Distracted by her words, he looked at her curiously. “You’ve been thinking about what?”
“About hiring another man to help you on the ranch. I know we don’t necessarily have the money to pay anyone wages, but we would—if I went back to work.”
Cooper was astounded. “Back to work? Emily, you have a baby now. For Pete’s sake this isn’t the time to be taking on a job!”
She quickly shook her head. “Not an outside job. But for this first year of little Harlan Cooper’s life I’m going to be pretty much tied to the house. I can easily do accounts for people while I watch the baby. It would give us the extra money to hire a wrangler and then you wouldn’t have to work so hard.”
That she was willing to do such a thing was incredible to Cooper. Especially when he knew how long she’d hoped and dreamed of having a child. Now her dream had finally come true, yet she was willing to sacrifice a part of her time to make life better for him. Oh God, he had to get out of here before he crumbled, before he began to think it was his right to stay and make a family with her and the baby.
“Emily, it’s kind of you to offer, but I believe you’ll be plenty busy taking care of your son. Besides...I’m not...going to be on the ranch anymore. After today.”
Cooper might as well have slapped her. She stared at him in stunned silence for so long that he was finally forced to look away and swallow at the bitter lump in his throat.
“Oh,” she said quietly.
He gave her one stiff nod of his head. “I’ve already hired a man to take care of the ranch. In fact, he’s already there now. Your father had suggested him for the job before, so I know he’ll be trustworthy. And he’s likable, too. He and his family live in Hondo, so he’ll be driving back and forth every day to the Diamond D.”
Emily’s gaze dropped to the blanket covering her bed. Since the first night she’d found Cooper in the barn, she’d known he would be leaving. She’d told herself over and over to get prepared to say goodbye to him. Because Cooper Dunn wasn’t a staying sort of man. But her heart hadn’t listened to logic. The longer he’d stayed, the more she’d wanted to believe it would be forever. What a fool she’d been!
“I see. So...uh—” She forced herself to look up at him and smile as though nothing was wrong while inside she was really dying. “I guess you’re going back to rodeo?”
Cooper wasn’t going back to rodeo. He’d had enough of that fast, rough and tumble life. But he wasn’t going to tell Emily his decision just now. He figured it would be best to let her think he was leaving to get back to his career, not to get away from her.
“Well, San Antonio is coming up this next week and it’s one of the biggest rodeos of the year.”
The pain in her chest was so terrible she could hardly breathe. “You certainly wouldn’t want to miss it. I guess it’s a good thing little Harlan decided to make an early appearance.”
“Oh, Emily—”
There was a slight break in his voice and as she studied his dark face it dawned on her that his leaving was hurting him almost as much as it was her.
“Don’t feel badly, Cooper. You’ve told me all along you’d be leaving after the baby arrived. I didn’t realize you meant so soon afterward, but that’s okay. I’ll be fine. We’ll both be fine.”
He tried his best to appear cheerful, but he’d never been much of an actor and the way he felt it would have taken an Academy Award performance to hide his misery.
“Of course you’ll be fine,” he told her. “And I’ll be calling from time to time and sending money.”
Emily didn’t want his money. Nor would she use it for herself or the baby. But she wasn’t going to argue the issue with him now. She didn’t want to waste these last precious moments. Later, she’d put the money in a savings account and figure out what to do with it. But first she had to figure out how to stop this tearing pain in her heart.
“I...hope you’ll be careful. I’m not keen on the idea of your climbing on those rank horses. But...I know it’s your job and you love it.”
He didn’t love riding broncs. He loved her. But his feelings didn’t matter. They couldn’t matter.
“Don’t worry about me, Emily. I’m like a cat, I always land on my feet.”
Emily wanted to grab his arm and tug him down to her. She wanted to grip the back of his neck, whisper in his ear how much she needed him. How much she loved him. But she’d hardly kept her feelings a secret from him. She’d told him in a thousand ways what he meant to her. To go into it again now would only make things unbearably awkward for the both of them.
