by Jade Taylor
He bit his lip with the urgent need to hold back until she spasmed and her body jerked. Her movement finished him. The whole episode took about three minutes. Then he had to help her get herself together before Joey decided to come see what the big bad Daddy was doing to Mommy.
“Cat, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for that to happen. I swear to God I didn’t.”
She peeped at him from behind her curtain of black hair. “Honestly, you have a complex. You aren’t responsible for everything that happens, you know?”
He shrugged, his knees still feeling as if she’d wiped them out with a sledgehammer. “You do things to me. I touch you and my brain goes into hibernation and my body revs up like an eighteen-wheeler. I owe you a hell of a lot more respect than I just showed.”
She glared at him. “Jackson, you’re going to make me angry. Respect had absolutely nothing to do with what just happened. It wasn’t even about love. It was need, pure and simple. I needed you and you needed me. We were reckless messing around with Joey so close. We got away with it this time, and next time we’ll be more careful. Nothing happened that I didn’t want. Not today, not yesterday and certainly not nine years ago. I participated willingly. So knock off the guilty bit, okay?”
He pulled her back into his arms, pushing her head down against his chest, then just rocked her against him quietly for several minutes. Finally, he spoke. “You feel so damn good, Cat. Like you belong right here for all eternity.”
She turned her head so her lips were against his chest. “I can’t get enough of touching you. I feel like I’ve been on a diet for years. Now there’s a feast in front of me and I can’t help reaching out.”
“Me, too. I love you more than it’s possible to tell. I wish I could make you understand exactly how much I want you.”
“I think I know that.”
“I don’t mean physically. That, too, but that’s not all of it.” He threw his head back until he was staring at the high loft, then looked back to her, feeling the heat of her body against his, the shape of her breast against his arm, her hair where it touched the back of his hand as he cupped her neck. He sighed deeply. “I felt like a puzzle with a missing part until I came back here.” He darted a quick kiss to her ear. “You were the missing part.”
She kissed his chest where the top two buttons had come undone. This time he decided he’d keep his animal instincts reined in. He couldn’t go around jumping her bones every time she looked his way or touched him. Even if that’s exactly what he wanted to do.
Instead he raised her face, dropped a tender kiss on her lips and said, “I figured we could get married this weekend, but why wait? Why don’t me and you and Joey drive up to Fargo today and do the paperwork thing? Luke will feed the horses while we’re gone, won’t he? We can enjoy a few days of relaxation and get married as soon as possible. What’s the waiting period? Three days?”
Cat pulled back. “Slow down, Marine! I never said I’d marry you.”
He couldn’t help the sullen note that crept into his voice. “You’re going to, so don’t mess with my mind, Cat.”
“If you had a mind to mess with, I might try it. Now look at me. No, I mean it. I want to marry you—”
“Well, then, it’s settled. If today is too soon for you, we’ll—”
“Let me finish, please. I said I want to marry you, and I do. You don’t love me a smidgen more than I love you. Trouble is, we can’t. It won’t work.”
“We already settled that. I’m staying.”
“I love you. I believe you love me, but we’ve got a problem and you know it as well as I do. Try to make me believe you haven’t already had second thoughts. Go ahead. I’m listening.”
Jackson slid his hands up her arms and let them rest on her shoulders. He looked straight into her eyes, considered lying, rejected that alternative and decided not to tell her the truth. Not to lie, just not tell the truth. He had to convince her. He had to. “Cat, I’m not leaving. Period. End of conversation.”
A soft look stole over her face. A wanting touched her eyes for a moment, then vanished. “Jackson, you’ll end up a bitter old man, knowing you lost your dream the very day you slipped a ring on my finger. I won’t live with you in Engerville and I can’t go to Seattle. That pretty much settles it.”
He grabbed her and crushed her body against his. “Cat, don’t say that! Please! I just want to love you and Joey. I can live with anything else.”
She pushed against his chest, freeing a small space between them. “Jackson, I want you to stay here. I love you. I think I loved you the same day my dad and I came to live on this farm. Remember? You rode over on that scrubby-looking pinto pony, looking like the shining knight in one of my books. You had more freckles then, I think. Do you remember?”
