by J. L. Beck
Then there was my relationship with Killer on top of all of that. Now I had to wonder what was going on with him and going through his head when we weren’t together since Ty had changed my trainer. I shook all the jitters off as my foot hit the landing. I knew there was nothing I could do and that I needed to be here to learn what it was that I was made for.
Deep down even if I didn’t want to admit it, I could feel the differences between Killer and I more and more, where as I said before that I couldn’t. Killer was made for something entirely different than I was.
“I hope you have come to see me.” Ty’s voice rang out above the shouts and echoes bouncing off the walls in the arena. He had a group of men surrounding him, most of them looked at me and dismissed me as if I was nothing more than a woman in a place where men only belonged.
The place was bustling, sweat dripping off of almost everyone as I laid my bag on the ground near one of the benches. Usually when Killer and I trained there was no one in here, or there were at least fewer people around to see me get my ass kicked. Either way, it was never this chaotic.
“If it was an option to be down here, I wouldn’t be.” I rolled my eyes. I was already kind of having a shitty day after dealing with Rambo and the fact that Killer had left this morning before I even woke up. I still hadn’t talked to him yet today and that alone caused anxiety deep within me.
“See, that’s what I like about you.” He laughed, his eyes twinkling. I had failed to see this side of Ty in all the time that I had been here, the side that laughed freely as if he was actually happy.
“From the way you usually act, I would have never thought that you liked me.” I raised an eyebrow challenging him to tell me if he really hated me or not. For some reason I was curious.
“Liking you and tolerating you sometimes are two very different things.” Ty smiled. Why was he being so coy? Just yesterday he made it seemed like he would rather throw lighter fluid on me if I was burning to death than water. Something had to be up.
Ty covered the distance between us, his massive form eating up the steps like they were nothing. I glanced up looking at his previously bald head which now had a small dusting of dark brown hair on it. My own eyes trailed down to meet his dark brown ones; brooding, and still somewhat captivating as they always seemed to be peering deeply into my soul. I knew he was doing nothing but judging me, though, taking in all my flaws.
I didn’t choose this life. I didn’t think anyone here would choose this life. In the end, we were all meant to be dead. It was like a walking, talking graveyard.
“Today we aren’t training, Maggie. Today, we get to know one another.” Ty’s hand landed against my arm. His touch was surprisingly warm, instead of cold like I assumed it would be. My eyes dropped down to where he held my arm, and then back up to his impassive face.
“If we aren’t training then I have no reason to be here.” I glared. I had given him the benefit of the doubt and been nice when I could’ve and had the very right to be a bitch to him even more so after everything he did yesterday. Ty leaned into my face again, his eyes telling me that questions were forming in his mind.
“There are a couple things that we need to discuss and privately.” His fingers sank into my skin, a warning behind his touch. It all but said if you don’t go you will face the consequences.
“Anything you need to discuss with me can be discussed right here.” I didn’t want to be pushed around, nor did I want any of these people in here to think they could do it either. I pursed my lips waiting for what I said to sink into his thick skull. When acceptance didn’t cross his face, I tried to pull my arm out of his grip but his hand refused to let go, instead, it tightened around my forearm.
“When I said it was something we needed to discuss I meant it was about you. About what you’re going to become, and about finding your father.” Ty’s voice was strong and stern as if he was talking to a child that was unable to handle listening to him.
My ears perked up at the words of finding my father, surely he understood that I wanted nothing more than to find him. Still, I couldn’t help but wonder if this was some type of ploy to make things neutral between us.
“Five minutes. That’s it!” I glared. Ty removed his hand with a smirk, throwing his arm out as if to show me the way out. I nodded and followed behind him, grabbing my bag from the floor by the bench. We walked silently beside one another down the hallway to an area that I had never been in before. The walls were painted a light brown that almost made up for the lack of nature that we didn’t get to see around here. Every ten feet there seemed to be a door off to each side of us, at the very end of the hall was where we stopped. Ty pulled out a key card and slid it through the gray card reader, then he opened the door and ushered me in.
I took in the whole room with one sweeping glance. It was his office, that much I knew. Small knickknacks sat on his desk, and a large window that showed the great outdoors was on the far wall allowing plenty of light in.
“It’s such a shame that a sour ass like you gets such a beautiful view.” I snickered. Did I actually say that out loud? I placed myself in one of the dark red chairs in front of his desk, just as he closed the door behind us.
Ty cleared his throat, “Thanks, I guess.” I shifted in my seat, this was a whole different side of him than I was used too. I didn’t know if I should be staying or running.
“What do you want?” I asked deadpanned.
“Your father is alive. We have word on it.” Ty answered, without a blink of his eyes. He knew I would want to know, and I did. Guilt consumed me every time I thought about my father, it was like a wound being rubbed over after it had little time to heal. Small pieces of my flesh would flake away and blood would drip from the wound. My father saved Killer and me only to have been taken by the monsters and Roger at PGI.
“What do you want me to do?” I choked out. Ty uncrossed his arms, his eyes became soft, and in the lighting, he almost looked like a normal man.
