This is Living (Living #1.5)

by Melody Dawn

  Speaking of “babe,” Connor is due for some payback. After he felt I was sufficiently well enough to take shit from him, he began spreading it to everyone who would listen how he took Jayson’s place when I was basically comatose after surgery. Apparently, my man felt it wouldn’t be good for me to wake up alone after the loss of the baby, so he came with up with some scheme for Connor to take his place. Supposedly, I demanded that he lie down with me and wait for it: I told him I loved him.

  Jesus, really? It had to be him that was there and I just had to go and do something like that. He will never let me live it down…ever. So, I’m biding my time…as I’ve said before, I don’t get mad, I get even. Cue the evil laugh…something I’m told I suck at doing.

  Madison and I came up with this plan and I’m hoping I can use it this weekend while everyone’s here.

  I get out of bed, wash up, brush my teeth, and throw on my robe over Jayson’s t-shirt. I figure both the shirt and the robe come to right above the knee so that’s plenty of coverage. After all, it’s only my family.

  Making my way downstairs, I hear the sound of talking and laughing in Ava’s eat-in kitchen. When I walk in, I see Phillip, Ava, Madison, and Jayson sitting at the table. There are some of the kids at their smaller table over in the corner and some more in the living room.

  Just as I knew they would, both of my boys scream, “Mama” and run to me, barreling right into my knees. I’m ready though, so when they get there and take me down with them, it doesn’t hurt. Believe me, I learned to fall without hurting myself rather quickly with these two.

  I tickle them for a bit until I capture both of them and spread kisses all over their faces. We’re being screamed at to “get off of the floor” and “you’re going to hurt your mom…get up now” by Ava and Jayson respectively.

  Giving the boys one last kiss and then saying a general “Good morning” to everyone, I walk towards the refrigerator. I take out the milk and orange juice and then head towards the cabinets that hold the various cereals Ava keeps stocked for kids and adults alike.

  In front of the cabinet next to the one I need is a bare chested man wearing only a pair of jeans. At a glance, you would think it was Jayson, but I know it’s not…it’s the troublemaker. Keeping a straight face, which is hard, I walk right up to him. Yep, it’s go time.

  He turns around, putting his back to the cabinets as I reach him. This is so perfect…I could jump up and down in glee, but I’m an adult, so I’m restraining myself.

  With his usual smirk, he says, “Hey Chloe.”

  In the most seductive voice I can get out, which is hard, because he’s my brother-in-law, I answer, “Hi Connor” as I lean around him to open the cabinet door. My body is pretty much right up next to his as far as I can get it without touching him.

  Smiling at him like I have no idea what I’m doing, I stand there almost hugging him. He looks down at me, completely panicked, like I’ve lost my marbles.

  Quickly, he glances over to Madison and I know he’s wondering if he’s about to get mauled by me or castrated by her. She won’t stop me though, because she’s all for a good joke plus she’s always ready to prank him…they really are children sometimes in their ongoing practical joke war.

  I just want to get him back for always giving me crap. Otherwise, I would be scared of getting bitch slapped. My best friend doesn’t play when it comes to her husband.

  Not moving a muscle, I say, “You look hot today. Have you been working out?”

  His face floods with color and he asks, “Excuse me?”

  I place my hand on his bicep and squeeze. He immediately jerks back and says, “What’s going on here right now?”

  I grab my cereal, shut the cabinet door, and say quietly, but in a voice loud enough for everyone to hear. “I’ve been thinking about you and how you told me you loved me. I can’t forget it.”

  Oh wow, it’s so hard not to laugh; the look he’s wearing is so freaking priceless.

  I lean up almost to his mouth and say, “Love you, too, babe.”

  Ha ha, He’s trying so hard to lean away from me, I bet his back has got cabinet prints in it.

  Calmly, I step away and get a bowl and prepare my cereal. He’s still staring at me and I smirk to myself: Point to me, zero to you, buddy.

  No one has said a thing yet, so I make my way to the table and sit in Jayson’s lap. When I look up, Connor hasn’t moved from the position I left him in. If I only had a camera to preserve the memory of his current facial expression, I would be happy for the rest of my life.

