by Anil Chawla
Old Flame
When Pantu and Saloni were at college together, many students thought the two were going steady with each other. Pantu openly admired her and Saloni reciprocated. Both were Punjabis. Both were from business families. They were regularly seen in each other’s company. A couple of times, when Saloni’s parents visited, students saw Pantu joining the family for dinner. Some of them knew about Pantu’s frequent visits to Saloni’s hostel room. In college, speculations go wild when a boy and a girl meet. While others knew superficial things, the two of them knew more.
***
Saloni wanted another cup of tea and it was poured out in a jiffy. The second cup helped them breathe easier. Somehow Pantu could sense the reason for Saloni’s long silence. He spoke reassuringly, ‘There is nothing to worry about. Bubbly knows that you and I were close in college, and had sex. She understands.’
Saloni looked at him disbelievingly, then froze and went very pale. After a few minutes, she took a deep breath, looked at him searchingly and knew that he was telling the truth.
There was another long silence. Both had gone back many years in time and were smiling together over them.
***
After his first visit to Saloni’s room, Pantu decided to do a vanishing act instead of going back to his room. He knew quite well that he’d have to face a barrage of questions from his friends. He took a shared auto to the city and came back quite late in the evening. His friends still pestered him with countless variations and repetitions of ‘what happened’, but he managed to evade them all. As time passed, it became routine for Pantu and Saloni to be seen together, eating out and watching films.
It was around Dussehra in 1985. The mood was festive all over Gujarat with Navratri celebrations everywhere. Pantu had been through one garba season whereas Saloni had not. Saloni enjoyed everything, and wanted to try garba herself. She asked Pantu if he’d like to go, and he said yes. She and a few other girls got some traditional clothes, and started to practise dancing.
Typically, garba events started late in the evening and went on till the wee hours of the morning. On the evening they had decided to go, Pantu found himself waiting a long time for her to get ready and come out. Saloni had selected a colourful chaniya and a backless choli, and arrived looking sensational. Pantu felt as nervous as the day he’d visited her room for the first time. The most beautiful girl on campus, looking all the more stunning today, was his date!
Many other boys were loitering around the hostel, some waiting for their dates, others just hoping to catch a glimpse of girls in traditional dresses. When Saloni arrived, all eyes turned to her.
She hurried to the gate and urged Pantu to start the bike quickly so they could escape the stares. He kicked his Yezdi and it roared to life. In his excitement, Pantu abruptly changed gears and the bike bucked, almost throwing Saloni off her seat. Reflexively, she grabbed Pantu. Sighs of envy could be heard from the loitering boys.
Saloni regained her balance and got a firm hold on the handle behind the seat. As they sped off and left the campus, Saloni’s fist met Pantu’s arm. ‘I’m sure you did that on purpose. You boys are impossible.’
Pantu tried to explain, ‘I was already nervous, and then you asked me to hurry. I just lost control. Believe me, it was totally unintentional.’ He paused and then said naughtily, ‘But if it happens again, it will be deliberate.’
Saloni started laughing. She put her arms around Pantu’s waist and said, ‘You don’t have to put on an act. Drive carefully now.’
‘How can I drive carefully with you sitting that close?’ Pantu protested. Saloni jabbed him harder this time and said, ‘You’d better get used to it!’
The hour-long drive to the garba venue seemed to finish in no time at all. They got off the bike and Pantu looked Saloni up and down. He spotted an elliptical scar very close to her navel. She noticed him staring at her bare midriff and grinned impishly. ‘That’s a scar my mother gave me accidentally in my childhood.’
Pantu was shocked, but she explained that once when her mother was frying cutlets, a four-year-old Saloni kept sneaking into the kitchen to steal some. Her mother warned her many times, but Saloni loved cutlets and paid no attention to the scoldings. On one of her attempts, her mother made a threatening gesture with the hot spatula, not actually meaning to touch her with it. Exactly at that moment, Saloni’s younger sister toddled in, accidentally pushing her within reach of the spatula. Saloni’s nylon frock charred immediately and the hot metal came into contact with her baby skin. There was commotion all around as the family rushed her to the doctor. The doctor treated the burn but the healing took time. Even then, the scar remained.
