The soft concern in her voice was very hard for Cooper to resist. But he told himself she would be just as worried over any relative or acquaintance. He couldn’t let himself think he was anything special to her. If he did, he was bound to fall into the same heartache she’d dealt him ten years ago.
Emily had been a rancher’s daughter and wife all her life. During that time she’d seen plenty of ups and downs in the cattle market, but she could safely say she’d never seen such pitiful cows at prices so rock bottom it was indecent.
“Dear Lord, Cooper, this is enough to send a small rancher racing to the city to hunt for a desk job,” Emily told him later that day as they watched another sorry lot of mixed breeds being herded into the auction ring.
He gave her a wry little grin. “Well, they are going cheap.”
“I wouldn’t have one sorry hoof of them on the Diamond D,” she insisted.
Cooper had to admit Emily knew her cattle. So far she hadn’t seen a decent one and so far she’d been dead right. Glancing at his watch, he said, “It’s already three o’clock and we haven’t bid on one cow. At this rate, the whole trip over here to Roswell is going to be a dry run.”
Putting her hands against her back, Emily arched and stretched. The movement didn’t go unnoticed by Cooper. For her sake they were going to have to leave soon, whether they’d bought any cattle or not.
“We’re not leaving until we get what we want,” she promised him.
Cooper lifted his hat and ran a hand through his dark hair. Even though there were a few heaters blowing from the ceiling, it was cold in the bleachers around the auction ring and with nothing to support her back, he knew Emily had to be stiff and exhausted. Yet so far the only complaint he’d heard out of her was the condition of the cattle.
“Emily, it’s already going to be late when we get home. You have to be getting tired because I am.”
The weary smile she shot at him went straight to Cooper’s heart.
“I’m okay,” she insisted. “Let’s watch a few more sell before we go. Please?”
For the past three weeks, Cooper had kept a safe distance from Emily. If he’d touched her at all it had only been inadvertently. Yet now he found he couldn’t stop himself from scooting closer and supporting her back with his arm. “If we don’t see a decent cow in thirty minutes, we’re outa here. No arguments.”
“Okay, a half hour,” she agreed, while thinking if he continued to hold her like this, she wouldn’t care if they bought any cows. She needed his closeness, his touch, his strength. With each day that passed, she realized that more and more. Yet she also knew she couldn’t let herself fall in love with him a second time. He would soon be gone, back to his rodeo life. And she’d be here to go on—without him.
Surprisingly, the next herd of cattle into the auction ring was poor, but well-bred. She and Cooper both agreed with a lot of extra care and decent weather the animals would eventually blossom into a profit.
Unfortunately, a few other cattle buyers sitting around the drafty auction barn had the same idea. But to Emily’s surprise, Cooper didn’t back down from the bidding until he got the final drop of the gavel on the whole thirty head.
“Do you think you should have spent that much?” she asked him. “Ten thousand dollars is a lot of money.”
“I have it.”
She frowned at him. “I know you have it. But that’s a great deal of funds to invest in something you’re... well, come spring you won’t even be around to see the cattle.”
Emily brought up his leaving often and Cooper figured it must be on her mind. But hell, it was constantly on his mind, too. He kept asking himself how he was ever going to make himself walk away. And if he couldn’t, how could he ever find the courage to stay.
“I’ll drop in from time to time. And just knowing the ranch is doing better will be enough.”
In other words he wouldn’t necessarily need to see her. Oh well, she thought resignedly, he’d never professed to love her and she’d never expected him to. But it would be nice to know she would at least be...missed.
More than an hour later Cooper had paid for the cattle and arranged for them to be shipped to the Diamond D. They walked out of the auction barn and discovered snow peppering down from a heavy gray sky.
Emily wrapped her woolen scarf around her neck then reached for Cooper’s arm. Now that she’d finally left her seat on the bleachers, she realized she was far more tired than she’d thought.
“I don’t want to slip,” she explained her reason for holding onto him.
Cooper glanced down at her and suddenly felt like a two-inch heel. What sort of man was he to make Emily think she dare not touch him without a practical reason for it? He didn’t want her to think of him as being that cold or distant. He wanted her to lean on him if she needed to. And yet he knew it wasn’t quite that simple, either. It really didn’t matter why Emily touched him. His reaction to her was always the same. He felt an overwhelming need to love and protect her, to never let her go.
“I really think we should get something to eat before we leave town,” he suggested as he helped her into the cab of the pickup truck. “Do you feel up to going to a restaurant?”
She nodded. “I need to eat. I’ll try.”
Cooper drove them to a downtown steak house where a waitress quickly took their order for T-bones. While they waited for the steaks to be cooked, they ate tossed salad and watched the snow collecting on the street outside.
“Maybe we shouldn’t have stopped to eat,” Emily said, her fork paused in midair as she gazed out the plate-glass window. “Much more of this and we’re going to slip and slide all the way home.”
Her face was pale and dark shadows smudged the delicate skin beneath her eyes. The sag of her shoulders told Cooper it was all she could do to remain upright. To put her through the drive back home tonight would be cruel and unnecessary.
