by Mary Dublin
The fairy wilted in relief. He awkwardly grasped the nearest fingertip and gave it a hearty squeeze, as though he wasn't sure what else to do with it. "Thank you. I promise, I'll tell you everything I saw."
Mere days ago, Tessa would have given anything to feel as invisible as she felt now. The king and queen's bedchambers ached with such tension that she almost wished things were back to the way they were before, when keeping her secret was the heaviest worry on her mind.
Her presence in the room felt inconsequential from the moment Daniel and Esmae returned, along with Brennan and a rather excitable fairy who made Tessa nervous. When Brennan had taken off to see if the king and queen had returned, she had gone into her nook on the bottom shelf. There she stayed. She didn't dare call attention to herself while the others discussed the chaos within the neighboring fae kingdom—chaos that could spill past the border and reach Mirrel.
The king of Evrosea, Esmae's father, was dead. The person Tessa and Brennan had fought the night before was responsible. After retreating from Mirrel, Aeron had gone and murdered the king in his sleep, according to Rommen, and taken control amidst the bedlam that followed.
It was no wonder Brennan sounded positively miserable whenever they managed to get a word out of him.
The moment Rommen swore that he told them everything he knew, Esmae quietly excused herself and strode into the curtained alcove across the chamber, to her bed. Tessa braced herself for sobs and wails of mourning to pour past the curtains, but none came. Only silence.
Despite the fear that had brewed in Tessa's heart the past days, the empathy she felt for the queen at that moment nearly floored her.
With a sigh, the king stood up from his armchair. Tessa shrank back behind a book, peering out to catch a high glimpse of his face. His dark, brooding eyes sent a chill through her veins, and he wasn't even looking at her.
"Swear to me you won't go anywhere," Daniel said.
Tessa couldn't be sure who his words were directed at until Brennan muttered something half-heartedly.
Daniel's voice became sterner. "Brennan."
"I said I'll stay, Daniel. I swear."
Breath catching, Tessa gripped the edge of the book's cover as the king walked past her, his bootsteps far more forceful than Esmae's. The curtains rustled, and he joined the queen in her silence.
Tessa debated about withdrawing from her hiding place, but a hum of wings directed towards her shelf and she skittered back.
"Tessa?" The fractured quality of Brennan's voice made her own words lodge in her throat. He took her silence the wrong way. "Tessa?"
"I'm here!" She nearly ran into him on her way out, stepping back hastily and folding her hands in front of her.
She might have noticed relief on his face if it wasn't filled with such startling sorrow. He was a mess. His hair was tousled. Tear tracks stained his bronze cheeks. His eyes looked as dismal as his voice sounded.
Even his accusation was lukewarm at best. "I thought for a second you had fled."
"I'm here," she repeated. She swallowed hard, only able to glance at him in fleeting bursts. "I didn't want to interrupt. I'm… Oh Brennan, I'm so sorry about what's happened."
He only shrugged, dismal as he stared down at his boots.
"What could you have done differently?" Tessa was persistent enough to steal his gaze. "We couldn't overpower him with our forces combined last night, you and me. You saw what he was capable of."
"I could have followed him," Brennan answered heatedly. "I could have warned the others. It was my duty, and I failed them all. Maison and Esmae and—"
"No," she cut in. "The truth is, we'll never know, so don't kill yourself over a fantasy you've done up in your mind." Tessa's lips were a thin, stern line, even as she seized his hand. She could feel the callouses under his half-glove, and was acutely aware that his thumb rested on the tiny cross-shaped scar above her wrist.
Tessa squeezed him hard. "Look, you might have died if you had followed that madman. And I… I don't want you to die."
"Better me than Maison."
She wanted to slap him. Instead, she released his hand and slid her arms over his shoulders, pulling him into an embrace unthinkingly. His dreary posture became tense, but he made no move to push her away.
"Don't say such things," she said in his ear. "You're here whether you like it or not. Everyone has regrets, but it's how you face them that makes the difference. If you roll over and let them eat you, you'll only wind up with more."
