You, you’re the problem. “Wow, big surprise, I like sex. It doesn’t mean to say that I want a new career in it. Look, I’m not stupid. You’re offering me a way of staying, so I’ll consider it, but if I don’t think it’s for me then I’m walking.” Though where the hell to I don’t know.
“Is it about what other people think? You don’t strike me like the type of girl to be bothered by that.”
“Stop trying to manipulate me.” She ignored the look he shot at her. “It’s not really about other people, though I’m not stupid enough to ignore them. It’s you.” There, it was out; she’d said it. She paused; she didn’t want to be bound to him, to any man, ever again, whether it was business or pleasure. “And the fact that sex just about destroyed everything I ever had, so why should I play the game?”
His eyes bored into her. “Sex—or greed? Sex on its own never destroyed anything.”
“And you’d know.”
“Oh yes, believe me, I’d know.” His lips were tight. “Don’t let emotion make business decisions for you.”
“I’m sorry, Saul, I’m not you. This isn’t just logic, this is about my life.”
“What did you mean when you said it was me?”
“I didn’t say…” She wasn’t going there.
“You did.” The sharp rap of the door knocker made them both jump. They stared at each other for a moment.
“Why are you doing this, Saul? Why aren’t you just throwing me out?”
“Later.”
Which left them both with unanswered questions.
***
“Hi there, you must be Roisin. We’ve heard lots about you.” The fresh blue eyes and open face hit her like a breath of fresh air, and the bubble of tension that had been building in her head shattered into a million pieces. The instantly recognizable Dan.
“Yes, lots.” She shifted her gaze to the dark-haired woman who had one hand outstretched toward her, the other wrapped around Dan. “You’ve got a great place here; it’s absolutely gorgeous, isn’t it?”
“It is.” She took the hand in hers. “Which is why…”
Dan gave an easy laugh. “Which is why you’re a bit wary of turning it into a sex haven?” His grin broadened. “Don’t worry. I know exactly where you’re coming from, honey.”
“I just…”
“Hey, it’s cool, you don’t need to explain. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea. When we first started up there were all kinds of rumors about what we were doing, but it’s settled down a bit now. Phew, anyone would have thought we were advertising for sex slaves. You’ve seen the website? Looks almost respectable, don’t you think?”
“Yeah, she’s had a quick explore.” The soft voice breathed into her ear and she jumped. Mmm, explore. That was probably just the right word.
“Great, great. Do you mind if we look around before we talk business? We’ve been in the car far too long. I think I’m going to seize up if I don’t stretch my legs. That’s unless…?”
“No, sure. I’ll give you the guided tour.” Smiling was supposed to make you feel better, not give you face ache, right? Okay, she was being a miserable, defensive sod, but the whole thing was a bit surreal. And this was just prolonging the agony. She pulled the door shut and led the way across the garden toward the yard, feeling almost as though she was signing her own death warrant.
“Wow, this is great, look.” Marie had clambered onto the fence and sat grinning, pointing out the horses, the fields, as though it was all a dream come true. Roisin let her eyes wander over the familiar landscape, a sight she couldn’t help taking for granted, but which had always made her feel good. It wasn’t just the color of the grass, the sun glinting off the horses’ shining coats, the peaceful buzz of nature uninterrupted by man. It was more than that; it was a kind of all-encompassing vibe of everything being all right. Harmony, she supposed, was the term. And it used to be hers.
A hand that felt almost possessive sneaked around her waist as Saul moved in closer. Something that was too much of a turn-on for comfort. “Poor Marie, she doesn’t often see the great outdoors.” His warm voice, the warm hand immediately sent a zing straight to her nipples.
Marie threw a punch in Saul’s direction. “Cheeky bugger. It is fab, though, Saul, you were right. It’s perfect for us.”
Yup, it was fab, great, fan-freaking-tastic. Roisin had always loved it here, but lately she’d forgotten to really notice the beauty of her surroundings. “I love it too, Marie, even if Saul’s too much of a heathen to notice. Which is why I’d hate to leave it.” Shit, that sounded soppy, and it sounded like her heart was already making the decisions for her.
But Marie’s hand was on her arm. “Oh, I’m sure that won’t happen. You’ll find a way to stay here, hun, with or without us.”
Which was nice, but wildly off the mark. It probably meant they didn’t know much at all about what was going on. Her life, it seemed, was in the large, capable jaws of the shark that’d crept under her defenses unnoticed, and Dan and Marie were there just in time to watch her being swallowed.
“Hey look at this, Marie. This is the type of place we could use, isn’t it?” Dan was standing at the entrance to the outbuildings, buildings she’d once used for lecturing about horse care. Buildings that had gradually been used less and less.
“Er, yes.” She snapped out of her mope. She hadn’t even thought about what the couple needed; which bits of the stables she’d have, which bits would be theirs. But she knew a man who she was sure had.
