by Sierra Dafoe
Oh hell, Mom, why did I come back? Why aren’t you here to tell me what to do?
One pain blurred into another, and suddenly she was twenty-one again, laughing, giddy-headed with her first legal beer buzz as first Kyle, then Alan, spun her around the floor of Big Blue’s Billiards and Beer, taking turns partnering her while the jukebox cranked out Hank Williams tunes. She’d been drunk enough to press against them, loving the feel of their strong arms around her. She’d rested her head against Kyle’s bony shoulder, letting the world rotate slowly as he’d held her close, so close that she could hear his heartbeat thundering and feel the tension that trembled through his lean, rangy frame.
He wasn’t the only one who had trembled, Cassie admitted. She'd still been a virgin, but nevertheless her body had instinctively known what it wanted. She’d strained toward him, feeling every rasp of sensation as her breasts brushed against his chest, aware of the damp, silky heat curling deep in her groin. Then Alan had claimed her, his coal black hair whispering against her cheek as she’d clung to him, hardly daring to breathe, feeling his long, taut thighs move against hers as they’d swayed slowly back and forth.
When she’d gone to the ladies’ room afterward, her crotch had been so slick and sensitive she’d slid a finger into herself almost wonderingly. Then she’d moaned, letting her head drop back as her fingers found the sensitive ridge of her clit and pressed—once. That’s all it had taken. The tension inside her had snapped like a twig, leaving her shuddering and gasping, trying to stifle her moans as the aftershocks poured through her.
They’d been waiting for her in the parking lot when she’d finally tugged on her coat and staggered out of Big Blue’s. The windshield of Kyle’s truck had been clouded with frost, and exhaust from the tailpipe had plumed in the air. Silently, grinning to herself, she’d snuck around to the far side of the truck, planning to pound on the windshield and give them the scare of their lives.
Instead she’d frozen, one hand poised midair, her heart shattering as she’d watched Alan put his arm around Kyle and pull him into a harsh, desperate embrace.
They way they’d kissed each other, their tongues darting deep, hands coming up to cup each other’s faces, their fingers digging through each other’s hair… Even now, her clit pulsed at the memory of that kiss, the sheer, sensual savagery of it. Their hunger had shown in every deep, panting groan, in the tremble of their fingers, in the way their bodies strained toward each other through their bulky winter jackets. They’d sucked at each other’s tongues, their well-known faces suddenly strange and unfamiliar in the flush of desire, and Cassie had felt a cold deeper than all the winters she’d ever lived sink into her bones.
Why had they never looked at her like that? How come they never wanted her?
Tilting his head back, Alan had swallowed as Kyle nipped at his neck, his voice hoarse as he whispered, “Please, Ky. I can’t wait any longer. I can’t.”
Kyle had turned , Cassie remembered, glancing back over his shoulder toward the pool hall. She’d followed his gaze, half expecting to see herself staggering across the parking lot, laughing and oblivious. The girl she’d been only five minutes before seemed suddenly as much a stranger as the two boys in the pickup truck, necking furiously while she’d leaned against a bathroom stall, finger-fucking herself and dreaming of them.
How could she have been so blind?
She’d ducked down behind the rail of the truck bed, her heart thudding like a mallet in her chest. She remembered wondering how it could pound so when it was lying in jagged pieces inside her. Part of her had wanted to fling open the door, shriek at them, rake their handsome, deceitful faces with her nails…but some other, darker part had drawn her silently back to her feet to stare through the frost-rimed glass as Kyle unbuckled Alan’s belt and bent down, his honey gold hair falling around his face as he’d slid his lips around Alan’s jutting cock, taking it deep into his mouth.
She’d never even seen a man’s erect penis before. Heat had exploded inside her cunt even as her throat swelled shut with tears, and she’d watched, unable to drag her gaze away, as Kyle pulled back, giving her a quick, shadowed glimpse of Alan’s cockhead, shiny with spit and so hard it could have been carved out of marble. Then he’d plunged his head downward, his cheeks forming hollows as he sucked hungrily at Alan’s shaft.
