by Jade Taylor
He guided her on to the cot and covered her body with his. The suffocating weight took her breath away. As if they were one person and he knew her thoughts and needs, Jackson moved, lifted his body a bit to the side so he had one leg between hers and rested his elbows on either side of her shoulders. He pinned her with his torso, but took the brunt of his weight on his powerful forearms. Looking up into his face, able to make out only the dim outlines of his cheekbones and the glitter of his eyes, she tried to keep a clear mind, but as his lips descended onto hers again, she became caught in the moment.
His lips no longer punished, changing to a different tactic. Teasing, light, quick kisses that covered her face. Sweet touches of his lips on hers, on her cheek, on the smooth skin between eye and brow, against her ear, the moist touch sending hot waves of electricity to her core.
Impossible to think, impossible to resist. Cat turned her head to follow his teasing lips, seeking to capture them again. Mindless, sightless, helpless against the passion that surged in her body like a gathering storm. She moaned softly.
“Oh, my Catherine, my sweet, sweet Cat. You don’t know how badly I’ve wanted to do this. To touch you, to kiss you, to hold you.”
“Jackson, please…” She wasn’t sure what she was begging for, but he seemed to know. He covered her lips with his, teased her mouth open and then plunged into her with his tongue, sweeping her mouth, tasting her.
Every inch of his body covered her. The raw scrape of his stubbled beard against her cheek and lips, the molded strength of his forearms pressing against the side of her breasts, the ridged muscles of his chest against her breasts. More than these sensations, the hard length of his erection against her focused her desire. Beyond thinking, beyond caring, Cat struggled against him, not to push him away, but to get closer. Closer. Past the thin, artificial barrier of clothing.
She called his name and then, her voice strained, whispered, “I don’t recall your shirt having this many buttons before.” A button popped off as she pushed his shirt up and inserted her hands into the warm cavity created between the shirt and his back. His skin against the palm of her hand glowed fever-hot with the same desire that pulsed in her. As if he sensed the inevitability of what must come next and struggled against it as she had, she felt him pull away.
“Cat, we can’t. We can’t. I want you so much I can’t see straight, but we shouldn’t do this.” His breath came in hurried gasps as he whispered the warning against her lips.
“Do you know how many nights I’ve slept alone and dreamed about you? How many days I’ve spent wanting you? How many times I’ve cried myself to sleep because you weren’t with me?”
“Are you sure this is what you want? Sweet love, I don’t want you ever to be hurt by me again.”
“I’ve hurt you far worse. Can you ever forgive me for what I denied you? A relationship with Joey that should have started the day she was born.”
“I forgive you, Cat. I think I stopped blaming you pretty quickly, but I was so mad at myself that accusing you was the only way I could hide from my own guilt. I knew I’d hurt you terribly when I joined the Marines and didn’t think twice about the consequences of that night at Needle Rock.”
“Jackson, I love you. I always will. Do you know what will hurt me more than anything else?”
“What?”
“If I can’t hold you, even if it’s just for one night. I’ve loved you since I was fourteen. I think I’ll still love you if I live to be a hundred and fourteen.”
He kissed the corner of her mouth and his words slipped into her. “I love you, too. I always have, even when I didn’t know it.”
“I always knew.”
“Cat, I don’t deserve you. How can you want me after I hurt you?”
“It’s the most right thing that’s happened to me since…before.”
Remorse roughened his voice. “Oh Cat, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for leaving you.”
She cradled his head in both hands. “Hush, Jackson. It was my fault.”
“Mine.”
She laughed, her lips close to his throat so she could feel each hurried heartbeat. “It was both our faults…or nobody’s. Forget the past, Jackson. There’s only now.”
“I don’t want to hurt you again. I have protection. Just a minute.” He struggled out of her grasp and reached for his wallet.