“Wow, yeah, this would be brilliant for our chats.” Marie had skipped in and they were both standing at the entrance, and Roisin felt a sudden pang. A memory of when she’d first taken this place on. That was once her standing there, all excited with dreams about the future. What the hell had happened to her mojo? The get-up-and-go attitude that could make things happen. If she wanted this place then she could have it, just like they could. It was just a matter of new terms and conditions. All she had to do was ignore her landlord, and ignore what her cobusiness traded in. Simple.
Saul strode in, a hard landlord to ignore. “That’s what I thought. And you’ve got those smaller rooms.” He waved a hand casually toward the small canteen, the room she’d set up as an office. How the hell had he taken all this in when he’d only been here briefly?
“People would absolutely love this place. It would be great, wouldn’t it, Dan?” Marie bounced her way over to peer in the rooms. “You’d really think about letting us set up here?” Her eyes were almost shining as she moved from one door to the next. As she looked at Saul.
Yeah, Roisin thought, it wasn’t even up to her to say yes or no; all she could do was decide whether she wanted to be part of it. She could say no and it wouldn’t make a dime of difference, not to them, not to Saul, just to her. He’d do it without her. Or sell it on to someone else to do whatever they wanted with it. For some reason he was throwing her a lifeline, giving her an opt-in that might just mean one day she could buy the place back. For some reason.
She dared a glance in his direction. He was watching her, watching every thought that she was sure was running over her face.
“You can say no, Roisin. It is up to you.”
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He took a step closer and she could almost feel her body waver, not knowing whether to flee or move toward him. “It is your decision at the end of the day, but I don’t think you should just walk away unless you’re sure.” Walk away? Since when did she have the chance to walk away? She could say no, say good-bye to the place. Let him destroy it. Or say yes, she’d stay and help, stay as a lodger, a manager until things got straightened out. Until by some miracle she managed to raise the money she needed. It was a no-brainer.
***
“This place would work great for us.” Oh, why had she known Dan would say that? “It would be perfect, Saul, just like you said.” The
y had finally finished exploring and settled down at the kitchen table with Dan’s laptop, as he talked her through the ins and outs of their business. “There’s not much to tell really, Roisin, apart from what you can see on the website. It’s pretty straightforward.” Dan flicked back to the home page. “This is a typical program that people start off with, though we tailor everything, since no two people want the same thing. It’s not something you can generalize about, but we have these courses as a starting point. But you wouldn’t have to bother about any of this stuff, of course.”
She had to ask, she had to. “The—er, videos?”
“Videos?” He looked blank for a moment, then his face broke into a grin. “Oh yeah, our videos. Well, sometimes people want recordings of their sessions, but they’re mainly for staff purposes. We’re not in the porno market. They’re guidelines, a starting point for a therapy session, to discover what people might want and let them see how far we’re prepared to go. You know? We’ve got to be careful to have boundaries, to know what’s helping and what is…Well, getting too involved.”
Dan took his hands from the keyboard and swung around to look at her properly. “We don’t do really kinky, heavy stuff; we’re about improving things for people, not pushing boundaries. If people want real pain then they’re in the wrong place. We’re more about new ideas, a bit of experimentation and working out what you want. Saul will tell you all about that, won’t you, mate?”
They both glanced up at Saul, who’d been a barrier behind her, almost as though he wanted to make sure she’d stay the distance, hear the full explanation. His grip on her shoulders seemed to tighten briefly, but she told herself she must have imagined it.
“I’ve mentioned it.” He shrugged. “But I think she needs to hear it all from you.”
“Great.” Dan went back to the website. For a moment, Roisin looked at Saul’s slightly shuttered face before swiveling around again. She hadn’t imagined it. For the first time since she’d met him there was something he wasn’t Mister Ultra-Confident about.
“We’re not hands-on, we don’t join in, Roisin. I don’t want you thinking it’s like one big gang bang.”
She fought a smile. Since when did people discuss gang bangs in her kitchen? Her dad and Toby would be horrified, which was quite a good reason to carry on. Or maybe they wouldn’t. After all, neither of them seemed to have had a problem finding women who were sex mad. They just didn’t want her to be. Maybe she was the one who needed help; maybe she should be signing up for private lessons with Dan and Marie. She should get a damn good discount, anyway.
“We’re facilitators, more than anything.” Marie’s soft, musical voice broke into her thoughts. “We get them to say what they want, because so many people are afraid to talk about it, you know? We can encourage, make them feel it’s okay and maybe suggest a few things. I know some people are kind of brought up to be too polite about it; they don’t like to say what they want.”
Roisin grimaced. Nail on the head.
“But we don’t pretend we can help everyone. I mean, there’s no miracle cure, but sometimes one session and a good chat can make people realize what they want, make things work out better.”
“Or worse.” The low growl made them all stare at Saul. “Well, sometimes talking can make people realize they’re wasting their breath.”
“Yup.” Dan laughed. “As Marie said, we’re not offering a miracle cure. But do you know how many women haven’t had an orgasm with their partner for years and neither of them knows how to sort it?”
