by Shannon West
“Oh, sure thing. Okay.” Rick waggled his fingers at me. “Bye, Kade. Hope you feel better soon. See you.” He wandered off, and when he was out of earshot I turned back to Logan.
“Thanks for keeping me company? What was that about? Why didn’t you just piss on me while you were at it to mark your territory? He wasn’t hitting on me, you know.”
“Oh, is that what you think?”
“Yes, it’s what I think. Have you seen the size of my stomach? He was just being nice.”
“He was being nice all right. And yes, I see you. And so does everybody else here. You may have a big stomach, because you’re pregnant, but your skin looks amazing and your eyes are bright, and you’re goddamned gorgeous. You’re the best-looking omega here tonight, and everybody knows that too.”
He turned back to watch the game, as I sat in stunned silence. He kept his arm loosely around my waist, and when it came time to eat, he went and fixed me a salad plate with all my favorite veggies on it, plus a tiny piece of hamburger meat. No salt, as promised. But he stayed by my side the rest of the evening, and when we left to go upstairs, even Norton gave me a little head tip.
As I got ready for bed, I felt a little stunned. A part of me was thrilled at the idea that he was jealous, but I was so confused about what was going on. Why was he suddenly so possessive? Logan had never been that way with me before, and though he’d been playful and attentive since I got back home, he had said he wasn’t in love with me. In fact, he specifically said he wanted to us to be just friends. I could see that he was trying to make the best of things, but I didn’t understand where the jealousy was coming from.
I would never admit it, but I was a little winded just from the walk up the stairs. Logan noticed though, like he noticed everything about me, and came to sit beside me on the bed. “Are you feeling okay?”
“Just a little tired.”
“Do you want me to draw you a bath? A warm bath might help you relax.”
“Sure, why not?”
He wandered back toward the bathroom and I heard the water running. We had a big garden tub, and I thought a nice hot bath might actually do the trick. I went back to the bedroom and began taking off my clothes. After a moment, I became aware of someone staring at me, and I turned to see Logan leaning against the doorjamb. His eyes roamed over me, and there was no reason for me to feel self-conscious. We’d undressed in front of each other plenty of times before.
“I think I might get in with you. If that’s all right?”
“Really?”
“Why not? The tub’s plenty big enough. Just for a few minutes.” He started undressing, peeling off his shirt and wriggling out of his jeans. I ignored him, walking past and easing down into the water. I sank back, the water level rising a little as I did. Then Logan was looming over me and I looked up at that big, muscular body. He sank down too, sloshing me with water as he settled in the tub. He sat down across from me and put his head back for a few minutes, his feet wrapping around my thighs. Then, just as I was finally relaxing, he sat up. “I was thinking…”
“Yes?
“There’s been a little sexual tension between us lately. Well, maybe it’s just me. And maybe it’s more than a little. But I was thinking we should just go ahead and have sex. Just to get it out of our systems.”
I gave him a little half-smile. “You’re a real sweet talker.”
He blushed and shrugged. “I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just…you said you had these feelings for me back a few months ago, and now I started feeling an attraction to you, too, and…maybe if we had sex, we could…do like I said and get it out of our systems. Well, do you want to? Then we can go on as we were before and not think so much about having sex all the time.”
“Do you think about it all the time?”
He flushed again, or maybe it was the hot water. “You know what I mean. We’ve never really been together when we were both fully aware and not drunk. You know what I think? I think we’ll find out we don’t like it that much, or we don’t suit each other. I think it will be okay, but a little weird, you know? Like being with a friend always is. Nothing exciting. But it’ll take the mystery out of the equation, and we can go back to just being friends again. What do you say?”
I thought about it and it really would be sweet to feel like I belonged to him for a little while. Like we really were married and not just in name only.
“I say, let’s do it. Let’s make love.”
