by ST Bende
“I did just save you,” Ull reminded me.
“I had things under control.” My voice was testy.
“Oh, did you?”
“I was getting there.”
“Right. Well, while you were getting there, I took care of the problem. The least you can do is let me explain.” I thought about what I’d have been doing right now if Ull hadn’t come along in the nightclub. Guilt stepped lightly on Anger’s toes.
“You know what Ull?” I sighed, too exhausted to fight anymore. “I’ve had a long night. I just want to go home.”
“Do you want to hear my explanation?”
“Do you think it’ll make any difference?”
“Maybe.”
I shook my head. “Maybe’s not good enough.” I turned and walked toward campus.
“Where do you think you are going?”
“I told you. Home.” Heavy footsteps followed me.
“This conversation is not over.” Ull sounded strained.
“Yes, it is. I get it. You weren’t that into me. You’re lousy at dumping girls. Case closed.”
“Kristia,” Ull grabbed my hand, forcing me to stop. “Please. It is not what you think.”
I pulled my hand back and folded my arms. “It doesn’t matter, Ull. I just want to go home.” As I started my brisk walk, Ull matched my pace.
“Fine. You may go home.”
“Gee, thanks.” Could he be any more arrogant?
“But this conversation is not over,” He marched confidently beside me.
“Where exactly do you think you’re going?”
“With you.”
“You are not coming home with me.” I didn’t care how good he looked in that coat; I was a woman of substance.
“I am making sure you get home safely, whether you like it or not. We can talk tomorrow.” The smugness in his voice got under my skin.
“I seriously doubt that,” I muttered, picking up my pace in an effort to get away from him. At that moment, Ull was the last person I wanted to be around.
“Uh, Kristia.” Emma’s voice trilled through my bedroom door at an ungodly hour for a Sunday morning. “You have to get out here.”
Reluctantly, I grabbed my favorite slippers and tied my ballet sweater around the thin camisole I’d worn to bed. Shuffling towards the hall, I rubbed the sleep from my eyes. “This better be good, Em.”
“Oh, it is,” Victoria grinned from the couch where she sipped at a cup of coffee. She gestured to an enormous bouquet on the table. White roses filled the room with their heady scent, and hydrangeas and foxgloves filled out the arrangement. “They’re for you,” Victoria finished.
“Who…” But my insides fluttered when I opened the card. ‘I am sorry. Call me. Ull. ’ I crumpled the card and chucked it into the trash bin. Letting out a word that would have earned Mormor’s disapproval, I stomped back to my room. If Ull thought some stupid flowers would make me fall all over him, he had another thing coming.
“Wait! Who are they from?” Emma pleaded.
“Who do you think?” I could almost hear Victoria roll her eyes as I slammed my door. Ull was getting on my last nerve.
By the time my next Mythology class rolled around, I’d successfully avoided five of Ull’s calls and one personal appearance at my flat, no thanks to the lousy acting skills of sweet Emma, who was highly unconvincing in declaring I wasn’t home. I slipped into class at the last possible minute, but Ull was still waiting inside the door.
“Kristia,” he greeted me with his impossibly arrogant grin.
“Ull,” I acknowledged before making a beeline for the front row. He wouldn’t be able to bother me under the professor’s nose.
“Kristia,” Ull sighed. “We can do this all year. I have nothing but time.” He took the seat next to me as I focused on setting up my computer. “But trust me, you want to hear what I have to say.”
“I highly doubt that,” I muttered with all the civility I could manage. Use me once, shame on you. I wasn’t interested in going down that road again. Thankfully, Professor Carnicke chose that moment to launch into her lecture, and for ninety blissful minutes, decorum required Ull’s silence. As soon as she closed her book, I jumped up, stuffing my laptop into my bag and tripping over my feet in my rush to leave the room.
“Careful, Miss Tostenson,” of course Ull was right there to catch me. I snatched my arm away.
