by Erin Trejo
“Think you can calm daddy down?” I smile when I hear Jersey talking to our daughter. I love the things she says to her. I push myself up and stand, before grabbing the towel off the bed wiping myself off.
“I know I’ve never talked to you about a lot of shit that runs around in my head, but I want to ask you somethin’.” Looking over at Jersey, her eyes light up. She loves the fact that I’m offering to talk to her. That doesn’t happen very often.
“You can talk to me about anything Ryker.” Nodding, I scrub the towel over my face and down my beard.
“There’s a decision that’s been made. I don’t know how well it sits with me. There’s a silent understandin’ though with another brother. If I go rogue on this, I don’t know where the fuck that leaves me.” I don’t look at her. I can’t. I want so much to tell her what’s going on, but there’s no way in hell that I can do that.
“You’ve always done your own thing Ryker. Since the day you busted into my room, I’ve known it. What makes this any different?” Finally looking up into those sexy eyes of hers, I rethink it all.
“My place in this club could be at risk. Opportunities that we have here might be gone. I don’t know where the fuck that would leave me darlin’.” Jersey looks down at Ansley before stepping closer to me.
“That would leave you with me and your daughter. We would figure it out. If this is something that is eating away at your heart, don’t do it. You won’t like the regret that you would have to live with.” Kissing my cheek, I smile at her.
“I’ve never been one to have a heart darlin’.” Jersey giggles softly before looking back at me.
“You’ve always had a heart. Sometimes it fades, but it’s never completely gone. It’s always there.” I watch Jersey’s ass as she bends over the crib to lay Ansley back in it.
Walking over, I wrap my hands around her waist and pull her against me. Jersey stands up and straightens out before turning her head to the side.
Her lips brush over mine but I know she has more to say, I can see it.
“Say it Jersey.” Her smile melts me inside, like it always does.
“I want you to be happy. I want you to have a clear conscience with whatever you choose to do. I know some things don’t make sense to me, but in this world they do. Just make sure your heart can handle it ok?” Damn, I love this woman. I love her more than the air I breathe.
“You know what my heart can handle? You Jersey. I love you more than you could ever know.”
Chapter 36
Tank
Wandering outside the clubhouse, my brain is going crazy. That kid hasn’t left my mind in days. The closer we get to moving in on that warehouse, the worse it gets. Shit’s changing inside of me. A million things vie for attention, but the constant remains on him. I’ve never been the type to care if it was a younger kid when we went into these things, but there’s something about that one that strikes a nerve. I saw it in Ryker too.
“You want my opinion?” Ryker leans against the wall with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth.
“You’re goin’ to give it anyway.” Shrugging, he blows out a ring of smoke.
“Yeah, that’s true. I don’t like this kid thing any more than you. You want to tell me why in the fuck this is botherin’ me the way it is?” Leaning against the wall next to him, I don’t know if I have the answer to that.
“Maybe because we’re all dyin’ slowly. We see ourselves in those kids.” Ryker chuckles before looking over at me.
“You know I don’t see myself in that little fucker. I saw what I could have been.” Nodding, that makes sense too.
“Yeah, that might be it too. Either way, it’s off brother.” I can feel it. He knows this shit is wrong.
“Where would that leave me, Tank? Where does the loyalty lie?” Ryker’s eyes close as he takes a drag from his cigarette. With his head tilted back, the world spins. Ryker’s always been the loyal type. It’s his life. It’s our life.
“No one has that answer, but lately I’ve been wonderin’ the same goddamn thing. When the hell does it end though?” Ryker doesn’t look over before blowing out a ring of smoke.
“Maybe this is my hell. It’s where I belong.” Ryker shoves off the wall and walks away leaving me to my own thoughts.
“What’s that about?” Creed steps up next to me passing me a beer that I gladly take.
“Confusion. We all have that shit at one point, yeah?” Creed moves to stand in front of me before I look at him.
