He looked into the candle flame, the softness with which he had spoken of his mother gone from his voice. “That was why meeting Nina and feeling she loved me made such an impression. I was seventeen, and didn’t know then how much position and wealth matter to people. You see, my mother had given up everything in order to be with my father, because she loved him. Although he was a miserable excuse for a man, I didn’t know that money and social position could make others behave even more despicably. My father, after all, was an ignorant drunkard. One would think that those who professed to be his betters would act with more honor.”
Victoria couldn’t help asking. “Did you ever tell Nina about your mother’s family?”
He cast a hard glance in her direction. “Never. And I’m glad of that. If knowing I was related to that coldhearted bastard would have made a difference, I wouldn’t have wanted her anyway. Why don’t any of you see it’s what is inside a person that really matters, not whether they were fed with a silver spoon? The friends I’ve made, Peter Cook and his family, those are the people I value. When my mother died, only a few months after Nina left Bar Harbor, not a soul in the world cared for me until I met them. They took me in when I developed a fever during a voyage down the coast to Virginia. The ship’s captain put me off without compunction in a small rowboat at night, saying he couldn’t afford the chance that I might be contagious to the rest of the crew. Peter’s father found me floating there the next day, out of my head with fever, and took me home. They were just ordinary people, struggling to keep their shipbuilding firm afloat, and didn’t have to live up to anyone’s expectations of how to behave but their own. It was knowing they were there, that someone cared if I lived or died, that kept me going in the years of struggle before I began to make something of myself.”
She looked at him then, saw the way his jaw worked with emotion on admitting this, on showing her some of his grief. Carefully, she whispered, “I’m sure they are very fine people. I wish it were possible for me to meet them someday. I think that I should like them very much, if they would show such kindness to a stranger.”
He turned to study her closely, then said, “Somehow, I believe you.”
Victoria met that dark gaze, and found that she could not look away. Never had she expected Jedidiah McBride to share so much of himself with her. It was as if his doing so had shattered a barrier that could never come between them again. There was a naked sort of longing in those stormy eyes. Her breath caught as a strangely potent current passed between them and held her firmly in its grip.
He looked away from her, shaking his head slowly. “Victoria Thorn, what am I to do about you? You occupy too much of my time and attention.” He laughed in self-derision. “I am here to find my son, and I have made no headway whatsoever. I go out to search for information and find myself thinking about you instead. Thinking things I have no right to think.” His hot gaze raked her, taking in her tousled dark hair, her wide, unconsciously yearning eyes, the erratic pulse that beat at the base of her neck.
She raised her hand to her throat, instinctively covering that pulse. But her voice gave her away as she spoke his name. “Jedidiah.”, The sound was filled with longing, uncertainty and soft, breathless anticipation. Unaware that she had even moved, Victoria leaned toward him.
It was only by the merest fraction of an inch. But Jed was unable to ignore the tentative invitation.
Almost before she knew what was going to happen, they were in each other’s arms and his lips were descending to take hers in a fiery kiss. Victoria tasted whiskey, the faintest trace of mint and the hot muskiness of desire as her mouth opened beneath the demanding onslaught of his.
Far from being shocked or dismayed by his eagerness, Victoria was emboldened by it. She reached up, holding his head to hers, as a radiant hunger transferred from his mouth to hers. It spiraled down to ripple through her body in rays of sweet longing, making Victoria arch more fully into his embrace.
Jedidiah’s hand splayed over her back, sliding down to mold her hips, and she sighed against his kiss. When his hands moved lower to cup and knead her bottom, Victoria whimpered as she felt a pooling of honeyed warmth in that most secret place between her thighs.
This gasping response was more than Jed could resist, and the truth was that he’d lost the will to try. He lifted her into his arms, never taking his mouth from hers.
She simply wrapped her arms more fully around his neck as she continued to return his kisses in equal measure. Unerringly Jed found the stairs that led to the upper floors.
Now he was forced to take his mouth from hers as he made his way up them, but she made no demurral, only burying her face against his throat. He took her to the closed door of her room.
To his surprise, before he could even move to open it, Victoria reached out and turned the knob herself, then settled back against him to press her warm lips against his throat. Hot desire spiked through him, and he wanted to take her right then and there, against the door. Nothing mattered beyond salving this aching need that drove him.
Victoria sensed that some intense emotion held Jedidiah in its grip. The very fervor of his reaction transmitted itself to her, and she was aroused to an even greater pitch. When at last he was able to move toward the bed, she nearly cried aloud with relief. She was not sure what was going to happen, she only knew it must occur, that he must carry her to her bed and follow the path that had been set on the night they met.
With an infinite tenderness that surprised and moved her, Jedidiah laid her down on the bed. Only the candles she’d left burning beside the bed lit the chamber. Standing as he was, with the glow to his back, Jedidiah’s face was in shadow, and her own was illuminated. He stood looking down at her, and even though she could not read his expression, the heat of his perusal was scorching.
