by Julie Kenner
If he truly wanted that to happen, Winnie was right. He had to get out of bed.
And he had to stay the hell away from her.
Yes, he would help her with her softball team, but that would be the extent of it. She would see that he was making progress and report back to Natalie and Levi. Then she would have fulfilled her duty and could leave him alone.
The idea stung. Even now his body yearned for a deeper connection with her, longed to hold her hand again and so much more. Every cell in his body sang at her nearness. If she shifted the slightest little bit, he could feel himself adjusting, leaning toward her. He’d never been more attuned to a woman before, never wanted one with this sort of intensity.
It was a distraction he couldn’t afford. But…
“Three games and a couple practices? Is that right?”
She nodded, her expression cautiously hopeful. “That’s right.”
“I’ll do it on one condition,” he said, knowing he was going to regret this. This was a slippery slope and he was already sliding.
She grinned, that adorable dimple winking in her left cheek. “Name it.”
“I don’t ever want to hear the name Mark Holbrook leave your lips again,” he said darkly.
He’d be damned before he’d let the impressively manipulative little minx play that card again. Scheming wench. When it came to strategy, she too was a force to be reckoned with. It was strangely attractive, he thought with reluctant admiration. A worthy opponent.
But this was no game.
He watched her fight a smile and lose. A twinkle lit that dark blue gaze and something flashed behind her eyes—satisfaction, maybe?—that he couldn’t readily identify.
Unexpectedly, she bent forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek, making his dick jerk hard in response.
“I’ll see you at the park at three-thirty,” she said, then popped up and speedily left the room, completely unaware of the little bomb of desire she’d just dropped into his lap.
Not that he’d needed it. He’d had a perpetual hard-on since his dream and the damned thing had practically turned to granite when she plopped down on the side of his bed. He gritted his teeth, willing the unyielding erection away.
Shit, Adam thought. If he didn’t get himself under control, playing ball was going to take on a whole new meaning.
“WHAT DO YOU THINK?” Jana Mulrooney asked, gesturing toward the drawing she’d brought into the bakery for Winnie’s consideration. “Can you make a cake like this?”
“I can,” Winnie said slowly. She released an uncertain breath. “But are you absolutely sure that you want me to?”
A hard laugh gurgled up Jana’s throat and her light blue eyes were like chips of ice. “Eddie’s balling his secretary, Winnie,” she said. “I’m sure.”
In her place, Winnie knew she’d undoubtedly feel the same, but Jana’s plan seemed a little…extreme. Giving her cheating bastard of a husband a cake in the shape of a pile of dog doo with the message “Eat Shit and Die” on the top was perfectly reasonable in Winnie’s book. But presenting it to him at his parents’ fiftieth wedding anniversary party was bad form.
Especially when Winnie was making their anniversary cake, as well.
She grimaced. “I’ll make the cake, Jana, but I think you should reconsider the timing,” she tacked on gently.
For the first time, Jana’s anger slipped and her eyes filled with tears. She choked on another bitter laugh. “Timing?” she parroted. “I’m pregnant, Winnie. How’s that for timing?”
Winnie smothered a gasp and gave her old friend a sympathetic smile. “Oh, Jana, I don’t know what to say.” Ordinarily congratulations would be in order, but in light of everything else, she couldn’t begin to imagine how Jana must feel. On second thought, yes she could. Her eyes narrowed.
She’d feel like killing him.
“Can I do anything?” Winnie asked softly.
Jana stuffed a Kleenex back into her purse and pushed her lips into a mangled smile. “Just make the cake—I know it’s short notice—and I’ll take care of the rest.”
Winnie leaned against the counter. “Does he know?”
