by Becky McGraw
“I love to see you smile,” he said, holding her hand to look into her eyes.
Warmth spread up her arm, through her chest and to her face. Maddie basked in it, then with a sigh, sent it back where it belonged.
“Well, I don’t, because I know what it looks like,” she replied, her eyes burning as she dragged them away. “Don’t try to use that smarmy southern charm to try to boost my self-esteem. It’s not going to work, Hawkins.”
“Smarmy charm?” he repeated, hooting as he releasing her hand. “I’ll have you know there is nothing smarmy about my charm, sweetheart. If I turn it on, it’s for real.”
“Well, it’s not working on me. I’m a realist, and the reality is you’re pitying me again. Stop it.” Two hot tears jumped ship over her lower lids and she sucked in a sharp breath to keep more from following.
He grabbed her chin and made her look at him again. “I’m what?!?” he almost shouted, then glanced at the door. “Are you insane too?”
“I wonder that often these days,” she replied, her chin trembling. “And I’d have to be to think you’re looking at me like that for any other reason.”
“The only one pitying you, Maddie Carter, is you. And the pity party is over,” Hawk growled as he stepped to the side, slid his hands under her legs then lifted her into his arms.
“What in the ever-loving hell are you doing, Rhett?!” she squealed, pushing his shoulder. “Put me back in the bed. Now!”
“It’s time for your shower and a lesson, sweet thang. It seems you’ve forgotten some important details about me and I’m about to refresh your memory,” he growled, as he carried her across the room.
Oh, God. The heat in his words, that look in his eyes, sent a tidal wave of need washing through her. It was unexpected but drowned her by the time he stopped to open the door. His fingers dug into her thighs and a tremor rocked her as he gripped her with one strong arm to open the door.
Maybe his charm wasn’t smarmy after all, and she was the one lying to herself when she said it wasn’t working. It was working in a big way as he carried her inside, set her on the toilet then went back to the door. The sound of the lock clicking echoed off the porcelain-tiled walls and inside her head. His look was predatory as he walked back to smile down at her.
Maddie gasped when he leaned in to reach behind her. His heat concentrated the delicious scent of his woodsy cologne and it surrounded her. The hospital gown drooped on her shoulders when he untied the first bow.
She held her breath to keep that scent from intoxicating her and clutched the gown to her chest, as he worked his way down her back until the gown was unfastened. His hands dropped on her shoulders and she shivered as he smoothed them down her arms.
Like Houdini, he made her gown disappear because she looked down and realized she was naked. Goosebumps rose on her flesh, and Maddie thought about covering herself from him, but figured they’d created a baby together, so he must’ve seen it all before. He sat on his haunches in front of the toilet, grinning at her as he dropped it on the floor.
“Voila,” he said, sounding quite proud of himself.
“Give me my gown back and call the nurse in to help me,” Maddie said, crossing her arms over her chest. That’s what usually happened, he carried her in here, then left so the nurse could help her shower.
He shook his head and reached over to pull the rubber boot to cover her stump from the shelf beside the vanity. Maddie wanted to vomit when he grabbed the fastener on the bandage and it unfurled around her leg.
God, could there be any greater humiliation than him seeing how disgusting her wound looked, even though the doctor said it was healing perfectly? There was nothing perfect about that puckered, purplish flap of skin stretched over her leg right below her knee, and never would be.
Like he had the gown, he made the bandage disappear, removed the gauze underneath and stopped to smooth his hand down the side of her thigh to the stump. A tremor rocked him as he suddenly lowered his head toward her knee.
Maddie’s entire body went rigid when his hot breath singed her skin. Mortification surged through her when he nuzzled his face against her knee. She wanted to die when he turned his head and kissed her there several times.
“What are you doing?” she asked, her voice raw.
“I’m kissing your boo boo,” he replied with a wide grin. “I have it on good authority from my mother, God rest her soul, that is the ultimate cure for what hurts.” His head lowered, his lips touched down on her stump again and Maddie shivered. Her eyebrows crashed together when he leaned back on his haunches to study her mouth.