His breath brushed her cheek as he tilted his head down to look her in the eye. "Should I be worried you'll glamour me into believing that?"
Though she saw instant regret cross his face, she let him go and stepped back pointedly. "I could, but I won't. Is that what you think of me?" Her anger wilted. "I deserve it, I suppose. For lying."
He gave her a long look. "I can't imagine what you've been through," he said slowly, "if a heap of lies is worth the risk of hiding who you are."
"What I am," she corrected in a mutter. "Forget it. You have higher matters to attend to right now than pitying me, Brennan."
The disagreement building on his face was interrupted by another flutter of approaching wings. He sensed Tessa's plan, sidestepping her to block her retreat behind the books. She glared at him, flinching as a voice accompanied the wings.
"Brennan? What are you doing down—" The newcomer stopped short when he landed, eyeing Tessa uncertainly. He bore a vague resemblance to Esmae, with his olive skin and dark hair, and he didn't appear that much older, really. "Who is this?"
"This is Tessa," Brennan answered when she made no indication that she would do so. "Tessa, this is Prince Rommen. Though... he's really king now, I suppose."
Neither him nor Rommen looked particularly pleased by the fact, but a jolt of fear distracted Tessa from pondering it. The man was young, but he was royalty. He had power. And she didn't like the way he was staring her, as if finding any and all reasons to distrust her.
He didn't have to study her for long.
"I... I thought Aeron was lying when he said Esmae had a manipulator on her side," he said ponderously, looking sharply to Brennan. "It's her, isn't it?"
"Doesn't it matter more that she's on our side?" Brennan countered.
Rommen laughed uneasily. "I mean no offense, but I'm certainly not fighting alongside some foreign anomaly."
The words were kinder than some used to describe fairies like her, but Tessa felt their sting regardless. She felt naked before them, with her secret bared to the world once more.
"Tessa's done nothing wrong," Brennan insisted. "You'd do well to remember that she protected the princess, my lord."
"Mirrel's princess. Still, there's that risk of the girl forgetting herself. You know the stories of her kind."
"You needn't worry about me," Tessa interrupted, unwilling to hear another word. "As soon as my wings are in shape enough to carry me again, I'll be on my way elsewhere."
"You'll leave?" Brennan rounded on her now.
She nodded, doing her best not to look directly at those dark, imploring eyes. "I told you so from the beginning."
"I… I thought you might've changed your mind."
He made it sound so personal. Tessa smiled, doing her best to make it reach her eyes. "If this kingdom does prevail, the last thing they need is to worry about the likes of me."
"Nonsense. Don't you understand? If you help, you'll be protected. Last night alone was more than enough to earn you refuge in Evrosea. A home, Tessa. You don't have to fend for yourself."
As naive as it was, her heart gave a flutter, but she scoffed, unsurprised that Rommen didn't look pleased by Brennan's promises. "My help is not welcome," she dismissed. "I refuse to be the source of a divide here."
"He doesn't even know you," Brennan said forthright.
She raised her eyebrows. "Do you?"
That made him go quiet, but the silence in the room didn't last long. Tessa jumped back when tremors came under her
feet. The king's voice followed.
"Brennan?" He sounded terse, no doubt worried that his chief advisor had departed on a suicide mission against his orders.
Brennan gave Tessa a lingering look before flying off and leaving her with Rommen. The would-be king appeared reluctant to turn his back on her, as if she would strike the moment he was vulnerable. She looked down to avoid his appraising stare, listening instead to the conversation outside her shelter.
"I won't be long," Daniel was saying. "But I'll need to cancel an assembly and inform the stewards that the servants should not be expecting us today. Avie should stay with the nursemaids a while longer, while Esmae..." He trailed off with a sigh.
"How is she?" Brennan asked, so quietly Tessa almost didn't hear.
"I wish I knew. She's hardly said word besides wondering what our next move is. She... she won't talk about him. Not even to me."
Tessa clenched her jaw, a chill running through her heart.
"Go," Brennan said. "The sooner you're back for her, the better."
"Right," Daniel murmured.
