”

  “I see. Do you know how long it will be? It’s important that I speak with him.”

  “No, I don’t. If this isn’t an emergency, please call at another time.”

  Though she can’t see me, my hand flies to my hip and I let loose. “Exactly who is this that I am speaking with? I want to get your name right so I know who is not letting me speak to my son. Is he busy with a patient where you can’t let him know that I’m on the phone?”

  “I’m unable to give out that information. Do you need anything else?”

  Yes, your name, bitch. “I would like your name, please. That’s the second time I asked for it. Don’t make me ask again.”

  “My name is Melissa, ma’am. Would you like for me to spell that for you?”

  I think my head is about to explode from this conversation. Biting back curse words, I try to remain professional.

  “No, Melissa, I don’t need you to spell it for me. I do have some form of education that will help me sound it out. Please tell my son to call me back right away.”

  I wait for a reply and there is nothing but silence. Looking at my phone, I see it’s back on my home screen. Either the whore hung up on me or the call dropped at a very convenient place for her.

  I stand in my kitchen and wait for Jayson to call and Chloe to arrive. I’m not usually at a loss for words, but I don’t think I’ve ever had a conversation like that with any hospital employee, not even when Phillip worked there full time.

  The phone doesn’t ring like I thought it would and since I know Chloe won’t be here for at least 45 minutes, I need to do some detective work. Dialing Madison’s number, I wait until she answers and we talk for a bit about the kids…mine and hers.

  While we are talking, my brain is going a mile a minute. It’s obvious that Madison knows something from my conversation with Chloe; otherwise she wouldn’t care if Madison was here. Now, how do I find out without Ms. Sneaky Pants aka Madison
figuring it out?

  As soon as there is a breaking point in the conversation, I ask, “Have you talked to Chloe lately?” I’m pretty sure that it sounds like an everyday question and not like I’m trying to get information at all.

  “Oh no, what did she do?”

  “Well…wait, what? How did you know I’m not just asking a general question?”

  I hear laughter coming through the phone. “Ava, you are not nearly as smooth as you think you are. And you forget I’ve known Chloe longer than you. I talked to her this morning and I told her not to say anything to Jayson about what she was thinking. Since you are calling and acting like Nancy Drew, I’m assuming you’ve talked to one or both of them.”

  “No, not at all,” I say innocently. “I was just asking…I haven’t talked to her in a couple of days.”

  “Sure, you haven’t. When she gets there, tell her I told her not to do it.”

  “I have to go, Madison. We didn’t talk, ok? OK?” “If you think about ratting me out, forget my babysitting services when you and Connor want to be alone.”

  “Classy, Ava…blackmail is sooo classy.”

  Trying to sound like I mean business but completely failing, I say, “Yeah well, you remember that if you tell her I called you. Payback is a bitch, ya know?”

  “I have no idea who or what you are talking about. But, hypothetically, tell her I said to be naked when he gets home and screw him six ways to Sunday; he will forget all about their little tiff. How do you think I get out of half of everything I do with Connor?”

  Lord, this girl! “Ok, I will talk to you later, Dr. Ruth.”

  After hanging up with Madison, I realize that Jayson still hasn’t called. I try his number again and this time, after the first ring, it goes right to voicemail. That little shit. I know he is doing this on purpose. He should know after 31 years that I’m not going to go away.

  Dialing a number that I haven’t used in years, I wait for it to connect.

  “Hi Susan, it’s Ava Reece. How are you? Oh, that’s good to hear. Listen, I’m trying to get in touch with Jayson. Now I know you’re busy, but I need to talk to my son as soon as he’s free. He’s rejecting my calls, so instead of coming up there to beat his ass, I thought I would call you first; I know he can’t say no to the hospital administrator. Yes, thank you, Susan. Let’s not wait so long to speak again. Goodbye.”