by Noelle Adams
She was about to reply when he said, “You’re going to be late for your date. It’s after seven already.”
“Damn. I’ll have to skip doing my nails.” She glanced down at her hands, checking to see how bad they looked.
“Why do you need to do your nails?”
“Because they need doing.”
“Hugh isn’t going to care about your nails.”
“What do you mean?”
“Remember what I’ve always told you about men?”
“Men are easy,” she paraphrased, having heard his words of wisdom many times before. “Show them your boobs and they’ll be happy.”
“I’m quite sure I never used the word ‘boobs’ in that context, but the sentiment is right. He’s really not going to give a damn about your fingernails.
She was tempted to laugh, but she was still concerned about how dismissive he’d been of the man she’d picked out for herself. So she hid her amusement and said, “Be that as it may, I really like Hugh. I think it might be serious, and I’m trying to expedite matters between us. You realize that, right?”
Aaron frowned. “Well, like I said, take off your shirt and I promise things will be expedited.”
She couldn’t help it. She burst into laughter. “I meant expedite the relationship.”
“Oh.” He frowned again but differently this time. “Well, either way, I don’t think your fingernails are going to matter all that much.”
“You’re probably right. And I don’t have time for them anyway. I better get ready.”
Aaron leaned back against the couch with his beer while she walked to the bathroom and picked up her hairdryer.
She and Aaron had met on the first day of school fourteen years ago. She’d just moved to the city after her mother had separated from her father, and she’d been terrified about starting another new school. She’d moved so often as a child that she’d never had more than casual acquaintances, and she wasn’t even sure how to begin making friends.
Back then, Aaron had been what could charitably be called a ‘geek’—smart, skinny, president of the chess club, always with his head stuck in a book. He was nice to her, though, when no one else was, and he’d always been able to make her laugh. Even when, later in the year, she’d started to run track, got involved in student council, and began dating athletes, she’d always considered Aaron her best friend.
In all these years, that had never changed.
When her long, dark hair was dry, she flat-ironed it straight, since she liked the sleek, shiny look better than her natural waves. She normally wore it up in a low chignon—what Aaron called her “librarian bun”—but she wanted to look sexy tonight.
After doing her makeup, pleased that her new eyeliner made her eyes look so blue, she went to her room to get dressed, smiling fatuously at the vase of red roses Hugh had sent her the day before. They were already dating exclusively. If things kept going as well as they had so far, by this time next year, she might be engaged.
She’d always thought marrying at thirty would be perfect timing, and she got excited shivers about the possibility of her life coming together so smoothly.
She shouldn’t get too ahead of herself, though, so she tried to talk herself out of her excitement and be reasonable.
An annoying reminder of Aaron’s comments earlier about her perfectly scheduled life flickered through her mind, but she pushed the thought away. The memory of how chaotic and insecure her life had been with her father still made her feel sick. She wasn’t going to risk that again. If Aaron thought she was overly rigid, then she could live with that. At least her life would remain stable and secure.
She’d put on a new bra and panty set—in dark red lace—and was on her way to the closet to get the dress she planned to wear when a tickle on her arm surprised her.
Glancing down, she saw that the tickle was a little black spider.
She wasn’t particularly squeamish, but instinct took over at suddenly finding an arachnid crawling up her arm. She gave a little squeal and jerked her arm away, flinging the spider off her skin.
Unfortunately, in the process, she flung her arm into the vase of flowers. The glass vase and two dozen roses fell to the floor with a loud crash.
“Damn it!” she screamed, half in surprise and half in dismay.
The vase bounced once and then shattered on the polished hardwood floor.
She was just orienting herself to what had happened when her bedroom door flew open. “Are you all right?” Aaron demanded, taking two steps into the room and searching urgently for the crisis.
“No,” she wailed. “My roses!”
It took a few moments for Aaron to process the situation. When he did, his face twisted in annoyance. “You scared the hell out of me, Kate. They’re just flowers.”
“The vase broke too,” she pointed out, a little embarrassed now that her momentary panic was over. “My poor skin could have been shredded to pieces. Plus, there was a spider.”
Aaron huffed dryly. “Well, that explains everything then. I’ll get something to clean it up.” Before he turned around, she saw his eyes flash quickly up and down the length of her body. She was still wearing only her bra and panties, but the sight of her mangle roses distracted her from putting on more clothes.
She was leaning over, trying to carefully pull the wet stems away from the broken glass, when Aaron returned with the broom, dustpan, and a towel.
“Be careful,” he said. “There’s broken glass and your feet are bare.”
“I am being careful.” When she’d collected the roses, she positioned the dustpan so he could sweep the broken glass into it.
“I can get it,” he muttered.
“Why? It was my mess.”
He took the dustpan out of her hand. “You’d be better served getting dressed.”
Kate glanced down at herself. Then she noticed that Aaron was diligently avoiding any stray glances over at her body. She felt a flash of annoyance that he was so irrationally preoccupied when she was trying to save her flowers. “Would you stop being stupid? I’m wearing as much as I would wear on the beach. For someone who studies the cultures of indigenous tribes who don’t always wear a lot of clothes, you’re getting to be awfully shy.”
