He gave her a playful nudge with a small smile. “No need to look so guilty, Doll. I forgive you.” He winked and it made Lucy feel even more foolish. Now she was the one who’d become easy to read.
“I’ll bring dinner and Nick’s lent us his truck for the night if you change your mind. See you after work.” He gave her another quick kiss, this time on the lips, before setting out.
“Bye,” Lucy called softly, her voice hoarse with desire as she watched him walk away towards his mechanic duties. He always knew how to make her feel better, even when she didn’t deserve it. She appreciated that most about him.
Jo walked in with a few more renovation supplies, flashing Lucy a quick smile. “Everything okay?”
Lucy nodded, looking back to a pile of documents she’d offered to sort for Savannah while she helped Tom with their house. “Fine. Dan and I were just arranging something for dinner a little later.”
“Ah.” Jo didn’t say anything more, but the knowing look on her face was all Lucy needed to see. She lifted one suspicious eyebrow at the human.
Jo looked back innocently. “What?” she asked, spreading her hands.
“I know you’re secretly ecstatic that Dan and I are spending so much time together,” Lucy replied. “He’s a friendly guy, who wouldn’t want to be around him?”
Jo shook her head. “Whatever this is between you two, it’s not friendship,” she said with a smirk. “We’re not blind, you know.”
Lucy sighed deeply. “I’m know, I know. I like him too. Like, a lot.” It’s not that she was trying to keep their relationship a secret, but rather she didn’t want to put any labels to anything until she was sure this was a place she could call home.
“So why the big sigh?” Jo asked, her trademark expression of concern already appearing on her face.
Lucy shrugged, not sure Jo would be able to understand. “He’s a shifter. I’m not.”
“You are,” Jo corrected, confused.
“I mean, technically, yeah,” Lucy amended. “But what I mean is that he shifts and I don’t. I might as well be a human, same as you. Heaven knows I wish I was.” She sighed. “Dan doesn’t understand that.” Saying those words to Jo felt infinitely easier than when she’d tried to talk about shifting with Dan. Maybe it was because she was human. Surely she’d understand.
“Mmm.” Jo tipped her head back, eyes wandering as she contemplated how to best reply. Lucy was more than happy to give her the time to think. In the time she’d come to know everyone in Forest Haven, Jo was the most willing to listen of them all, and able to follow up with amazing advice to boot. Lucy figured it must be because she was outside of the shifter mentality, and it made looking at things objectively easier for her. It was probably why the other shifters valued her opinion so much.
With a small nod, it seemed Jo found a point to focus on, and Lucy leaned in. “I couldn’t think of a better relationship for me than the one I have with Nick. A life without him isn’t worth living, but it’s not perfect,” she began. “Do you know the one thing I find the most difficult about our relationship?”
Lucy shook her head, wondering what the answer could be. Like Jo had said, she and Nick were like a power couple; they worked perfectly together, for each other, and they were so obviously in love that it made Lucy a little jealous to see sometimes.
“It’s that he’s a shifter and I’m not,” Jo answered with a sad smile on her face. “The way he sees the world is so much more different than I do, and he can do a million things that I can’t. He has this vast, overwhelming part of his life that he couldn’t share with me, even though I know he so desperately wants to. It makes me feel a bit detached from the life we’ve built together, and while it doesn’t mean we love each other any less, it certainly can be hard at times.”
“It’s not all good,” Lucy retorted, hearing the defense in her voice. “And though I know Nick is kind and benevolent and embodies all of the things I wish I could be as a bear, even he’s currently in a feud with another pack.”
“Oh yes, I know,” Jo agreed, never losing her calm tone. “But a battle fought in defense is not a battle fought in anger or hatred or search for power, Lucy. He didn’t ask for this battle. Lucas and your brother—they did. That’s the difference. That nature is in them; it’s who they are. They only seek to dominate and control; they don’t care about those who care about them. Savannah and Dan left that pack behind them because of how different we’ve proven ourselves to be, and how different they are themselves. Do you really believe they’d have felt the need to sever ties so cleanly if every pack—every bear—was the same?”
