by J. L. Beck
I felt it because I felt my own. It was no longer Maggie who was hiding behind a brick wall. It was me.
With that last fleeting thought, I walked out that door, slamming it shut behind me. I had felt death, I had felt hate and anger. I had killed and felt no guilt for doing so, but what I felt as soon as that door closed behind me was something I would never be able to forget.
Pain.
It wove its way into my heart, eating away at the little pieces that weren’t black shards.
I stopped mid step, forcing myself from heading further down the hall.
Her body was calling out to me. For me, and it took every single fiber of me not to turn around and go back to her.
I wasn’t good for her, the memory reminded me of that and yes I loved her, but if loving her meant I would take her life into my own hands then I needed to put distance between us.
This was the last straw, the one thing that decided it for all of us. Forcing myself to put one foot in front of the other, I headed down the hall and towards Ty’s office. I had to do whatever I could to change the future, and even if I hated Ty I knew that him being Maggie’s brother he would do whatever he could to protect her.
I pushed past a group of males that were lingering at the entrance of the hall, uncaring of the fact that they were even standing there.
“Look at that fucker…” One of them spoke loud enough for me to hear. I ground my teeth together, continuing towards my destination. “She’s a good lay, huh?” The same asshole spoke again. I stopped dead in my tracks, reminding myself furthermore why I wasn’t good for Maggie. What I was about to do being one prime example.
Turning on my heels I headed back towards the group of five guys. Most of them were a little shorter than me and everyone except the guy who spoke up probably had all their marbles. Someone like me didn’t. I was too far gone and when it came to protecting what was mine there was nothing that could stop me.
“I’ve killed people for lesser things…” Venom mixed with my words as I clenched my hand into a fist. My veins were bulging and the desire to protect what was mine fueled the raging inferno.
“I’ve killed fuckers like you just because I can. You think you own this place; you think that everyone here has to walk on eggshells because of who you are.” The man spoke to me, his dark beady eyes filled with rage that mirrored my own. I laughed, watching as his friends stepped away from him.
They either knew the type of crazy I was, or they could feel my anger in the air. Either way, I was going to kill this fucker without a second thought.
“The only person dying today is you.” I didn’t even give a second thought to what I was doing, a switch inside of me flicked on, and I was gripping him by the throat. Watching as the beast inside of me took over. I could feel his pulse beneath my hand and I felt nothing even as I squeezed. No remorse, or fear. Nothing.
His fingers gripped at my hand, yet still, I held onto him, watching the light leave his eyes and the gasp of breath he desperately sought vanish into thin air.
I clamped down on him, a dark evil voice filling the room with laughter. I couldn’t feel or see who I was anymore. Instead, I simply felt the darkness, embraced and relished in the motherfucking darkness and then I felt nothing.
Bones crunched as I crushed his windpipe and when I finally released the pitiful excuse of a man to the floor, his friends scattered. They were scared, as they should be. I was a monster. I was evil, and now the beast had been awakened.
Nothing else matter.
Twelve
Maggie
Sirens echoed throughout the Brotherhood, and even though tears slipped from my eyes and tumbled down my cheeks I got out of bed and put clothes on, going out into the hall to see what it was that was going on. The sirens only went off in the case that there was a break in or a subject out of control. I was praying that it was the first rather than the latter.
As soon as I opened the door I wished I hadn’t. Mass chaos was taking place around me, a stampede of men came barreling down the hallway, guns loaded. Tension filled the air as I slipped from the bedroom following the men to wherever they were going.
Anxiety filled my belly I couldn’t miss the bloody handprints on the wall. A shriek escaped my lips, but it was too late. There was nothing that anyone could do to stop the emotions from flying out of me. The air around me whipped my hair up, the smell of fear hung in the air, it was so strong it was almost suffocating.
Clearing my throat and taking a deep breath I pushed on, following them further down the hall even though I didn’t want to. Something pulled me towards the end of it. I couldn’t resist it. I couldn’t fight it at all. My eyes shifted around the hall and I realized we were up by Ty’s office. I could hear voices and tried to focus in on them even through the ringing in my ears.
“Someone get a tranquilizer!” I heard the words and knew the fear I was feeling was real. My feet moved of their own accord carrying me down the hall towards the man that made my heart beat faster than it ever had.
“Which one of you fuckers want to die next?” Killer’s deep voice smacked me right in the face. A smirk marred his face and the darkness in his eyes caused my anxiety to spike. He was gone. The person, the killer he was when I first met him was in his place instead. The worst part was Killer wasn’t even fighting it. I could tell, there was an emptiness in him as he taunted his own people to come and go against him.
“Killer, you’re being irrational here…” Ty’s voice was so calm and soothing I wanted to sink into it. Killer turned his attention back to Ty and away from one of the men that was drawing nearer to him with each second that passed by. Tears began to fall from my eyes rapidly, each cold drop sliding down my cheek and hitting the floor with an earth shattering reminisce.