  Ava leans over and says, “You’re trouble, young lady.”

  Giving her a huge smile, I answer back, “I learned from the best.” She knows exactly who that is, too. She sees that someone every morning when she looks in the mirror.

  Suddenly, Connor is at the table. His face is still red and he points at Jayson. “You need to spank her a-s-s,” he spells it for the kids, and then points to Madison: “And you, not for a week…maybe two.”

  Now that he is sure he has launched himself back into alpha status, he slams down into his chair and digs into his food. Unable to contain it, the whole table bursts into laughter. Madison gives me a high five and Jayson squeezes me around the waist while burying his face in my neck laughing.

  “Accept it, Connor! I got you back…and you know it. So, who’s the master now?”

  With an evil grin, he says, “I think we all know who that is, babe.” And now I want to hurl because I know exactly what he means…Madison has a big mouth when it comes to their sex life…and he’s reminding me of it.

  Of course, I blush because it’s me and that’s what I do. Knowing my cheeks are probably blood red since I can feel the heat in my face spread down my neck, I realize that my brief shining moment is over. Whatever, I got him back good.

  Immediately, one of my sons yells, “Dad, what’s a-s-s?

  I yell back, “It’s a bad word; you’re putting money in the jar.”

  “Aww, mom,” I hear him answer back with a groan just like he’s heard his dad do…well, he doesn’t call me “mom,” but you know what I mean.

  There’s more laughter and I sit back and relax listening to everyone talk. Looking up, I catch Connor looking at me smiling, but it’s a genuine smile and I smile back. Though no one says it, the fact that I can joke right now is a testament to how far I’ve come.

  Without the help of Jayson, Dr. Holtzer, and all of my family, I would most likely still be that puddle on the floor as I grieve over the fact that I should be bringing my daughter home right now.

  As I talk with everyone over breakfast, I’m aware of how happy I am. The sting of Bailey’s loss is still there and sometimes I still feel alone when Jayson is working, but for the most part, I love my life…perfect or not.

  Approximately 5 years later

  Walking down the beach in Cabo San Lucas, I see my family in the distance. Kids are running everywhere and some of the adults are in the water or lying on the sand.

  As I get closer, I see a gorgeous woman lying on a beach blanket in a black bikini. The closer I get, the more I can see how hot she is.

  The little bikini she’s wearing isn’t doing much to cover her curves and I’m thanking the designer who created this swimsuit for his ingenuity. My board shorts grow tighter the closer I get and I hold my towel in front of me. I don’t want to traumatize all the kids on the beach for life.

  Now, if I can just get her to talk to me. Walking up to where she’s lying out, I drop down next to her and say “I think I should call the police; you just stole a piece of my heart.”

  I see her violet eyes peer at me over her Kindle and her shoulders begin to shake with laughter. “That is the worst line I have ever heard!”

  You might be thinking I’m about to get slapped, but not a chance, because this beauty is my wife…and at 35, she looks as good to me as she did at 21. It’s hard to believe that we’ve been together for 14 years.

  “You better be glad we’re
married, because I would have run away if you had laid that line on me when we met.”

  With a grin, I say, “You would have melted if I said that to you and you know it.”

  Rolling her eyes, she says, “That’s only because you’re gorgeous and I can’t resist you.”

  Before she knows what I’m doing, I roll over on top of her and say, “I can’t help it if I’ve got it going on, baby.”

  I kiss her like there’s no tomorrow until I hear an unwelcome voice. “This is a family outing; no public fucking allowed.”

  Of course, my son had to be in the vicinity and says in an awed voice, “Uncle Connor said the F word.”

  His words are followed by the disgusted voice of my other son saying, “Yuck, they’re doing it again.”

  Chloe hides her face in my shoulder while I laugh; I guess this was a bit inappropriate.

  Looking up, I tell Brendon and Braxton, “Go play with Bella in the water…I’ll be there in a minute.”

  I need a moment for my dick to go down…I would rather not have “the talk” with my sons for at least a few more years if I can keep from it.

  Giving her one last kiss, I tell her, “I love you, princess.”

