by Anil Chawla
First he saw the dull yellow, faded wall of the house. Small children, who had perhaps never seen such a car, lined up on both sides of it, touching it in wonder. A girl who looked about twelve or thirteen years old emerged from the house and ran towards him. It took him a few moments to recognize her. It was his niece, whom he had last seen years ago. Then a small boy came out, and both children touched Goky’s feet. He gave them an affectionate hug and walked into the house, his hands on their shoulders. He saw Swati, greeted her and touched her feet. As Darshan brought the luggage in, the children told Goky that Vinod had gone to a nearby town for a music programme and would be back the next day. They were keen to know what their Chachu had brought them from the US. After some initial shyness, they had dozens of stories to tell him and he listened with rapt attention.
Swati kept trying to persuade them to let Chachu take some rest, but the children were bubbling over with enthusiasm. Over the next few hours, Goky drank several cups of tea and snacked liberally on pakoras and other fried goodies. By dinner time, he was belching and managed only a few bites before giving up. He asked the kids if they wanted to go out for some ice cream to which they agreed enthusiastically. He had changed into casual clothes and decided to walk, attracting far fewer stares than before. The walk helped him feel lighter. After they returned, Swati could see that Goky was tired and got the kids to leave him alone.
Whenever Goky came home, he liked to stay in his mother’s room. Tonight, as he entered it, he had a peculiar feeling. He looked up at the large framed photograph of his mother. The flower garland around it had dried up. He went close to the photo, took his handkerchief out and stretched his hand up to clean the dust on the frame. Abruptly, he froze. He felt like he’d seen his mother’s face smile at him. He also sensed a familiar fragrance. After a few moments, he realized that the fragrance was of his mother’s favourite hair oil, Jabakusum. Many a times, after she was finished oiling her hair, she would rub her hands on his head. He resisted when he was small, but grew up to love it. He imagined his mother in the room, alive, oiling her hair.
He lay on the bed exhausted, but could not sleep. He turned on his side and tried to pierce the darkness in the room to see the picture. It looked as if her picture had become sharper in the frame, and her overwhelming presence was making it visible even in the darkness.
‘That can’t be true,’ said Goky to himself. As his eyes closed with fatigue, he felt her fingers running through his hair and he slept. That night he woke up many times, and dreamed many times. Each time, his mother was present in his dreams.
***
The fierce wind blowing in from outside was bone-chilling and wet. His teeth were chattering. Slowly, he opened his eyes. He felt as if he’d been unconscious and the cold had brought him to his senses. He found himself in a small aircraft. He was alone and, to his surprise, the doors of the aircraft were open, letting the cold wind in. For a few moments, he remained baffled. Then he slowly pulled himself up by an armrest and looked around. The aircraft was in the air, but not at a great height. The strangest thing was that it was stationary, with no sound of an engine. It was a 12-seater aircraft but there was nobody in the passenger area. Haltingly, he moved towards the cockpit. As expected, the door was closed. He peeped through the small glass pane in the door and got the shock of his life. Nobody seemed to be there. Who was flying the plane? He pushed the door and it flew open. What he saw next froze him. The pilot was half-lying in the chair and looked either unconscious or dead. The co-pilot was in a similar state. Goky screamed for help. Nobody answered his scream. He came out and ran to the back of the craft but found nobody. He looked outside and saw the wings of the plane. He went to the front and looked down. The scene seemed to belong to another planet. The ground was clearly visible, as he was hardly 1,000 feet above the ground. He could see a river below, with both shores shining white. On the ground, he saw a human body lying face down. Just then, the aircraft lurched to one side. He lost his balance and was thrown out of the plane. He screamed loudly but the sound seemed to stay within him. He was hurtling down at great speed and, for some strange reason, he was heading towards the human body. As he neared the ground, an unknown force decreased his velocity, as if somebody had stretched out a hand to stop the headlong rush of his body. He was almost floating and, very gently, fell to the ground. He was just a metre away from the body. He inched forward and touched it. It moved a bit and he could hear a whisper. He turned the body around and jolted back. It was his mother; the only difference was that her face was absolutely white and her skin lacked all colour. She showed signs of life and slowly opened her eyes. But she showed no signs of recognizing him and appeared to look through him. She got up and started moving towards the water. He also tried to get up, but his body felt too heavy to lift.