Alan had leaned against the window, his shaggy black hair brushing the glass inches from her face, and in that moment Cassie had hated him, hated him with a passion deeper than anything she’d ever imagined. Her hands had twisted into fists even as his slid to Kyle’s hair, his fingers twining through it as he groaned, thrusting his hips upward, his entire body arching as he shoved his cock into Kyle’s mouth. Cassie stared blindly at the milky drop of fluid that escaped Kyle’s lips as he swallowed, trickling down his strong chin.
Then something had snapped inside her, sending her running as she never had before in her life, her pulse thudding in her ears and the thick, heavy agony in her groin pounding mercilessly…
It was infuriating that even now, three years later, the single most hurtful memory of her life could still make her ache with desire. Her sobs deepened, and she beat futilely at Kyle as he held her tighter, murmuring soothing words that only exacerbated the pain in her heart.
How could he hold her like this, damn him? How could he touch her so gently when she hated him? He’d broken her heart, he and Alan—they’d torn it between them like two puppies with a sock, leaving her with nothing but ripped, tangled shreds.
Why wouldn’t he let her go?
Kyle was saying something, but she was shrieking too loud to hear him, her fists flailing at his chest, his shoulders, struggling to break his grip on her. She screamed as he swung her upward, scooping her unceremoniously into arms that felt suddenly like steel bands, pinning her to him.
He carried her into the parlor and lowered her onto to the sofa. Immediately Cassie sprang back off it, trying to get past him.
“Cassie!” Grabbing her arm, he shoved her back down, pinning her bodily to the cushions. She arched below him, screaming, fighting against the hands clasping her shoulders, the legs wrapped tight around her own.
“Cass! Damn it, Cass, breathe!”
She glared up at him wildly…and saw him staring down at her, panting, his eyes wide and shocked. Like a cord snapping, her rage broke, running out of her like water through sand. She sobbed, feeling all the grief and hurt she’d kept so long at bay wash over her, seizing her as ruthlessly as a tidal wave.
Nothing was safe. Nothing held its shape—not Kyle, not Alan, not the world. Nothing.
Ten days after that night at Big Blue’s, Meredith Jordan had suffered a fatal heart attack. Cassie, who had moved through those ten days wrapped in a numbness so deep she’d honestly believed she wasn’t really that hurt, had found the last tenuous strands of her childhood torn away, leaving her with nothing but a hollowness she knew she’d never be able to fill.
Now she cried, feeling the warm weight of Kyle’s body over her like a blanket, his arms shifting around her to hold her close. It wasn’t his fault that he wanted Alan. And he did love her. He did. He’d even been there for her at her mother’s funeral, if she’d wanted him, if she’d even so much as lifted a hand…
The parking lot hadn’t, in fact, been the last time she’d seen them. She’d spotted them at the cemetery, standing together far back in the crowd, their faces pale and somber. But by then she’d been too far gone to even care. As the first shovelful of half-frozen dirt had thudded down onto the casket, she’d turned on her heel and left. Before the sun rose again on Preacher’s Bend she’d been a hundred miles east, heading for Chicago.
Sliding an arm around his neck, she hugged Kyle apologetically as her tears finally slowed. His chest heaved with sharp, rasping breaths. Realizing only then how badly she’d frightened him, Cassie turned her head to whisper “I’m sorry” in his ear…and froze as his mouth, hot and demanding, closed on hers.
For a mo
ment, her mind went terrifyingly blank. This couldn’t be happening. It couldn’t. He didn’t want her. He’d never wanted her…
Then she was kissing him back with a frenzy that stunned her, pulling him to her with a desperation she’d never once felt with Richard. Kyle’s hands stroked her face, her arms, her back as their lips locked together, tongues darting hungrily into each other’s mouths, their bodies straining together as if starved for the contact.
Kyle pulled back abruptly, staring down at her in shock, his chest rising and falling rapidly. His silvery blue eyes seemed to burn into her, wide with questions, doubts and—unmistakably—desire. Groaning, he bent his neck to seize her mouth again, his tongue diving deep between her lips to taste her, devour her. She arched up against him as his hips pressed down, rubbing his cock right against the place that ached for him—that had always ached for him.
How many nights, how many years had she dreamed of this? Practically whimpering with impatience, Cassie tugged Kyle’s shirt from his jeans, sliding her hands under it to feel the hard, solid ripple of his abs. He kept his mouth tight against hers as he unzipped her jacket and unbuttoned her blouse, his fingers shaking, his eyes closed as if he, too, could barely believe what was happening. Hesitantly, he brushed his hand over the lace of her bra and she cried out, moaning into his mouth, holding him tighter as he squeezed first one breast, then the other with growing assurance.
