Chapter Ten
Drew had never been so proud as he was seeing Lexy ramp things up for a strong finish. She’d never looked back, not once. And that was quite something for a woman who’d spent more than a decade not just glancing back, but staring back.
A strange squeeze started in his chest and left him tingly and stunned. At first he couldn’t place it. But soon he realized it was love.
He loved Lexy.
She was the kindest, most determined, most beautiful woman he’d ever met in his life, and he wanted her in his life for the duration. He didn’t care about any of the things that made her “different.” In fact, he embraced them. But he wanted to move slowly, let her take the lead. He didn’t want to do a single thing that might scare her away, because strangely enough, he didn’t think he could face life without Lexy Cabrera. Not anymore. It was as though he’d been living in a windowless room since Gina’s death, and Lexy had busted out the walls and brought in the sunshine.
He wasn’t, by nature, a poetic guy. But that’s how it felt.
A small hand slipped into his, and he glanced down at his son, similarly rapt. “I love her, Daddy.”
Drew’s throat tightened. He didn’t want to speak his feelings, so he just squeezed Ian’s hand, then lifted him to sit atop his shoulders.
“She’s gonna win!” Ian said. “Those other people are way behind her.”
“That’s right. She is. Go big, or—”
“Go home,” Ian finished.
Although this race was in White Peaks, the entire Gulch, it seemed, had turned out. Once she got close enough, the crowd caught on to the fact that one of Troublesome Gulch’s beloved own was going to win this triathlon, and the excitement, the cheering, the pandemonium became deafening. When she got close enough, Drew could see the big grin on Lexy’s face.
She knew it, too.
Other than the day Ian had received his Troublesome Gulch hero medal, Drew had never been so proud of someone in his life.
Lexy didn’t bow under her challenges. She made the challenges part of her art, and damn, was she a beautiful picture.
She passed beneath the rainbow balloon arch amid a cacophony of cheers, moved out of the way and allowed herself to be enveloped by well-wishers. Erin handed her a bottle of water. Cagney, a towel. Faith had little Mickie in one arm and Erin’s baby, Nate Jr., in the other, so she just danced around. The whole crowd seemed to be peppering Lexy with questions and congratulations, but Drew hung back, watched her down the bottle of water in one extended swallow. She wiped the moisture from her mouth with the back of her glove, and then her eyes sought the crowd.
They settled on him, and she smiled.
At that moment everyone disappeared. The world went silent. All he saw was Lexy, and he was pretty sure all she saw was him. At least, he hoped so.
The crowd must’ve seen it, too, because they parted, and she made her way toward him.
“Let me down, Daddy! Let me down!”
Drew squatted and allowed Ian to clamber off his shoulders. When Lexy was close enough, the little boy climbed up onto her lap. “You won, Miss Lexy!”
Though she snuggled the boy, her eyes never left Drew’s. “I did win. Thanks to your daddy.”
Drew remained squatted down and smiled into her face. “You did it.”
“We did it,” she corrected, her tone intimate.
“I’m so proud of you, Lex.”
“Then kiss me again. And kiss me like you mean it.”
Ian giggled and covered his face with both hands, and Drew tried to convey everything he felt in that warm, salty kiss. Because one thing he’d learned was that he did mean it.
After the race Drew and Lexy fell into a comfortable groove, and she felt stronger than ever and ready for the best racing season of her career.
Not only that, but they’d taken to spending a few evenings a week at her house or his, eating dinner, playing games with Ian, talking, getting to know one another like a regular, dating couple. And everything she learned about him made her fall a little harder. They hadn’t shared any intimacy, beyond affectionate touches and lingering looks and the kisses on triathlon day, but she figured he was waiting for her to take the lead on that front. And she’d gotten to the point where she wanted to. Sure, she was scared, but one of them had to make the move.
The rest of their life was falling into place as if it had been fated. Sometimes she’d read to Ian before bed. Sometimes Drew would. Watching him snuggled against the headboard of the bed, Ian nestled against his side, both of them focused on an open book, was one of the most beautiful pictures she’d ever had in her mind.