In later years, whenever her mother’s eyes fell upon the scar, she would cry. To ease her sense of guilt, Saloni would give her an affectionate hug every time and the tension would get defused.
Pantu reached out for an affectionate hug in response to this story, but with two hormonally charged youngsters, affection can quickly turn into passion.
They showed their passes at the gate and went inside. As Pantu moved towards the lawns, Saloni dragged him back to a door that led to one of the dressing-rooms in the lobby. She pulled Pantu inside and quickly bolted the door. In one swift motion, her lips were locked onto his. Pantu responded enthusiastically and soon, it was as though electricity was commanding their moves.
Suddenly, they heard a knock on the door. The spell was broken and they held their breaths. Saloni regained her composure and called out in Gujarati, ‘I’m changing. It will take five minutes.’
The intruder knocked again.
She looked around and then pushed Pantu into a corner. Going to the door, she opened it a bit. The action of the last few minutes had left her visibly dishevelled. There was a girl outside and a boy was standing at a distance. Saloni explained that she would take some time to dress. The girl gave her a curious look, nodded, and moved on. Saloni watched them go. After checking the doors of some rooms which were bolted, they stopped at a door and pushed it open. Finding it empty, the girl entered the room while the boy hesitated outside. He kept looking back nervously, seeing Saloni staring at them. The girl came out, said something in Gujarati, and pulled him inside the room.
Saloni closed the door and took a deep breath. Pantu came forward and tried to pull her towards him. His passion was still running high. Saloni slowed him down and said, ‘Let’s first go out and mingle with the crowd. We have lots of time.’
She went towards the mirror, checked her reflection and, taking out a kit from her purse, started retouching her makeup. Pantu was still not reconciled to the change of plans and moved close to her. Just then, they heard voices outside the room. He pulled back, looked at her from a distance, and said, ‘You’re right. Let’s go out. We really have all the time.’ He winked, and Saloni winked back.
They came out of the room looking calm and self-possessed, and joined the dance. People had dandiya sticks in their hands, and were going round in an endless circle, moving and clapping sticks together to the rhythm of the beat. Pantu had started liking these events, not out of any love for Gujarati culture or the dance form, but for the opportunity to eyeball so many girls together. Many of the girls showed an interest in him as well—after all he was a good-looking Punjabi boy. As for the extra girth in his middle, Gujjus were known for being a bit on the ‘healthier’ side themselves and didn’t mind.
Pantu and Saloni danced for about an hour and then sat down for a rest. They were sweating profusely. Pantu bought a couple of lemon drinks from a nearby stall. She was really thirsty and quickly gulped her drink. A few drops slid down her bosom. Noticing Pantu’s stare following the path of the drops, she elbowed him with a grin.
Arm in arm, they went for another round of garba. It was past midnight when they decided to leave.
Pantu vanished for a few minutes to check if they could get a room to themselves. This was quite common and one of the organizers was keen to help. He knew that young boys and
girls often looked for rooms after a long garba night out. It was said that the sale of condoms went up in Gujarat during garba days. So did accidental pregnancies, and gynaecologists were in great demand a few weeks after the festivities.
He asked for 200 rupees for a room for the night—to be vacated by six in the morning. When Pantu asked for an AC room, the charge was revised to 300. The organizer took pains to explain that it would be a fully air-conditioned, private room with an attached bathroom, well-furnished and with all the facilities they could think of. But it would be a 5-to-10-minute walk from the venue. Full payment was to be made in advance. Pantu agreed, gave him the money, and asked to see the place. A two-minute ride on Pantu’s bike, and they reached the building. As they entered the first floor room, Pantu saw that the man had not made empty promises. While handing over the keys, he pointed to the dressing-table drawer and said, ‘Helmets are in that.’ Confused, Pantu opened the drawer—to find a pack of imported condoms.