“No.” Jana sighed. She looked out of the plate-glass windows, onto the streets of Bethel Bay and watched as people strolled along the quaint cobblestoned walkways. “I was going to surprise him at the office and I’m the one who came away surprised.” Her gaze turned inward, her voice flat. “They never heard me knock, never heard me open the door. I just stood there, too stunned to move, to say anything. It was like I was outside myself, watching from a different angle. I don’t remember closing the door, or walking back to my car. I hurled right there in the parking lot.” She looked at Winnie again. “This cake represents what I wish I’d said. How I wish I’d reacted.” She shook her head. “I was just so stunned. I couldn’t make sense of it, you know?”
“When did this happen?”
“Yesterday.”
Wow. “What are you going to do?”
“Beyond making him wish he was dead, I don’t know yet.”
“Jana, I’m so sorry. Do you want the cake to taste like shit, too?” Winnie asked, more than willing to do her part now.
She laughed weakly. “That would be impossible. Everything you make is out of this world.”
Pleased at the compliment, Winnie tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Thank you. I try.”
And it was true. She was constantly testing new techniques, new recipes and ingredients to make sure that her confections tasted as good as they looked. Otherwise, what was the point?
Odd how some things just fell into place. She remembered helping her grandmother make a gingerbread house when she’d been just a kid. The first time she held an icing bag in her hand, she knew she’d found her calling. She loved baking. Loved the scent of almond icing and sugar, the smell of fresh bread in the oven. And there was nothing more beautiful than a perfect wedding cake. Fondant, dragees and pearl dust were the favorite tools of her trade.
Thankfully she’d always had a healthy metabolism and a keen interest in sports to help counteract the extra calories she consumed on a daily basis. She glanced around her bakery, her little home away from home, and couldn’t deny the pride and satisfaction she felt fill her chest.
This little shop had been a dream come true and she’d put as much time and effort into the aesthetics as she had the food she offered here. With varying shades of lavender, lots of silver paint and gilt, delicate lacy chairs and a black-and-white harlequin pattern on the floor, the small dining room’s whimsical décor was reminiscent of Alice In Wonderland. She hosted tea, bridal and birthday parties and knew that those frequently booked events were a direct result of the atmosphere she’d created. She was proud of the life she’d made here, even if, admittedly, there were times she was lonely.
But only lonely for Adam.
Winnie assured Jana she’d have the cake ready for tomorrow, then watched her brokenhearted friend leave the shop. Honestly, the idea that Eddie was cheating made her absolutely heartsick. He and Jana had been high school sweethearts. They’d survived the college transition, the usual newlywed chaos, and had been trying to have a baby for almost two years now.
Jana had confided that the strain of infertility was wreaking havoc on their relationship. Still, Winnie would never have imagined that Eddie would abandon fidelity and betray Jana’s trust like that.
That was one of the benefits to being single, Winnie thought with a sad smile. She never had to worry about anyone cheating on her.
She paused, giving the thought more consideration, then shook her head. If she were ever to win Adam’s heart, she knew he’d be faithful. She couldn’t imagine Adam ever saying ‘I do’ and then reneging on those vows. It would totally go against his character, completely out of the realm of his abilities.
General Jack McPherson had taught both of his boys that a man was only as good as his word and they’d taken the lesson to heart. Don’t say it unless you mean it, don
’t commit unless you’re prepared to follow through. How many times had she heard those words come out of Adam’s mouth? She laughed softly. Too many to count.
No, the woman who finally landed Adam McPherson would never have to worry about being lied to or agonize over when or if he was coming home. Adam was a rock, solid and immovable in his beliefs. Whoever eventually ended up with him would have a guy she could genuinely depend on.
If only that it could be her, Winnie thought morosely. If only he’d choose her, then decide to stay in Bethel Bay and build a life with her. Make love and babies and institute movie nights, hold hands and snuggle on the couch. Unbidden an image of a bronze-haired baby boy with heavily-lashed blue-green eyes suddenly materialized in her mind’s eye, startling a soft gasp out of her lungs. Her insides twisted with sharp longing and her arms suddenly ached for that child.
Stop it, Winnie told herself, slamming the door on that line of thinking before it could do more damage. Just stop. This baby—their baby—was never meant to be.