So it was only natural that Lexy would head to Drew’s house early to help him prepare for the housewarming two weeks after her big win. Not only were Brody, Faith, Erin, Nate, Nate’s sister, Piper, who was in town, and Cagney and Jonas coming, along with their assorted kids, but many of the people Drew had met through the gym and the hero ceremony had been invited, as well. It would be a full house.
Drew was the self-proclaimed grill master, cooking burgers and brats, and Lexy had spent several days baking pies and cookies and other little bits of decadence. Everyone else had agreed to bring side dishes.
As Lexy set her last pie, rhubarb-strawberry, on the granite countertop to cool, she turned to face the great room and realized that somewhere along the way she’d begun to feel at home here. In this house, with this man and this boy. This felt like a housewarming for her, too, which made her tummy flutter and her heart expand.
Drew came in from the deck to retrieve a platter of meat from the fridge and stopped short. “Something smells good.” He smiled, then crossed to the large refrigerator and pulled out a sheet pan of hamburger patties.
“Pie number ten,” she said, angling her head toward the cooling dessert. “I got Ian down for a nap so he’ll be ready to enjoy the festivities.”
“What would I do without you?” Spontaneously Drew leaned down and kissed her lightly.
Her lips tingled from the unexpected contact. It emboldened her. She hadn’t felt emotions like these in more than a decade. Or maybe never. All she knew was, she wanted more. She reached out and grabbed the front of his shirt, his face inches from hers. “Put that tray down,” she said softly, but leaving no doubt that it wasn’t a request.
She watched his expression deepen into something that made her squirm, then he put the tray on the island. “Lex—”
Pulling him closer, she hesitated just a moment, letting the heat of their breath mingle as their gazes clashed. He braced his palms on the armrests of her chair. She let her gaze drop languidly to his mouth, then pulled his lips to her own, thoroughly exploring them as she’d, frankly, never done before. But it seemed to come naturally with Drew.
Kneeling on one knee, he pulled her closer and threaded his fingers into her hair, moaning against her mouth as he deepened the kiss. His tongue explored hers, brash and wanting, until she pulled back and nipped his bottom lip. His eyes looked drunk with passion as he studied her.
“Have I ever thanked you?” she whispered against his lips. “For building the ramp? Training me? Letting me into your life with all my problems and complications?”
“I like your complications. And no,” he said with a chuckle. “Not if that’s the way you give thanks.” He nipped at her lips again. “But feel free to thank me any time.”
The whole mood was so intimate, so safe, Lexy ran her finger in the hollow of Drew’s throat. “So do you need to man the grill right now? Because I want to thank you…more thoroughly.”
He froze momentarily, as if he couldn’t believe his luck. Finally, around a swallow, he said, “Hell, no. Let it burn.”
She laughed, but tingles danced beneath her skin. “Drew, I want you to know, I haven’t…done this…since the accident. And I’m nervous.”
“I understand, Lex.”
“But…”
“Yes?”
“We have to discuss the logistics sometim
e. You need to know I’m perfectly capable of, well, making love. When the time comes. My condition doesn’t affect that.” She cut her gaze away, face blazing. “In fact, according to many of my SCI friends, while some nerves deaden, others are, I guess you’d say, heightened.”
“Other nerves?”
“Um…internal ones.”
His eyebrows rose. “Should we cancel the party?”
Lexy threw her head back and laughed. “No. I just had the feeling you might be uncertain about taking our relationship a step further.”
“I prefer the word deferential.”
“Either way. I just wanted you to know.” She kissed him again. “I can, I will and I want to. But I’m scared.”
Drew’s expression softened, and he smoothed the backs of his fingers down her cheek. “Sweetheart, I would never do anything to scare you. And we can go as slowly as you want or need. But I can, I will and God, do I ever want to, too.”
“You’re not spooked by my condition?”