He drew me forward into his lap and gave me a hard, sweet kiss. His lips were so hot and so good against mine that I instantly relaxed against him, and the kiss changed into something entirely different. We’d never kissed before that I could remember, and his lips were almost unbearably sweet. My heart swelled with so much love for him that I thought it might burst. I had such a feeling of longing and tenderness and rightness about that kiss, and I wondered if he could feel it too.
Logan rested his forehead against mine for a moment and whispered to me. “I can’t seem to think straight around you anymore. I want to fuck you so bad.” I nodded and suddenly, he was standing up, water cascading off his body. He grabbed a towel and started drying himself and I wondered if he’d changed his mind. But then he was holding out a hand for me and when I wasn't fast enough getting up, he bent over to pick me right up out of the tub.
He put me back on my feet and stepped away, taking my heart with him. I think I actually swayed a little at the loss. He only moved to get another towel though, and took his time drying me carefully. He was tender and thorough, and when he was done, he took my hand and led me down the hall. Opening the bedroom door, he ushered me inside and stood back. I only got about three steps before he was pulling me back and kissing me again. I threw my arms around his neck and held on for dear life.
“Open your eyes and look at me, Kade. Tell me what you want.”
“You. I only want you. It's always been you,” I said softly, staring up into that compelling gaze.
“Is that right?” Logan’s hands rubbed up and down my body as he reached down to massage me. “Is making love safe for you right now?”
“I think so, yes. The doctor said it would be okay so long as it didn’t get strenuous. At the time, I didn’t think it would be a problem.”
He groaned and laughed. “I didn’t know either, but I can’t seem to keep my hands off you anymore.” He kissed me again and ran his hands over my body.
Trembling but eager, I watched his gaze as it swept hungrily over me. I wanted to ask about this change of heart, but I was afraid to break the spell. I put my hand down to cover my stomach to hide the ugliness of my stretch marks from him, but he moved it aside. “No, let me look at all of you,” he said softly. “You’re so beautiful.” He bent his head and dragged a slow tongue over one of my nipples and smiled as I arched my back and shuddered.
“You like that, hmm?”
I nodded and then flinched all out of proportion as he gently squeezed my balls. “Answer me with words, Kade. Tell me what you’re thinking.”
He licked my nipple again, which immediately plumped up, hard and aching. “I’m thinking I want to make love to you.”
Logan smiled and looked down into my eyes. He nipped at my bottom lip and then licked it. “I’ll be the one to love you, Kade. Not the other way around. Does that suit you?”
I had never knowingly bottomed for anybody before. Other than the one time I’d been with Logan, and I didn’t even remember that. I had mostly been the dominant partner with the men I'd been with in the past. But there was no way I was going to turn Logan down. I knew this was how it would be--he was an alpha, after all. I’d do whatever it took. Whatever he wanted. Swallowing hard, I nodded, but Logan didn’t let me get away with it.
“Words, baby.”
“Yes. Yes, of course.”
“Lie down flat on your back,” he directed, and I lay back down warily, watching him to see what he’d do next. Logan smiled and lay down on top of me, all of his hard body st
retched out over mine. The baby kicked him, and he looked surprised, then smiled down into my eyes. He reached for my hands and pushed them above my head, holding them with one big hand. The other hand went directly to my shaft and he began stroking me slowly up and down.
I huffed out a big breath. “Please don’t—I-I’ll come! I can’t hold on.”
“Yes, you will,” he said, trailing kisses down my neck. “Hold on for me.” I squirmed like a kid who had to pee and bit down hard on my lip. Logan took my lips, though, gently easing his tongue inside my mouth and thoroughly tasting me. I made a soft sound in my throat, and Logan laughed against my lips.
“You said you were turning into a cat. I think I believe it now with these little kitten noises you’re making.” He nipped at my mouth again. “I like them though. I like everything about you.”
“Since when?” I said, pushing back a little against his chest. “You said you wanted to just be friends.”
He sighed against my lips, then shuddered and tightened his hold on me. “I missed you after you left.”