Then, as if by a great force of will, he took a deep breath and moved one step backward, so that the light was on his own features. His expression was tight with control, giving very little away, but he could not hide the desire in his gaze as he said, “Victoria, are you sure this is what you really want?”
Without hesitation, she held out her hands, reaching toward him, her heart in her eyes. “It is what I want.” She knew it was true with every part of her.
That seemed to break the superhuman force of his control. The next thing Victoria knew, she was in his arms, his mouth seeking hers with unerring purpose.
She opened to him immediately, offering him all the passion that had been building inside her from the moment they met. His tongue tangled with hers in a union of heated flesh.
She reached to hold him down to her, but Jedidiah resisted her, pushing back onto his side. Victoria whispered, “Don’t go.”
He leaned over to kiss her quickly, then met her eyes with a look that would have melted iron. “I’m not going anywhere,” he replied, his voice husky with promise. “Not for a very long time.”
Her chest tightened at that look, for it was rife with the promise of pleasures as yet not understood by her. Oh, but she was so very willing to learn.
With his gaze still locked on hers, Jed reached out and traced one finger along the parting of her robe. Victoria closed her eyes and sighed, inviting him to go further with her reaction to his touch.
Jed did not disappoint her.
Slowly, allowing himself to savor every moment, he pushed the rich velvet back to expose the full curves of her breasts, which were covered by nothing more substantial than a transparent sheath of white lawn. Jed swallowed hard, his own eyes closing for a moment, as he was forced to block out the sight of her perfection in order to control himself.
When he opened them, she was still lying there before him, her head thrown back, her breath coming quickly from her parted lips, as if in anticipation. Her full, rounded breasts seemed eager for his attention, the delicate dusky pink tips hardened and beckoning.
His own body surged in reaction, and he dipped his head to take the delectable offering into his mouth. As Victo
ria gasped and arched upward, he laid his hand over the other breast, feeling it swell satisfyingly beneath his touch. Urged on by her response, he began to suckle her, teasingly, tauntingly, even as his thumb played deliberately over the opposite peak.
“Oh, help me,” she gasped out, holding his head to her with both hands. Never could she have foreseen the rush of hot pleasure that weakened her limbs and added to that liquid warmth between her thighs.
He rose up then, his breathing fast, his body aching with the need to take her, to make her his own. His eyes not leaving hers, Jed removed his shirt. There was no demurral in the fervent gaze that ran over his naked chest. And still none when he stood briefly to remove his trousers.
If anything, the expression in her eyes became even more eager as her smoky gaze came to rest upon him, stirring him to even greater passion. His manhood reared, holding her heated gaze, making Jed wonder if he could restrain himself long enough to see to her pleasure. She fired him so, with her abandoned response. He was not wholly surprised. Jed had sensed the latent passion in this proper English beauty from the start.
Even as he watched, she leaned up and shrugged out of her own robe, tossing it to the floor. She held up her arms to him. “Come to me.”
He knelt beside her, holding her close to him, for a moment overcome by his exhilaration at having this woman want him. Never in all his twenty-nine years had any woman ever been so open in her desire.
But soon the moment, and her near nakedness, drove him to forget everything but his need for her. He leaned over Victoria, pressing her back into the bed as he once more moved up to suckle at her bosom.
Seeming frustrated by even the covering of her thin shift, Victoria herself reached up to pull the fabric down. When it tangled, resisting her efforts, she felt no compunction about tearing the fragile garment down the front to the hem.
Laughing at her impatience, but also further heated by it, Jed helped her to discard the filmy shreds. Then he turned to her again, the soft glow of her creamy skin now fully exposed to his appreciative eyes. God help him, but he had never seen such beauty, he thought as he ran a reverent hand over the smooth perfection of her flat stomach.
Jedidiah’s hand on her flesh was like a mark of ownership. His fingers traced her skin, skin touched by no man before him, and she reveled in his possession.
His mouth on hers was magic, his kisses heating her, making her want more. What she wanted, Victoria was not sure. Only the certainty that Jedidiah did know kept her from completely losing her tenuous hold on her scattered emotions.
Then, as his fingers trailed lower, to tangle in the hair at the joining of her thighs, her breath caught. When they dipped to explore the delicate folds of her, she cried out, arching in an unwitting invitation, as a wave of overwhelming pleasure surged through her.
She tore her lips from his. Her voice emerged, husky and breathless. “Oh, Jedidiah, I want… Oh, I don’t know. How can I stand any more?”
His breath was hot against her ear as he replied, his fingers continuing to search her secret recesses. “You will stand more, sweet, and with pleasure.”
Her only answer was an incoherent whimper as she clung to him in growing desperation. His fingers were driving her near mad, making her understand that the center of all these erotic sensations was there where he was touching her. The salving of the ache inside her would come from there. Unconsciously she opened her legs wider, inviting him to go on.