“Not in the least. You’re the sexiest, most amazing woman I’ve met in…I can’t tell you how long. You steal my breath, Lex. You scramble my brain. I’m all-in.”
“Damn.” A beat passed. “On second thought, maybe we should cancel the party.”
They laughed and kissed, and kissed some more, and Lexy felt more alive than she had in years. Her skin sizzled and her heart bloomed. But pretty soon it was time for guests to begin ringing that doorbell. Regretfully, Drew went back out to the grill, while Lexy set up a buffet of sorts on the dining table and island, then rushed down the hallway to wake up Ian.
The little guy was still out cold, cherubic in slumber. She approached his bed and just watched him, astonished by the perfection of this child. She loved him. The realization was like a backhand smack across the cheek that left her stinging. She loved this little boy with her whole heart and soul, and it had probably started the day they had connected over the phone line.
Please let me be good enough for him.
“Hey, little man,” she said, her tone gentle. “Time for the party. Ian?”
His eyes fluttered open. “Is everyone here, Mommy?” he murmured, rubbing his fists in his eyes.
Lexy was rendered speechless by his words. Clearly it was the sleep talking, but that didn’t detract from the realization that…she wanted this. She wanted family and potlucks, kisses in the kitchen and stories at bedtime. Whispered promises and private glances. She wanted a full life, and she wanted it with Drew and Ian. She wanted Ian to be comfortable calling her Mommy.
Sleepy and warm, Ian crawled into her lap and snuggled against her shoulder. She cupped his head, brushing back his omnipresent cowlicks. “Did you sleep well?”
He nodded against her body. “Miss Lexy?”
“Yes, baby?”
“Do you wanna be my mommy?”
Lexy’s stomach plunged like a snapped bungee cord. “Ian, sweetheart, you have a mommy already.”
“But she’s in heaven.”
“I know.”
He nestled closer. “I want you to be my earth mommy. Don’t you love us enough?”
If a person could feel a heart crack, Lexy just had. But she couldn’t make childlike promises that came with adult concerns. “Oh, honey.” She kissed the top of his head. “Of course I love you. I’ll always be here for you.”
“But I want a mommy.”
“I know.”
“And brothers and sisters.”
Thud.
She’d put it out of her head that Drew and Gina had planned a large family, but it popped back up like a leering jack-in-the-box, reminding her that she was lacking in one important area. She didn’t know what to say, how to handle such an awkward line of questioning. Yes, her doctor had told Lexy she could become pregnant, but also that it might leave her more disabled. There were a lot of unknowns. “How about we get ready for the party and talk about this later?” she said, patting his back.
“Okay.” He kissed her on the cheek. “I love you, Miss Lexy. Mommy.” And with that, he jumped off her lap and bounded toward the restroom to brush his teeth, change his clothes and make a futile attempt at taming his hair.
Lexy, however, sat immobile, in a mixture of worry and wanting.
Chapter Eleven
The housewarming party was a rousing success, and Lexy was able to put Ian’s comments about wanting siblings out of her head and enjoy it. At least for a while. After the pie had been eaten, and everyone had said their goodbyes, Ian climbed off her lap—where he’d spent most of the day—and let his father carry him to bed.
And it all came back. They needed to discuss it.
Lexy stared up at the star-strewn sky, enjoying the heat from the fire in the chimenea. Was she just fooling herself here? Drumming up dreams that could never come to fruition? No matter how much she adored Ian and Drew, the wrong puzzle piece could never complete a perfect picture. And their life was a perfect picture minus that one piece: a mommy who could absolutely provide a house full of brothers and sisters, a gigantic, loving household.
Fact: Drew wanted a large family.
Fact: Ian wanted siblings.
Fact: Lexy wasn’t one-hundred-percent sure she was the woman who could provide either of those things. So what was she doing, getting herself more and more tangled up with a fantasy that could never come true? Playing with danger? She’d given that up long ago. Yes, she wanted Drew with a ferocity that surprised her, but she was also scared. She’d lingered after everyone else had left so she could talk to Drew. Talk things out. Figure out exactly what they were doing and why.