Frankly, Adam had never intimated that he even wanted a family. It was career first. Everything else was secondary.
But God, how she wanted that life. How she wanted Adam…and knew that she would always want him. He was the disease and the cure, the poison and the antidote. Changing how she felt about him was out of the question. She’d tried many, many times over the years, but the end result was always the same.
She was incapable of not loving him…and therefore incapable of doing anything that would result in his overall unhappiness.
That didn’t mean she didn’t occasionally want to throttle him, Winnie thought, smiling. She did. And the urge to give him a swift kick when the blockhead did something stupid was almost impossible to suppress. Like staying in bed for two weeks. Idiot. He knew better. How was he supposed to rejoin his Special Forces team if he didn’t rebuild his strength?
Honestly, if he lost his career, Winnie wasn’t altogether sure how he would cope. He might fall further into a depression, but Winnie knew that would be just the tip of the iceberg. She winced.
In losing his career, he’d lose himself.
And she’d rather let him go again than let that happen.
Natalie thought she was crazy, of course, and wanted her to take the “seize the moment” advice she’d once given Natalie. But despite all the bravado, Winnie knew she couldn’t do it.
In the first place, she lacked the nerve, sad but true. And in the second…she couldn’t risk the rejection. Somehow it was easier to pine away for him without making a play than to share her feelings and have them rejected. She shook her head. After all, she still had some hope in this sad little scenario that a rebuff would completely obliterate. She’d rather live alone with the hope than alone without it. This morning, she’d accused Adam of being a coward, but in truth she was the one who was afraid.
She hated that, of course. In many ways, Winnie was a lot like Adam. She set a goal and saw it through. Sports, marathons, college and her shop were all prime examples of her tenacity. She prided herself on those successes. But when it came to Adam… For whatever reason, all of that courage and determination simply fell by the wayside. It melted under the heat of that clear blue-green stare, was swept away by the mere upswing of his smile. He was her one failure, her one weakness.
Her Achilles’ heel.
Winnie glanced at the clock. Three twenty-five. It was almost time to meet him, she thought. And she was going to need every ounce of strength she had.
4
HE SHOULD HAVE WORN sweats, Adam thought, feeling the heat as every pair of eyes in the park lingered on him while he worked with the girls. But it was ninety freakin’ degrees and the humidity made it feel like one-hundred. He had no intention of frying out here just to make everyone else feel more comfortable. Honestly, didn’t they know it was rude to stare?
Manners, people. Here’s a thought. Why don’t you get some?
He gritted his teeth, and continued with batting practice, instructing one of the girls to stand closer to the plate and choke up on the bat. Who would have guessed that it would be easier for him to adjust to the prosthetic than it was for him to get used to the blatant staring. Most people were merely curious, others pitying. He was an anomaly to them, he knew, but it still didn’t make it any less unnerving.
“They can’t help it, you know,” the tween on the plate said in a low, matter-of-fact voice. Mallory, if memory served. “You’re different. They have to look.”
Startled at her candor, Adam blinked and then grunted because he didn’t know what to say.
“I get it all the time, too. Because of my eyes,” she explained. “You won’t get used to it, but you’ll stop caring.” She said it with such authority he was irrationally inclined to believe her.
Her eyes? Ah, Adam thought, noticing the difference between the two for the first time. One blue, one green. There was a medical term for that, but he couldn’t remember it.
“I used to wear colored contacts, but they irritated my eyes,” she said. “Besides, I was only doing it to fit in and I’m not meant to fit in.” She winked. “I’m meant to stand out. You are, too, now, so you might as well accept it.”
Her blasé wisdom jolted a laugh from his throat. “How do you know I haven’t?”
She rolled her beautiful, unique mismatched eyes as though it were completely obvious. “I can hear you grinding your teeth. You’re going to give yourself a headache.” She dropped an appraising look at his prosthetic. “How does that thing work? You don’t even limp.”
Adam noticed the pack of girls move in closer, evidently curious as to his reply.