“Nothing. There isn’t shit that can be done at this point. A plan to get him out alive has to be devised. I got word from an ex-FBI agent this morning that is on our side. You have to understand that he probably won’t be the same person he was by the time we get to him.”
“You act like I never expected this to be traumatizing for him!” I raised my voice. I didn’t like being accused of shit or treated like a toddler.
Ty rolled his eyes before speaking, “I didn’t say that. I also didn’t accuse you of anything. I just wanted you to know.”
“Thanks, can I go now. I feel a bit degraded now.” I confessed.
“No. There is more. I need to know if you remember anything, anything at all that pertains back to when you were found at the cabin?” He asked, his jaw tense. I narrowed my eyes, trying to figure out what he wanted with that information. It was obvious that coming down here had been a mistake.
“Truthfully, I have no idea. No recollection of anything that happened. I don’t remember how we got out of there.” I answered honestly. I could tell by the wide-eyed look on his face that he didn’t believe me.
“Okay, what about Killer then?” I didn’t want to go down this road. Killer and I hadn’t talked about the cabin in weeks. Last time we spoke he didn’t remember anything, things could’ve changed by now, but technically who knew.
“Leave Killer out of this.” I warned.
“Killer knows more than he leads on Maggie. If he knew something wouldn’t you want to know?” Ty tried to put me against Killer, which just added fuel to fire.
“If he knew something he would’ve already told me by now!” I seethed, angry that he was all but accusing Killer of lying to me. I might not have told Killer about the memories that were assaulting me, but I was sure he wasn’t keeping things from me. I pushed from the chair, grabbing my bag. Ty didn’t even try to stop me as I headed towards the door to leave. Instead, he had a mocking look on his face, a grin that said he knew something I didn’t.
“H
e’s not being honest with you, Maggie and if you think he is, why don’t you ask him the truth about you and me…” The question hung in the air between the two of us. Worry formed in the pit of my stomach and rose up into my throat. I wasn’t sure what I would do or how I would react if Killer was really lying to me.
“Ask him, and when he tells you I’ll be here waiting…” I shot one last look over my shoulder at Ty, his face a mask of anger and satisfaction, then I grabbed the door handle and headed out, making my down the hall and back towards the room I shared with Killer. I needed to find him and ask him if he was hiding anything, then I myself needed to come clean.
It was time to make things right with us.
Nine
Killer
The worst thing about withholding the truth from Maggie was that by lying to her I made everything I had ever said to her questionable. She would question everything I ever told her up until this point. That bothered me more than anything. It was like a hot knife was cutting through the muscles in my chest, to know that in the end doing what I had would hurt her more than just speaking the truth from the moment I found out.
“She’s going to find out and when she does she’s going to blame herself, and me for not telling her sooner!” I was eaten up by guilt as I spoke to Gauge over the phone again. He had been the one to discover the truth in some of the files the one’s that were not destroyed but were instead left behind at PGI headquarters where I was being held last time we saw Maggie’s father.
“Telling her would’ve hurt her anyway. It was too soon for her. She would’ve come unhinged and went for blood. Questions would’ve been the last thing she asked, so while it’s killing you to have withheld the truth it saved her some sanity.” Gauge tried to reassure me that I had made the right choice. Since losing my own family after being given L1 years ago Gauge was the closest thing to a father I had. His advice and wisdom spoke volumes to me. He understood that protecting Maggie was all I wanted to do.
“I know, but did I fuck up in the worst way by not telling her sooner? Is she going to question everything I have ever told her because of this? I can’t lose her Gauge, not when I’ve just found her again. I struggled everyday on the edge between giving her what she wants and what I know I need. I love her, but all of this makes me question if I’m the man for her.” I confessed like I had never done before.
“Deep breaths.” Gauge spoke quietly into the phone trying to calm my boiling blood. I was on the verge of hunting Maggie down and revealing every truth that resided inside of me and everything I had done to protect her.
“I have to tell her. I have to because now that Ty’s training her and making all the decisions when it comes to her, I know that he will say whatever he needs in order to keep her on his side. With her siding with him I will have no other option but to lose my mother fucking shit on him.” I cracked my knuckles in anticipation. The very first moment I got to beat the hell out of that asshole I would. He might think because he was related to Maggie that I wouldn’t end his life, but he thought wrong. Relation didn’t stop me from ripping your throat out.
“I can’t be there to protect you, Killer. Everything that went down with you escaping and going off on a bender at this facility basically made it seem like I couldn’t handle you.” Gauge sounded so defeated. I had been with him and at the Brotherhood ran by him since I escaped PGI. They were as close to family as it got in this world. Now that the government was realizing how bad and wrong that PGI was, more Brotherhoods were opening up across the country. I was lucky enough to be transferred to one so close to Gauge and the rest of them, even luckier that they let Maggie come with me.
Then again when you told them that you would kill everyone they ever loved if they even attempted to separate you two people tended to listen to your needs. That, and they knew I wasn’t fucking around. I would kill without regret. That’s what I was made for, to destroy without care.
