by Julie Kenner
And her.
Adam pushed through the screen door and made a beeline for the fridge. Honestly, he didn’t know how much longer he could keep this up. Especially since Winnie was upping her game. Casual touches, a lingering look and, though she’d probably had the little habit for years, he’d suddenly become preoccupied with how often she sank her teeth into her bottom lip. It was distracting as hell. The sly slide of her gaze when she looked up at him from beneath those long lashes. He didn’t know how much of it was actually deliberate on her part or how much his lust-ridden mind was twisting even the most innocent gesture.
But there had been nothing innocent about the kiss she’d pressed to his cheek last night when they’d left Clementine’s. She’d gone up on her toes, grasped his forearm and had come dangerously close to actually kissing his mouth. Probably because he’d started to turn his head, but stopped himself just short.
Though Adam would like to think that he was simply that strong, that his determination to do the right thing was that formidable…he knew better.
There was an underlying fear—almost panic—that had prevented him from giving into the moment, one he couldn’t explain and most certainly didn’t understand. So he’d forced the unpleasant notion away and told himself again that the only reason he couldn’t be with Winnie was because he was leaving. Because she deserved a permanent guy. Because he wanted his old life back.
All of which were true. But even he was beginning to recognize that he was protesting a little too much. Jeez Lord, what a friggin’ mess. Why couldn’t he simply stay away from her? Why did he keep putting himself purposely in her path? Why, after all these years, had she suddenly become so damned important to him?
“Colonel Marks called while you were at the pool this morning,” his father said, interrupting his internal diatribe.
Adam drew up short and every sense went on point. Colonel Marks was the officer in charge of his next assignment. He’d ultimately be the one to determine whether or not Adam resumed his post or took a new one.
Adam stilled. “He did?”
“There’s been a change of plans. Your review has been moved up to Friday.”
Shock eddied through him. “This Friday?” A week sooner than the original appointment. Why the change? Or better still, what had changed? Adam didn’t know what to make of it. Why would his hearing, for lack of a better term, have been moved?
His father merely nodded.
“Did he say why?” Adam asked, but it was a pointless question. If the General had known why, then he would have told him.
“No. He asked if you were ready and I said yes. I was certain that was the answer you would have wanted me to give him…and that’s the answer I believe, as well.”
Adam looked up, surprised and grateful for his father’s affirmation. The General had been very careful to keep his opinions and emotions to himself since Adam had returned home. He had been encouraging, of course. Solicitous, even. But he hadn’t given any indication whatsoever as to what path Adam should now tread. Frankly, though he was curious about his father’s opinion, Adam was glad that his dad had kept it to himself.
Unlike his mother…who had been very vocal. “Stay here. Medic out. Start over.”
She was doomed to disappointment. That wasn’t his dream and never would be. Adam was a soldier. Nothing was ever going to change that. Not even Winnie, though admittedly for the first time in his life, he was tempted.
“Have you told Mom yet?”
The General winced. “No.”
Adam stared down at the trendy new tile his parents had installed to replace the dated pale green linoleum. “She realizes that she’s not going to change my mind, right?”
“She does,” his father admitted. “But that’s not going to keep her from trying. Cut her some slack, son. This has been very hard for her. She doesn’t understand. She’s not—”
“I know, Dad.” Adam passed a hand over his face. “I understand her concern, but I can’t change who I am to make her feel better. Not in this.” He couldn’t change for anybody. He might have lost part of his leg, but he was still the same man he’d been before the accident.
Liar, a little voice niggled, but he determinedly pushed it away.
He was the same. He still had the same dreams, dammit.
His father adjusted a magnet on the refrigerator. “She doesn’t expect you to, really. She’s just worried.”
Adam looked up at his father. “And you’re not?”
“No more than I ever was. You have always known your own mind, Adam. You know what you’re doing. I’ll admit I was a little concerned in the beginning, but this past week you’ve shown the determination that’s always been a big part of your character.” His father stared at him, his face calm and passive, as always, but curiously intense, as well. “I don’t know what Winnie said to you, but whatever it was, you should thank her.”
He should have known his father would connect those dots. The General rarely missed anything. And he was right. If Winnie hadn’t barged into his bedroom and provoked him into getting out of bed, who knows what might have happened? He certainly wouldn’t have been ready for this meeting at the end of the week, that’s for damned sure.
The end of this week.
As anxious as he was to be back with his boys, he had to admit that the idea of leaving Winnie made his stomach knot with dread. No doubt the next time he saw her she’d be permanently attached to someone else. And, as much as that would be better for both of them, the mere thought of that had the same soul-shattering affect it always did.
Winnie…and someone else.
He swallowed tightly and looked away, suddenly feeling claustrophobic in their large kitchen. Adam nodded his thanks to his dad, then he turned and made his way back outside. He had no idea where he was going, but just knew that he couldn’t be inside the house anymore. He needed to escape his father’s perceptive gaze and didn’t want to face the imminent fallout with his mother when she found out he’d be leaving even sooner. Hopefully, the General would deal with that, so Adam wouldn’t have to. Frankly, he didn’t want to spend his last week at home trying to justify his decision.