Jed knew that the moment had come. He need wait no longer, had known she was ready for him when he felt her so dewy and scorching to his touch. Still he knew he must go carefully, must remember this was her first time, however heated her responses. He had no wish to hurt her. Somewhere inside him he was aware that his own pleasure could only be lessened by any unpleasantness for her.
Raising up above her, he moved between her unresisting thighs.
Victoria’s gaze locked on his, her eyes hooded and as dark as flint. Not a hint of hesitancy clouded her gaze, yet he paused above her, not wanting to proceed even now, if this was not what she desired as much as he did.
Victoria saw the indecision on Jedidiah’s face. She wanted to say something to reassure him. He needed to understand that she was not some young, callow girl, in spite of her physical innocence. How could she convey that she was a confident woman, fully able to appreciate the importance of this moment?
She wanted what was about to happen more than she had ever wanted anything in her life. Yet she knew there were no words that could ever tell how she felt about him and the way he made her feel.
She could only show him with her body. So thinking, she rose up, impaling herself on the hard length of him. She trembled and gasped aloud at the indescribable delight that rippled through her. Any pain that she might have felt was completely overshadowed by the sheer pleasure of having him sheathed inside her.
Jed shuddered above her, unable to retain any hint of self-possession in the ecstasy of being buried deep within her body. Instinct took sovereignty over his body, and he began to move in a rhythm that brought him a pleasure that was agonizing in its intensity.
Victoria felt the sweetness continue to build, driving her higher and higher along a knife edge of agonizing joy. Then, suddenly, it burst around her in a cascade of shimmering, glittering completion that made her cry out in rapture.
Jed watched as she arched under him, giving of herself completely and without restraint. When the moment of her fulfillment came, he met her passion-darkened eyes as he was carried to his own peak by the power of hers.
He gasped her name. “Victoria.” Then the enjoyment took him in that moment beyond himself to a bright place where he was at one with this delightful siren.
She lay beneath him, holding him tightly to her, knowing that this moment, this event, had forever changed her. Never again would she be able to see this man, speak to him, without thinking of this incredible experience. Jedidiah had made her feel like a woman in every sense of the word.
He lifted his head, looking at her with a strange sort of uncertainty. “Victoria.”
She put her hand to his lips. “Ssh… Not now. Later, later…” She did not want to think about anything right now, not what would happen next, not anything but how good she felt just being here in his arms.
He nodded, rolling over onto his back and pulling her with him.
Victoria snuggled against his side, burying her face against him. Breathing in the warm, pleasantly salty scent of his sweat-dampened skin, she closed her eyes. She sighed as he pulled up the tumbled sheet to cover them.
It was only moments later that sleep claimed her.
Chapter Eleven
The next morning, when Victoria awoke, she was instantly aware of what had happened the night before, and of the implication of her actions. Last night, she had wanted nothing so much as to keep those implications from intruding on her pleasure in being with Jedidiah McBride. Now she could no longer hold the painful truths at bay.
Taking a deep breath, she opened her eyes and looked toward the other side of the bed. Jedidiah was gone.
She was not surprised. It was what she had expected. Yet, in some far corner of her heart, she knew a sinking feeling of sorrow.
Pushing her grief to the farthest corner of her subconscious, Victoria rose and went to her dressing table. It was still quite early, and Betty would not be bringing her tea for some time, but right now she could not spend another moment in that bed.
The bed in which she had given of herself so freely. Given herself to Jedidiah, and no other. She recalled, in fact, her realization last night that their making love had been preordained in some way.
Now that the deed was done, she realized that she could not continue along that path. They might, for whatever cruel reason the Fates had conjured up, have been meant to become lovers. But they could not continue to be so. It would be completely unfair, both to her and to Jedidiah. Everything she’d learned about him only served to make her see there could be n
othing for them.
Jedidiah had exposed enough of his past to her.to make her understand that his prejudices could not be easily overcome. He and his mother had indeed been wronged, leaving him with no desire to overcome those prejudices. His wounds effectively separated him from anyone who might hurt him as his grandfather had.
And she, who came from that distrusted world, she was to marry and produce a child who would carry on the Thorn line. It was her duty and her destiny. She had always known this, yet the ache inside her at the thought of losing him now that she knew what it was like to be held close to his hard body, to feel him moving inside her, was more painful than she could possibly have imagined.
She had been a fool to give in to her attraction to him, her sympathy at the way life had treated him. Not that what she felt for him was pity. It was impossible to attach such a weak emotion to a man as strong and resourceful as Jedidiah McBride. She had simply been overcome by the idea of his loneliness as a boy, had felt a desire to share herself with him. Not really for his sake, but because she wanted and needed to be with him. Had not she, too, known that kind of isolation, for different reasons?
But what they had done was wrong. Nothing had been solved by her giving in to her desires.
It was up to Victoria to make Jedidiah understand that she did not expect anything of him. They had made a mistake and they must put the matter behind them. It was the only way they would be able to go on.
Squaring her shoulders, Victoria knew a growing resolve to make Jedidiah see that she would not play the misused maiden here. She had been, at the very least, as eager as he.
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