She yearned for the laughter and party sounds that had swirled around her, distracting her from the bleak thoughts in her head. But now, in the silence, she’d lost her festive vibe. She sighed.
As if sensing her need, Drew stepped out onto the deck and pulled up a deck chair next to her. “Ian is out like a light. Didn’t even make it through a single book.”
“It was a big day for him,” she said.
“Everything okay, Lex?”
She gave him a winsome smile, appreciating the feel of the cool evening breeze flowing through her hair. “Yeah.”
He reached for her hand. She let him.
“It was a great party,” she said. When all else fails? Small talk. “If this house isn’t warmed by now, I don’t know what would make it warmer.”
“I do,” he said, capturing her gaze in his. He rubbed her hand between his palms and looked at her with so much adoration, it was difficult for Lexy to grasp. He lifted her hand and kissed the back of it. “Lexy, that kiss we shared earlier today? It awakened something inside me. It gave me hope.”
Her throat tightened with the sheer pain of it all. “Drew…we need to talk about that.”
His expression sobered immediately. “Okay.”
“Ian called me Mommy,” she blurted, and heat immediately spread up her neck and flamed her cheeks. “Earlier, I mean. When I got him up for the party.”
“Ah,” Drew said, as if that explained it all. “Okay.”
“At first I thought it was because he was half-asleep, but then he told me…he wanted me to be his mommy.”
“Well, that’s kind of his thing these days.”
“I know. But…he sounded serious this time. And he also said…” Her chest hurt. She twisted her mouth to the side, wondering if she should even bring any of this up to Drew. Ian was a six-year-old. What did it matter?
“What? You can tell me.”
She adjusted the skirt of her sundress over her legs. “He said he wanted a baby brother or sister. I’m sorry.”
A beat passed, then Drew said, “No, I’m sorry” with a sigh. “He’s just a little boy, Lex.”
“I know. But he’s confused.”
“About what?”
“Us,” she said after a moment of considering it. “The thought of disappointing him kills me. There is a possibility I could become pregnant, if…if it got to that point. But it could also cha
nge things for me physically. I don’t know if the risk is worth it.”
“I’d never want to make things more difficult for you, Lex. So what do you suggest?”
“Maybe we need to make our relationship more clear to him. Or…maybe we need to spend time apart.” A strand of hair blew across her face, and Drew reached up and smoothed it behind her ear.
“You want to spend time apart?”
A beat passed. She chuckled softly. “No. Just the opposite.”
“Well, good. Neither do I.” He kissed her hand again. “And frankly, I’m not sure why Ian calling you Mommy would bother you so much. It’s obvious how much you adore my son.”
“I do. I love him.” She sighed. “But, I’m not his mother, Drew. Gina is his mother.”
“I think he understands the difference, as much as a six-year-old can. What exactly would you like me to say to him about our relationship?” Drew asked, in a tone both rough and silky.
Lexy desperately wished she could pretend they were a couple, that they had a future. There was an attraction, sure. But the large family thing hung over her head. She didn’t know if Drew had any interest in adopting. Hell, she didn’t know how she felt about any of it, either. What she did know was she needed more time to figure it all out. “The truth, I guess.”
“That’s what I’m asking. What’s the truth?”
Lexy searched his face, feeling a loss. “I don’t know. Tell him we’re friends.”
He watched her for a good, long time. “What about our discussion earlier? About…making love.”
Her smile came gradually, but the visceral reaction inside her happened much quicker. “Okay, tell him we’re very good friends.”
Drew laughed softly. “Lex, honey, I’m asking you to tell me what you want.”
“What do you mean, exactly?”
“From this. From our relationship?”
Everything. All of it. Family. Hiking trips.
But you can’t have it, Lexy. You don’t deserve it.
Yes, you do.
If Drew had taught her anything, it was that she deserved everything she wanted in this life. And she wanted him.
Lexy’s Little Matchmaker Page 12