Because he was a glutton for punishment, he’d admit that he wanted to spend it with Winnie. He wanted to slide his thumb over that plump bottom lip, feel her skin beneath his palms. He wanted to taste her, feel her, breathe her in. He wanted to spend every single second with her, to take what he shouldn’t because it couldn’t last and wasn’t fair to her. To either of them.
He wanted to thread her fingers through his, wanted to feel her sexy mouth against his neck, her moist breath in his ear, her hot body tightening around him. He wanted to watch her eyes melt for him.
God help him, he just wanted to be hers.
But he couldn’t. And for whatever reason, the obvious reasons he’d been telling himself were no longer holding water. Something else was going on inside him, but he was too afraid to examine those parts too closely. God only knew what he would find. Intuition told him it damned sure wasn’t anything he wanted to face.
Maybe cutting his time short in Bethel Bay would end up being a blessing in disguise, Adam thought. It was less time to be tempted. Less time to screw up.
This would be a good thing, Adam decided, desperately looking for a bright side to this suddenly bleak future—the one he knew he wanted. Winnie could move on, he would move on. Life would…suck. Be empty. But it would be better than giving her hope, making her wish something that wasn’t meant to be.
Suddenly jumpy with excess energy, Adam decided a run was in order. He needed to do something and since having hot, depraved sex with Winnie was out of the question, a mad dash along his favorite trail in Magnolia Park would have to suffice. And in that sense, trail was actually a loose interpretation. More like a path off the beaten path, but the views over the bay and town were second to none. He’d seen a couple of birders up there over the past week, but other than that it was blissfully unpopulated. And fr
ankly, he could use some alone time.
He was more than a quarter mile in when it happened. He’d been waiting for it, knew that it would at some point. He just wasn’t prepared to have witnesses.
His cheeks flooded with heat. Embarrassment absolutely scorched every cell in his body.
His foot—ironically, the real one—tripped over a root and sent him sprawling. He caught the flash of a pink T-shirt on his way down—almost as though it were happening in slow motion—and it took less than a second to place it and the woman wearing it.
Winnie.
She was jogging toward him, but slowed as she approached, seemingly unsure of what to do. No doubt she’d offer to help any other person up, but given his circumstances, she wasn’t sure of the protocol. He knew this, even understood it, but it didn’t make him hate it any less.
A litany of hot epithets raced through his head, blistering his mind. How he wished she hadn’t seen him like this—weak and vulnerable.
“I’m fine, Winnie.” He sighed wearily, before she could take another step closer. “I don’t need your help.”
Something changed in her expression, something unreadable, but determined nonetheless. She lifted her chin a mere fraction of an inch, then sidled toward him, a slow, triumphant smile on her ripe mouth.
Oh, hell, Adam thought, his gaze narrowing as she approached. His heart rate kicked up a notch and, despite his humiliating position, his dick stirred in anticipation.
“Good,” she said. “Because I wasn’t going to offer it. I have something else in mind.”
Then, before he could come up with a response, she dropped to her knees, put both hands on his shoulders and shoved him back against the ground.
“Stop running from me, Adam,” she said. “It’s getting old.”
He frowned and a surprised oomph sighed out of his mouth…and, to his utter shock and pleasure, it sailed directly into hers.
The ardent attack-kiss caught him completely off-guard, robbed him of restraint and his body reacted accordingly. Hungrily. Desperately. Her lips were soft as silk, tasted faintly of almond icing and were so achingly perfect against his that it damned near made him weep.
Kissing Winnie. Finally.
How could something he knew to be so wrong feel so damned right?
He was doomed, Adam thought, as he framed her face, testing the feel of her sleek skin beneath his palms. A shudder wracked through him. Chills raced down his spine.
Ah…heaven. The longing he’d been beating back for months suddenly snapped like a rubber band that had been stretched to the breaking point. He felt the ricochet—the backlash—give a vicious tug behind his navel.
Then, with a groan dredged from the farthest recesses of his soul, he deepened the kiss and admitted defeat.
WINNIE WASN’T A person to squander opportunity and, considering that Adam was stretched out on the ground at her feet only seconds ago, she’d decided to seize the moment and take what she wanted.
If he hadn’t almost kissed her last night, Winnie wouldn’t have had the courage to essentially jump him this morning, but he had—damn his resistance—and she’d gone home frustrated and more determined than ever to make him lose that almost unshakable control.
Besides, there was nothing like a kiss to make a man forget that he was embarrassed and she didn’t want him to linger over the fact that he’d fallen in front of her. She’d known a single moment of blind panic, but the muttered curse under his breath had assured her that he was unharmed, that his pride was the only thing that had been wounded.
So she’d kissed him.
Finally!
It was a sad state of affairs that she’d had to resort to basically attacking him when he was down. But given the fact that his wonderful hands were sliding all over her body, he didn’t seem to mind. Though he hadn’t so much as hesitated when her mouth met his—gratifying, she might add—she’d realized that there’d been a moment of complete surrender, a moment she’d been waiting for her whole life.
He’d gone from merely kissing her back, to devouring her.