He tried to scream, ‘Ma, I am Goky, your son. Why don’t you recognize me? Where are you going? Why don’t you say something?’ But no words came out, as if he had lost his voice.
Soon, she was in the water, but floating on it. And then her outline became distant and blurred and merged with the air. As long as she was visible, he was unable to lift himself but, the moment she vanished, he felt unshackled. He heard the sound of a strong wind blowing from behind him and turned around. The view seemed to have changed. Before him was a large ground with silk-cotton trees lining its boundaries. The trees were bizarrely half in leaf and half barren. And then he saw her again, slightly raised off the ground, gliding through the air and coming towards him. He desperately wanted to get up but, once again, he seemed to have been chained to the ground. She floated in the air towards him but appeared not to see him. Now, she was so close that he could smell once more the fragrance of Jabakusum. It enveloped him like ether. Almost choking, he passed out.
***
He felt hands shaking his body and heard voices above him.
‘What’s happened, Chachu?’
‘What’s happened, Goky?’
He opened his eyes and saw Swati and the kids around him, shaking him vigorously. His whole body was damp and he was breathing heavily. He looked so frightened that Swati sat down beside him, put his head on her lap and started stroking his forehead. This reminded him of his mother’s touch, and helped him regain control. He told them he’d probably had a bad dream. While they did not appear convinced, he persuaded them to go to sleep again. He tried hard to make sense of the dream but gave up after some time. The profuse sweating had left him drained and soon he was fast sleep, this time without interruptions.
A loud conversation between Vinod and the kids woke him up. Vinod entered the room. They greeted one another and exchanged pleasantries. After baths, they met again at the breakfast table. The kids had gone to school. Vinod and Goky got to talking. Goky said, ‘I wanted to talk to you about our ancestral property.’ Vinod was taken aback and then, as he remembered that Goky was the joint owner of the property, his face sank. Goky quickly cleared up what he meant. ‘Bhaiya, due to my increasing responsibilities at work, it is becoming difficult for me to come here, and there is very little that I contribute. I want to renounce my share so the property can be solely in your name.’ He saw relief on Vinod’s face. As the conversation moved forward, Vinod indicated that now that he was fairly settled and had a steady stream of income, there was no need for Goky to send the family money—especially as their mother was no more. There was silence in the room. While Goky had continued to send money even after their mother’s death, this clarification helped ease the pressure on him. He always feared creating the impression that he sent money only for his mother’s sake.
They consulted an expert, Goky signed some papers, and they were done with the property matter. He now found it much easier to speak plainly to his elder brother. He remembered the first time he had caught his brother drinking on the terrace of the house. Vinod had given him five rupees to not tell their parents.
Goky got to his feet and told Vinod, ‘Bhaiya, I’ve brought something special for you. Come
with me.’ He opened his suitcase and unpacked a neatly wrapped parcel. There were two bottles in it—one JW Black Label scotch and one Glenlivet single malt whiskey. Handing them to his brother, Goky said with an ironic smile, ‘Do you remember….’ Vinod completed the sentence for him and both burst into such loud laughter that Swati came running to see what was going on. She was happy to see the two brothers talking freely with each other for a change. She had always noticed an odd distance between them. They spoke very little to each other. Goky was chatty with others, but went quiet in front of Vinod and spoke in monosyllables. She was amused when she saw the two of them laughing together over a shared joke. Then her eyes went to the two bottles and she stiffened. This was one area where she kept Vinod on a tight leash, with the wifely threat that she would have nothing to do with him if he drank. Vinod was genuinely afraid that she would implement her threat.