Like teenagers, they rubbed against each other, legs intertwining, hips pistoning fiercely as they fought to press their bodies even closer together. The bulge of his erection strained against her clit, and he panted in her ear, his fingers finding the taut nub of her nipple and squeezing it over and over until she was writhing beneath him, her thighs wrapped around his hips, her hands scrabbling madly at his heavy sheepskin jacket. She dragged it off him, hungry for the feel of his body against hers, and felt him stiffen in sudden doubt or fear.
He couldn’t stop now—he couldn’t! With wanton desperation, Cassie buried her hands in his hair, dragging his mouth back down to hers, kissing him until something inside of him, some last hesitation, crumbled like sand. With a harsh, wild sob, he thrust his tongue deep into her open mouth and dragged her tight against him.
Fumbling, eager, they tore at each other’s clothes. Kyle hugged her to his chest with one arm as he worked her coat off with the other. Cassie didn’t even bother with the buttons of his shirt as she yanked it over his head, taking the white T-shirt beneath with it, and tugged his belt loose. Then she dropped her head against the arm of the couch, panting.
Bracing himself on his arms, Kyle looked down at her, his pale, piercing eyes drinking in the sight of her. Her blouse hung open; her breasts, cupped in her white lace bra, heaved with each breath. His gaze traced them, his pupils widening, and Cassie studied him just as avidly.
She hadn’t seen him shirtless since he was thirteen, his lengthening body still all sharp angles and seeming half-finished. Now she stared wonderingly, transfixed by the width of his burly shoulders, the solid curve of his collarbones, the firm swell of his chest flecked now with soft blond hairs. His nipples, small and tight, brushed against her palms as she slid her hand over his pecs, following the smooth rise and fall of his ribcage down to the taut muscles of his abs.
Groaning, Kyle bent his head, kissing the curve of her breasts above her bra, then raked his teeth lightly over one lace-clad nipple. Her cunt, already soaked with arousal, throbbed hungrily, and she pressed against him, sliding her hands up his back, feeling the heavy muscles beneath the velvety skin. Burying his face between her breasts, he murmured, “Cass… Oh, Cass.”
Cupping his head, Cassie led his mouth to one nipple, crying out gladly as his lips closed over it, sucking it through the thin, scratchy fabric.
Somewhere in her mind she could see him, his head bent just as it was now, his lips tugging hungrily at Alan’s jutting cock. Fiercely, she pushed the image away. For once in her life, damn it, she would have this. Now, if never again, she would have one of the two men she loved.
She closed her eyes, refusing to think, wrapping her arms more tightly around his neck as he tongued and suckled her aching breast. His breathing was heavier now, deeper, the sound of his panting almost frantic as he tugged at her nipple, sucking it greedily. He moaned deep in his throat, and Cassie gasped as her womb clenched, already on the verge of climax.
As blindly as a puppy, Kyle nuzzled at her body, his tongue flickering over her skin as he moved slowly downward. His lips whispered almost worshipfully down the softness of her belly, pausing at her navel to explore it while his fingers, awkward with desire, tugged at her jeans. The small, furtive sound of her zipper opening was, Cassie thought, the most erotic thing she’d ever heard.
He hauled clumsily at her jeans, peeling them off, and laughed nervously as they tangled on her sneakers. “I haven’t exactly had a lot of practice at this.” He glanced up at her, his eyes wide, questioning, almost frightened.
In answer she kicked off her sneakers, shedding her jeans with them. Kyle sat back on his haunches, his belt hanging open, simply looking at her, his eyes following the line of her thighs, her hips, the curve of her breasts. Cassie stared at the hard bulge of his cock inside his jeans, so erect she could see the flushed, engorged tip straining just beyond the worn denim.
Wonderingly, Kyle reached out, running his hands slowly up her thighs. When his fingers brushed the line of her panties, Cassie moaned.
