Instead of rejoicing in all the good things that God has done in our lives, we complain about that one thing—whatever it is. You say, “But it’s hard.” I know it’s hard. It’s hard to live with adversity and it’s hard not to complain. But listen to me. Hear this pastor’s heart. You are forfeiting the grace that could help you through that trial by complaining about it. All the grace and strength you need to experience joy and victory is available to you, but by choosing to complain, by clinging to the idol of a perfect life. . .
You are flushing away the grace of God.
As Jonah wrote, “Those who worship false gods turn their backs on all God’s mercies” (2:8 NLT). Is that your worthless idol, your false god? Do you feel you are entitled to a perfect life, one without adversity? Realize this: That very adversity that you so often complain about is the thing God wants to use to keep your heart close to His. In His grace, He grants adversity to bring us close to Him.
“But it’s so hard,” you say. I understand; I am not making light of your adversity. I’m just trying to point out the connection between a life that feels like living in the wilderness and the attitudes of resentment and complaining that put us there. The bad thing isn’t the adversity; it’s our response to it! It’s our attitude! And God simply will not tolerate repeated complaints about adversity. In fact:
God Hates Our Complaining.
Notice God’s response to those who complained: “His anger was kindled, and the fire of the Lord burned among them and consumed some of the outskirts of the camp” (Numbers 11:1). God’s anger was kindled. Again, this was not an isolated occurrence. The people habitually offended God. Verse 10 reports that “Moses hea rd the people weeping throughout their families, each man at the doorway of his tent; and the anger of the Lord was kindled greatly.” Why? Because the people were crying? No, because of what they were crying about! They were longing for things that God was not willing to give them. They had complained so long that they completely lost perspective and started melting down about it.
Later in the same chapter we read, “While the meat was still between their teeth, before it was chewed, the anger of the Lord was kindled against the people, and the Lord struck the people with a very severe plague” (verse 33). In subsequent chapters, we see God’s constant response to their complaints: “So the anger of the Lord burned against them and He departed” (12:9). “The Lord said to Moses, ‘Take all the leaders of the people and execute them in broad daylight before the Lord, so that the fierce anger of the Lord may turn away from Israel’” (25:4). “Now behold, you have risen up in your fathers’ place, a brood of sinful men, to add still more to the burning anger of the Lord against Israel” (32:14).
Now I know what you’re thinking: Well, that was then. This is now. God doesn’t get angry anymore. But Psalm 7:11 says that “God is a righteous judge, and a God who has indignation every day.” Every day! You say, “But God is a God of love.” Yes, He is. And in His infinite transcendence, God can both love us extravagantly and hate our sin passionately at the same time. God can embrace us and forgive us eternally but judge us in the moment because of our attitudes that are not pleasing to Him. This concept may be a bit confusing to us, but it is perfectly clear to the Lord. He loves us and hates sin. Both are true.
NOISE IN THE BASEMENT
Children are such powerful messengers of the relationship we have with our Father in heaven. Often we can gain insight into how our actions affect God by looking at the way children affect us. Now imagine for a moment that you are a parent who is out for the evening with your spouse. You arrive home quite late. Your oldest—imagine this—has been baby-sitting the younger two while you were out for dinner. As you enter the house, you expect to find them in bed, but they are not!
All the lights in the house are out, and the silence gets eerie as you begin to search for them frantically. You’re looking around, checking rooms and calling out their names. Where are they? You walk through the kitchen, and, near the door that leads to the basement, you hear a noise. You stop! Someone is talking in the basement.
So you open the door slowly and step down the stairs. As you get closer, you recognize it’s your children’s voices, and by the time you reach the bottom of the stairs you’ve got their location. They are in the laundry room with a flashlight, sitting in a circle. They are obviously engrossed in their conversation because they haven’t heard the commotion upstairs.
Of course, you’re relieved that they seem fine, but you are also very curious to find out what they’re talking about. So you listen in and you hear, “I wish Dad would get a better job. Is he lazy?”