“Listen,” I countered angrily. “You aren’t into me. I get it. Stop following me around! Just let me be.”
“You do not mean that.”
“I really do! It’s embarrassing enough to have to see you every day, the last thing I want to do is listen to why you don’t want to go out with me again. You don’t owe me anything. Honest. Please, just leave me alone.”
“Kristia, it really is not like that.”
“I don’t care what it’s like. I have to go.” I raced out of the classroom and didn’t stop until I reached the Student Houses. I threw myself onto the couch and dropped my head into my hands. No wonder I’d always stayed away from guys. My life suddenly felt way too complicated.
“Uh, Kristia?” Victoria knocked on my door the next evening.
“Come in.” I raised my head from the literature text I was studying. Molière was always good for a laugh, and right now I really needed one. “What’s going on?”
“Well, I don’t mean to bother you, but I just tried to leave the flat, and I was stopped by these.” She held up a handful of white orchids. “And there are heaps more where they came from.” Her glee was poorly disguised.
“You think this is funny, don’t you?”
“You have to admit, most girls would be over the moon if Ull Myhr was sending them flowers.”
“Stalking them, more like it.”
“Whatever.” Victoria shrugged. “I brought the rest into the living room. I’m not one to tell you what to do–” I snorted at her blatant lie. “In matters of the heart,” Victoria continued indignantly. “But if the lad is that determined to talk to you, I’d wager he has something pretty important to say.”
I rolled my eyes and made my way down the hall. “What the…” Every surface of the living area was covered in vases of white flowers. The scent was simultaneously heavenly and cloying. I picked my way through the arrangements until I found the biggest one. I opened the attached card with a resigned groan.
‘Kristia,’ it read. ‘Please hear me out. I left because my life is complicated, and I do not know if it is fair to involve you. I want to tell you everything, but if you really want nothing more to do with me, tell me in class tomorrow and I will leave you alone. Ull.’
Oh, crimeney. What was I supposed to do now?
The next morning, I hovered outside the classroom with two minutes to spare, still unsure. On the one hand, he’d dropped me once. I wasn’t so stupid as to head blindly down that path again, and he was giving me an out – say the word and he’d leave me alone for good. On the other hand, I really had enjoyed our dates. And no guy had ever worked so hard to win my attention.
Heck, until recently, no guy had ever brought me flowers – and here Ull was spending the gross national debt on white blooms. A small part of me still held onto the hope that Ull might be the first guy ever who liked me just for me. While a bigger part of me was screaming ‘don’t be a fool! Run!’
I shook my head. I had no idea what I was going to do.
I kept my head high as I walked into the room. A quick scan revealed Ull in the third row, seeming relaxed as he leaned back in his seat. But a closer look showed he was gripping his pen and his shoulders were squared. He was waiting for me. And he was nervous. I made up my mind, easing my way into his row and carefully sitting two seats away. Ull turned with a tight smile, cocking his head to one side.
“What does this mean?”
“It means I’m still mad you didn’t call. And it means I still don’t trust you. But I’m willing to hear you out.” I kept my hands balled in my lap. “Also, than
k you for the flowers.”
Ull’s face lit up. “I am so glad.” He exhaled and the tension visibly left his shoulders. “I will pick you up at eight o’clock tonight. We can talk then.”
“Tonight? What’s wrong with now?”
Ull tilted his head towards the podium where Professor Carnicke was opening her book. “Would not want to be rude, would we?” He gave me an infuriating wink and turned his attention to the lecture.
At eight o’clock, a firm knock interrupted my reading. I picked my way through the flower shop that our living room had become and opened the door.
“Oh good, you kept my peace offerings.” Ull treated me to a rakish grin.
“Just a few of them,” I muttered. “Come on in.”
“Oh, no. You must come with me.”
“Why?” I challenged. Ull sighed.
“Are you going to fight me at every turn?”
“Probably.”
“Please come.” He looked so adorable standing on my stoop, his scarf casually thrown across the grey sweater under his coat. I gave in quicker than I meant to.