Later, after he’d removed her clothes and his, he hesitated again, but she whispered the old taunt. “I dare you.” He laughed and gave in. She pulled him closer, and in the small, narrow cot, time stopped, then reversed itself. Cat was eighteen again, on a spring-cool, moonlit night with a red-haired boy who excited her beyond caring. Wild roses and bright stars surrounded them. Moonlight danced in her memory and the heady rush of passion drowned her doubts.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
CAT AND JACKSON LAY on the narrow cot, so closely entangled she wondered if he felt as she did—that it was impossible to get close enough. Maybe he did, for his whispered words soothed the hurt of the alone years.
“I hate myself for leaving you when you needed me most. I hate the years without you.”
“Hush. It’s over now. We’re together.”
His lips touched her ear as he whispered his regrets, sending tendrils of moist warmth from her ear to her chest, which seemed unable to hold so much happiness. It spilled over to the rest of her, leaving her warm and relaxed. Even so, an uneasy feeling that this interlude must end disturbed her mood. Jackson seemed completely unaware that anything could disrupt their pleasure.
“You worked so hard to give our daughter a home. I could see the worry in your face every time we met and never guessed all your problems were because of me. I wanted to help, but didn’t know how.”
She put a finger to his mouth, traced the compelling lip line. “Jackson, don’t blame yourself.”
He kissed the fingertip, then stroked her hip, his hand rough with new calluses. “Getting to you was difficult. You pushed me away so hard when I came home. That first day, when I saw you in town, taller than I remembered, too thin, staring at me, I felt as if I’d been hit by a truck. Your green eyes mesmerized me from across the street. I came racing over to you, eager to touch you again and you were as cool as a stranger.”
“I remember, too. You kept those feelings to yourself, you know. You didn’t show much of anything except a reluctance to be back in Engerville.”
“I was hiding my emotions. I wouldn’t even let myself know how I felt seeing you standing there. All along, you were the reason my heart did flip-flops. I thought my fear of facing Pop again caused that upside-down feeling.”
Cat’s hand wandered over the broad, flat muscles of his chest, smoothing his bicep, trailing down his ribs and back to his shoulder, down his arm to his hand, twining her fingers with his. “I was afraid you’d find out about Joey. When you didn’t come by, I was afraid you wouldn’t find out about her. My feelings were all mixed up. I didn’t want you around, because you might guess about Joey, but a part of me wanted you to know the truth. Knowing you were so close tortured me. I didn’t want to be alone again after you left.” She sighed.
Jackson touched his lips to the place where her neck joined the shoulder and nipped at the smooth skin, mumbling his words against her. “I fought your attraction as long as I could. I swear I did. I didn’t want to hint that I’d stay just to get close to you, when all along I knew I’d leave. Then that first morning I walked over, I didn’t even ask myself why, since, deep down, I knew. The answer scared me, but I couldn’t stay away.”
The outside of Cat’s stomach benefited from the warmth of Jackson’s body. The inside shivered with apprehension. “Do you think your father knows?”
“About Joey or about us?”
“Joey, of course.” In the darkness, she smiled against his throat. “I guess that includes us.”
He shifted his weight so he was lying more on his side. “Not much room here, is there? Not that I’m complaining, my sweet Catherine.” He ki
ssed her lips, lingering over the taste. “I don’t know, Cat. He’s a sneaky old man. I thought maybe he knew something I didn’t. The way he pushed me out…that isn’t like him. Pop won’t give an inch when he knows he’s right, but he’s always been fair. I wonder….”
“What?” She stroked the spiky softness of hair above his ear. It was heaven to be so close, to touch him without stopping to consider how much of her emotions she’d reveal. A part of her wondered how long this particular piece of heaven would last. How long before Jackson realized that nothing had changed? How long before he realized he was right back where he started from—wanting her, but hating Engerville.
He propped himself on one elbow, so he could look down at her, though the darkness hid all but a bare outline. “Maybe he did it on purpose, so we’d get together. Am I imagining things or is that possible?”