But today, Vinod boldly declared, ‘Don’t stop me today, Swati. Goky and I are going to drink together.’ Then he went on to tell the story of the first time Goky had caught him drinking on the terrace. Goky was quite embarrassed about this, but Swati laughed and finally let the brothers go ahead and enjoy themselves.
That evening, she prepared some special snacks for the two brothers which they enjoyed with their tipple. After a couple of glasses, they opened up more than ever before. But as before, Vinod became quieter after he drank. Goky had to encourage him to speak. ‘Bhaiya, did you feel a bit jealous when I got more of Ma’s attention than you did in our childhood?’ Vinod was quiet for few seconds and then nodded. It relieved Goky of an old burden. Vinod went on to describe many occasions when he had felt like that: all typical episodes that give rise to sibling rivalry. Then he started sobbing. Goky went to him and put his arms around his brother’s shoulders. Vinod confided that he understood his own limitations: his inability to concentrate on anything for long or be steadfast at what he did. He praised Goky’s excellence at studies and how he was able to work for long hours without slackening even a little.
And then he stated emphatically, ‘Goky, you deserve what you have achieved in life. And I have got what was due to me. If I were to live all over again, I would blindly do what you did from childhood. But this is life and there are no replays in life.’
Goky had achieved quite a lot in life, but this was the greatest tribute he had ever got. With tears in his eyes, he hugged and thanked his brother. The ice had melted between the two of them.
Swati came in after a while and announced that they had had enough of drinking, and escorted them to the dining area. The kids were already there and were happy to see their father and Chachu together. Dinner that night was noisy and fun.
Food made them feel heavy as they had downed quite a few large ones. They quickly retired to their beds. Goky fell asleep in no time.
***
The blazing sun and heat woke him up. As he opened his eyes, Goky saw blue sky above him, but a haze of dust around him. He realized that he was lying on sand in a desert with not a soul around for miles. Wherever he turned his head, his eyes met mirages. His throat was utterly parched, and every breath of hot, dry air he inhaled made it worse. He desperately needed some water but there was none around. He did not know how he had landed in the middle of a desert. He had to exert himself when he tried to get up. He was barely able to walk but kept trying. Then he heard a voice which was not of a human being. He turned around and saw a camel treading towards him, and the voice came from it. There was nobody walking alongside the camel or sitting on it. Who would have left the camel—perhaps the only hope of survival—in the desert? As the camel neared him, he noticed a waterskin hanging from its neck. His eyes lit up and he reached for it. The camel seemed friendly and let him help himself. With shaking hands, Goky took the cork out and started drinking in large gulps. Suddenly, in one swift motion, the camel snatched the waterskin and held it high, all the while ensuring that water did not spill from it. Goky tried to grab it back but it was out of his reach. After some time, the camel bent its neck and held the waterskin right above Goky’s head as if asking him to open his mouth, which Goky did. The camel lowered the waterskin and let a few drops of water fall into Goky’s mouth. This happened a few times and then the camel gave the waterskin back to Goky, who by that time had realized that the camel did not want him to drink a large quantity of water quickly which might have hit his stomach rather hard. The camel appeared to be behaving like an intelligent human being. After some time, as Goky recovered, the camel lowered itself and nudged Goky to sit on its back. Goky obeyed and climbed on. He almost fell when the camel raised itself to its full height. It started walking through the desert.
The camel walked for a long time. The sun went lower and lower, and soon it was night. As they approached habitation, Goky heard noises. They had arrived at a village in the desert and the villagers were in the middle of some kind of celebration. The camel knelt to ease Goky onto the ground, which was not sand any more. Seeing a stranger arrive, the villagers came close to welcome him and asked him to join them in their celebration. He was reluctant, but then he heard an elderly woman’s voice urging him, ‘Son, feel a part of us. Don’t worry, everything will be all right.’ Strangely, the voice was quite similar to his mother’s. The villagers gave him something to eat and a glass of coconut water, which refreshed him. He remembered the camel and turned back towards it but there was nothing in sight. He was baffled—where did the camel vanish? He asked some of the people around him but nobody responded. A man looked at him intently and then said that he had sighted Goky walking in the desert, alone. Goky was mystified. After some time, he gave up thinking and tried to relax.