  She breaks into a huge grin and answers, “I love you, too. Now go have fun with the boys. And watch out for Bella, she thinks she’s as big as Brendon and Braxton.”

  As I’m walking away, she yells out, “Make sure Caleb and Hunter don’t say anything bad around the boys.”

  Giving her a thumbs up, I laugh to myself because unfortunately the damage is probably already done. I hear Madison say, “Hey, that’s my children you’re talking about.”

  I turn to look at Madison and she shrugs, “Ok, you’re probably right.”

  When I reach the water, Connor is roughhousing with his sons, Caleb and Hunter, as well as my two. His girls: Gracie, Addison, Hannah, and Kaylee sit on the beach with my mom playing in the sand. We mess around in the water for a while until all of the boys get tired and decide to build sandcastles.

  A little further down, I see my dad carrying Bella. He won’t admit it, but she is totally his favorite. I think it’s because she’s a mini-me of my mom, not so much physically, but in personality and attitude. And to be fair, Papa is the king in Bella’s eyes…even outranking me.

  When they’re close enough to us, dad sets Bella down and she runs the rest of the way to us.

  As she reaches us, she screams in her little girl voice, “I want to build sandcastles, too.”

  None of the boys are thrilled with that idea and when she tries to lend a hand, she gets told quickly by Hunter, “You’re a little girl…we don’t want to play with girls. This is just for the boys.”

  Huge tears well up in her eyes at the little jerk’s comments and she runs off screaming for her mom.

  Connor whacks Hunter across the back of the head and tells him to knock it off and that the girls can play anytime they want. A sentiment that his oldest, Caleb, is agreeing with if his staring at the teen girls a little further down the beach means anything.

  I nudge Connor and jerk my head to where Caleb is staring and we share a laugh; I pity both he and Madison in a few years. Caleb should have been named Connor Jr…he emulates his dad in all things…whether it be good or bad. Hopefully, Connor’s ex-manwhore ways aren’t genetic.

  Still hearing Bella cry, I walk over while she is telling on Hunter to her mom and her aunt. “Hunter is mean, Mama. He says I can’t play with the boys.” All of this is said with a ton of attitude: one hand is on her hip, and the other waves in the air as she speaks.

  Madison opens her arms and Bella flies into them like her world has ended. “You don’t want to play with nasty boys anyway, do you? Stay here with me and your mom and we can work on our tans. Then tonight, when it’s time to go and eat, I’ll make up your face and you can wear some of my perfume. What do you think?”

  Bella shakes her head yes excitedly and gives Madison a huge kiss on her cheek. “Thank you, Aunt Maddie!”

  She runs off towards mom and the other girls yelling that she gets to wear makeup and I say with a glare, “Yeah, thank you, Aunt Maddie. You know she’s too young for that shit. No makeup; I mean it.”

  Madison glares back and says, “Oh God, are you going to be a buzzkill for all of her life? It’s just a little makeup and perfume.”

  “You aren’t putting makeup on my three year old daughter’s face. You can put lip balm or whatever that crap is called and a tiny amount of perfume. I don’t want her looking like one of the creepy little girls from those beauty pageant shows.”

  “If Chloe says it’s ok…”

  Wisely, Chloe interrupts. “That’s enough you two. Madison, you can put some lip gloss and a little bit of powder. No perfume; use your body spray instead.”

  Then looking at me, she says, “And you, lighten up.”

  Annoyed, because I can never win with these two, I drop down next to Chloe.

  Bella is right back over with the boys and I hear her little voice saying, “Aunt Maddie says y’all are nasty so I don’t want to play with you anyway.”

  Before a huge war breaks out, mom goes and gets Bella bringing her back over to the girls. I watch her walk across the sand, kicking it up, as she goes.

  With the grin that always melts my heart, she tells my mom, “When I get big, I’m gonna marry Keegan and live on the beach. You can come and visit me, Nanna.”

  My head jerks around and with a growl I ask, “Who the hell is Keegan?”

  Chloe and Madison break into laughter and once she catches her breath, Chloe says, “Keegan is a friend of Hunter’s that Bella adores. She met him when staying the night with Kaylee.”