“I’m not shy,” he objected, still staring down as he swept pieces of wet glass into the dustpan.
“Then why won’t you look at me?”
“Because,” he said, his jaw clenched, “It’s very distracting. I’m not a eunuch, you know. Remember what I said about what it takes to expedite matters for men?”
She froze for a second, suddenly realizing what he meant. It had never once occurred to her that he might be physically affected by the sight of her body. She wasn’t any sort of beauty queen and she’d always wished her legs were longer, but she knew she was attractive enough—with a compact, curvy figure and classic features. He’d never indicated that he was even remotely attracted to her, though.
“I’m sorry,” she said slowly, a knot of tension clenching in her chest.
“It’s fine,” Aaron said quickly, smiling up at her with a characteristic expression that made her immediately relax. “No big deal.”
Since he’d sounded genuinely peeved earlier, she wanted to make sure everything was fine between them. “I know you’re not a eunuch. If you were, the women who spend the night in your apartment would be very disappointed.”
He gave a downward smile at her teasing, and she felt better. She added, “I’m sorry if I was insensitive.”
“I already said it’s fine.” He stood up, the dustpan full of wet, broken glass. His eyes were determinedly focused on her eyes. “It’s just that matters were being expedited in a way you didn’t intend, and you still don’t have on any clothes.”
She laughed and put the roses down on her granite-topped nightstand before she walked into the closet to get her dress.
Aaron had gone to dump the glass from the dustpan and returned to wipe up the spilled water fro
m the floor with the towel. “You better hurry,” he said as she stepped out of the closet. “It’s already seven-thirty.”
“Shit.” She glanced at her wrist, although she hadn’t put her watch on yet. “Can you zip me up, or will that be too much expediting for you?”
His expression conveyed his bland impatience with her teasing. “Come here.”
She turned around so her back faced him as he reached down to the delicate zipper on her deep red cocktail dress. She was strangely conscious of him as he stood behind her, like she could feel the heat from his body, the intent focus of his eyes, the ever-so-slight brush of his knuckles against her skin.
It gave her a strange feeling—a jittery excitement paired with a pressure below her belly. It was a ridiculous reaction so she tried to talk herself out of it, but she was trembling just a little when she turned around. “How do I look?”
“Beautiful,” he murmured, something soft in his expression she almost never saw. “But I always think you are.”
He reached out to catch one stray strand of hair that had crossed her part, and he smoothed it down with the rest.
She stared up at him, strangely mesmerized for no good reason.
It was just Aaron—clever, funny, rumpled Aaron. His face was as familiar to her as her own, but she couldn’t seem to look away from it.
“Kate,” he began, his voice strangely thick. “Do you think—”
They both jerked in surprise at a loud knock on the front door.
“Hugh.” She felt ridiculously guilty for almost forgetting he was coming. It was their one-month anniversary, and he was the man who embodied her vision of the future.
Aaron cleared his throat and took a step back, but something had changed in his expression.
“Can you get the door while I put my shoes and jewelry on?” she asked.
“Sure.”
She was relieved when Aaron left her bedroom. It was probably best that he not spend too much time in this room, since it felt too intimate. It wouldn’t do for things to get confused in that way. It might mess up the best thing in her life.
She was closing her earring as she came out to the entry hall. Hugh was dressed in a dark suit, looking sleek and gorgeous with his smooth dark hair and handsome, clean-shaven face. She picked up some tense vibes between the two men, so she tried to smile them off. “You met Aaron? I’ve told you about him, haven’t I?”
“Yes,” Hugh agreed. “I’ve heard quite a bit about Aaron.”
She suddenly wondered if she talked too much about Aaron to Hugh. She’d have to be careful about that.
Aaron’s expression was neutral, but she could see a certain distance in his eyes. It was a little annoying. He’d just met Hugh. There was no reason why he shouldn’t like him.
Of course, she’d never liked Carole, Aaron’s ex-wife—no matter how desperately she’d tried to. And she’d known very well that Carole hadn’t really liked her either.
“You should get going,” Aaron said. “I can finish cleaning up the mess, if you want.”
“Thanks. Can you just lock up behind you?”
“Of course.”
For some reason, Kate noticed that Aaron was slightly taller than Hugh and slightly broader across the shoulders. She’d never seen the two men together, but she’d always assumed it would be the other way around.
Hugh she thought of as masculine and athletic. She still thought about Aaron as a little geeky.
But he wasn’t. Right now, he looked big, almost primal—the physical power in his lean body more evident than she’d ever been aware of before.
And it wasn’t just physical. No one had a mind like Aaron did. Not even Hugh. Aaron’s brilliance was a different sort of power.
She swallowed, clearing her mind. She was dating Hugh. She should not be thinking about Aaron’s body or the power he suddenly seemed to pulse. That wasn’t anywhere close to Aaron’s place in her life.
Hugh was frowning at Aaron as they left. He probably thought it was a strange that she’d leave a man in her apartment, as if he were at home there.
Aaron was at home in her apartment. Any man she dated would have to deal with the reality of her friendship with him.
But still… Next time, she’d make sure Aaron wasn’t around when Hugh came to pick her up.