Another child pipes in: “Why can’t he take care of us like the Smiths at church or like the Joneses at school? Why can’t we have ...?”
Another child speaks up: “I’m so sick of Mom’s rules: ‘Go to school,’ and ‘Clean up your room.’ Who does she think she is!? I’m not gonna take her bossy ways anymore.” And you listen as this complaining goes on.
Now as a parent, at first you are hurt. You think, “I have tried so hard. I’ve done so much. How could it not be enough?” But if I understand parents, the hurt part lasts for about ten seconds. And then you’re angry. And you’re thinking things like, “The nerveof these kids!” and “It’s never enough!” and “The things that I have done for them!” You may say, “These little runts,” and “They have no idea the sacrifices that we have made. Maybe we haven’t given them everything, but do you know what? We’ve done our best!”
Now take that out of the context of imperfect parents and think of your attitudes in the hearing of our perfect heavenly Father. Then remember that He always listens and hears everything you and I say— yikes, everything! Is it any wonder that God—yes, in our day—still has righteous indignation over the attitudes of His people? God hears our complaining and He hates it! It breaks His heart. It’s a slap to His face. It insults His grace. And He is angry.
WATCH OUT! A HOLY JUDGMENT
In Numbers 11:1 we read that the people’s complaints not only kindled God’s anger, but that “The fire of the Lord burned among them.” That phrase “the fire of the Lord” appears five times in Scripture. Along with the phrase “the fire of God,” it describes the all-too-common biblical outpouring of God’s wrath and judgment. His holiness creates a cleansing fire. The results are devastating to those who provoke His judgment. Remember Moses’ shock in Exodus 3. God appeared to Moses the first time in a burning bush. There was a multimedia experience of God’s judgment and holiness. In Numbers 11, that same holy fire began to crackle and kill on the edges of the camp. The people crossed the line of complaining and discovered hot flames on the other side. God has never lost His holiness or diminished in His righteousness.
Even in this day of grace, God’s fire still consumes in judgment. He judges a complaining attitude as surely as He judged the people of Israel in the desert. But, for now, God’s fire doesn’t consume our existence; it scorches our happiness. God’s fire consumes all that is fresh and healthy and life-giving in our lives. And life becomes a wilderness. Those who choose complaining as their lifestyle will spend their lifetimes in the wilderness. Is your life like that? Has life for you become like a wilderness? All dry and dead and cheerless, a wasteland where joy is wilted away because your pattern of thinking formed over a long period of time always sees the negative?
LIKE WANDERERS IN THE DESERT
Not so long ago, my wife and I were at a wedding. We get to go to weddings often and usually enjoy ourselves a lot. At this particular wedding reception, we were seated with a couple that I had heard about previously and whom I was looking forward to meeting. But the enjoyment lasted for about sixty seconds because I suddenly found myself thinking, “Have you ever met such cheerless, joyless believers in your whole life?”
It was sad. And so I sort of took it on as a challenge to cheer them up. (I admit my wife doesn’t really like this about me.) I was telling them a few jokes at the table and trying to lighten things
up a little bit. My best stuff fell flat. They didn’t even offer a courtesy chuckle. Wanting to do a little CPR on their sense of humor, I kept at it but made very little progress. They were barely tolerating me, sort of grunting and groaning, like mournful Eeyore the donkey in Winnie the Pooh: “Oh, Booootheeeerrrr!”
At one point, someone came around and said, “We’re going to take a picture of your table now,” like they do at most weddings. So we stood up with the bride and groom and formed a circle around the “stone family.” They certainly weren’t gonna move, so Kathy and I stood behind them and I thought, “Well, maybe this will break the ice.” So I made these peace signs behind their heads during the photograph.
I could tell right away hey weren’t digging that at all. So I leaned down and said to them, “Boy, I bet it’s been a long time since someone has done that to you.”
The wife looked up and said (in a voice somewhere between Gladys Cravitz on Bewitched and Mrs. Howell on Gilligan’s Island ): “Well, normally we don’t spend so much time with immature people.”
