by Mary Alford
“You two look like such a happy couple. I’m sure you would never put anything above each other, but don’t you do what I did. Don’t ever let go of each other, you hear?”
My fingers were trembling as I clutched Roc’s hand and he squeezed it as if to reassure me that would never happen.
“I hate to say this, but we need to get back on the road.” Roc said. “We’ve got a lot of miles to cover still.” Had I only imagined that small amount of regret in his voice? Was he beginning to believe there might be more to life than The Agency? I said a silent prayer for God’s help in convincing him.
“You young people are always rushing off somewhere. You need to learn to slow down. Enjoy the moment. Well, you take care of each other. Remember what I told you.” I turned from the doorway to look at her. “You don’t let anything come between you two.”
I smiled up at Roc. “We won’t, I promise.”
We left the restaurant with are arms around each other and I was determined that I wouldn’t let the most important thing in both our lives slip through our fingers.
~
The cabin in Jackson Bluff, Colorado was just as I remembered it from our honeymoon. It was hard to believe it had been less than three years since Roc and I slipped away to this cabin to have a few precious days together.
I turned to Roc in the darkness of the SUV’s interior. “So what now?”
I could almost feel him smile. “Now, we get out, go inside, and wait. Maybe we can relive our honeymoon.” After another minute he added, “What did you think I was going to do? Leave you here, Lena alone? I meant what I said. I love you and I want to make our marriage work and I can’t think of a better place for a new start then here. Can you?”
I couldn’t. I leaned over and kissed him in answer. Then we got out and we went inside together.
“Oh wow,” I exclaimed in wonderment. I turned to Roc and smiled. “Everything still looks the same?”
He nodded. “I know. It’s amazing. I so love this place.”
I glanced over at him and tried to imagine our lives as just two normal people living a simple life.
“Are you feeling okay?” he asked when he caught me staring at him.
“Yes, I’m fine. I’m just tired. It’s been a long drive.”
“Do you want to eat something or…?” Roc was at a loss for once. There were things we needed to talk about, but they could wait. I was just happy to have my husband back with me. I’d been given a second chance with him and I was determined not to waist it.
“No, I’m okay.” I didn’t want to leave him because I was so afraid I’d wake up and find gone and I’d be alone again.
And Roc, seemed to realize all of this. He came over to where I stood. “Lena, I’m not going anywhere. Why don’t you rest for a bit? I think I’ll take a quick look around. Make sure everything’s okay.”
He kissed me and I melted against him. I was so happy and so afraid something would happen to take it all away.
“I’ll just go lie down for a bit,” I told him and headed up the stairs.
I showered and put on comfortable jeans and a T-shirt, then opened my laptop and logged onto my secure Agency e-mail, hoping to find a response from Mark. What I found was a single e-mail from an address I didn’t recognize. When I opened the note, the ancient Aramaic language spilled out before me. It had to be from Justin.
The note was brief. Justin needed to talk to me right away. There was a number listed. I connected the phone access capability of the laptop and dialed the number.
I recognized Justin’s voice right away. Although he spoke in Aramaic, the urgency in his tone was easy to understand.
“Where are you? Are you with him? Lena, it’s not safe. You’re in danger. You need to get out of there.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked as my heart raced against my chest and old doubts resurfaced. Had I been wrong to trust Roc?
“Lena, I know he’s still alive. You can’t trust him. He’s not who you think.”
“How do you know he’s still alive?” I asked, stunned by Justin’s revelation.
He was silent for a long time and then he said, “How do you think?”
I shook my head, more frustrated by his answer than before. “I don’t know. Stop double talking and tell me.”
“I can’t. This is not a secure line. Tell me where you are and I’ll come get you.”
“No, I can’t…I’m fine.” The first inkling of doubt crept into my thoughts. Why was Justin so anxious to find me?
“Lena, just tell me.”
I disconnected the call without answering. Had I just committed the worst mistake of all? Was it possible that Justin wasn’t looking for me at all, but was trying to find Roc? And if so, why?
My head throbbed from its injury. I found a couple of aspirins in my suitcase that had probably been there since the last time Roc and I were here. I swallowed them, turned out all the lights, and then logged onto the Free America website once more.
The number of posts to the site since the last time I’d logged on had decreased incredibly. There were only a couple of regulars posting and they were harmless enough. The very silence on this site and the others I logged onto was enough to tell me something major was close. These guys had gone to what was the equivalent of radio silence.
I sat in the darkness, absently rubbing my injured arm and trying to think clearly. None of what I’d learned so far made any sense.
I crept to the door and listened for any sound beyond, but there was only silence. Where was Roc? Could I trust him?
I went back to the computer and tried everything I could think of that Roc might use as a password into his secure e-mail. I found it quite unexpectedly by typing the date Roc and I had first met.
Once I cracked the password, I found dozens of encrypted e-mails between Roc and Ed as recently as a few days before his supposed death, which seemed to indicate Roc knew what was coming.