Her gaze drifted off, looking someplace that couldn’t be seen by regular eyes. “The fact is, if the Northern Wind weren’t here right now, trying to terrorize us out of house and home, this pack wouldn’t have a single care in the world.” She smiled. “We’d probably be out in the woods somewhere most days, lazing in the sunlight or swimming in the lake.”
She finally looked back at Lucy, the smile falling away. “That’s the type of future I envision when I look passed all of the trouble that Lucas has caused for us. But right now we aren’t afforded the luxury or time to lounge about and twiddle our thumbs. We only have Lucas to blame for that. And it’s not because he’s a bear who has the instinct to fight and dominate.” She shook her head for emphasis. “It’s just because he’s an asshole.”
Lucy could hear the sadness and regret at what could be in Jo’s voice, and she immediately felt guilt-ridden. For as long as she could remember, Lucy had always been a bit jealous of humans. They didn’t have to live out their lives wondering if their thoughts were their own, or the product of some beast inside of them, and yet Jo was saying she’d give that freedom away to be more like… her?
It made sense that a human would see her abilities as something of a gift, but it also meant that she didn’t fully understand the risks and the consequences of using those ‘gifts’. The violence that always seemed to follow behind anyone who used them was too big a burden for Lucy to bear. “At least if I keep playing human then you won’t have to worry about feeling alone anymore,” she replied meekly, trying to lighten the mood.
Jo shook her head fervently, her eyes stern. “This isn’t about how I feel, Lucy. Your reasons are entirely your own, and I’m not here to try and change your mind. I just want to tell you that none of us can change who we really are.”
She chewed her lip, steeling her gaze before continuing. “You can’t keep pretending to be human. You can pretty it up with excuses of why you’re doing it, but it won’t work, all the same. The biggest flaw in my relationship is that I will never know all of Nick the way he knows all of me.” She looked Lucy directly in the eye. “You don’t have that problem. So why are you trying to purposely add conflict to what could otherwise be a perfect life for you?”
A shiver ran up Lucy’s spine, a bit of numbness settling heavily in her fingertips. She understood exactly what Jo was telling her, but she didn’t want to accept it. It was all just too much, too soon, too many ways that this could all go south. It was a mistake to talk about these things after all.
“Just think about it, okay?” Jo finished, the concern returning to her eyes. She placed a gentle hand on Lucy shoulder. “Remember that, for all the trials you faced, you would have never met Dan if it were not for the bear inside of you.” She stood, smiling. “I’d give anything to be offered the opportunity you have with Dan right now. I don’t want to see you throw it all away because one person tried to ruin your life.” With that, she departed the office.
Lucy sat in silence for a while after that, the paperwork she’d tasked herself with long forgotten. Jo had given her an entirely new side of the battle to consider. She’d spent so much of her life caught up in the fear of her bear and what it meant for her as a person that she hadn’t truly realized the possibility of what she could do with it and the good she could work toward. It was true, though Lucy had tried for so long to shun her bear half, she
would always understand Dan in a way that Jo would never understand Nick. In so many words, Jo reminded Lucy that she was there, too, and to half-heartedly imitate the struggle she faced wasn’t fair to her. Realizing just how insensitive she must’ve come off, Lucy dropped her head into her hands with a groan as a pang of regret resonated in her heart.
Dan had tried to tell her that being a shifter wasn’t a bad thing, and though she understood the words he was speaking, she didn’t want to understand what he was saying at all. She remained emboldened by her original vow, never once letting anyone in. It was the only way to keep herself safe from falling into the same traps Dominic had. She’d seen aggression called power, violence called dominance, and the rage that tied it all together under the guise of protection. But what if Jo was right? What if that wasn’t the bear, but the rotten person that her brother was underneath? Did it change anything between her and Dom? She wasn’t sure.
Did it change anything between her and Dan?