“I remember. I wanted to find out what the new neighbors were like. You were all long legs and big green eyes. When I got home, I told Cassidy the new neighbors didn’t have any boys for her, but there was a nice-looking girl who’d do for me.”
“You didn’t!”
He nodded. “I was only teasing Cassidy at the time, but those words were prophetic. You’ll do for me.”
“Thanks, Marine,” she said, her misty eyes laughing at him.
He hugged her. “I won’t let you go out of my life again. I mean it.”
“We’ll try, Jackson. I promise. We’ll try.”
LATER, CAT PREPARED a simple lunch of cold cheese sandwiches with a fresh garden salad and iced tea. Joey pushed her salad around, but ate the cheese sandwich with gusto. Jackson’s glance kept going back to his daughter. Except for the hint of auburn in her hair and the two freckles on her nose, she looked nothing like him. Just as well, he thought. Red hair looked okay on Cassidy, but generally speaking, he preferred sea-green eyes and smoky, midnight hair.
“Joey, we’ve taken care of the horses. Let’s you and me play hooky this afternoon. I’d like to take you deer hunting.”
Cat interrupted. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Jackson. It isn’t even hunting season and Joey hates to see animals hurt.”
“I wouldn’t kill a deer,” Joey said, scornfully. “That would be mean.”
“I said deer hunting, not deer killing.”
“Isn’t it the same?” Joey asked.
“Doesn’t have to be. Look at this.” Jackson pulled a small disposable camera from his shirt pocket. “We’ll bag our deer without putting a scratch on them.”
Joey’s eyes lit up. “Can I take the pictures?”
“Sure you can, Short Stuff. Is it okay, Cat?”
“Would it matter if I said no? Eat your salad, Joey, and you can go deer hunting with Jackson. It will give me a chance to sort those beads that arrived yesterday. I’ve been anxious for a chance to get at them.”
“Something special?” Jackson asked.
“Uh-huh. I ordered a dozen blue Chinese porcelain beads for a necklace Werner Hawkins at Beads Are Grand in Fargo asked me to make. The beads are expensive, but they’ll make a beautiful necklace and he can sell it for six times the amount I’ll have invested. And I’ll get half. Pretty good for a few hours’ work.”
“Show them to us when we get back. Okay?”
She nodded. “Sure.”
His gaze fixed on her lips. He swallowed hard.
After lunch, Jackson and Joey headed through the open field across the road from the house. Jackson watched her run ahead of him with amusement. She was so like Cat, all eagerness and smiles when a new adventure lay ahead. Maybe the sprite would break down and forgive him soon. She’d seemed a bit friendlier today. He shrugged. She’d come around. She had to. He wouldn’t be able to stand anything else.
“Hold up, Joey,” he said, calling out to her. “We need to be quiet so the deer don’t hear us coming.”
“I’ll be as quiet as a little mouse,” Joey agreed, dropping back to walk by his side.
They tramped through the field, back along the path he’d taken that first evening when he couldn’t
wait to see Cat. Soon they approached the nesting area Jackson had spotted. He touched Joey’s shoulder. “Now, we have to be really, really quiet,” he warned. He dropped his voice to a whisper. “If they hear us, they’ll run away too fast to get a picture.”
Joey nodded, grasping the camera tightly.
“The film’s already wound to the right spot, so when you see them, look through the window on top and push the button. Then wind it again quickly so you can get another shot.”
“Okay,” Joey whispered, tense excitement in her voice.
They crept silently to the small stand of trees where the deer had been. “Been and gone,” Jackson said gloomily. “Sorry, Short Stuff. I’m afraid this is not our day.”
Joey looked disappointed for a moment, but quickly clutched his arm. “Look, Jackson! In that tree. What kind of bird is that?”
“Looks like a red-tailed hawk. They’re pretty common around here in the summer.”
“Can I take a picture of it? Please?”