“Say it Tank. You’ve never held back. What the hell’s goin’ on?” Scrubbing my hand over my head, I look around. How do I tell him we’re drowning?
“I don’t like the shit with the kid. I get we voted, it’s the way of the club. You saw him though.” Creed swallows hard before punching the wall next to me. I step aside and let him take his frustrations out on it. Better than fighting with me.
Punch, after punch, until blood drips down his knuckles. Leaning forward, he rests his head against the wall.
“There’s days when I wish I was never voted in Tank. Days I wish I didn’t have to make these choices. It’s fucked up brother! My heart, and my head, rip me the fuck apart!” He screams out his anger and I feel for him.
As much as he’s been putting into this club, it’s sucking his life right back out.
“Go inside Creed. Take a break.” Slapping my hand on his shoulder, I think we’re all about to hit rock bottom.
Chapter 37
Creed
“Let me see it.” Jada snaps, before I slowly reach out my hand to her. She turns the bathroom faucet on and cleans it off with the warm water.
“What’s happening here, Creed?” She knows it’s off. Hell, everyone in this clubhouse knows it’s off.
“It feels like we’re goin’ down instead of up. We make changes, we move on, but then somethin’ yanks us the fuck back. We’re drownin’ in the hell that Sharp created. We can’t get the fuck out of his shadow.” My hand jerks when Jada pours some medicine over it.
“Sorry. It’s going to sting.” Holding my hand still, she finishes before wrapping it in a bandage.
“What can I do? How can I help?” Snapping my head up to look at her, I don’t know what to do. Do I scream at her? Hell, she runs every time something doesn’t go her way.
“Jada, you can trust in me. You have no fuckin’ trust for me anymore. You run off after every little thing that happens. I need my old lady to be stronger than that. Fuck! This shit kills me, and then to not have you? It’s the fuckin’ worst feelin’ in the world.” Jumping off the toilet where I was sitting, I head into the bedroom.
“That’s not fair!” Spinning around on her, I almost lose it.
“It’s not? I have seen things Jada. Things that are burned into my motherfuckin’ brain! The things I’ve done to people, lives I’ve taken! I’m a cold hearted person! You want to talk about fair? Jason fuckin’ died and left me, too! He left me with nothin’. No way to turn in life. This is it; this is what I’ve become!” Throwing my hands out to the sides, I scream at her. What’s it going to take for her to understand this shit?
“You think you’re the only one that’s lost?” Her screams mean nothing to me. We’ve been over this before.
“I do the best I can for you! You’ve lived through hell too Jada, I know, but fuck! You don’t know the half of what I’ve done! The way the eyes of the people’s lives I took stare into me when I try to sleep. The way their beatin’ hearts stop within my hands! YOU. DON’T. KNOW!” Walking around her, I go into the bathroom slamming the door closed.
I lean my head against the cool door as I try to calm every demon that pulls at my soul. They’re with me all the time. I can’t get rid of them. No matter how hard I try to make my past go away, it lingers.
My heart screams to be free from the hold that those demons have on it. It begs and pleads, but they never let go.
I turn the shower on and step in as soon as it’s warm enough. I let the water fall around me
before the tears come.
I didn’t hear the door open but there she is. Jada climbs in the shower wrapping her arms around me.
“I hear you cry. I know you don’t want me to make a big deal about it, so I don’t. It hurts me to see you like that. I thought if I just stayed away things would change.” Leaning down I capture her lips with mine. I’ve had enough talking for one day. I want to enjoy being with her right now.
Lifting her, I push her against the cool tiles of the shower before sliding inside of her. My dick responds to every little moan and groan that comes from her mouth.
I grip her hips in my hands thrusting into her. I don’t want to take out the rage I feel inside on her. I focus on my love for her. Rocking my hips into her, her lips crash into mine.
She feels so perfect and when I’m inside of her, nothing in the world matters to me.
“I love you.” Whispering against her lips, I pick up the pace. My dick slams into every wall she has inside of her before I can feel her body tense up.