“I’ve decided we should stay here in Roswell tonight.”
His announcement jerked her head around. “Stay here? But—”
“You’re too tired to make the trip.”
“I’m not. Anyway, I can lay down in the seat.”
He shook his head. “There’s no point in it when we’re both tired and the roads are slick. I’ll call your dad and ask him to send a wrangler over to feed the livestock for us. We’ll drive home in the morning after we eat breakfast.”
“Cooper, I know this morning I suggested staying here overnight, but that was only because I was bargaining with you. You don’t have to—”
He put up his hand to ward off anything else she planned to say. “Don’t worry about it, Emily. It’s no big deal. I’ve spent ten years in motel rooms. One more night isn’t going to hurt me.”
Deciding it wasn’t anything to make an issue over, she stabbed a forkful of lettuce and smiled at him. “You know, I can’t remember the last time I was away from the ranch overnight. I suppose it was when Mother was sick with the flu and I stayed a couple of nights on the Flying H with her and Dad.” Shrugging, she gave him another tired smile. “I guess this is the first traveling adventure I’ve had in a long time.”
The narrowness of Emily’s life never ceased to amaze Cooper. There was so much she’d never seen or done, so much she’d lost in the last ten years he’d been away. He wished he could give it all to her. All and more. Yet it terrified him to even think of trying. Maybe eventually he could forgive and forget the fact that she’d married Kenneth rather than waiting for him. But then there would always be the baby to remind him.
“Emily, are you all right?”
Dropping her hand back to the tabletop, she blinked her eyes and gave him the brightest smile she could manage. “I’m fine.”
The expression on his face said he wasn’t the least bit convinced. “Something is wrong.”
“I’m just tired.”
A scowl wrinkled his forehead. “I should have never agreed to let you come today. This whole trip has been too much for you.”
Suddenly she wanted to yell, What the hell do you care? What was the point in his show of concern? He didn’t care about the baby. He’d already said as much. And as for her, all Emily could figure was he didn’t want the nuisance of having a sick woman on his hands. The idea shouldn’t bother her, but it did.
“I’m fine,” she repeated.
“Are you having second thoughts about the cattle? About us owning the ranch together? Are you trying to tell me you want out?”
Emily didn’t know how their conversation had grown into this and she was too weary to try to figure it out. “No! I figure one of these days, you’ll want out. And when that time comes I won’t be surprised and I won’t be worried. It’s what I expect of you!”
She was angry with him now, Cooper realized, though he wasn’t exactly sure why. He wasn’t even sure how they’d arrived on the subject of selling the ranch. But he could see he’d obviously taken a wrong turn with her somewhere.
Reaching across the table, he covered her hand with his. “Emily, don’t be upset. In spite of what you think about my staying power, I’m not thinking of selling the ranch or anything of the sort. As far as I’m concerned, I’ll never sell it. I just thought you might like to do accounting again because—” He shook his head. “I look at you and I think there’s so much more you should have out of life.”
“I have everything I need,” she told him. Then before she could stop it, her heart silently added, everything but you, Cooper.
Eventually they found a motel on the east edge of town with a Vacancy sign in the window. Emily waited in the truck while Cooper went into the office. A few minutes later he came back with a key dangling from his fingers. One key.
Emily jerked upright in the pickup seat. “You only rented one room?”
“We were damn lucky to get the one. From what the manager of this place told me, every motel in town is full.
There’s some sort of Christmas festival going on in town over the weekend.”
Well, surely there would be two beds, Emily assured herself. But once they were inside the room, she found herself staring at the one double bed as if it were a jail cell. What had Cooper been thinking? He didn’t want to share a bed with her!
“What’s the matter now?” Cooper asked, glancing over his shoulder at her as he bolted the door lock.
Her eyes wide, she looked around at him. “I’m just wondering which one of us gets the bed.”
“You do, of course. There’s a chair over there in the corner or I’ll get on the-floor.”
Emily wasn’t about to let either of those things happen, but she kept it to herself. She was too tired to argue with him at this point. Later after she’d rested a few minutes, she’d make him see that she wasn’t planning to pounce on him. He would be perfectly safe lying beside her on the mattress.
After making use of the bathroom, Emily sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled off her snow boots. While she’d been out of the room, Cooper had turned on the small television situated on a nearby dresser. Presently a local weatherman was on the screen, predicting at least three to four more inches of snow before the night was over.
“Well, at least we got what we came after,” she commented as she sat on top of the covers.
Seeing she still had her coat on, Cooper crossed the room to a wall furnace and turned it as high as it would go.
“Yeah, we got the cattle,” he agreed. He came back over to the bed and sat down at the head where a phone was located. Once he had Harlan on the other end of the line, he briefly explained the situation, then assured him they would be back home on the Diamond D tomorrow.
After Cooper hung up, Emily asked, “Is he going to send a man over to feed for us?”
“He promised he would.”
She sighed with relief. “Did he say whether it was snowing there?”
“Like a blizzard. He’s glad we’re not trying to drive home in it.”
The heat was beginning to fill the room. Emily pulled off her coat and hung it on a rack fastened to the wall. Cooper left his seat on the bed and wandered restlessly over to the windows.