He bent over to envelop my shaft with his mouth in one quick move. He took me in so deeply that I felt his nose brush against my pubic bone. I wasn’t small, so the move was pretty damn impressive. I felt my eyes roll back in my head, as Logan licked his way slowly up my shaft and sucked the head of it hard, grazing it lightly with his teeth. “Does that feel good?”
For an answer I moaned long and loud and yelled out that I was coming, unable to hold it after I’d wanted him so long, and then I exploded, long spurts that mostly shot all over his chest. He groaned and kissed the head of my cock as I finished and even gave me a final swirling lick. Moving back up my body, he rubbed his stubble on my stomach and then kissed me on the mouth, letting me taste myself.
When he pulled back, I buried my face against his chest. “I’m sorry. Oh God, I-I couldn’t stop. I-I tried to warn you.”
“It’s okay,” he said, rubbing down my sides and my belly in slow, gentle circles. “But I want a lot more of you. I’m going to make love to you now.” Reaching under me, he brushed his fingers over my crease, and tapped my entrance to punctuate each word. “Right. Here. Get on your knees, Kade, and get comfortable. This may take a while.”
I rolled over feeling dazed and got up on my knees. I was on all fours for him, my ass in the air. It gave me a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach, but I stayed where I was, again afraid to break the spell. He was making me feel too much, and I tried to pull back a little, but he held me in place and thrust an oily finger inside me. When had he gotten the lube? I’d been so caught up in what he was doing to me I hadn’t noticed. I groaned and wondered if what I was doing was smart. He said he wanted to get this out of his system. And then what? Go back to being just friends? I angled my body away from him, or so I told myself. Actually, I was just helplessly pushing back on his fingers. Afraid he’d change his mind if I said or did anything else.
Logan kept eye contact with me as I watched him over my shoulder. His movements were slow and sure, and this time I saw him take a bottle of lube from a dresser drawer beside him. He turned back to face me. “Ready?”
I nodded still nervous he would change his mind. I pulled my elbows down and planted them on the mattress, and he sat down beside me on the bed and began smoothing the lube between the crease in my ass. It felt so good I was biting my lips to keep from crying out.
I felt the bed dip as he climbed up on it and got between my legs. He had a look of concentration on his face as he slid in one fingertip and waited while my ass clenched around it. “So tight. This is all mine, isn’t it?”
I nodded breathlessly, and he eased his finger deeper, gave me a chance to adjust to the feeling, and then began to move it slowly in and out. “Spread your knees farther apart. That’s it.” He gripped my cock with his free hand at the same time he slipped another finger inside with the first one. I jumped a little, but the other hand went down to stroke my balls and continued on to wrap around my cock.
“Oh hell,” I said, feeling trapped and controlled and absolutely perfect. The fingers inside me moved and stretched until I began to relax, and another finger came to push between my cheeks. I saw him take more lube to splash it on me and himself as he stretched and massaged me until I felt languid and relaxed. Suddenly one of his fingers brushed over my prostate and it sent an electric shock through me and made me stiffen and arch my back.
“Oh, you liked that, did you? Maybe I should do it again.” He gave it a good rub and laughed softly as I arched my back and moaned. I couldn’t seem to speak. I pushed out my ass and begged for more, deeper. I urged him on with whimpers and moans. He pulled out his fingers and lined his cock up with my entrance. I could feel it twitching with excitement, as he eased his way in. “I don’t want to hurt you. Tell me if anything hurts, and I’ll stop.”
I nodded, his velvety hot shaft fitting into me like a key into a lock. He moved slowly at first and then harder as he stroked my shaft with the same rhythm. “You feel me inside you, Kade?”
“Yes,” I said, thrusting my hips for more, harder. “It’s so good.” I was so glad we didn’t need to use condoms, since wolves didn’t get human diseases, so there was nothing between us to take away from the sensation of his cock inside me. My ass was in a perfect position and Logan began to make good use of it. He thrust against me, again and again, holding me in place with a hand on the base of my spine. He was making low moaning sounds too, and this was no longer just a fuck, if that’s what it had ever been. He was making love to me, and it scared me how much I never wanted it to end.