***
As he opened his eyes, he found himself in his mother’s room, with her picture hanging on the wall—and smiling at him.
He sat up on the cot, perspiring profusely and trembling, and began to cry. His sobbing became so loud that it brought Swati to his room. When she saw him in this wretched condition, she once again sat next to him, placed his head in her lap, and started stroking his forehead and running her fingers through his hair. It was then that Goky uttered brokenly, ‘Bhabhi, I could have come when Ma was seriously ill. But I didn’t.’
Swati continued to comfort him and said, ‘Mothers have big hearts. Surely, she has forgiven you.’
Goky felt almost weightless, as if a huge burden had been removed from his mind and heart.
The Indo-US Alliance That Was Not To Be
Kalpu met Steve at a company get-together in the summer of 1998. She was already known in the company as a rising star, since she had got the President’s Award that year. Steve was a successful pharmaceutical sales representative. He introduced himself to her at the party. He was tall and handsome and had an air of calm about him. Kalpu found herself drawn into conversation with him. He told her how in his college days, he had spent a summer backpacking in the Himalayas. He spoke fondly of his memories of India. They enjoyed talking with each other and exchanged phone numbers.
The next day, Kalpu was watching TV at home when Steve called her. He invited her to dinner, and she accepted. That Friday, they went to an Indian restaurant together. Kalpu noticed that he had a real taste for Indian food. To her amusement, he ordered samosas as an appetizer. Seeing him enjoy the samosas with gusto, she thought he’d have no room for the main course, but he proved her wrong with hearty helpings of his beloved tandoori chicken and ‘naan bread’. They chatted about many things over dinner, telling each other about their jobs and hobbies. She learned that Steve had been with the company for over ten years and travelled quite a lot on business.
Over the next few dates, Kalpu got to know Steve better. He appreciated the diversity and spirituality of India—his familiarity with Indian culture surprised her. His parents had divorced when he was quite young, and both had remarried. He had a number of step-siblings but wasn’t particularly close to any of them.
Kalpu was reluctant to get into a serious relationship, and yet everythi
ng about Steve was serious. With his thoughtful, composed temperament, he belied the stereotype of a sales rep. She had made American friends easily, but her connection with Steve was different. It was as if his interest in India bridged a gap between two worlds. Soon, she realized that Steve was quite serious about settling down, and they started spending more time together.
Ten months after they started dating, Steve proposed to her. It was on a Saturday, a beautiful spring evening. They were dining at her favourite Italian restaurant in downtown Chicago. Steve had arranged for the ring to be hidden in the gelato she loved for dessert, and was keeping a close eye on her to make sure she didn’t swallow it. When she found the ring, she was astonished and before she knew it, Steve was down on his knees, saying, ‘Will you marry me, Kalpu?’
Kalpu was speechless at the sudden development. They were quite comfortable with each other and knew their relationship could go to the next level. Yet, Steve had given her no hint of his intent to propose.
The restaurant was a favoured venue for many proposers, and patrons were familiar with the ritual. In unison, they chanted, ‘Say yes, say yes!’
A few moments of hesitation, then Kalpu nodded and said, ‘Yes.’
When Kalpu broke the news to her family, her mother had a fit. Help came from her father who insisted that Kalpu should live life as she wanted to. After several rounds of arguments, her mother agreed but insisted that Kalpu have a wedding ceremony in India too. So she and Steve decided to have a church wedding in the US and a Hindu one in India. After that, life became quite busy. Planning a wedding in the US turned out to be quite difficult, especially without the help of family members. Maria and their other friends did their best to help with the complicated planning and shopping involved.