Kyle’s eyes fluttered shut, his face going lax as his attention turned inward. He swallowed twice, his Adam’s apple bobbing sharply. Then he opened his eyes. Lightly, exploring, he trailed one finger down the front of her panties, tickling her clit. Cassie gasped again and let her thighs fall open, and Kyle’s gaze dropped to her cunt, his eyes widening at the wetness soaking the white fabric. Reaching down, she grabbed his wrist and slowly, unmistakably, pushed his hand against her crotch until his fingers slid beneath her panties and one sank deep into the hot slickness of her cunt.
With a deep, hungry groan, Kyle bent forward, closing his mouth over the swell of her mons. He suckled it right through her panties, his tongue jabbing against the stretched cotton, teasing her clit till she was writhing beneath him, tilting her hips up as he pistoned his finger in and out of her. Her head spun. Her heart thundered in her chest like a racehorse. Digging her hands into Kyle’s short, wavy hair, she pressed his mouth even harder against her.
Impatiently, he grabbed the fabric of her panties, yanking them aside, and moaned as he closed his mouth around her swollen clit. His tongue danced along its length, lapping it as he plunged first one finger, then two, inside her, moving them faster and faster. The heat in her groin roared upward, flaring along her nerves, and Cassie heard small, rising cries spilling shamelessly from her throat. She didn’t care—nothing mattered but the feel of Kyle’s mouth tugging at her clit, his fingers plumbing her slick, hot passage, fucking her with a frenzy that matched the fire inside her, matched it and stroked it to a blazing, blinding lust.
She cried out as the tension inside her shattered. Her whole body throbbed, straining against him as she crested. His tongue curled down to catch the juices spilling from her, lapping around his fingers as they thrust in and out of her. Her cunt clenched around them, squeezing them tight, making Kyle groan, his entire body going rigid with need.
She clutched at his shoulders, tugging him upward, and reveled in the desperate craving that suffused his face. His eyes were half-closed, his lips parted, his features heavy with almost mindless arousal. His cock jerked inside his jeans as she slid her hand over it and deftly slid his zipper down. His erection sprang out to greet her. She wrapped her hand around it, amazed at its thickness. Veins pulsed just beneath the velvety skin, and she traced them lightly with one finger.
Kyle groaned, tilting his head back, and Cassie tugged at his jeans, working them down over his hips. His cock strained toward her, bobbing with the force of her tugs. She had to have it. She couldn’t wait any mo
re. Grabbing the full, hard curves of his ass in both hands, she dragged him down atop her.
His swollen cockhead pressed against her furred outer lips, rubbing through the juices slicking her folds. “Cassie,” he groaned desperately, almost warningly, his voice harsh with need. Suddenly terrified he’d pull away, Cassie buried her face against the strong column of his neck and pushed her hips upward, crying aloud as he sank into her.
God, never in her wildest dreams had she imagined he’d feel this good! His cock, longer than Richard’s and seemingly twice as thick, felt like a ramrod inside her, muscling slowly deeper as he spread her open. Her panties dragged across her mons, teasing her clit, and she chewed at her lip, feeling her nipples tighten in sheer ecstasy. He stopped halfway into her, pulled back and then thrust in again, sinking in to the hilt in one hard, impatient lunge. Cassie cried out, hugging him to her, feeling him stiffen as he fought to hold back the orgasm she could sense pulsing in his balls.
He hung there, quivering, his cheekbone pressing against hers, his soft whiskers scraping her face lightly as he panted in her ear. Sliding her hands up his back, she squeezed the hard muscles over his shoulder blades, then laced her fingers together around the back of his neck, holding him there. She could feel the warm, heavy weight of his balls against her ass, and his belt buckle trapped between their legs, cold and hard against her thigh.
“Oh my God,” Kyle whispered hoarsely. “Oh, Jesus, Cass.” The naked hunger in his voice sent a thrill through her, and her clit throbbed again, making her cunt clench around him. He groaned and ground his hips against hers, the flat plane of his pelvic bone pressed tight against her mons. Rocking back and forth, he worked his cock inside her without ever withdrawing, his hard fullness inside her stoking her senses, the pressure of his groin against hers teasing her clit until it ached.
Lifting his head, he kissed her, slow and deep, his tongue probing her mouth. His right hand slid up her ribcage, finding her breast and cupping it, rubbing and caressing her nipple until it blazed with fire. Tugging her bra downward, he rolled the hard, taut nub between his fingers, pinching it, all the while sliding his shaft back and forth in that deep, slow, seductive way that made her head spin and her entire body clamor for more.