“I’m not sure we’re close enough, but go ahead.”
After taking the hawk’s picture, Joey lost all interest in the missing deer. She happily looked around for more birds to shoot and carefully snapped the shutter on birds so far away they could hardly be seen with the naked eye. Jackson hoped she wouldn’t be too disappointed when the developed film came back showing nothing but distant tree leaves.
Then they surprised a long-beaked bittern who froze at their approach, with its head stuck straight up in the air. Joey quickly raised the camera and snapped the bird’s picture before it broke its pose and flew off.
“That one ought to be a keeper, Joey,” Jackson said.
“I held my breath when I pushed the button, like you told me to. Wasn’t it beautiful?”
“Almost as pretty as you,” he answered.
Joey ignored the compliment. “There’s the creek. Can I take pictures of some fishes?”
“Let’s see how much film you have left.” She handed him the camera and he checked the count. “You have three more shots. I don’t know how many fish we’ll find and I haven’t got a clue how to lure them out on the bank to get their picture taken.”
Her tone a touch scornful, she said, “We’ll just look in the water, okay?”
He grinned. “Okay, we’ll look in the water.”
As luck would have it, near a large rock that edged out into the narrow creek, a small pool of still water showed a dozen darting minnows. Joey got as close as she could and aimed the little camera at the water’s surface, snapping the three remaining shots within a minute.
Jackson sat down in an almost bare spot on the creek’s edge. He watched his daughter dip her hands in the cool water trying to catch one of the silver streaks that darted too quickly for her grasp. She glanced back at him and he noted again that she had her mother’s eyes, full of green mystery. How could he stand to leave her? How could he live knowing his daughter and the woman he loved remained in Engerville while he went on to Seattle?
“Where does this creek end?”
“It doesn’t end, honey. It runs downhill until it meets a larger river and joins it.”
“And it never ends?”
“No. Sooner or later the water going past you will reach the sea.”
Joey stared at the water in complete fascination. “Really?”
“Yes, really.” He grinned. “Every drop of water is a part of the sea and it always returns.” A thought occurred to him. If…if things didn’t work out so he could stay in Engerville, he’d have to think of a way to explain to Joey. Maybe this would work. “Think of it, Joey, as the way you’re a part of me and a part of your mother. Even though you’re a part of us, you’re still yourself, the way each drop of water in that stream is part of the whole, but separate, too. Just as each drop of water goes on a journey to find the sea, someday you’ll want to go your own way. You’ll still be a part of me and Cat, but you’ll be yourself, too, going your own way.”
“I won’t ever leave Mommy! When Tommy Karl and I get married, we’ll live with her.”
Jackson smiled. “That sounds like fun, but what I’m trying to say is that we’ll always be a part of each other, no matter if we go our separate ways.”
Joey’s eyes flashed angrily. “Are you going somewhere?”
“We were talking about the creek, Short Stuff.”
“I’m not going anywhere! I told you. I’ll stay with Mommy always, but I think you’re going away. Mommy cried yesterday. I heard her.”
I cried, too, he wanted to say, but the words stuck in his throat.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
THE NEXT MORNING, Cat and Joey were in the barn grooming Freedom and Apache. Freedom acted like a first-class twit as Joey tried to clean out her hooves. The red filly, all legs and nerves, shied at every movement, threatening to rear at the least provocation. Cat gave up on brushing Apache and put the buckskin in his stall. She came back over to where Joey tried to calm Freedom.
“I’ll hold her head, Joey. You give her a quick brushing. Don’t bother with her feet. I’ll have Jackson check them tonight.”
“Okay, Mom. She sure is acting silly.”
“Maybe it’s the heat. I wish we’d get some rain.”
“Me, too. There’s too much dust. It gets in my mouth when I ride.”
The phone shrilled a demanding ring. Freedom came close to dragging Cat off her feet as she tried to escape from the noise. “Dammit! Settle down, you ornery nag! I’ll sell you to the glue factory! Joey, get the phone, would you? If I turn this featherhead loose, she’s liable to strangle herself on the ties.”