The tremors started up again, and lessened. When the door shut, Tessa found herself walking past Rommen, who flinched in surprise. A sense of duty surged through her so suddenly that she wavered as she stepped out from the shadow of the shelf and met Brennan's puzzled gaze as he flew back down.
"Can you… take me to her?" she asked. "Perhaps I can help."
"No," Rommen said, sweeping to Brennan's side. "I'm s-sorry, but I won't have you laying a hand on my niece."
Brennan ignored him. "Like you helped Avie?" he questioned softly.
Tessa nodded. She would have thought her years of lies would have left a stain of dishonesty on her face. Yet, there must have been something honest enough left to give Brennan the faith to take her into his arms.
The prince followed, flying in their path. "Brennan, I forbid you. Put her down at once."
"With all due respect, get out of my way." Brennan's voice turned to a growl that she'd only heard when he had been addressing Aeron. Indeed, Rommen faltered visibly. He stammered something faintly, then reluctantly floated back towards the hearth.
The two of them barely made a sound as they pushed past the sheer layers of curtains, but it may as well have been an avalanche compared to the stillness within. Queen Esmae looked only a shade above death, the way she lay out on the splendid pillows and fine blankets. She lifted her eyes to follow Brennan's path as he entered, but made no move to usher them inside.
Motionless, she did nothing at all.
Brennan gave a shudder that pulled Tessa's eyes to his face. She wished then more than ever that she could fly, so he wouldn't need to be present and deal with another wave of guilt. He thought the fae king's death was his fault, and here Tessa was making him see the person who was pained the most.
"Esmae." He made her name sound like an apology, hovering at the bedside. "Tessa says she wants to help you."
The queen hardly reacted, which made the change in her gaze all the more frightening. Wariness and vexation locked onto Tessa, making her arms tighten around Brennan's neck.
Tessa cleared her throat. "It's entirely up to you."
"What's entirely up to me? Whether you'll manipulate me into being alright with my father's death?"
Her tone was sharp as broken glass. Tessa swallowed hard and forced herself to not shy away from their staring contest. She knew the pain in those large dark eyes. She saw it every time she looked at her own reflection.
"You misunderstand me," she said evenly. "I'm not going to ease you into contentment. In fact, if you let me do this, you're going to feel positively horrible. But if you don't let yourself feel horrible now, you'll feel horrible the rest of your life. You're not letting yourself grieve. Why?"
Esmae was the first to look away. The broken glass in her voice shattered into fine bits. "If I think about it, it becomes real."
"This is when you need to accept that it's real," Tessa urged gently. "Here, where you're safe. If you keep fighting it like this, it may strike back when you can't afford it to. I won't make you feel anything that's not already there. You have a lot on your mind, Your Majesty. All I will do is help you push everything else away for now. It will hurt, but it has to."
The uncertainty on Esmae's face was not encouraging. Tessa couldn't blame her for being cautious, but it hurt all the same. Only a manipulator with a death wish would offer their services to someone who was clearly raised on stories of their treachery.
"I trust her, Esmae," Brennan divulged with no amount of hesitancy. "Daniel is worried about you. I'm worried about you. If she says this will help, I believe her."
Esmae was quiet for only a moment longer before turning on her side to face them, resting her cheek on the pillow supporting her head.
"Then do it," she murmured, resignation flooding her gaze rather than trust.
Tessa exchanged a look with Brennan, gesturing for him to set her down on the pillow. She pitied him, the way he looked so lost and forlorn as he stood before the queen. He had already done much of his mourning; she loathed to think of making him suffer through it twice.
"You don't have to watch," she murmured.
But Brennan was resolute as ever, insisting that he would stay right behind her. Turning back to Queen Esmae, Tessa swallowed the fluttering bit of fear that stuck in her throats and padded closer.
"Your hand," she prompted.
Esmae shifted and set it down at her feet. It was slender and pretty, like the rest of her. Three fingers were dressed by elegant bands notched with opals and rubies, making Tessa's own hands seem small and plain by comparison when she touched Esmae's wrist.