  “Wait a minute; that means the little shit is seven years old. That’s it; no more sleepovers.”

  If the eye-rolling from them is any indication, it tells me that they think I’m crazy. Still, that’s my baby girl.

  “Jayson, get real; she’s three and he’seven. What are you worried about?”

  “He has a dick, doesn’t he,” I ask heatedly.

  Chloe laughs, being used to my over-protectiveness of our daughter, but Madison has to put her two cents in.

  “Yes, Jayson; he has a dick. He is a boy, so I think one of those is required equipment for him,” she says sarcastically.

  Not willing to concede yet, I say, “Well, I don’t like it.”

  Chloe pats my hand in what she thinks is a soothing manner. “I know, honey.”

  Muttering, “Whatever,” just like a chick, I stomp off to the sounds of their laughter.

  As I walk down the beach, I find a quiet place on the sand to sit and my mind goes back to the day we brought Bella home.

  “Jayson, you can drive over twenty miles an hour,” I hear Chloe call from the backseat.

  Bella finally arrived and today, we’re bringing home our little girl and I’m driving like my grandpa because I’m scared to death of getting into an accident.

  After quite a few sighs from Chloe, we finally make it to our house and Chloe tells Bella, “Yay, we’re here…and daddy didn’t have a heart attack while driving.”

  Ha, ha, very funny, I think. How can she be so cool about this?

  I help Chloe out of the car with Bella and as we enter our house, I can’t help but notice how quiet it is. Usually, Brendon and Braxton are running around with the TV going, Chloe is cooking or on the phone, etc. Today, with the boys at my parents, it’s quiet as a church.

  Bella is asleep when we bring her in and I follow Chloe down the hall to her “princess” room that showcases a mural of a fairy tale castle, a cloud covered sky on the ceiling, and Bella’s name in painted letters hanging from ribbons above her bed.

  In keeping with the princess theme, the room is decorated in pink, ivory, and sage…Chloe’s words not mine. The bedding alone looks like it costs more than my truck payment. Above our heads hangs an antique chandelier with dripping crystals and there is a huge soft pink checked chair trimmed in ivory
in the corner of the room.

  This was my only request: I wanted a chair that I could hold Bella as well as the boys if they wanted, not to mention one that would be comfortable and not dig into my ass.

  If this room is any indication, then my daughter will not only be a princess, but a diva. Chloe and I had many “discussions” about the cost of the room and the practicality, but I gave in…after what we went through with our first daughter, I figured decorating a room was the least I could do for her…or my credit card could.

  Neither of us wanting to put her down, Chloe and I sit in the large soft chair holding Bella. She unwraps her and even though we had already done it, we count fingers and toes, and catalog all the things we could see of each other in her. True to form, she has my mouth…only it fits this time because she’s a girl.

  She also has my eyes…unless they change, but I don’t see that happening. Her hair is dark, but nearer to the color of Chloe’s and though her hair is short, you can already see some curl to it. While Brendon and Braxton are most definitely a junior version of me, Bella is a combination of us both.

  We sit for the longest time, enjoying being close to each other, and holding the little miracle that we weren’t sure we would ever get. Chloe’s endometriosis got worse and Dr. Gibbs advised that a repeat of Bailey’s pregnancy could occur.

  I hold my girls while Chloe tells Bella of her big sister, Bailey, and how she is in heaven watching over her. Though I hide it well, it hurts to hear it, but I understand why she’s doing it.

  From the day she named her, Chloe has never forgotten that we have an angel baby as she calls her. She makes sure that Brendon and Braxton know about her and now that Bella is here, she will, too.

  Her birth brings back memories of the boys and how I felt when I first held them. If anything, that feeling is even stronger. Not that I love them less, but all I can think of is that this is my little girl, and I will do anything I can to keep her safe.

  My memories move to the present day and I think about how our life has changed.

  Where once I was a harried burnt out ER doctor, I am now a pediatrician in a thriving group practice. Most days, I am home by 6:00 PM and my colleagues and I alternate being on-call. The only time I even see the inside of the hospital is when we have patients admitted and I’m the one on-call at that time.