“I hope you’re right.” She forced her eyes up at him, but his gaze was on the windows and the falling snow. “Are you already packed and ready to go?”
He nodded, then looked down at her. “Yeah. And the weather back toward Texas is clearing, so I’ll probably be out of the snow by this afternoon.”
He was heading to San Antonio. But where then? she wondered. Other than the Diamond D, he had no home to go to when he was tired and lonely. His life would consist of the road, motels and bucking chutes. He wanted those things more than her and the baby. The whole idea was crushing her.
“Will you go down to the nursery and look at Harlan Cooper before you leave?”
The thought of saying goodbye to the little fella again tore at Cooper’s heart, but he could see how important it was to her. He’d let her down so many times and his leaving now was probably the biggest disappointment he’d ever given her. Seeing the baby one last time was the least he could do for her.
“Yes. I will.”
She tried to smile but her lips were trembling so badly she barely managed a faint grin.
Cooper couldn’t stand another minute. He leaned down and pressed a brief kiss on her cheek, then headed toward the door. Yet the call of his name stopped him and he was forced to look back at her one more time.
“I just want you to remember the Diamond D will always be your home,” she said lowly. “If you ever feel the need to come back...it will be waiting for you. And so will I.”
Even with the snowplows out working, the highways were treacherous leading away from Ruidoso. For the past thirty minutes Cooper had been forced to little more than a crawl, but he’d hardly noticed he’d only managed to travel ten miles.
Whether he was going fast or slow, the result was still the same. He was leaving Emily. Again. Was he crazy? Was there something lacking in him? Why couldn’t he sink down roots and say Emily was his woman and Harlan Cooper was his son?
Everything inside of Cooper was screaming for him to turn around and go back to her. But each time the notion to put his boot on the brakes came into his head, another part of him hollered whoa.
He wasn’t a family man. He didn’t know anything about it. And Emily had already been put through enough hell by the Dunn men. If she knew what was good for her, she’d never want to see him again.
With him out of the way, he reasoned with himself, she could find herself a strong man, one that would be a good father to her son. Hell, Cooper didn’t know anything about being a daddy. He’d barely had one himself. Little Harlan deserved better. Much better. He wanted the boy to know how much he was loved and that the Diamond D would always be his home for as long as he wanted.
But would the next man Emily found do all that for the boy? Would the next man even give a damn about the ranch?
Groaning inwardly, Cooper gripped the steering wheel even tighter. Dear God, he didn’t want to think of Emily with some other man. She was meant to be his. The baby was meant to be his.
Your brother and your father are gone now. You’re a grown man, free to make your own choices.
Pulling to the side of the road, he stared out at the distant, snow capped mountains. This high desert country was where he’d grown up and where he’d called home. He’d left it because he’d had no choice. His brother had virtually shut him out of the ranch. Though he hadn’t been able to see it then, he could now. He’d been slowly exorcised of
his home and the woman he loved. Maybe Cooper had let it happen. Or maybe he hadn’t realized just what a manipulator Kenneth had been.
Whatever the case, Cooper had been blessed with another chance to claim what was justly his. He had a choice this time. And this time the choice he made had to be right.
When Rose returned to her daughter’s room after lunch, she found Emily in the bathroom trying to wash tearstains from her face.
“Emily! What’s wrong? Are you in pain? I’ll call Dr. Bellamy.”
The older woman quickly turned to leave the room. Emily managed to catch her by the shoulder.
“No. Don’t bother the doctor. I’m all right.”
Frowning with disbelief, Rose took her by the arm and led her slowly back over to the bed.
Once Emily was sitting on the side of the mattress, Rose said, “You’re not all right. You look awful.”
Emily sniffed and reached for a tissue on the bedside table. “I know I do. I shouldn’t have cried. But I... couldn’t help it.”
Her voice broke on the last few words and she began to sob all over again. Rose made a tsking noise with her tongue.