Two
Several hours later—at exactly 1:29 in the morning—Kate pounded on Aaron’s door.
She had a spare key to his apartment, but she couldn’t think clearly enough to retrieve it from the glass bowl on her console table. Plus, even in her dazed, angry state, something told her it would be rude to barge into his home without knocking in the middle of the night.
So she pounded instead until, after a couple of minutes, she heard sounds inside of his approaching.
He swung open the door in the process of pulling a t-shirt over his head. For a moment, she was startled by the sight of his bare chest with its lean, rippling muscles and light sprinkling of hair.
It was a very fine chest. A ridiculous and irrelevant recognition that was proof of her scattered state of mind.
Aaron pulled down his t-shirt to cover it and blinked at her. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” she said stupidly. Her mind started to work clearly enough to realize she’d woken him up in the middle of the night. His hair was a mess, and his chin was even more bristly than normal. He looked groggy and concerned and strangely sexy.
The knowledge made her feel self-conscious in a way she never was around Aaron. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have woken you up.”
He gave her an impatient look, making it clear he thought her words were absurd. He pulled her inside and shut the door behind them.
Kate wasn’t aware of exactly how it happened, but they ended up sitting side-by-side on the couch. Aaron’s eyes looked steel gray in the dim light of the living room as he gazed at her soberly. “Did something happen with Hugh?”
She nodded, shaking with anger and outrage. “He dumped me. The bastard dumped me.”
Aaron inhaled thickly and let it out. She heard the breath, even though she wasn’t looking at him. “I’m sorry. What happened?”
“I don’t really know.” She felt fuzzy, as if she’d drunk too much—although she’d only had one glass of wine with dinner. She also felt numb, as if someone had knocked her in the head but she hadn’t yet processed the impact. Mostly, she just felt mad. “We started to argue and then couldn’t stop.”
“What did you argue about?” Aaron’s tone was soft, careful. He’d never been excited about Hugh, but he would also never want to see her hurt.
“About you, mostly. He thought it was inappropriate that I’m so close to you. He called it ‘intimate’—making it sound like there’s something dirty about our friendship.”
When Aaron didn’t respond, she darted a glance over at him. He sat stiffly beside her, staring down at the floor. Finally, he said, “I’m sorry if I got in the way of your relationship. I shouldn’t have been hanging out at your place earlier.”
“No. It’s not your fault. He was being stupid and possessive. Besides, there was a lot more to it. He used that as an excuse to get into how bad I am at relationships. Saying I’m too cold and controlled and I hold back too much to be with someone for real.” Her voice cracked at the memory of the words, at how they’d made her feel. “Bastard.”
She sat for a minute, glaring down at a blank space in the air, but her anger was morphing into something else. “I don’t think he was right about me,” she said at last.
She tightened her hands, pressing them into her thighs in an attempt to restrain the sharp crack of emotion. She tried to summon her righteous anger again at the selfish, insensitive way Hugh had behaved.
“Of course he wasn’t right. How can you even think that?”
“I don’t. He’s just an ass. But I’ve never really been in a long-term, serious relationship. I thought I just hadn’t found the right guy.”
“You probably haven’t.”
“But you were saying the same thing earlier today about how I’m too rigid. Maybe the problem has always been me.”
“The problem isn’t you.” Aaron’s voice was gruff, deeply comforting.
“He said he needed to be with someone more open and giving. Someone who doesn’t always hold herself back. Someone softer, he said.” Her whole body started to shake as her throat constricted around the words. She’d been so furious when he’d said that to her, and she’d lashed out in response. But now the words had had time to fester.
“He’s an idiot.”
Despite herself, she let out a huff of bitter amusement. “That’s nice of you to say, and I know he was being a jerk. But I am kind of hard and unyielding, and I try to administrate the whole world. Isn’t that what you were trying to tell me before? Maybe I can’t really give enough to be in a good relationship.”
“Of course you can.” Aaron bit the words out in the tone he rarely used, the one that showed him to be furious. “Stop blaming yourself. Hugh was just dumping his own issues onto you. And nothing I said earlier implied you were hard or unyielding. You’ve been my friend all these years, and you’re the most generous person I’ve ever met. You’ve given me more than I can begin to measure. That’s proof you can do relationships.”
She felt comforted despite herself, but the swell of pain in her chest kept rising into her throat. She had to clasp her hands together to keep them from shaking. “I meant love relationships.”
Aaron didn’t respond to that. He looked away briefly.
“I really want one,” she admitted in a wobbly voice. “For someone to love me like that.” She’d never admitted it out loud before, since it made her feel weak and predictable.
“I know you do,” Aaron said, almost gently.
“I really thought Hugh was it.”
“I know you did.”
“I thought he was the guy I’d been waiting for all this time. Things really seemed to be falling in place with him.”
“I know they did.”
Aaron’s responses were oddly reassuring, as if they validated her feelings, however wrong they had been.
“I know it was stupid, but I’d made all these plans. Now the whole thing just fell apart. It feels like everything is falling apart.” Her attempts to stop shaking failed utterly, and her words broke down in a stifled sob.