He drove his cock into me, leaning over and capturing my mouth in another long, sensuous kiss. I couldn’t believe I was ready to come again. He put his hand over my leaking cock and held it tightly between us, rubbing a thumb over the tip, and I couldn’t hold back any longer. He came at the same time with a shout, and I cried out because it was so good. I had known it would be sweet, but this was almost unbearable. I wanted it to last forever.
When it was finally over and we lay beside each other, panting for breath, I turned to look at him. “Man, I’m so glad we got that out of our systems, right? You were so right, Logan. That took all the mystery right out of it. Now we can go back to just being friends again.”
He turned toward me blindly, putting his forehead against my chest and trembling all over, but laughing a little too. “Shut the hell up, will you?”
I pulled him closer and just held him until he fell asleep. He still hadn't said he loved me, but surely that was just a matter of time.
My labor started quickly one morning in late December, only a day away from the holiday humans called Christmas, and three days after our own Midwinter. It was unexpected, and a couple of weeks too soon. I waited an hour after it started to call Logan, hoping the pains would stop. But my water broke with a little gush as I was lying in our bed with my feet up, and I knew I couldn’t wait any longer.
Hard contractions started as we were on the road to the omega hospital in Asheville, and they were so much worse than I ever imagined. I had a lot of pain in my back as well as my stomach and it felt like two big hands were grabbing my spine and trying to wring it ‘til it snapped. Much of what happened was a blur, but I do remember the pain. And the screaming. There was definitely screaming. The baby gave a hard twist inside me, and I shouted out as a tearing pain almost ripped me in half, and I felt another gush between my legs, but this time it was blood.
It was all too much—too much blood, too much pain. We arrived at the hospital, and I was terrified, and all I wanted was for it all to stop, but it didn’t. It was relentless. I don’t remember closing my eyes, but suddenly I was being rushed on a gurney down a long hallway with ceiling tiles and bright lights flashing by overhead. Someone pinched my arm, a doctor leaned over me to put a mask over my face, and that was the last thing I remembered.
****
“Kade,” Logan was saying in my ear. “Open your eyes and see what I broug
ht you.” I swam up out of the depths toward the sound of his voice and slowly blinked open my eyes.
“That’s it. Look at me.” I looked directly into his beautiful green eyes then and saw the strain on his face, the circles under his eyes. He looked wrecked and tired and absolutely gorgeous, as he tipped down the little bundle in his arms and smiled at me.
“Somebody has been anxious for you to wake up so she can meet her dad,” Logan said, and pulled back the blanket to show me a gorgeous little face, all scrunched up and red. “It's a girl. Just a little over five pounds, but the doctors say she’s absolutely perfect in every way.”
I smiled down at my sweet baby and touched her to make sure she was real, and I wasn’t still asleep and dreaming. “Hello,” I whispered to her. “I’m so glad to see you.”
“I have bad news though, but I don't want you to worry. There were complications, and the doctor said you can't have any more children,” Logan was saying softly. He squeezed my hand in his. “You’re going to be fine, though. I don't want you to worry about anything else.”
The news hit me like a freight train. No more babies? But Logan wanted babies, and all I'd produced was this little girl. A beautiful little girl, but how could that be enough for him? For the pack alpha? I knew how traditional he was. How traditional our pack was. Normally, a new female for the pack would be welcomed with open arms, but for an alpha's adopted child? Never. It just wasn't happening. The expectation was that Logan would produce sons—new alphas for the pack. It was old fashioned thinking, archaic and ignorant. But the fact was that without sons or the prospect of sons in the future, they would look down on him. They'd think less of him. It wasn't right and it wasn't fair, but they were wolves and it was just the way things were.
Besides, he'd told me he wanted more children. Now that option was apparently off the table for me. I felt more devastated than I would have thought possible.