“I want you to answer me two things. Do you need medical attention?”
“No.”
“Is the baby okay?”
“Yes. As far as I know, he’s fine.”
Rose breathed with relief. “Then why all this crying as if the world is ending? Are you feeling lost because you can’t feel the baby moving inside you anymore? I know that happens to a lot of women after they give birth. It happened to me after your brother Ethan was born.”
Emily shook her head. If only it were that simple, she thought miserably. “No. It’s not that. It’s...Cooper. He’s left.”
Rose chuckled softly. “Well, darling, you can’t expect him to sit around a hospital room with you all day. Men like him and your daddy just aren’t equipped for it. I’m sure he had lots to do back at the ranch.”
“Oh, Mother!” she wailed. “I mean he’s left Lincoln County. And he’s not coming back. At least probably not for a long time.”
As Rose digested this news, she quietly regarded her daughter’s face. “And why did he leave? Did he tell you?”
Emily shrugged. “Ever since he first came back, he told me he’d be leaving eventually. He says he can’t be a husband and father. He’s gone back to rodeo. Damn it!” She blew her nose, then sniffed again. “Those horses are going to kill him! He’s going to wind up just like his brother.”
Rose shook her head with solemn conviction. “No. Cooper will never be like Kenneth. Thank God.”
Emily’s bent head lifted and she studied her mother for long moments. “Why do you say it like that?”
“Because the two men were never anything alike.”
“That’s true,” Emily mumbled after a moment. “Kenneth never wanted to leave the Diamond D and Cooper never wanted to stay on it.”
Rose said thoughtfully, “Perhaps Cooper had to leave for financial reasons, Emily. After all, none of us are made of money and Cooper has sunk several thousand into the ranch these past few months without getting anything in return. He probably needs a paycheck or two and was too full of pride to admit it to you.”
Emily groaned. Her mother was always so sensible and practical. And Emily had always tried very hard to follow her example. Rose had always been a beautiful goddess of a woman plus she was blessed with common sense and gentle ways. But this was one time Rose’s optimistic belief in people was pure bull.
“Mother, Cooper didn’t leave because he was in need of money. He left because little Harlan finally got here and he could go on his way without worrying about me being pregnant and alone on the ranch.”
Rose smiled and then her smile turned into soft laughter. “Oh, daughter dear, you sound so silly. Do you hear what you’re saying?”
“Yes!” she exclaimed as a spurt of anger shot through her. “Cooper shot out of here like a cat with a scalded tail. He couldn’t wait to leave us!”
“Could be he thought you wanted him to go.”
Staring with disbelief at her mother, she exclaimed, “He knew better! I asked him to stay.”
“You said those very words to him today? You said, Cooper, I love you and I want you to stay on the ranch with me and the baby?”
Emily’s cheeks flamed scarlet. “Well, not exactly like that. I mean, I didn’t ask him to stay today. I could see he’d already made up his mind to go. What was I supposed to do, beg?”
Rose’s expression turned admonishing. “I hope you did remind him how you feel about him.” When Emily failed to respond, Rose grasped her daughter by the shoulder. “Emily, you did tell him you loved him?”
Emily gave her one miserable shake of her head. “No. Do you think it would have made a difference?”
Rose nodded gravely. “Sometimes it makes all the difference in the world. It did when your daddy said it to me.”
Emily jumped up from the bedside, but immediately groped for a handhold as dizziness turned the room into a whirling kaleidoscope.
Rose quickly grabbed her daughter by the arm. “Emily, are you deliberately trying to hurt yourself? You can’t be moving around that quickly. Before you realize what’s happened you’ll be on the floor in a dead faint.”
“I...have to go after him, Mother. I have to tell him, really tell him how I feel.”
“Darling, you’ve just had a baby! You can’t go running off anywhere.”