“What now?” she asked, in a hoarse whisper.
“I’m going to kiss you too, because I think the hurt you’re suffering from is more inside than out,” he said as he raised on his knees to cup her face between his palms. “Be warned, that could take several sessions.”
Yeah, that smarmy charm was definitely working, Maddie thought, as her heart melted into a big puddle in the center of her chest. The shit-eating grin on his face as he brought his mouth toward hers told her he knew it too.
He stopped to stroke her cheek with his thumb, before he gently pulled her face closer. His breaths scorched her lips as he made two light passes over her mouth with his and Maddie groaned. His heated lips skimmed over hers once more, sending delicious electric jolts sizzling through her.
Kiss me already, she thought, leaning closer so their lips fused. And boy, did she get her wish. Hawk’s groan vibrated her lips, as his fingers dug into her scalp. He kissed her harder, Maddie’s mouth opened on a sigh and his tongue found hers.
Oh, this man had more than charm going for him, she thought, as he sucked and nipped her lips, driving her need higher and higher. Maddie might not remember she loved him, but her soul did and now she knew why.
Rhett Hawkins was the whole package, inside and out. Irresistible, she thought, her breath hitching as he devoured her mouth. But Maddie would be in big trouble if she bought into this fantasy. She was a different woman now—and he deserved better than her. Maddie dragged her mouth from his and leaned back, breathing hard.
“It’s a miracle! Your mother was right, I’m healed,” she said, forcing her mouth up into a smile, while her insides bled.
“Oh, honey—that was just the preparation for your healing. It’s time for your shower and lesson two,” he said pushing up to stand. Maddie groaned, because that devilish sparkle in his eyes and his flushed face told her exactly what kind of torture he had in store for her there.
Chapter 16
Maddie cringed and averted her eyes as Hawk knelt in front of her to cover her knee with the rubber boot. He helped her up, then held her steady as she hopped to the huge handicap-accessible shower. She sat on the cold, ceramic bench and he stepped out, but leaned back in to turn on the shower spray and adjust it to the right temperature.
He slid the door shut, leaving her in a billowy cloud of steam. When five minutes passed, she wondered where he was. Was leaving her in here to fend for herself lesson number two?
If so, it definitely wouldn’t be as pleasurable as lesson number one, she thought, raising her hand to stroke her fingers over her still tingling lips. Other places tingled too, but Maddie knew that wasn’t something she’d be finding a cure for today, or probably anytime soon.
Had he gone to get the nurse to help her shower? That thought burst the bubble of anticipation in her chest, but it would probably be for the best.
Sucking in a deep lungful of the hot, moist air, she blew it out as she leaned her head against the wall and closed her eyes. She’d give him ten more minutes then she would come up with a plan to shower and get out by herself. If she had to do that, Rhett Hawkins had better hope he wasn’t around when she did.
Two minutes later, the door slid open and Maddie sat up straight. The steam cloud parted and Hawk stepped into the stall wearing only boxer briefs and an ear-to-ear grin. Her heart went into overdrive as her eyes ticked over every indentation of
his muscular abdomen. When they hit the waistband of his briefs, she forced her eyes back up to his.
“What are you doing?” she asked, her voice choked.
“Helping you shower,” He replied, sliding the chair, which she hadn’t noticed, to face her. She also hadn’t noticed the caddy of shower supplies sitting on the seat of the chair. Maddie hadn’t noticed anything except his delicious body.
He grabbed the showerhead from the wall and turned the warm spray on her. She squealed as the stinging spray blinded her and cringed away to swipe at her eyes so she could see. He laughed and followed her as she wiggled around on the bench.
Maddie laughed too as she reached out to swat at him. “Rhett Hawkins, stop it, or I’m going to kick your butt!” she growled and he laughed harder. The laughter, this scene, tickled a memory in her brain and she froze.