Joey tossed her brush into the tool box and walked over to the phone mounted just outside the tack room door.
“Hello… Oh, hi, Mr. Anderson. Yes, she’s right over there holding on to Freedom. Yes, I’ll tell her. Just a minute.” Joey’s bright eyes turned to her mother. “Mom, he says he’s bringing Mr. and Mrs. Palmer over to look at Ruggie in an hour. Is that okay?”
Cat cast a despairing glance at the horse hair covering her jeans and T-shirt. She didn’t have to sniff her armpit to know exactly what kind of body odor she sported. And her appearance was the least of her worries. “An hour? Oh-h-h,” she hesitated, torn with the insane desire to say “No, it isn’t all right.” She dreaded seeing Jackson react to his former girlfriend. What if he still wanted her?
“Tell him okay, Joey.” She reminded herself that he’d see Rebeka sooner or later and Jackson’s feelings didn’t flip-flop that easily. Despite being secure in Jackson’s love, Cat still had an underlying thread of jealousy toward the woman who’d worn his football jacket draped over her teen model shoulders and his class ring on a chain between her perfect size 36C breasts.
Cat managed a two-minute shower and a quick change of clothes before she came out on the porch to join Jackson and Joey. Now, she and Jackson sat on the old metal chairs on the front porch while Joey perched on the top step. With mixed emotions, Cat awaited Luke’s arrival with his sister and her husband. Out of the corner of her mouth, she muttered to Jackson, “I’m glad I had time to shower. I don’t feel quite so much like Cinderella in rags waiting to see what new outfit the wicked stepsisters are wearing. I’ll bet she buys everything that goes on her back in New York.”
Jackson swiped a hand through his hair, longer now than when he’d arrived six weeks earlier, and looked at her quizzically. “That’s something I don’t understand.”
“What?” Cat asked.
“How you ladies can tell where clothes are bought and why it matters anyway?”
“Well, for pete’s sake, Jackson, just look at me!”
His voice lowered to a mock growl. “I’ve been trying not to.”
She frowned. “Do I look that bad?”
“Sweetheart, that pink blouse is awesome. It looks like strawberry ice cream.” He shot a cautious glance at Joey before continuing. “And you know how much I love strawberries.” He dropped his left eyelid in a ridiculous slow-moti
on wink.
Cat laughed shakily as heat trickled down her stomach. “You’re crazy, Jackson Gray. This top is two years old, and faded to boot, but thanks. If I start feeling too much like Cinderella, I’ll think strawberries.” She returned his wink, feeling better.
“Here they come,” Joey announced, standing and moving to the edge of the porch, eagerly watching the dust haze rising in the distance.
Around the curve in the graveled road, a dirty brown column flowered out behind Luke’s pickup. The dust rose toward the harsh cobalt sky, dissipating into a thin haze that remained suspended in the still air. “We really do need rain,” Cat commented, unable to think of anything more appropriate as her apprehension increased beyond all reasonable proportion.
Jackson reached out and touched her shoulder, letting his fingers tangle briefly in her hair. He tugged gently. “She’ll like RugRat,” he promised.
“I hope so,” she replied, her mind spinning with nervous worry. She feared Rebeka would bypass RugRat for the more captivating Jackson. She couldn’t say that, of course. Not to Jackson who would be insulted, and not in front of Joey, who wouldn’t understand. Glumly, Cat propped her elbows on her knees, her chin in her hands and watched the truck slow to a stop in the yard.
Luke jumped out of the truck, followed quickly by Tommy Karl from the back seat. Burt Palmer untangled his long body and stood beside the door offering his wife a hand to step down. She ignored his gesture and got out of the truck with the same easy grace all the Andersons had. Rebeka’s honey-blond hair swung in carefully combed elegance against a silk blouse almost the same color as her hair. A heavy gold chain belt lent sparkle to a carefully ordinary pair of tan jeans. Cat thought that on anyone else, the clothing might not be so special, but Rebeka looked like some high-powered supermodel slumming for the benefit of her country cousins.