“Then you have to send Daddy after him. Please, Mother! Go call him and tell him. Maybe he can intercept him on highway 70 before he gets to Roswell. Cooper is going to San Antonio. That’s the route he’ll probably take.”
Rose pressed her daughter back onto the bed. “Okay, I’ll go call your daddy. But you first have to promise to calm down.”
Emily breathed in deeply and nodded. “I will. I know I’m acting a bit hysterical, but, Mother...I love the man so. I don’t want to live for ten more years without him!”
Rose patted her daughter’s cheek. “You won’t have to. My father was a gambling man. And if I were like him, right now I’d bet the Bar M that Cooper will be back soon. Probably before the night is over.”
Emily wearily closed her eyes. “Then you’d lose the family ranch.”
Rose was about to reply when she was interrupted by a knock on the door. She crossed the small room to open it, then seeing who was standing on the other side, she turned and gave her daughter a broad smile.
“No. I haven’t lost the family ranch. I think I’ve just gained a son-in-law.”
With the caller still partially hidden behind the door, Emily frowned irritably at her mother. “What are you talking about?”
She waved a dismissive hand at Emily. “I’m going down to the cafeteria for pie and coffee.”
“You just had lunch! Are you...” Rose disappeared around the door, then Emily’s jaws suddenly went slack and her heart began to chug with the speed of a runaway locomotive.
“Cooper,” she breathed.
Without a word he walked to her bed and it was then she realized he was holding more than just his hat in his hands. He handed her a single red rose, its long stern wrapped in cellophane.
As she looked at the perfectly formed petals, her throat filled with such a ball of emotion she couldn’t speak.
“I know the rose is a little late in coming,” he said gently. “A whole lot late. But I hope it will still mean something to you.”
She looked up at him and her eyes welled with tears. “I don’t understand, Coop. What does it mean? Why are you here?”
He sat down beside her and she was suddenly so overwhelmed with his closeness and the look of longing on his face that tears fell from her eyes and she dropped her forehead against his chest.
“Oh, darling! Emily, don’t cry,” he whispered as his hand made gentle circles on her back. “I didn’t come back to make you cry.”
Emily tilted her head up at him. “Why did you come back?”
“Because it’s where I belong.”
The unexpectedness of his words dried her tears. “What about your rodeo life? Don’t you want to get back to it?”
Cooper shook his head, then circling his arms around her, he pulled her close against him.
“I haven’t needed the sport for a long time now. I only kept doing it because it was all I had.”
Her wet eyes searched his and suddenly she could see what a lonely life he’d lived these past years he’d been away. She wanted desperately to make up for all he’d lost, to fill his days and nights with love. “I’m so glad you came back, Cooper.”
With his thumb and forefinger holding her chin, his gaze continued to probe her face. “Are you really, Emily? I’ve been so...blind and crazy. How can you trust me now? I left you once before and today—”
Shaking her head, she placed her fingertips against his lips. “Cooper, it’s time you realized how much I love you. I regret all those years we missed being together, but I want you to know I’ll never blame you for them. I’ll never throw them in your face. Please believe that, Coop.”
Doubt filled his gray eyes. “When I first came back you hated me.”
“I don’t know that I hated you. I don’t know that I could hate anyone. I like to think I’m like my mother, Rose. She doesn’t have the capability to hate anyone. But when you first came back I hurt every time I looked at you. All those years I’d believed you had deserted me. That you had just used me for your own amusement.”
Cooper groaned as he imagined how hurt and betrayed she must have felt. “And when did you finally decide it hadn’t really been that way?”
“Little by little I began to think I might have been wrong. But until Daddy opened my eyes I don’t think I fully realized exactly what had happened back then.”
Curious now, he straightened her away from him but still held firmly to her shoulders. “Your father? He talked to you about us?”
She nodded. “My father and I talk about everything. And he’s never guided me wrong. He said that...” Clutching the rose in one hand, she reached for his hand with her free one. “You won’t get angry if I tell you?”
The Rancher's Blessed Event Page 17