Cat hesitated, thinking about Will, picturing him in her mind’s eye. Tall, like Jackson, but leaner, graying strands mixed in with the red curls. As compelling as Jackson in his own way. Shrewder? Maybe. “It’s possible, I suppose. That would mean he knows.”
“Yeah, that sneaky son of—” Jackson snorted, half amused, half angry. “He’s a sharp one, Pop is.”
Cat heard the reassuring sound of RugRat neighing softly. One of the fillies answered his inquiry and the colt settled down again. She trailed a finger along Jackson’s arm, skin smooth and hot to her touch, then whispered, “Will used to bring Joey little things on those Sundays when we went to church. You know, nothing big, just toys like Polly Pockets. You wouldn’t expect him to think of those, but he did. Your mom did, too, only she almost always brought cute little-girl clothes while your dad would give Joey things to play with. I used to wonder if they’d guessed.”
“Why didn’t you tell them?”
“Same reason I gave you before. I didn’t want you pressured into coming back and living in Engerville. When your mom died, I went through agonies of guilt over not telling her. She never knew Joey was her granddaughter.”
“I used to get a letter from her every couple of weeks. I miss her more than I ever thought possible.” He shifted his weight, pulling her chin closer to his neck. “Strange she never mentioned you’d had a baby, but then she never mentioned too much beyond how she wanted me to make up with the old man. I wish I’d been a little smarter while she was alive. It would have meant a great deal to her to see me and Pop friends again. Second thoughts always come too late, don’t they?”
“I hope she knew. Maybe you could ask your father. When you make up with him, I mean.”
“I will. He’s going to give me a lecture about responsibility, but for once, I agree with him.”
“I’m sorry.”
His voice dropped an octave with raw emotion. “Hush! Don’t say you’re sorry again. I love you and it was my fault you got pregnant.”
“Don’t say that, Marine. I demand my fair share of the blame.”
“Cat, my Wild Cat who isn’t very wild at all. You see, I do know you better than you think I do. You were never as daring as you pretended. I admired you for your courage. Most of our crowd didn’t have sense enough to be scared at some of our escapades, but you did. Why did you hang with us?”
Amused, Cat let a giggle slip free. “I might as well be truthful. I was trying to keep up with you. You were the daydreams of half the girls in the senior class, you know. Red hair and broad shoulders and that grin—you were always smiling. I used to wish Roy would find someone else. Rebeka, too. Heck, I even hoped they’d discover each other.”
He dipped his head and nibbled on her shoulder. “I wish I’d known you liked me.”
His soft chuckle tickled her. “What good would that have done? You were crazy about Rebeka’s blond hair and googoo eyes.”
“Googoo eyes?”
Cat shoved at his chest, not too gently. “Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. Those big brown eyes of hers had you in a tailspin.”
He planted a moist kiss in her ear. “That was then. This is now.”
“What does that mean?”
He raised up until he could stare down into her eyes. “Do you know how many times I’ve dreamed about making love to you?”
“Tell me.”
“Almost every night since I’ve been home. A thousand times since I’ve been gone from Engerville.”
“Me, too. I missed you so much.”
“Sweet Cat, was there never anybody else?”
She hesitated, then shook her head. “No. Just you. I ought to leave you wondering, but I’d rather you know the truth. I can’t imagine me with anybody but you. I’ll never lie to you again, Jackson.”
“I’ll always believe you. I promise. I ought to be sorry that you were lonely, and instead, I’m glad nobody else ever knew you like this.”
“I went out with Roy a few times, after Joey was born, but it was never the same as before. She always stood between us and he kept wanting to ask who the father was. I could practically see it on the tip of his tongue. ‘Who, Cat? Who’s the father? And why wasn’t it me?’ After a few dates, I started telling him I couldn’t leave Joey with Dad anymore. I think he was glad. Sometimes I got the feeling he only called me out of pity.”
“Poor Cat. I’m sorry, sweetheart.”