"You don't need to be so tense," she said, giving the skin the slightest rub. "You'll hardly know I'm here, I promise. Now… think of your father."
"What should I think about?" Esmae shut her eyes, jaw clenching.
"That's not for me to decide," Tessa answered, calling silently upon her magic. Already, she could feel the room fading, while Esmae's presence became more pronounced to her. "Anything at all that comes to mind about him. Memories. How you feel. Anything."
The queen's breath shuddered as Tessa chanted under her breath. She hesitated, worried that Esmae could feel the probing in her mind. After all, Tessa was not practiced in willing participants. There was only so much she could learn through theory, and helping Avie sleep was one thing. Here she found herself beginning to waver with uncertainty.
Flashes of color and light filtered behind Tessa's eyes as they fluttered shut. Places she didn't know, unfamiliar people, took form around her. The scenes changed so rapidly that focusing on one meant missing the next. A palace of wood and crystal. A sea of flowers. A man who shone with golden light.
She suddenly felt like an intruder, but if Esmae was aware, she gave no protest.
Fighting not to lose herself, Tessa focused on her connection. The images were distorted, broken by flashes of Aeron, of Avie, of everything and everyone that made Esmae distraught.
Somewhere deep inside, Tessa's instinct awoke, and she allowed them to guide her through her task of pushing aside everything that wasn't Esmae's father. As gentle as she tried to be, every moment brought a fresh wave of sorrow rushing through the filtered memories—and Tessa had no choice but to feel it too.
A summer of raspberries was on her tongue. And then, a crown of flowers and purple stones was being placed on her brow. Strong arms wrapped around her, squeezing her in the most perfect embrace. Tessa had never in her life felt such safety. But it was fleeting, gone too soon and relaxed by flashes of stone and woods and sunlight that threatened to blind.
A sob wracked Tessa's thin shoulders. She was happy for it, knowing Esmae was the source. It was easy to cry with her, knowing that golden embrace was never to be felt again, no matter how either of them searched.
An entire lifetime of memories flickered past in the span of a few minutes. Though Tessa's breaths had turned to shallow gasps, the
strength of her spell only grew. She probed deeper into the rush, pulling Esmae's grief-stricken presence ever so gently along.
She pushed aside all of Esmae's lingering thoughts that had nothing to do with her father, clearing the path. It was simple enough to do, until she reached a memory that made her falter a moment too long.
She was amongst Esmae's other worries. Tessa glimpsed herself in the golden cage, pitiful and shaking and entirely uncooperative. It felt selfish to dwell, but she searched for any malice amongst the rush of memories—any indication that she should have fled when she had the chance. There was none of that. Only frustration and concern linked to every flickering image of herself.
"I'm sorry," Tessa whispered, and moved on.
Before long, she became unnecessary as a guide. Esmae focused without any prodding or magic, but Tessa couldn't bring herself to let go of the spell just yet. Esmae would get to move on eventually. It was nice to know what that felt like, knowing that the pain would ebb.
At the edge of her hearing came the rustle of silken curtains. It was the terrifyingly familiar rattle of footsteps that brought Tessa back to the bed chamber.
Esmae was cast in a fading green glow, but it lingered long enough for Daniel to catch a glimpse of it. He stood at the threshold, stunned. Esmae gasped out a sob, pulling her hand away from Tessa to cover her mouth as grief took over and fresh tears came running down her cheeks.
Brennan caught Tessa's shoulders and whisked her into his arms as Daniel hurried over.
"What did you do?" the king demanded.
His rage didn't become any less intimidating as Brennan flew up from the pillow.
"I-I... I was trying to help," Tessa sputtered weakly, her head still spinning from the deep magic. Brennan swerved hard to avoid the king's shoulder as he gathered Esmae close.
"Tell me, does this look like you've helped?"
Tessa swallowed. It certainly didn't appear that way, with the queen now sobbing into her husband's lap like a child. The whole room seemed to hold its breath in a horrible stalemate as Daniel brushed a hand into Esmae's hair, combing it out of her face. If she heard his whispered comfort, she did not show it.