“Fine.” I grabbed my coat from the closet by the door and shoved my keys and wallet into the pocket. “Where are we off to?” I closed the door behind me and followed Ull into the brisk night, waiting for his promised explanation.
But he didn’t say anything. Instead, he put his hand on the small of my back and guided me away from campus. I shivered, and noticed that Ull wore his jacket open, at ease in the chill. As we rounded the corner, Ull dropped his hand to clasp mine. It was so warm, so strong, and for a moment, I forgot to be mad at him. We walked in silence as he led me down the main road. After two right turns, I found myself standing in a quiet garden. Ull had brought me to a church.
Chapter Eight
“HAVE YOU BEEN HERE before?” Ull’s voice was soft. I looked around the courtyard, covered in flowers, with vines trailing up the sides of the charming chapel.
“No,” I answered. The square was beautiful, but I’d been promised answers.
“I come here a lot. Sometimes I just walk the garden.” Ull sat on a stone bench, somehow even more beautiful in the moonlight. An eternity passed before he started talking.
“This is a Norse Seaman’s Church,” Ull spoke quietly. “It wasn’t built until the mid-twentieth century, but it blends with the town’s older buildings.” I wrapped my arms around my chest. I wasn’t in the mood for another history lesson.
“It’s very peaceful.” It was all I could think of to say.
“Yes,” he said calmly. We stared at the bounty of ivory roses growing in the eastern corner of the garden, and the ivy stretching up the white walls of the chapel. “When I am here I can forget…” His body tensed, his brow furrowed, and his eyes grew dark. I sighed – Angry Ull.
“Uh, you lost me.” But no clarification was forthcoming. I was uncomfortable waiting. It wasn’t exactly evening stroll weather.
“So are you going to give me this alleged explanation or not? Taking me to a church doesn’t exactly cut it.” I glanced impatiently at Ull’s tense frame. I didn’t know what to make of him. While I waited for a response, he kept staring at the sky.
“Seriously Ull? You dragged me out here in the cold for nothing? That’s it – I’m done.” I turned to walk away. This was the worst fairytale ending ever.
“Kristia.” He hung his head, staring at his hands. I stopped but didn’t turn. “Please come sit with me.”
“Why?”
“Please.”
Curious and desperate for his companionship, I sat. A shiver ran through me as a gust of wind blew through the garden. I pulled my coat tighter around me. Ull took off his scarf and wrapped it around my neck. The gesture would have been sweet two weeks ago.
“I owe you an explanation.”
“We already established that.”
“Kristia, let me talk!” He looked up with pleading eyes. They bored into mine, as if he could see through my pretense and right into my broken heart. He took a deep breath, his broad shoulders rising and falling with effort. He unclasped his hands, then clasped them again until his knuckles turned white. “Kristia, I had a very nice time on our dates. Those days with you were the best I have had in–” He stared at the ground. “In a long time.”
“Right. Then why did you just take off?” The words were out before I could stop them.
Ull thought. “Come with me.” He stood. I followed. But I hesitated when he opened the church door.
“Are we supposed to be in there?” Rule followers did not break into churches at night.
Ull laughed. “The pastor is a friend.” He ushered me into the warm chapel. Row after row of chocolate-colored pews were stunning in their simplicity. The wood of the benches shone with fresh polish and the little altar at the front of the aisle held a pulpit with a carved crest – a hammer, a cross, and a figure I didn’t recognize. The room was small for a church, and very plainly decorated. Only the woodwork and the crest stood out. It was enchanting.
Ull left me sitting in a pew and came back with a plate of heart shaped waffles with jam, and two cups of tea. I must have looked suspicious because he laughed. “Honest, I am a regular here. It is okay with the pastor. I told him we are in the chapel. He says ‘hei hei’ and ‘god natt’. Hello and good night.”