As I scanned the e-mails, I realized what the danger was right away. Ed believed he had proof that a mole existed among The Agency’s elite membership. A couple of notes hinted at my involvement, but Roc dismissed me right away. I could tell that Ed wasn’t convinced completely.
Before Roc left D.C., there were various e-mails exchanged between Ed, Roc, and someone who went by the name The Contact. I had no idea who this person might be. I dug a little further through the files and I found my answer. There were pages and pages of information on the FLA. Detailed files that mentioned key players within the organization. This information could only have come from an operative embedded deep within the FLA. There was a recent reference to the incident in the abandoned apartment complex near Anacostia. References to the “clean-up of the problem on Anacostia” meant the FLA member I’d killed; a mention of a “lone crusader” was a direct reference to me. I believed Doren was The Contact.
As I read the correspondence, it was clear the two of them knew each other on a personal level. I remembered Justin’s warning from the past about trusting Roc. Was it possible that Roc would betray the very organization he’d founded? Even though the emails appeared to be proof positive of Roc’s involvement, I couldn’t believe he would become a traitor. I knew Roc better than anyone did. I would have known somehow, surely. Roc would have given something away.
But then Roc was good at keeping his secrets. How many times lately had I wondered what his true feelings for me were? He’d told me that he wanted me and our child, but was it a lie? If Roc could fool me about even the basic things in our relationship, then what else was he keeping hidden from me?
Like it or not, I was right back in the middle of the danger I’d desperately wanted to walk away from. But this time it was different. The stakes were much higher. This time my unborn child was in danger along with me.
Chapter Nine
I awakened the following morning to the heavy scent of rain in the air. Lightning flashed in the distance as I sat up in bed, still fully dressed. The usual r
ush of morning sickness assaulted me. While Margaret assured me this was normal and would eventually subside somewhat, I had to wonder if the present circumstances surrounding my life were a contributing factor. My stomach felt wrapped up in a bundle of nerves lately with all this cloak and dagger stuff. I raced for the bathroom and made it just in time.
Exhausted, I stood beneath the warm shower for what felt like hours before finally feeling human again. I slipped on my robe and went back to the bedroom. Roc hadn’t joined me during the night. Where was he?
I hurried downstairs, the smell of coffee turning my stomach. I searched the cabin, but he was nowhere. Fear spiraled through my body. Had he set me up? Left me here to die?
“No…” I couldn’t let myself believe Rock would hurt me.
I sank down to the floor and wept because I didn’t know who to trust anymore.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” I hadn’t heard him come in. But the second he spotted me on the floor, he rushed to my side and gathered me in his arms. “What happened, Lena?”
“Roc, you’re here. I thought…” I couldn’t say the words aloud, but he’d guessed.
“Did you think I’d leave you here alone?” He hesitated and then guessed the reason behind my turmoil. “Lena, do you think I’m the enemy?”
I stared at him through tears and knew I’d been right about him. Roc was a true patriot.
I shook my head. “No, I don’t think you’re the enemy.” But letting go of the doubts swirling round inside my head was difficult.
He held me close, happy with my answer and I felt like a traitor for not fully believing him.
Roc helped me to my feet and then glanced down at his shirt. “Sorry, I’m soaking wet. I went outside to check the parameter and got caught in the rain.” He smiled down at me. “You were sleeping so peacefully last night that I didn’t have the heart to wake you up. You have to be starving. Let me change my shirt and then I’ll make us something to eat.”
Roc unbuttoned his shirt and I saw for the first time that Roc’s chest was riddled with scars from bullet wounds. There was one through his stomach and another in his chest, far too close to his heart. The man in those photos had been Roc—there was no doubting that anymore. My fingers traced the wounds.
“Oh, Roc…Are you okay?” I hurried to his side. Suddenly, nothing else mattered but hearing his answer to that question. I needed to know that I wouldn’t lose him again.
“Yes, but I was lucky. I came close to dying several times. I’ve had countless operations to remove bullet fragments. And I’ll have a limp for the rest of my life.”
My glance went to his thigh. When I met his gaze again, Roc read my unspoken question.
“One bullet shattered the bone and tore away the muscle. The doctors suggested we try a couple of other operations, but this is the best it gets. I’ll never be whole again.”
“Roc…” I said in barely audible voice. I no longer tried to control the tears that fell from my eyes.
He took me back into his arms. “Hey, I’m okay. I’m going to be okay.”
I held him tight, as if I might lose him if I let him go.
“Why didn’t you try to reach me, Roc?” I asked because I needed to know. I still remembered the heartbreaking pain I’d felt at hearing he was dead. “I thought I’d lose my mind when I found out you were dead. I thought I’d lost you forever?” I shivered at the horrific memory.
He held me tighter, his chin resting on my head. “I’m sorry. I can’t imagine how hard it was for you, but I couldn’t tell you the truth. There were too many people watching you.”
“How did you find out about Justin?” I asked and felt him smile.
“Did you really think I wouldn’t know what you were up to? Why do you think the CIA never found out about your connection to Justin?” He was silent for a moment and then added, “I need you to tell me everything you know about him, Lena.”