“Beyond the fact that it’s got hundreds of little sensors which adjust and react according to my weight and movement, I’m not sure.”
He’d gone to half a dozen fittings to get it just right. He’d even been trained to cover minor repairs, and actually kept parts with him. But really, he was just extremely grateful to be vertical again. He felt completely helpless when he wasn’t wearing it and, for a guy who’d never known an instant of insecurity, that had been a damned difficult adjustment. The evenings were still the toughest, when he took it off to go to bed. He was at his most vulnerable then and he knew it. It was…unsettling.
“You mean like nerves?” Mallory asked.
“Simulated nerves, I suppose,” he said, nodding. These kids were smarter than he anticipated. Not that he had a terrible amount of experience with kids at all. They were an alien species, one he’d never given much thought to, if he were perfectly honest. Though he knew it pained his mother, he’d always been so focused on his career he’d never stopped to think about adding a wife and family to his life.
A sudden image of Winnie holding a bronze-haired baby with her dark blue eyes suddenly flashed through his mind, momentarily startling the breath out of him. Longing and a strange sort of regret welled up inside of him, both emotions so foreign and unexpected they shook him to the core. Adam mentally swore. What the hell was wrong with him? He’d never longed for that life? And regret? How could he regret something he’d never wanted?
Never?
Career first. Being a soldier, that’s what really mattered.
“Doesn’t it rub your leg raw?” another girl asked, thankfully pulling his thoughts away from that distracting, wholly unexpected line of thought. “I had a cast that did that once.”
The group had drifted closer and was hanging onto his every word. “It did in the beginning,” he admitted. “But I’ve got a special ‘sock’ that prevents that from happening now.” He tugged a bit from the top and showed them.
“Cool,” Mallory said, nodding as though she were impressed. “Coach Winnie says you can still run. That you can do everything you used to be able to do before your accident. Is that true?”
Winnie and her group had finished up and were strolling toward him. She’d obviously caught the tail end of the question because she merely smiled and lifted her slim shoulders in a small shr
ug. She wore a baby blue sleeveless T-shirt, a pair of gray shorts—which showcased an exceptionally fine ass—and socks with little pink pom-poms on the back. He inwardly laughed, wondering why he found that small distinction so appropriate and sexy as hell. Her tanned skin was flushed and dewy with exertion and it didn’t take much imagination at all to envision her having the same look after a vigorous bit of hot, hard, sweaty bed sport.
She excelled at all sports, so he had no doubt that she’d be every bit as enthusiastic and talented in the lovemaking department. Just the thought of it made his balls tighten in his shorts, sent a stirring sensation through his loins. His gaze lingered too long on her mouth, causing her to frown slightly. With effort, he forced his gaze away.
“It’s true,” Adam admitted. “But I’m not so sure I can do them as well as before.”
“That’s what practice is for, right?” Mallory said.
He chuckled, wishing it were so simple. “I suppose.”
“Enough, girls,” Winnie said, sparing him the rest of the Q&A. “Game tomorrow at five. We’ll be here for batting practice at four, for those of you who are interested.” They formed a huddle, stacked their hands on one another’s, then belted out “Sand Gnats!” A second later, they scattered, leaving him alone with Winnie for the first time since he’d gotten to the park.
“Sand Gnats?” he said, grinning. “That’s a bit humiliating.”
She nudged him with her shoulder and the contact burned through him. “Hey, no knocking our name,” she chided, smiling. “My little bugs have done well this season.”
She had a lot of talent on her team, so he could certainly see why. And she was a damned fine coach. She had a wonderful, encouraging, nurturing rapport with her girls. No doubt she’d make one helluva mother, Adam thought, before he could stop himself.
Shit.
Wrong line of thinking. Unless there was an immaculate conception, Winnie would have to be in love with another guy to get pregnant. Because he knew Winnie wouldn’t do it any other way. The irrational pain that accompanied that thought was enough to make his hands ball into fists.