The waffles did look good, and the tea warmed my hands as I took a sip. So long as I wasn’t breaking, entering, and stealing food from a church, this night could still end well. A begrudging bite of the waffles proved me right. “These are really good,” I mumbled around a mouthful of the savory sweet.
“Finest Norwegian waffles I have had,” Ull agreed, spreading jam on a heart. “Now where was I?” He sat back, staring at the carved hammer above him. Seeming to reach a decision, he began.
“Kristia, I promised to tell you everything. But it is a lot to take in, and it will take time. I would like to give you an overview tonight, and if I do not scare you off, I will explain the rest this weekend. Does that sound fair?”
Anything was better than the big bag of nothing I knew right now. “Yes, it sounds fair. Now explain.” Patience was never a virtue of mine.
“All right. I left town for a few days – I needed to spend some time with my family.”
“Are they okay? Is someone ill?” Of course I had the poise to be worried about his family, but I was relieved at the possibility his absence really had nothing to do with me.
“They are well, thank you. I needed to ask them a question. You see I have a certain… role that is expected of me. There is little room for flexibility in my family. I call them The Firm.” He laughed bitterly, and I wondered at this odd noise, such a stark contrast to the musical laughter I’d heard before. “Do not get me wrong, I love them very much and we all want what is best for one another. But there are certain realities that none of us can escape. And one of those realities is a very… dark future.”
If I was right about what Ull really was, his future was as dark as it could get. “How do you mean?”
Ull thought for a moment. “How can I explain it? My family is very strong – some of the most influential individuals in our land. But there are those who envy us and want to see us fall.”
“Is this about politics?” I was determined to coax the truth out of him.
“Well, sort of. We do have substantial power. With power comes a life of duty, and in our case, a terrible demise. We cannot hold our… positions forever. And when we fall, most of us will not survive.”
I struggled to keep my face neutral. My theory would account for Ull’s strange behavior – his disappearance in the club, the way he talked about his family, his stepdad’s weird name. But the idea was so bizarre, I needed to hear him say it.
“Go on,” I whispered.
“I do not mean to frighten you, but you have to understand what would happen if we dated. We might get sick of each other and break up next week. Or we might be perfectly suited and end up married. And if you we
re to become a part of my family–” He broke off. “You would suffer the same fate as the rest of us. I cannot let you die on my account.” His head dropped into his hands. I could tell he wasn’t upset about his own fate. He was upset that he might jeopardize mine. “So I stayed away. I did not call. It was the kindest thing to do.”
I completely forgot about coaxing out a confession. My mind fixated on the we might end up married part. Guys our age didn’t talk about marriage. Ever. And since I wasn’t ready for that kind of talk, I jumped on the other end of his speech. “You seriously think leaving me hanging like that was kind?”
“Compared to getting involved with you, yes. I have a lot of what you Americans call baggage.”
“Maybe.” I shrugged. “But it would have been nice to know if you’d really had a good time, or if you were just saying that to get something out of me.”
“Kristia.” Ull smiled. “I would never knowingly hurt you. I like you far too much.”
“Hold on. So you do like me?”
Ull chuckled. “Yes. I like you.”
“Oh.” I looked at my fingernails. “Well, sometimes I like you too. When you’re not annoying me, or smothering me, or disappearing on me, or generally driving me nuts.”
“That is fair.” He sighed. “But it should not matter. It is not right to bring you into my life. If we end up together, you will meet the same fate that I do.”
“It’s not polite to speak in nonsense.”
“Maybe, but there is a lot about me that you do not know.”
“I’m listening.” Boy howdy, was I listening.
Ull’s tousled, blond mane flopped adorably as he tilted his head. “I have not scared you off?”
I shrugged. “It takes a lot to scare me. Irritating me seems to come more naturally to you.”
“Oh, Kristia.” Ull lifted my hair off my neck and rested his fingers on my collarbone. I shivered. “Will you join me in the country this weekend? There is a lot I need to tell you, and it would be easier for me to get through it without interruption.”