I just thought, “You poor soul! Back into the wilderness you go!”
Do you know something? These are not bad people; these are good people. These are people like you and me who, without realizing it, choose attitudes moment by moment and day after day that eventually become their lifestyle. Humor was not allowed in their lifestyle. No fun, no kidding or teasing, no relaxing banter between acquaintances, just a dry, joyless, wilderness existence. They had become desert wanderers. I’m getting thirsty just thinking about the life they are living and the attitudes they have chosen.
The stone family didn’t want to laugh about wrong things but eventually got to the place where they couldn’t laugh at all! Especially not at themselves. That is a sure sign of wilderness living—the inability to laugh at oneself.
Can You Laugh At Yourself?
I’ve always told my kids: If you can’t laugh at yourself, the whole world stinks. That’s true. Like the man who fell asleep on the couch in his home, and his playful children put a piece of Limburger cheese on his moustache. When he woke up, he smelled something terribly wrong and ran through the house yelling, “Something in this room stinks! No, something in this house stinks!”
Unable to locate the trouble, he went out on the front porch and yelled at the top of his lungs, “This whole world stinks!”
LET’S TALK SOLUTION
Remember that this chapter title is “Replace a Complaining Attitude . . .” Our concern has been to identify the telltale signs of complaining in our lives. Before I hint at the solution, I want to encourage you to continue immediately to the next chapter when you’ve finished reading this one. There we will put into practice an important spiritual principle: Once you empty something, you must fill it with something else. Jesus gave a chilling warning about the fate of someone who had a demon expelled but didn’t fill the house with God’s Spirit (Matthew 12:43–45). The demon returned with friends and made the man’s life worse than before! When we set out to replace a bad attitude, we need to pray and then put a good attitude in its place. You can’t simply put off bad habits and live in a vacuum; you have to put on good ones in their place. Now let’s look for a moment at solution steps. To do so, we need to ask ourselves some soul-searching questions. Ask yourself:
1. Am I a complainer? I challenge you to begin to pray from your heart, “God, am I a complainer?” Complaining is so hard to see in ourselves, especially when it’s reached the habit stage. It’s easy to see in others. When we complain, we say, “I’m just getting things off my chest.” But when other people complain, we’re quick to advise, “You’re not helping anything.” Let me ask you these clarifying questions: What two or three things about your life would you most like to change? Are you complaining about those things verbally or nonverbally? Are you accepting and thankful or resisting and complaining?
2. Am I reaping the consequences of complaining in my relationship with God? Is that the problem? Imagine that God whispered into your heart right now, “I’m listening. I’m listening. I hear everything you say. I hear every thought you think—all of it.” Would that shed a new light on the landscape of our life? If your life lacks joy and a sense of God’s favor and presence . . . if your heart is like a wilderness, it’s your attitudes.
3. Am I willing to repent? Am I willing to turn from that attitude of complaining, acknowledge its wrongness, and ask God to change my attitude? We’ve been in the Old Testament for this lesson, but let’s highlight the good news with these closing thoughts. That good news we celebrate is the message of Jesus Christ. His death provided a way for us to be forgiven and cleansed and have a fresh start in life and in our attitudes. We need only repent—agree with God that our complaints are sin— and choose to turn from complaining and ask His forgiveness.
I realize the above questions may have made you uncomfortable, but we will need to get over that. If you and I are serious about putting the wilderness behind us, we must get serious about why we’re there, and that means answering probing questions at the end of every chapter. Questions like these help us accept responsibility for our attitudes. If you blew off the questions above, please look at them again. And if God reveals complaining as a problem in your life . . . acknowledge it! And then turn from it. Otherwise, expect more wilderness ahead.
In the next chapter I will be talking about the wonderful, positive, life-giving attitude that replaces complaining, but let me take a moment and share a bit of my own struggle in this area.
UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL
On a personal level, complaining has definitely been an issue for me. I’m really thankful to God for a wife who many times has taken me aside and said, “Do you know what? You’re not helping anything. Your complaints are not making anything better.” Then she’ll often say, “We need to stop and pray about this.” I complain about incompetence, I complain about traffic and pressure, and weather and moral decline,and...I can feel the sinful pattern welling up in me even now as I write to you (better stop, ha, ha).
Countless times in years gone by, Kathy and I have sat together while I pray, “God, I’m sorry for my attitude. It’s wrong. I know it’s not pleasing to You. Please forgive my complaining attitude and cleanse my heart.” The Lord has been so faithful to do that. In fact, I encourage you to take a moment and pray right now.
Look Up
Lord, I thank You for Your Word. I thank You that You have revealed Yourself to me as You truly are. Thank You for directing Your holy, righteous anger at my complaining and how that keeps me from You. Thank You, Lord, that You not only love me, but You hate my complaining and the way that it makes my life like a desert.
In this moment, I ask that You would make me very aware of what I say and what I think. Keep the connection strong between how I deal with my circumstances and the joy that I experience. Forgive me for complaining, not just because of how it affects our relationship, but how it affects my relationships with those I love. Give me grace and faith to embrace the trials You allow, knowing what is best for me is always upon Your heart. Please teach me not to complain, and even as I look to this next chapter, teach me to put on the life-giving, joy-producing attitude that goes in its place. I pray this in Jesus’ name. Amen.
CHAPTER 2:
...WITH A THANKFUL ATTITUDE
LUKE 17:11–19
SAY IT IN A SENTENCE:
Thankfulness is the attitude that perfectly displaces my sinful tendency to complain and thereby release joy and blessing into my life.
The hardest part about writing a book on our attitudes is keeping a good one while you’re helping others work on theirs. Be encouraged, thou you’re doing great! You’re through the introduction and the first chapter and ready for more. Great things are ahead if you will press on with a humble, teachable attitude.
In the last chapter, we saw God rain down fire from heaven. And lest we dismiss that action from God as “that was then, this is now,” we also learned from 1 Corinthians 10:1
1 that what happened to them was recorded as an example to us. So the partial statement that summarized the last chapter was “Replace a Complaining Attitude . . .”
We are concluding that statement in this chapter by adding, “. . . With a Thankful Attitude.” We’re going to put off the old attitude of complaining, and put on the new one of thankfulness. In fact, as you will see, thankfulness is the perfect replacement for complaining.
Do you know the story of Christ and the ten lepers—the time that Christ miraculously healed these ten dudes and only one even said thanks? If you ever thought thankfulness was not important to Christ, you were wrong. In fact, He got pretty steamed at the ungrateful ones. Let’s look at the story more closely.
THANKLESSNESS IS NOTHING NEW
“As He entered a village, ten leprous men who stood at a distance met Him; and they raised their voices, saying, ‘Jesus, Master, have mercy on us!’” (Luke 17:12–13).
This is nothing new. Since the beginning of time, humanity has called forth in an unbroken, mighty chorus: “God, do this for me! God, do that for me! God, I need this! God, I need that!” No time for God when things are going well; but in their moment of need, everyone is on their knees. Isn’t it amazing that God in His infinite grace never tires of our fickle, thankless ways? “When He saw them,” verse 14 continues, “He said to them, ‘Go and show yourselves to the priests.’ And as they were going, they were cleansed.”
In the New Testament, leprosy is a broad term that covers a variety of skin diseases which brought pain and suffering and rendered the victim a virtual outcast from society. In order to get back to their families, they had to get approval from the priests, and this is what Jesus commanded them to do. In fact, it wasn’t until they moved in that direction that they were actually healed. It wasn’t until they had walked a fair distance from Christ that they began to say, “Hey! Check me out! I’m completely healed!” “Me too! Look at this; I’m totally cleansed and whole!” All at once, all ten of them were healed; each had received an incredible gift from the Lord.
Lord, Change My Attitude: Before It's Too Late Page 4