He let me go and I sat down on the sofa with him close.
“He found me, actually. It started with Justin leaving messages on my phone a few weeks before you left. At first, I didn’t believe it was really Justin until I met him. Roc, you remember I told you my brother went missing when I was still young…” Roc was the only member of the team that knew about my brother’s disappearance.
“I remember. Your parents thought they found him in North Carolina.”
“Yes. Somehow, Justin got involved with the FLA back then. Whether he was brainwashed or joined on his own accord, I don’t know.”
“Does it really matter how it happened? He’s responsible for all the things Silvers stands accused of committing.”
I bowed my head. “He’s my brother, Roc. I had to try and help him for my parents’ sake.”
“I know,” he said quietly. “I just wish you’d told me about it.”
I glanced up at him, pleading with him to understand. “I was afraid. Then I was going to tell you, but then you left on assignment.”
Roc slowly nodded. “You know this is bad, don’t you?” he said quietly
I glanced down at my hands, hating that he was disappointed in me. “Justin is my brother. What was I supposed to do?”
He sighed deeply. “We’ll figure it out. Don’t worry, Lena, I promise we’ll figure it out together.
~
After breakfast, Roc spent the rest of the day locked away in the great room, which he’d converted into a makeshift office. When he didn’t emerge for lunch or throughout the day, once it grew dark I stuck my head in long enough to ask if he was hungry.
“Yes.” He glanced up from his computer screen and smiled at me and my heart responded as it always did to that look. “Let me help you, okay? I could use a break.” Throughout most of our marriage, Roc did the cooking. I could manage boiling water, but that was about the extent of my talents in the kitchen.
I sat watching him prepare a beautiful meal from a couple of boxes and cans, and as always, Roc’s creativity amazed me. It felt like old times.
“Some things never change, do they?” He smiled at my embarrassment.
“No, I guess that’s true enough. I don’t think I’ll ever get the hang of cooking. Our poor son will have to learn to cook for himself.” When I mentioned the child, Roc’s expression sobered.
“Our son? How do you know it’s going to be a boy?” he asked, holding my gaze just long enough for me to see a small amount of hope in his beautiful eyes.
“I don’t know. I just do somehow. I know I’m going to have a son.”
He kissed my cheek and then took our plates over to the table.
We ate in silence for a long time before I finally forced myself to ask him the question I needed to know.
“Roc, why did you sell the house in D.C.? Was it because of me or the job?”
It was a while before he answered. “No, Lena, it wasn’t because of you. I needed to make everyone believe I’d made a clean break from you and The Agency. Then I was injured and Ed came up with the plan of faking my death. It seemed like a better option.” he faked a cringe.
“Why didn’t you get word to me? Why shut me out completely?”
He put down his fork and looked at me. “To be honest, I thought I was doing what you wanted. I thought you’d be better off without me complicating your new life.”
“Oh, Roc, that’s so not true. I need you with me…”
He took my hand across the table and squeezed it. “I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere.”
We spent hours going over all the details of the original document I’d translated, searching for any clue as to what the coalition terrorist cells were planning. It was useless. Something was missing. A key piece of the puzzle.
“Why don’t you get some sleep? I’ll be up in a little while,” he told me.
As much as I wanted to keep going, I was exhausted. I kissed him and let Roc searching.
But sleep proved hard to come by. I found myself waking from troubled dreams, frightened as painful images went round
in my head. Pictures of Roc and how close to death he’d come. Part of me still believed Roc’s life was in jeopardy.
When I couldn’t fall back to sleep again, I slipped downstairs. The light was still on in the great room but Roc was nowhere in sight. His laptop was open. He’d been making notes on what we’d discussed earlier. The last note was to himself.
Call Mark about Silvers’ find.
I didn’t understand what that meant but after another thorough search of Roc’s emails, nothing significant turned up. Whatever Roc was talking about wasn’t going to be found on his computer.
I went to the kitchen and made tea. It was there, sitting at the kitchen table that he found me.
“You’re up early?” he said and came and lifted me slowly to my feet. The look in his eyes swept my breath away. “I love you, Lena. I love you so much.”
I held him tight and prayed was content for the moment. Yet I couldn’t help but believe the happy ending I so craved would always be just out of our reach.
Chapter Ten
From somewhere downstairs, I heard the sound of my husband’s distinctively masculine voice. Roc was talking to someone on the phone.
I’d left him making breakfast while went upstairs to get dressed. My image in the mirror reflected the toll the past few months had taken on me. My brown eyes looked sunken, my skin ashen. I decided it didn’t matter what I chose to wear. I would still look terrible.
It was in that frame of mind, feeling more depressed than ever and pretty much discouraged about my future, that I made my way downstairs to find Roc standing in the kitchen making breakfast.
“Hi,” I said and Roc turned and looked at me with that solemn expression of his that never gave anything away. It was then that I noticed the open Bible on the table. Roc had been reading my Bible.