Her bear’s first instinct was to trust Dan, and she had to admit to herself that she felt the same. Being with him felt right, like the single most right thing she’d ever done in her life. He wasn’t perfect, but he was close enough that she would be a fool to turn him away. At least now she was ready to listen. Jo had opened a floodgate of understanding in her, and it was long overdue that she’d let Dan speak his piece. She felt like she could trust him to protect her, listen to her, and make her happy, but could she trust that he wouldn’t urge her to use her shifted beast to enact violence on others in the way Dominic had made her do in the past? She didn’t know the answer to that either, but she was hoping the answer was yes.
Perhaps tonight, she’d be able to finally have a heart-to-heart with him about everything she and Jo had just talked again.
And maybe, just maybe, she’d find the courage to shift again.
Chapter Fourteen
Dan couldn’t help but grin as Lucy climbed down from Nick’s truck. He’d tested the path to their destination shortly before picking her up, and opted for the truck last minute, after all. He didn’t want her to be too exhausted to enjoy their dinner, but he also didn’t want her to feel like he was subliminally pressuring her into shifting to make the walk a bit easier.
“I hope you’re wearing sensible shoes,” he called as she walked over to him. “This is as far as the truck can take us.”
“I am,” she retorted lightly, a smile in her eyes. “Though not sensible enough to go anywhere too ridiculous.”
Dan snaked his arms around her waist, pulling her tightly against him as he pressed his lips to hers. She responded almost immediately, melting into the embrace as she rested her hands against his chest. He pulled away just enough to breathe, “Don’t worry. If it turns out to be too ridiculous, I’ll carry you there, myself.” He gave her one last quick kiss before stepping back and holding out his hand. “Now let’s go. As amazing as kissing you can be, if we don’t hurry along, we’ll be late.”
“Late?” she queried, voice a bit breathy from the kiss they’d shared. “Late for what?”
He beckoned to her once more with his outstretched hand, and when she finally took it, his eyes glimmered with excitement. “Secret.” He watched the intrigue brighten her face as he tugged her gently with the first step. He wasn’t lying; as much as he wanted to sweep her up in his arms and carry her back to the shop, he honestly felt that this trip would be worth it.
“A secret?” she repeated, and Dan could hear the smile in her voice from where she walked behind him. “Are we headed to the build site to help Tom and Savannah?”
Dan shook his head. “Nope. That’s more to the west; we’re headed almost directly north.” He glanced back at her. “Plus, it’s actually starting to look more like an actual house now than a building site. Tom actually said that they could probably start sleeping there as early as the end of the week!”
“Oh wow!” Lucy replied. “You guys certainly work fast.”
Dan nodded proudly. “We have bigger, bear-ier fish to fry,” he said. “Couldn’t afford the luxury of taking our time. But the house is structurally sound and built to their design tastes at least, so I’m happy for them. I know Tom probably can’t wait to move in.”
“Then maybe we can have the shop to ourselves every once in a while,” Lucy mused aloud before hesitation hitched her voice. Dan grinned. He’d be lying if he hadn’t been thinking the exact same thing for a little while now. The more time they spent together, the more he’d longed for a place to call their own. And sure, having the shop to himself sounded like an amazing opportunity at first, but he knew it wouldn’t be long before he started to feel lonely again.
If he suggested it, maybe Lucy would consider moving in. If she was worried about things moving too fast for them, she was more than welcome to set up shop in the vacant room that Tom and Savannah would leave behind. He couldn’t see a down side to at least bringing it up in casual conversation. He decided to do exactly that tonight.
“We’re almost there,” he murmured excitedly, giving her hand a little squeeze. “But I’ll warn you, this last bit is going to get a little steep. Let me know if you want a piggy back ride at any time.” He flashed her a grin and she smiled in return.
“I think I can handle myself, sailor,” she replied, smugly, and it made his heart warm. He admired that she wasn’t afraid to flaunt her independence. He wanted to protect her in all things, but she wasn’t helpless, and something about that made him and his bear feel comfortable.