A few minutes later, Pantu was back at the venue where Saloni had been waiting. ‘The room’s arranged,’ he said. She looked at him with interest. Soon, they were on the bike and off towards the room. Saloni looked quite happy with it. She pulled out her nightclothes from her bag and went for a shower. When she came out dressed in a glamorous blue nightie, Pantu’s brain almost short-circuited. She had to push him into the bathroom. Pantu could not shower fast enough; he was in such a hurry that he did not even bother to put on the smart white kurta-pyjama he’d brought with him, and stepped out in his towel. In the meanwhile, Saloni had dried her hair, arranged the bed, and sprayed perfume around the room.
‘So, Mister Pantu, what is the plan now?’ she teased him.
‘It is very very simple,’ Pantu said, joining her on the bed with a naughty grin. As they embraced and started to kiss, two hands reached out in opposite directions—Pantu’s towards the drawer with condoms in it, and Saloni’s towards the light switch.
Several very busy minutes later, Saloni switched on the light. Relaxed, she rested her head on Pantu’s hairy chest. For some vague reason, Pantu was developing a sense of guilt. When he could not hold the words back, he asked, ‘What have we done? We should not have had sex before marrying. Why didn’t you stop me?’
‘What rubbish are you talking, Pantu?’ Saloni asked with surprise. ‘What does sex have to do with marriage? And what’s this nonsense about stopping you? Why would I do that when I was just as eager as you?’
She tried to get Pantu to see sense but he remained somewhat remorseful. They had almost dozed off when he said that they needed to get up early and vacate the room, and it would be better for them to reach their hostels before people woke up. Saloni wanted to laze around but nodded reluctantly. He set an alarm and they slept. The alarm clock went off after a couple of hours. Instinctively, she reached out to stop it, but he reminded her that they had to go. In a few minutes, they were out of the room and headed towards the garba venue. Pantu quickly went inside and placed the key where he had been told to.
On the empty roads it took them only twenty minutes to get back to campus. They said ‘bye’, walked to their respective rooms, and collapsed in their beds. Saloni fell asleep in no time, while Pantu lay on his bed thinking about the last few hours.
For the rest of the festive season, Saloni and Pantu went to the garba venue every day, danced and sang for a while, and then headed to their private den. With each passing day, the hours spent dancing grew shorter as their time closeted together in the room increased. They had plenty of sex, each encounter amplifying the desire for more.
On the last day of festivities, there was a mishap with a condom. Saloni looked terribly tense that night.
From the next day, life went back to its earlier boring routine of college and hostel. A few days later, Saloni met Pantu alone, her forehead furrowed with anxiety. ‘I’m extremely worried. I missed my period this month. What will happen now? I was really stupid to trust those condoms you used.’
Pantu was equally scared. ‘What if she is pregnant?’ he thought. During their nights together, Saloni had advised Pantu to stop feeling guilty as she was an eager partner. Now, she was on edge and blamed Pantu for the condom fiasco. Their conversations started becoming bitter, which had never happened between them before. Then, she missed a day of classes, and Pantu got even more worried.
The next day, Pantu saw Saloni walk towards her class looking quite relaxed. She was late and went past Pantu after a quick smile and wave. He was confused. As she had two consecutive classes, his anxiety kept mounting. He was pacing around in the corridor when she emerged. She took him aside and asked him to go to her room discreetly and wait for her there.
Pantu walked towards the girls’ hostel gingerly and silently stepped inside. A couple of girls saw him going towards Saloni’s room, but didn’t care as they’d seen him do so many times. He looked around to check if anybody was watching him, opened the lock, went inside, and quickly closed the door.