“Don’t be. I was happier than I’d ever been. I had my own little girl to love and I could see her resemblance to you from the start. In a crazy kind of way, it made up for losing you.”
His arms tightened around her.
Her voice dropped to a whisper. “And you? There must have been others.”
Jackson pulled her closer. “I’d like to change the past, but it can’t be done. Not that often and not that many, but yes, there were other women.”
A knot in her throat made her reply low and husky. “You’re a Marine. I didn’t expect you to remain celibate.”
“Don’t blame it on the Marines. I was young and foolish. Maybe not as much as some of the guys, but that’s hardly a Good Conduct Award. One night affairs, most of them. Nothing promised or expected on either side. There was a female Marine I met at Quantico.”
“Did you love her?”
“She was special. About as tall as you, with brown hair, brown eyes and a great smile. We talked about it, but neither of us really wanted marriage. She was a tough, independent person, an MP. She wanted to stay independent. I guess I did, too. We were together nearly a year, then she transferred to Washington, D.C.”
How could she expect him to remain alone for so long? I can’t complain, she thought. I didn’t tell him about Joey. He had no reason to be alone.
“What was she like? I want to know what kind of woman you loved.” The one you loved while I was alone, she thought. A flicker of resentment resisted her efforts to subdue it.
“If Alisa and I had loved each other, we’d never have broken up. As it is, she left the Marines and went to work for the NSA. Later, I heard a senator had been assigned an ex-marine as a bodyguard. A female Marine. I knew that was Alisa.” He sighed, touched her throat with a tentative hand and whispered, “If you mean love with a capital L, there’s only been one. You.”
“Can’t you say the same about us? That if we’d really loved each other, we’d never have parted?”
“No, because neither of us knew what love was when it happened.”
“Is this love?”
“I swear to you, on my honor as a Marine and as Joey’s father, that if this isn’t love, there’s no such thing. And I know love exists.”
“I love you,” Cat whispered.
“I love you, too.” His lips brushed hers. “Can you ever forgive me?”
“Jackson, don’t feel guilty. You wouldn’t have abandoned me. I know that now.”
His grip on her tightened. “I’ll never leave you.”
“If you put your hand there again, you won’t be able to leave. I won’t let you.”
“Like this?”
“Oh, Jackson. I’ve wanted you so
badly for so long.”
“You have me now.”
A horse stamped restlessly. Jackson shifted and pulled her on top of him. His restless hands swept down her back and over her hips. His mouth trailed tingling caresses across her shoulder. The feel of his lips tugging at her breast erased all thought. She whispered his name.
She’d thought the second time would be slower, calmer. It wasn’t. Their fever flared like a brushfire in the spring. There was no containing the heat. It raced out of control. In a brief moment, a fierce climax claimed them both.
Afterward, she lay on his chest, her limbs so weak she could barely move. Finally, she gathered enough energy to whisper her most compelling need. “Water, please. I’m too weak to move.”
He laughed, a deep, delicious sound that warmed her more than the close air in the tiny room.
“I have a six-pack of room-temperature Coke under the cot. Will that do?”
She blew out a breath of air. “I need the sugar. My energy level is very low.”
Against her cheek, she felt his smile. “We can’t have that. If you’ll quit pinning me down, I’ll get up and get you a Coke.”
She wiggled. “I’m not sure I want it that badly.”
“Come on, woman. You’ll cripple me.”
She raised her head and tried to see his face. “Is the tough Marine begging for mercy?”
“No way. Marines don’t give up.”
“Well, then.”
“Sometimes we withdraw so we can attack again later. It’s called a strategic retreat.”
“A strategic retreat, huh? I’ll have to remember that.” She rolled into the meager space between his body and the wall.
He eased off the cot and stood. Under the narrow bed, he found a single can of Coke. “We’ll have to share.”
“Okay.”
“It’s stifling in here. I should have turned on the fan. Want to go outside for a walk?”
“Now?”
“Why not? There’s a moon, so it’ll be plenty light enough. And we can cool off.”