“It’s not me that needs protection. I’ll never need to be protected, I’ve come this far and I’ll take out whoever in order to protect what is mine. I just wonder if the person I should be protecting Maggie from the most is myself. The silent monster that lurks right underneath the surface loves everything about her, but what happens when he lets her go? When she changes?” I was seriously laying it all out on the line, weeks of not talking about my emotions with Maggie was causing me to spill my guts to my peers. This was sick and disgusting, pouring my heart out when there was no real solution to the problems I was feeling.
Don’t think. Don’t feel. Just kill. The beast whispered in my ear like the devil hanging on my shoulder.
“You’ll never hurt her like you think, Killer. You might believe in your heart that you’re gone, that you’re too uncaring and unloving to have someone like her, but she’s changing. Adjusting to the new things in her life. I promise you that she’s more like you than you’re leading on.” I kicked at the laundry basket in the corner of the room with my boot-covered foot. Maggie’s entire existence kept me moving. If Maggie lost her humanity, then we were both doomed. I would be a killing machine and Maggie would be different than the woman I currently loved. More than that, there would be no more us.
“I’m hurting her now, right now as we talk. That will never change…” I sighed. I could feel her near me, even when she was gone. Her scent lingered every single place she had been. She was like a dose of heroin and I was the addict. Every chance I got to be shot up with her love I would take it. She was my drug, my dark secret in the great light of everything that was bright. At the end of every single day, I knew that she was my everything.
“Just remember you’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. I knew the moment that Maggie showed up here that everything had changed. Don’t let the past and the things you have had to do to protect her tarnish you. We all make choices and we have to learn to live with them. Not many would still be standing by your side like Maggie has after everything you guys have been through.” Gauge was fucking right and that left a bad taste in my mouth. I lived for Maggie, but I still felt like she was the better version of both of us. She needed better than me. That feeling would never change.
“Nothing can tarnish what we have but…” My nose picked up her sweet scent, my teeth grinding together as saliva started to pool in my mouth. Maggie was a sin, a delectable temptation that I knew I shouldn’t take a bite from, but something I desperately needed to survive.
“What’s going on. Killer?” Gauge yelled into the phone, I could hear the worrisome pitch in his voice.
“I have to go, Maggie, is here.” I lied, well half lied. She was nearby and I needed her like I needed my next breath. I hung up, allowing the pounding beat of my heart to guide me to her. I was out the door without even thinking about moving. I followed her scent and the steady beat in my chest. As I came around the corner my eyes spotted her dark brown curls, her eyes dark and full of anger. Each step she took towards me held so much purpose, it was as if she was speaking unsaid words with every drop of her foot to the floor.
Looking at her and the sway of her hips, the fluid movement of her chest as she came down the hall had my already stiff cock harder than concrete. I had been holding out on fucking her because I wasn’t ready to make that commitment, to damage her that way. I knew the second the beast inside of me tasted that sweet syrup again that there would be no going back. Not ever.
She would be the one to break me.
Seconds passed and my pulse jumped in my throat, the vein on the side of my neck bulging and on the verge of bursting. I wanted her. I wanted her more than anything in the fucking world and I would have her as my own.
“You lying sack of shit asshole!” I didn’t understand what it was she had said, or why her hand was lifting towards my face until after the sting of pain radiated through my cheek and down my face. She had balls, balls of steel raising her hand to me when she knew what I was capable of.
“Never…” I growled, reaching out with stealth
and precision, my hand gripping her by the nape of the neck as I leaned in towards her face. No fear showed in her features, in fact something else lingered there… Determination like I had never seen was boiling over. “Ever. Slap me in the face again!” Pieces of my humanity slipped from my voice as I pushed my face into hers.
“Then don’t fucking lie to me! Don’t tell me you know nothing and pretend as if you have no idea what the hell is going on.” She pushed back, her voice also losing its civilization. I sniffed the air, the smell of her sex mingled with sweat. Ahhh, she wanted me just as much as I wanted her. I stared into striking brown eyes that reminded me of coffee. They were rich in color and almost always soft. Except now, now she wanted me to fight her. To push her to her limits, she had no idea the kind of pushing that was going to get.
Take her. Slam her against the wall and fuck her brains out. Force her to see you for who you are. Show her the beast that’s always within in grabbing distance. I told myself as her smell continued to assault my senses.
“If you want to fight about it then we can. I’m always down for fucking.” My voice oozed sex. I was no longer the same man. I was slipping into the past. I was giving Maggie a taste of the person she loved most.
“I want the truth Killer, the real truth! How can I ever trust you again, when you can’t even be honest with me?” I could feel her hot breath against my lips as she spoke. Her breath smelt like chocolate and my darkest fantasies. Still I focused on her words. She was speaking about what was bothering her, but from the way her teeth sank into her plump pink lip I could tell her body was thinking about different things, things that involved me slamming into her repeatedly, along with her screaming my name for hours. I took a deep breath, knowing it was best to get this over with sooner rather than later.