They were hiking somewhere—the mountains, maybe. It was summertime and it started to rain. Really hard. Instead of finding them shelter, Rhett dropped his backpack and kissed her. One by one, the pieces of their clothes disappeared until they were naked. Suddenly they fell on top of the clothes, in the middle of a trail in a storm, and he was making hard, fast love to her.
The desperation to have him inside of her, the feeling of their wet, hot skin sliding together came into vivid focus and her body buzzed, needing to feel that again.
“Rhett,” she whispered, and the spray moved to her knees. “We went hiking before…”
“You remember?” he asked, his voice choked. He hooked the showerhead into a holder on the wall and held his hand out to her.
Maddie took his hand and stood. He grabbed her hips to hold her steady and she put her hands on his chest. The friction of her palms against his skin excited every nerve ending as she smoothed them up to his broad shoulders to circle his neck.
With each day that passed, Maddie knew with more certainty that this man had been more than a friend in the life she’d forgotten. She needed to know exactly what their relationship had been. The baby he claimed as his own said they were at least lovers and so did some of the memories that were slowly coming back to her.
Why did that description not satisfy her?
“Tell me what you were to me before,” Maddie said, holding his gaze. “Why did you tell me you were a friend when I asked?”
He swallowed hard and his smile disappeared. “We were friends—you were my best friend,” he growled and the edge to his tone sliced through her.
“I get that we were friends, but the way you act toward me, the fact you say that Sarah is your baby, says it was more. What were you to me, Rhett? Why was I in El Salvador when I could’ve been with you?” Maddie desperately needed that answer, and his harsh bark of laughter in response did not bode well.
“That is the sixty-four-thousand-dollar question, baby, and something I’ve been trying to figure out since.”
“Sarah’s existence says we were obviously lovers,” she pressed, her heart squeezing at the mention of their daughter.
“We were everything—you were everything to me,” Hawk replied, his voice unsteady.
“Why did I leave you then? Was I deployed?” she asked, her forehead crinkling.
His face pinched and for several long minutes, the only sound in the shower was the water hitting the back wall as he stared at her.
“No, I asked you to marry me, but you shot me down,” he replied gruffly.
“Why in the hell would I do that?” she asked, stunned and confused.
Something dire must’ve happened between them. Or maybe he wasn’t as perfect as she thought he was? Had he done something to piss her off? Cheated on her, maybe? Was his kind, caring and loving act just that? It couldn’t be because she didn’t love him enough, not with how quickly she was growing to love him again and she didn’t even really know him now.
“I assume it was because your father’s love and respect was more important to you than mine,” he replied, and the bitter edge to his tone cut through her.
His words bounced off the walls and echoed inside her head. Each one found a place in her brain, but she couldn’t reconcile them. Why would she choose impressing that sociopath who only loved himself over this man? Had she been that way too? Only caring about herself?
It appeared that’s exactly what she’d done, so maybe the nut didn’t fall very far from her father’s narcissistic tree. That was a sobering thought, and one that didn’t help her flagging self-esteem. The more she learned about her old self, the less she liked that woman.
How could this man have loved that woman?
“I was a fool then, and I’m so sorry I hurt you,” Maddie said, feeling sick as her heart slid down to her stomach.
With a growl, Hawk grabbed her shoulders and turned her toward the wall. He sat in the chair and extended his legs on either side of hers on the bench, then pulled her down onto his lap.
“Time for lesson number two,” he growled, reaching down to pull a bottle of bath wash and a wash mitt out of the caddy.
He slid the mitt on his left hand, flipped back the cap on the bottle with his thumb and squirted a generous amount into his palm. He pulled her back against his chest and when their skin melded together, a tremor rocked her.
“What are you doing?” she asked when he took one of her arms and lifted it to his shoulders, then bent it around his neck. He did the same with her other arm, her breasts lifted high and Maddie felt totally exposed to him and more than a little self-conscious. She tried to bring them back down, but his hands clamped on her biceps to hold them there.