The bear growled lowly, as if to warn Dan to remain alert, and he responded automatically by scenting the air. He was getting better at using his bear senses in his human form, and was quick to note that no danger was near. He and Lucy were safe. The bear snorted softly, as if warning Dan to make sure it stayed that way.
Dan didn’t need to be told. He already knew without speaking it aloud that he’d do everything within his power to make sure nothing ever hurt Lucy again. It was something he wanted to do, needed to do. He didn’t know if he could put it into words if he tried, and even if he managed, he’d already promised Lucy that he’d keep that side of his life to himself. It still hurt to suppress the bear around her, especially when the bear was so peaceful around her, but he said he’d protect her. Right now, what she needed protecting from was her fear of the beasts they both had inside of them. He’d fed that fear once before, he would never dare do it again for as long as he lived.
Still, it didn’t stop him from hoping that once day they might finally be able to run to this place as bears, totally free of all things, even fear.
His heart rate elevated slightly and tiny beads of sweat began to form on his brow as they made their way up the steep incline of the hill together. He could only imagine how the walk was affecting Lucy, but he knew it’d be worth it. It was more than a little out of the way, barely on the edge of Nick’s territory, but that just meant that not many people made it out this far often. The path had been almost completely hidden by undergrowth when he first found it, and he’d spent the past few days cleaning the space up in preparation for bringing Lucy there.
As they finally reached the apex of the hill, Dan doubled over, smacking his hands onto his knees as he worked to catch his breath. “Here,” he said, voice airy with light gasps.
“Good,” Lucy replied, sounding much the same. “I’m not sure if I could have made it much further.”
Dan smiled, wiping the sweat from his forehead. “But the payoff is so amazing; I’d make this same walk with you for the rest of my life.”
“The rest of your life?” Lucy repeated incredulously. “Why would you put yourself through this fresh hell on purpose?”
Grabbing her hand once more, Dan pulled Lucy a few steps further, pushing though a bushel of shrubbery that blocked their way until, finally, they arrived.
He heard Lucy’s gasp, his chest puffing with pride as he smiled happily down at her. “Now do you believe me when I say it’s worth it?” he murmured.
>
She didn’t speak, gazing in awe at the view that lay before them. Dan wasn’t a poet by any means, so he let the scenery speak for itself. Opens fields spread as far as the eye could see, houses miles apart from one another artfully dotting the landscape like Christmas lights. They were up high enough to see the sun as it teetered precariously close to the horizon, sunset nearly upon them as it tinted the vast sky in hues of dusky purples and pinks.
He guided her to a large, overturned tree trunk that he’d taken the time to carve into something roughly resembling a bench. He’d tossed a blanket over it to protect them from splinters, and a cooler filled with their dinner was already in place, exactly where he’d set it up before coming to collect her. Everything looked picture perfect.
“Dan, this is absolutely stunning,” she murmured, unable to take her eyes off of the view. Dan couldn’t help but watch her as she admired, her eyes sparkling in wonder as the sunset cast her skin in a warm glow. She seemed to radiate happiness from within, and in that moment, she looked more beautiful than Dan had ever seen her before.
“It’s going to get better,” he breathed, leaning in close to her ear so she didn’t have to look away. “Clear skies and a warm breeze to keep us company. I reckon that’s the perfect set up for a great dinner, complete with a clear sunset backdrop, don’t you think?”
Lucy sighed contentedly, resting her head lightly against his arm. “It sounds perfect,” she breathed, finally pulling her gaze from the stunning landscape to look up at him. “You’ve never been to this place before finding it a while back?”
He shook his head. “Nope. It’s honestly too far out of the way for anyone to happen upon normally. I was just being extra thorough with my patrolling and stumbled upon it by chance.” He wouldn’t admit it out loud, but it was likely that the reason none of the other pack members knew about this spot was because it toed dangerously on the line of Lucas’s territory. Dan knew this and the danger it could potentially pose, but he didn’t want to worry Lucy with the risky details. If they were found by anyone from the Northern Wind, he knew his bear wouldn’t let them hurt her, anyway.
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