“I love you too.” A few more hard thrusts and we come together. Just how I need us to be forever. Together.
Chapter 38
Ryker
Bouncing up and down, I can’t control myself. I’m so amped up for this run. I want nothing more than to find some of those Dusts’ assholes in that warehouse too. I’d be happy as fuck to take them out.
“You goin’ to do that the whole day?” Torch slaps my shoulder laughing. Hell, the way I feel right now, I might do it for the next month!
“Yeah, this shit gets my blood goin’. I love it.” The smile on my face is downright devilish and I know it. I don’t know what it is about death and blood that sends me over the edge, but it’s been that way for a long fucking time.
“Let’s move!” Creed circles his finger in the air, signaling us to move out behind him.
In perfect formation we all file out as we make the short trip to the warehouse.
What to do with the kid once we get in there hasn’t stopped running through my mind since the other day. I haven’t made a final decision either. I decided to let it play out the way fate wants it to.
Jersey had a hard time with me going on this run. She understood where I was coming from with the way I felt. It’s hard to think that I might not have a place in this club after today. This is the only life that I’ve known. The only protection that I’ve ever had. Pulling in, we all cut our bikes off as Joey positions the van. My stomach is in knots as I walk around taking in the area.
“Your head right brother?” Tank slaps a hand on my shoulder. I don’t need to look at him to know what he’s talking about either.
“About as right as it can be.” I see him nod out of the corner of my eye, but I make no attempt to actually look at him. I don’t need to see the look in his eyes.
“What’s that about?” Torch passes me the joint he’s been smoking. I take a long drag, savoring the feel of it burning through my lungs.
“Nothin’. Just makin’ sure I’m ready.” Torch laughs before I blow the smoke out of my mouth.
“When the hell are you not ready for this shit? You fuckin’ love blood and guts brother.” Laughing along with him, I have to agree there. Creed rounds us up before he talks.
“We go in, we do our shit, and we get out. We take what we can haul in the van, and we roll. Watch your asses. We don’t know what kind of wirin’ these motherfuckers put up since we were here last. Trip that shit, and I can promise, we won’t be taken you home with us.” Looking around at the guys, they all smile. They know the risks, we all do. We came into this club knowing that we may never make it back out alive.
“Let’s move.” When Creed finishes speaking, I make my way to the head of the group with Torch on my ass. It’s good to know that he’s by my side. Torch is a complete fucking lunatic, but a lunatic that I can trust with my life.
Making our way across the small field doesn’t take long. My stomach knots up, and at first I think it’s because of the kid, but there’s more, I can feel it. Making entry into the warehouse was easy, too easy. I watch as we advance into the shit hole. This place is almost as nasty as the place I found Jersey in.
“Up.” Whispering to Torch, his eyes move to follow mine. I can see the trip wires in place, and there are a shit ton of them. Stopping, I crouch down and turn to motion to the guy’s behind me. Once I see they all know what’s up there, I turn around and start moving again. I see the kid at a table not far from me. My heart is beating so fast; I feel as if I’m going to explode. I’ve never felt this before on a kill. It’s new, and I don’t fucking like it. Sneaking up behind him, I grab the kid around the neck before whispering in his ear.
“You scream, I shoot.” Nodding his head rapidly, I know he isn’t going to make a sound. As soon as the guy’s start moving in, the kid speaks.
“There’s more. In the back.” Tilting my head to look at him, I assess his look. He isn’t lying, and we just walked into a goddamn ambush.
Shots ring out all around me before I’m knocked back.
It all goes black.
Chapter 39
Tank
Shots ring out and echo through the warehouse. They came out of nowhere. We all ducked and got behind anything that we possibly could use as a shield.
“Creed!” Hollering, I need to make sure he’s ok. I saw Ryker go down, but I couldn’t tell if he was hit or not. My hearts ready to burst when I hear him.
“I’m good! Torch?” We wait through the shots until we hear it.