“Keep them right there,” he said, his breaths ragged. “Because I’m about to show you just how beautiful, feminine and desirable you still are, Maddie Carter.”
Chapter 17
Hawk’s hot lips touched down on the side of her throat as his mitted hand touched her belly. Maddie’s skin quivered and she moaned as her head dropped to one side to give him better access. The scratchy sea sponge abraded her nerve endings as he dragged his hand down her belly, over her hipbone and down her left thigh, leaving behind a slick trail of soap.
“Open your legs, Maddie,” he whispered hoarsely, when his hand reached her knee.
Maddie whimpered and let her knees fall apart. Her folds spread and her inner walls pulsed as a wave of need carried all the moisture in her body there. The bundle of nerves at the top of her thighs throbbed in anticipation of what he’d do next.
He licked a hot path up her neck to her ear as he wiped the sponge up the inside of her thigh and she groaned. When he stopped at the crease, her breath froze in her chest, her heart pounded against her ribs and her body tensed. She twisted her hips toward his hand to make him move it where she needed it, but he laughed and slid the mitt up to her hip.
“Are you feeling feminine yet, Maddie?” he asked, turning his head to kiss her bicep. He licked her there too and she shivered. “I know for a fact you taste feminine, especially between those delicious thighs of yours.” He moved his mouth to her ear. “I remember I used to love when I sucked that cherry between your legs and you clamped them to the sides of my head to hold me there.” His dirty words forced a visual image and a violent tremor rocked her.
“Oh, God…please, Rhett, touch me,” she begged in a hot whisper.
That he was a master at dirty talk didn’t surprise her for some reason. That those words might just make her orgasm before he even touched her did. This man might be all southern charm and teasing on the surface, but Maddie felt the sexual energy that buzzed around him when he was close to her. That charm was a front to get him this, and she imagined he got plenty.
Her mood deflated a bit thinking about him with someone else, but she forced it from her mind. He was with her at this moment, but still not giving her what she needed.
Maddie tried to lower her arm to touch herself because need clawed at her insides, but he pushed it back up to his shoulder. She suddenly felt his rigid cock pressed against her ass, she moaned and wiggled until it settled between
her cheeks. Hawk grabbed her hips and hissed out a breath as he held her still.
Why did he have on underwear?
“Take off your briefs,” she said.
“No,” he replied gruffly. “We’re not having sex, Maddie. This is not about me—this is about you,” he growled, sounding like he was in pain. If the stiffness of his cock behind her was any indication, he probably was.
“Then get on with the lesson, because I need to come,” she grated, her frustration building. Why wouldn’t he just let her make herself come if he didn’t plan to do it? He had about ten seconds to get with the program, or she would.
His mitted hand left her hip to glide up her side, and his other hand did the same on the opposite side. Maddie closed her eyes and moaned when he stopped his hands in tandem to cup her breasts.
“Oh, yes…” she encouraged in a hot, needy whisper, squirming on his lap as her nipples puckered and ached.
“Do you feel beautiful now, baby? You sure feel beautiful to me,” he said, groaning as he nuzzled his face into her hair as he kneaded her breasts. “Sucking your nipples was my second favorite thing to do. I used feast on your beautiful breasts for hours…you even came a couple of times from that alone.”
What she felt was like she was about to explode. This man gave oral sex a whole new meaning, she thought, as the buzz between her legs became louder, and need clawed through her. Her hand flew to cover his and push it up.
“Touch me,” she growled, as she held it there. She hissed a breath when her nipple slipped into the cradle between his thumb and forefinger. “Oh, yes, please make me come like that.”
“I always loved it when you begged for it,” he said with a laugh. “You were so worked up by the time I finally gave it to you, you came hard when I slid inside. Your tight walls clamped around my cock and sucked me until I came. It was the most incredible feeling.”
Maddie’s walls clenched and vibrated as she felt him inside of her. Her body shook, and with a sigh, she melted from the incredible heat coursing through her sliding lower. His thick cock spread her ass cheeks more and pleasure gurgled in her throat.