Marie was talking almost before Dan had finished. “And don’t know about vibrators and all the toys that are out there and the different ways of…”
Tell me about it, thought Robin. She felt like sticking her fingers in her ears, closing her eyes, and humming loudly to block it all out. But she couldn’t. Sitting here drinking coffee with strangers and talking about orgasms was just strange, and this was what she was about to sign up for? Except they had a point. And a business.
“Just bring up the figures, Dan, and then Roisin can get a feel for the size of the business.” Saul was back behind her, his hands on her shoulders. Hands that instinctively started to massage muscles that had tightened with all this talk of frustration and sexual unhappiness. She fought the sigh that wanted to escape, fought the temptation to lean back and purr like a cat.
“Sure thing.” Dan was already bringing up spreadsheets on his laptop. Pointing at client lists, revenue streams, costs, highlighting repeat customers. She didn’t have to be an accountant to see it worked, that they had a business with potential.
“But isn’t moving out here a problem?” This place was in the sticks; no one drove out here. Which was half her problem; it was the diminishing local trade that had killed her, as people had moved out to get closer to the jobs. The countryside wasn’t always a fun place to be.
“Well, it’s just that Saul said…”
She took an inward breath. “Saul said.” What had Saul said now? His fingers massaged deeper and she braced herself against him, determined to fight the way he was lulling her.
“He just mentioned your B and B business? Said you’d never got it going? Well, residential courses are our big thing; that’s what people love, a few days of R and R. They’d jump at the chance to come out here and relax. We were thinking we could offer massages and things like that as well. And the fact it’s off the beaten track is a bonus. Most people don’t want to run the risk of bumping into their neighbors.” Fine, now Dan was offering the prospect of sex-themed staycations. He was looking at her expectantly. Everyone was looking at her expectantly.
“Oh.” What else could she say? Even if she did sound half-witted and not at all the kind of person she’d pick to go into business with.
Saul’s voice rumbled over her shoulder. “You can’t see any problems, then, you’d be happy to go with this?”
Dan shook his head. “No probs. It looks great, doesn’t it, Marie? When can we make a start?”
“Give me another hour to run through everything with Roisin again, and then if she’s happy we can set the ball rolling. Otherwise I’m afraid, guys, I will probably be doing a rethink.” Fine. So it was all her fault if they lost their opportunity. Fine, just fine. “If it’s okay with you I can point you in the direction of a good pub in the village for lunch?” Saul leaned forward slightly so that the warmth of his back was pressed against her. There he was, taking control again. Naturally. First of her body and now, it seemed, of her mind.
If she did this it was both of them. Together. Which meant being stuck with him.
***
“So what do you think, Roisin? It’s going to be you who’s running the joint because I’ve other businesses to run.”
Ah. So it wasn’t a case of them together. Which should have been good, but Roisin felt her stomach lurch again. She was already starting to rely on him, so it was a good job he wouldn’t be here. She didn’t want him on the premises. Definitely not.
“So come on, what do you think? Ignoring the fact that it’s about sex.”
“But it is about sex. I can’t ignore the fact it’s about sex.”
“It’s just a business, a good one.”
“Huh, a sound investment?”
“Yes, actually. That’s what I deal in, good investments. And anyway, just because you were happy to put up with a shit sex life doesn’t mean everyone else wants to.”
“Saul.” She sat down heavily, farther away from him.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean it.”
“No, you shouldn’t and, yes, you did.”
“But you know what I mean. Look, Roisin, what we got up to was good, wasn’t it? Admit it.”
“Hmm.” She could hate him, she really could.
“Some people are never lucky enough to get that unless they have help.”
“
Well, aren’t I the honored one, then?”
“Roisin, you know exactly what I mean. Sex is a good business to be in.”
She did know what he meant, which made it worse.
***
Saul grimaced. He wasn’t really sure he wanted to have this conversation, but he didn’t want her to say no. He didn’t want her to walk away from this opportunity, from her home. From him. Even if he wasn’t sure how long he was capable of sticking around.
“Look, if your—if Toby was still alive, wouldn’t you…Well, did you love him?”
“I don’t really…”
“You don’t have to answer that. Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.” He moved closer.
“I do have to answer. I want to. It’s just—I suppose I liked him well enough, at first, until…” She twisted her hair in her fingers. “Until he started to go off for sex somewhere else. It was kind of the beginning of the end.”
“Come on, you’re not going to tell me you were meant to be like a virgin, untouched, untouchable. Mother of his children, perfect wife, and all that outdated crap.”
“No, look, you don’t understand.”
“Try me.”
“It wasn’t like that. I thought I did love him, and it was fine.”
“Fine?”
“Look, he was the first man I’d seriously dated, but he was a bit funny about sex before marriage.”
“That’s a bit…”
“Shut up. It was fine.”
“He wasn’t gay?”
“For fuck’s sake, I just told you he went off with other women, didn’t I? What gay man would do that? We got on fine, but I didn’t find out until after we got married about how—well, how involved him and Dad were businesswise and I think he kind of felt, well, obligated.”
“He felt obligated?”
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