“Hit, but good!” Only he would say he was hit, but good, crazy fuck.
“Ryker’s down!” Yelling over the shots, I know we need to move in. If we don’t, we are going to be on the losing end of this battle.
“Get Ryker out! I’m flankin’ these motherfuckers!” Torch’s voice booms through the warehouse before I catch a glimpse of him moving. My eyes dart around trying to spot Ryker. When I do see him, he’s lying there with the kid on top of him.
“Son of a bitch.” Growling, I pull out my other gun and stand. I start blasting away at anything that moves. I can see Torch off to the side taking guys out left and right. They outnumber us, but I can’t figure out how. They were a smaller club than we were. There’s no way in hell that Rit patched in that many people. Sliding across the floor to where Ryker is laying, I drop onto my knees. I look for any signs that he’s been shot.
“What the fuck? Tank, you smell that?” When I hear Creed screaming, I sniff. Fuck me!
“It’s gas boys! Get Ryker and pull the fuck back! I’ll hold them off!” Torch yells before I start to shake Ryker slightly.
“Come on brother. Jersey will kill me if I don’t get your ass home.” Ryker grunts but doesn’t open his eyes. There’s a lot of blood coming from the back of his head.
“Creed!” Within seconds of my yelling Creed’s next to me.
“Fuck man!”
“Get the kid. I got Ryker.” Creed drags the kid up and hoists him onto his back, as I do the same with Ryker.
“Son of a bitch you need to stop workin’ out.” As if he can hear me, it’s true. This asshole feels like a solid 180 pounds of pure fucking muscle.
“RUN!” Torch screams over the noise that echoes through here. It’s so fucking loud, my ears are ringing.
With Ryker on my back, I push myself harder toward the door. As soon as my feet touch the earth outside an explosion rocks the ground beneath me. I’m thrown through the air forcing my grip on Ryker to fail. I lose him right before I slam into the hard earth below me. My back burns and my head spins. Blinking rapidly, I try to make out my surroundings. I see Joey leaning over someone, but all I hear is a buzzing in my ears. Joey looks over at me, his mouth’s moving, but I’m in a complete haze.
Chapter 40
Creed
Because shit couldn’t get any worse, I roll over and look around to see Joey standing over someone.
“Who is it?” Shaking the dizziness I feel away, I try to stand but stumb
le.
“Stay down Creed! I’ll get you in a minute.” Joey screams as he rushes around. My head feels like it’s going to explode.
“Fuck off! Where’s Tank?” Blinking rapidly, I look around on the ground. I see Tank a few feet over, and try to stumble my way to him. Dropping onto the ground he looks up at me.
“Fuck, Creed.” Tank blinks his eyes before pushing himself up. I can smell the burnt flesh, and I know it’s coming from him. This shit just went from bad to worse. Gripping his hand, I pull him up as he sways. Looking over, I see Ryker opening his eyes.
Tank and I both move next to him as he looks up.
“The fuck was that shit?” His words are slurred and his eyes are glossy. He must have taken a bad hit to the head.
“Can you stand? We need to move.” Reaching for Ryker’s hand, I pull him up before I see the kid struggling to breathe.
“Shit!” The guys look over at me before following my gaze down to him.
“He’s chokin’ on his own fuckin’ blood.” Ryker bends down damn near falling before grabbing the gun that lies next to him. Standing up, Tank grabs his arm.
“I’ll do it.” I watch the two of them as they debate it amongst themselves. A silent agreement is made as Ryker shakes his head, he holds the gun out from his body. Aimed at the kid’s head, I hear him whisper. “I’m sorry.”
We all jolt a little when the gun fires. I don’t understand why he said that, but it’s none of my business. He slides the gun into the back of his jeans before he turns to look at me.
“Torch?” Swallowing hard, I shake my head. Ryker sucks in a breath before he walks away. There’s a trail of blood running down the back of his neck as I watch him go. Tank slaps a hand on my shoulder before he speaks.