After a few minutes, he heard a knock. As he opened the door, Saloni hurried in, closed the door behind her, and hugged him passionately. There was a sense of relief in her action but she was out of breath too. Apparently, she had come at a brisk pace from class. Catching her breath, she said, ‘It happened. It happened finally. What a big relief it is!’
‘What happened?’ Pantu asked, sounding almost dumb.
‘My period, stupid. Thank god, I’m not pregnant,’ she said and kissed him with all the fire she had. She pushed him back with such force that he fell on her bed. She jumped on to the bed and started kissing him. Pantu was busy digesting the development and feeling relieved. After a few minutes, he signalled to her that some of her classmates might be coming back from lunch and they should be better behaved. She smiled and got up and asked him to take her out to lunch. To his own surprise, Pantu was a bit reluctant, but was afraid to hurt her feelings and said yes.
It was an unusually quiet lunch—normally both of them were quite chirpy when they were with each other.
Over the next few days, they met infrequently, which was partly due to extra academic pressure. As the weekend neared, Saloni asked, ‘Is our room available on non-garba days also? It’s been some time since we’ve been alone together. I’m really missing those days.’
Pantu was quite firm in his response. ‘We have to be really cautious, Saloni,’ he said gravely. ‘I feel that in the heat of the moment, we got carried away. We should control ourselves.’
Saloni was taken aback but tried to convince him. Pantu told her outright that he was not going there again.
From that day onwards, their relationship cooled off. The conversation was more formal, they maintained a distance and met less often. Even some of their friends noticed the change. Close friends tried to probe but nothing was revealed. College was about to close for winter break. They travelled to Delhi together. At the New Delhi railway station, Pantu waited for her to board the train to Chandigarh before going home.
Two weeks passed quickly. Pantu called her a couple of times to check travel plans for their return, but she was not at home. Once, her mother answered the phone and informed him that Saloni would return to the campus a few days late.
Pantu made the return journey alone. Saloni returned almost a week later. When they met for the first time after the break, Pantu was excited, but felt that she was quite cold in her responses. There was something amiss. He tried to ask her about it on a few occasions but they were rarely alone long enough for him to finish his question. The following weekend, Pantu invited her to dinner at her favourite restaurant. Once they were comfortably seated, Pantu asked her what had happened in the past few weeks and why she had changed so much.
She hesitated a bit before slowly saying, ‘The more I thought about what you said, the more I realized that it was my mistake. We live in Indian society and have to conform to our social norms. It is good for us and our families.’ Pantu was not convinced—this was not like Saloni. He continued to ask her
what had happened. Finally, she told him what had happened over the holidays.
The day after her arrival, her parents asked her to consider a marriage proposal suggested by a distant relative. She emphatically rejected the idea as she was not even thinking about marriage. She was only in the first year of college—she was too young and she wanted to complete her education. Her parents insisted that she at least meet the boy once. Her refusal was ignored and she was compelled to meet Parvinder. He agreed to the match right away. His parents offered that she could continue to study after the wedding, if that was her goal. Saloni knew very well that continuing her studies, that too in engineering, after getting married into a typical Punjabi family was a pipe dream. At the most, she would be allowed to study home science. She stood her ground and tried to explain her views to her parents. While the matter was deferred for the time being, the sword of Damocles hung over her future, because the boy’s parents were ready to wait for a couple of years for the wedding if some small ceremony was held soon. She refused to back down, which led to frequent confrontations between her mother and father. They were from a well-off family but her father was a traditional Punjabi man who wanted to get his ‘responsibility’ to marry off his daughter over with as early as possible. On the other hand, her mother was keen that Saloni finish her education and become independent first.
Pantu was quite perturbed at her situation and stood by her side, comforting her with the thought that they would find a solution. How, he had no clue. Saloni felt quite relieved after sharing her personal problems with Pantu. From that moment on, they enjoyed the dinner and came back to the hostel in better spirits. Their relationship continued, though without the earlier fire and passion—and they both preferred it this way. The friendship became stronger.