Pulling back the curtain a fraction, he peered out at the parking lot. Snow was falling thick and fast, collecting on the shrubs and parked vehicles. It was a scene he’d seen a thousand times over in a countless number of towns and cities. Yet tonight was nothing like those he’d spent traveling on the road. Emily was with him. She gave his being here meaning and purpose.
“What are you looking at?” she asked after a moment.
He glanced over at the bed where she was stretched out on her back, her head cushioned with a pillow. “Nothing. Just the snow.”
“Come over here and sit down,” she invited. She knew he had to be tired and the only chair in the room was built for decorative purposes, not for comfort.
“I’ve been sitting all evening. I need to stand up.”
“Don’t be silly. I’m not going to bite you.”
“I wasn’t worried that you were,” he said, then letting the curtain drop, he walked over to the bed and took a seat on the opposite side from her. “Would you like for me to go get you something else to eat? It’s a long time until bedtime.”
She groaned. “I couldn’t eat another bite of anything.” Her eyes swiveled over to him. “But if you want to go out, don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”
He shook his head. “I don’t need to go out.” Everything he wanted was right here, he thought. That was the whole problem. Then he quickly told himself he was being foolish. He’d lived in the same house with Emily now for nearly three months and he’d managed to keep a grip on himself. Just because they were cooped up in a small room together didn’t make things any different. She was the same Emily here as she was there. If he could resist her there, he could do it here.
“You needn’t look so worried, Cooper. I’m not going to try to seduce you.” With a forced little laugh, she patted the mound of her stomach. “I’m hardly in form for it. I’m sure your taste runs to slim young cowgirls.”
Cooper would have thought so, too. He’d certainly seen a lot of them down through the years. And without any conceit on his part, he’d had more than a few make themselves available to him. Yet surprisingly, none of those women had looked as beautiful as Emily did to him at this moment. Even with her swollen belly and fatigue painting shadows on her face, she was the most desirable woman he’d ever seen. How could that be? How could he still want her so badly? He’d loved her. He’d planned on making her his wife. Yet she’d turned to Kenneth while he’d been away. A man shouldn’t want a woman who could forget him that easily, he thought. But he couldn’t seem to stop himself no matter how hard he fought it.
“Don’t be flip, Emily. It isn’t fair to either of us.”
Struck by his words, she studied him for long moments. His face was too stoic to read, yet one thing was obviously clear. He wished he was anywhere but here with her. The knowledge cut her deep.
“Oh, Cooper, don’t be ridiculous. I’m not young anymore and neither are you. We don’t have to put up a pretense with each other.”
His gray eyes focused on her face. “Pretense?”
“Yes,” she answered. Turning onto her side, she propped her head on her bent elbow. As her eyes surveyed his face, she said, “I’m not blind. Right now you’re thinking if you lie down here beside me something will happen between us.”
“Something?”
“Yes. You and me. As we were in the Bar M stables Thanksgiving Day.” She laughed, though the sound was more like a strangled gurgle in her throat than one of amusement. “Well, I’m telling you not to worry. You got the message over to me loud and clear that day. You don’t want me. You have no intentions of starting any sort of relationship with me. I under—”
“Emily, I wish you wouldn’t talk this way,” he interrupted sharply.
“Why? Because hearing the truth bothers you?”
His features twisted into something like a snarl. “Truth
! You don’t know the truth. If you did, you wouldn’t be—” He broke off with a resigned shake of his head. “Forget it! I’m going to find a movie on TV and after we watch it, we’re going to sleep. I’m not going to seduce you and you’re not going to seduce me. And neither of us will feel guilty in the morning!”
Emily could have told him it wouldn’t make her feel a bit guilty if she seduced him. She was a woman after all, with a woman’s needs. Would it be so wrong to take a few minutes pleasure in his arms? she asked herself. But the rational part of her knew making love with Cooper would only make it harder to say goodbye.
The pain was excruciating. It started in her back and radiated around to her sides, then spread over her entire stomach. Yet as terrible as the pain was the fear was far worse. No matter where she looked or turned there was no one there to help her. What was she going to do? Where was Cooper and why had he left her alone?
“Emily, wake up!”
Tortured groans slipped past her parted lips as her head twisted back and forth on the pillow.
“Emily! It’s Cooper. Are you ill?”
His voice penetrated her sleep-induced terror. Slowly she opened her eyes. The room was dark but she could make out the dim outline on his face hovering above hers.
“Oh God. Oh thank God it was only a dream,” she whispered, then clutching his shoulders, she buried her face in the side of his neck.
Tremors shook the length of her body and Cooper instinctively slid his arms around her and gathered her close to him. “Are you sure you were only dreaming? You’re not hurting anywhere?”
Her head moved back and forth against him. “I’m not hurting. I’m shaking because I was so scared.” She tilted her head back in an effort to see his face. Her voice quivered as she began to speak again. “I dreamed I was back home on the ranch and I’d gone into labor...but you had left...there was no one around to help me. The pain was splitting me apart and I didn’t know what to do.”
The Rancher's Blessed Event Page 12