Winnie tangled her tongue around his and pushed her hands into his hair, kneaded his scalp. Her fingers brushed the soft skin behind his ear and the curious swelling of affection she felt for that little spot made her smile against his mouth.
She was miserably, hopelessly, irrevocably in love with this man.
Her nipples pearled under her sports bra and her blood moved sluggishly through her veins. Warmth pooled in her core, inspiring a steady throb in her loins that made her want to slip and slide all over him.
Preferably naked.
Given the hot hard length of him nudging determinedly against her navel, Adam wasn’t averse to the idea, either. Though they were literally rolling on the ground, now covered with dirt and debris, Winnie didn’t care. The only thing that mattered was Adam and what was happening between them. She shifted over him, straddling him, and the instant she felt him between her thighs a hot sigh of satisfaction oozed out of her lungs.
He flexed beneath her, shaped his hands possessively over her rump and gave a slight squeeze.
She gasped and warmth coated her folds.
With an agonized groan, Adam tore his mouth from hers, and promptly reversed their positions. He kissed her neck, nuzzled his nose beneath her ear. A chill ran through her and even her toes started twitching in anticipation.
“Winnie, do you have any idea what you’re doing to me?”
Winnie slid a finger along his jaw. “You didn’t want my help. This was the alternative.”
He chuckled softly. “Your mind is a mysterious thing.”
“Mine? Ha. You’ve always had better insight into my mind than I’ve ever had into yours.” She released a shaky breath.
“Yours is more interesting.”
She drew back and stared at him. “Are you angry?”
Adam slipped a finger down her cheek. “For what?”
“For this,” she said significantly. “I, uh… I got tired of waiting for you to make the first move.”
His gaze grew guarded, then he sighed and rolled into a sitting position. He offered his hand, ever the gentleman, and helped her up, as well.
A finger of uneasiness nudged her belly as the silence lengthened between them.
He looked over and smiled at her. “Did I seem angry to you?”
Er…not at the time, but she was having trouble getting a read on his mood right now. His fingers were still threaded through hers and he traced a little circle on her palm. The sensation was just as potent as the kiss they’d just shared, because he was touching her. She’d never tire of that, Winnie thought. Of feeling his skin against hers in any capacity.
“No,” she finally said. “You were gratifyingly enthusiastic. But…”
He didn’t look at her. “You know I’m leaving again, Winnie.”
Ah… She swallowed. “Yes, I think I’m privy to that information.”
He gestured at their joined hands. “I’m not altogether sure this is a good idea, under the circumstances.”
Though she knew this was part of the reason he’d been holding back, a little prick of pain nevertheless pierced her heart. “Because you’re leaving?”
He grimaced. “Yeah,” he admitted, though she got the distinct impression there was more to it than that. The accident? Winnie wondered again. Had the funk that had put him in bed for nearly two weeks poisoned his self-worth? Winnie wondered.
She couldn’t begin to imagine the trauma he’d suffered—physical and emotional. She knew he’d been in therapy while at the Center for the Intrepid because he’d made occasional remarks about the “shrink.” But other than that, he hadn’t confided anything to her and she hadn’t asked. She didn’t want to pry. To peel the scab off a healing wound.
“My hearing has been moved up to Friday,” he said, sending a bolt of shock through her.
“Friday?” she asked faintly, momentarily derailed from her original line of thinking. So soon? Really
? But…she wasn’t ready. She didn’t want him to leave. Ever, of course. But especially not right now when they were so close to having…something. She didn’t have a name for it. It defied description.
He picked up a stick and dug at the ground. “I’ve really got to focus on getting into shape the rest of the week, you know,” he said, his voice deceptively even.
In other words, he didn’t have time for her. For them. And since he was leaving, it was a moot point anyway. She knew all of this was logical, that if her mind had made the leap then his keen one had seen this coming long before she had. No doubt that’s why he’d been trying to avoid this suddenly awkward scenario. Still, that didn’t make her feel any less miserable. It didn’t make her want him any less.
But evidently…she wanted this more than he did. Because she would have been content to have had this week, to have had whatever time with him she could. To her, it wasn’t pointless. It would have been a dream come true.
Winnie’s cheeks burned and, though she didn’t regret kissing him, she was nevertheless embarrassed that she’d so fully shown her hand. A sad smile shaped her lips. Then again, Adam had always known how she felt so the fact that she’d laid all of her cards on the table really shouldn’t matter.
It shouldn’t…but it did.
Winnie stood, dusted off her clothes and mentally gathered the shredded remains of her pride. “You’re in great shape, Adam,” she said, forcing a cheerful note to her voice that didn’t ring true even to her own ears. “But I understand what you mean about needing to train.” She managed a mangled smile. “No distractions, right? Gotcha.” She turned and started to walk away.
She heard him stand, as well. “Winnie, wait. That’s not what I—”
All of a sudden, it was just too much to take. She whirled on him. “Look, Adam, I’m sorry, okay? I don’t have your strength. I don’t care that you’re leaving. I didn’t ask you for forever. I just wanted—” She stopped, felt tears burn the backs of her lids and an ironic laugh broke from her throat. “—you,” she admitted, opting for the unvarnished truth.