“Irrational? What’s irrational is that you try and control the person you truly are… Do you let the humans control everything you do?” Killer snapped, his fist coming out without warning, punching one of the guards that stepped too close towards him.
When Killer was gone, he was truly gone and reaching him was simply on his terms. If he wanted to see you, then he would. If he didn’t, you were as good as dead.
“Killer!!” I called out his name and knew the instant that he heard me. His head turned and his eyes met mine with so much intensity I almost fell over. My chest ached and breath refused to enter my lungs.
“A woman…” He winked at me. Killer was dark and dangerous, but slightly appealing. I could tell my sex was growing wet as he spoke. “Ah, but not just any woman…” Killer continued lifting his head to smell the air. Everyone around us stopped moving and time stood still. He moved closer to me without hesitation, completely uncaring of the others that stepped away. I knew this man, though, and I knew what he was capable of, except this man seemed to not know me at all.
“Mmmmm…. Do they know?” He got right in my face questioning me. His hot breath could be felt against my throat. I refused to move, ice covered my body in a thin layer forcing me to stay in place.
“They will find out shortly…” His nose ran down the side of my throat and my body trembled, desperately wanting to give into his touch. After all, I craved everything that was the man before me. I needed him. Wanted him.
I could see Ty with a large syringe out of the corner of my eye, he was moving closer to Killer so he could get a hit.
“What do you mean?” I asked confusion etched all over my face, I wanted him to keep talking.
Killer tilted his head at me, watching me cautiously. The beast in him was sizing me up, trying to see who I was and what I was all about. I lifted my hand to his face, wondering if he would allow me to touch him. As my fingertips grazed his skin I saw Ty lift his hand to stab him with the needle. In an instance, Killer turned from my touch, hitting Ty’s hand away. The needle went flying, hitting the ground with a loud thud as did Ty.
This man before me was just not Killer, this man was Killer mixed with a volatile monster. One who didn’t rec
ognize anyone or even his own actions, only the rage and desire for blood, the need for chaos. This man was far worse than the killer that I loved. He needed to be stopped, he needed to be controlled before he killed every single one of us here.
With Killer turned away from me and his attention only on Ty, I quickly snatched the syringe off the tiled floor and gripped it in my hands, raising it and stabbing it in the back of Killer’s neck, releasing the sedative into his blood stream.
“Now that wasn’t very nice.” He turned on me, a scowl on his face. Anger was etched in his features. He took a step towards me while I took one away from him. It was like a cat and mouse game; he was stalking me. Then just as new feeling started to course through me, a feeling that pushed the fear away inside of me, one that said “fight back, take him out before he tries to take you out”, his knees began to wobble and his eyes blinked closed and then open slowly.
“You’ll regret doing that when I wake up.” A growl admitted from deep within his throat. His black eyes so vacant with no blue in sight. Tension eased out of the room as Killer hit the floor, his eyes rolling to the back of his head. Ty stood from the ground, immediately ordering everyone around. Telling them where to take the dead bodies, where they were to put Killer, and who was responsible for the cleanup of the blood. Everyone hustled around me, but I couldn’t move. I could barely even breathe.
“Maggie, are you okay?” Ty’s face came into view. I slowly blinked, clearing my throat and trying to force myself to talk. Just last night Killer was mine and he was normal, our kind of normal. Now, well now he was gone and lost to the murkiness that clouded all rational thoughts in him.
Had I lost him all over again?
“I….” I shook my head, no, knowing just how true it really was. I was strong with Killer and without him here with me, without his heartbeat pounding in my ears I couldn’t be strong.
“I think if we want to help Killer, we need to find your father. We need to get answers. I’ve only seen once someone revert back to Stage Black on their own. It’s the point in the experimental trails where they trained us to give in and feed off the destruction they created and implanted inside of us. This stage, there is no coming back from until he’s given the shadows inside of him what they desire most. Fury, blood, hate. Deaths of millions.” Ty sounded astonished. I still couldn’t speak. I was numb and cold. I was broken without Killer.
“He…” I needed to tell them what happened. “I think he had a nightmare, something scared him.” I found my voice. I desperately wanted to help Killer. To bring him back, even if he didn’t want to be found.
“What kind of nightmare?” Ty questioned, pulling me away from everyone and not stopping until he had us in his office with the door closed.
“I don’t know,” I answered. I wrung my hands together. I knew whatever I saw in his eyes before he left was something I had never seen before. It was deep, dark rooted fear.
“What did he say?”
“Nothing… He didn’t say anything. I could just see the fear in his eyes, I could sense the sadness around him.” I said so low that it was almost as if I didn’t want to say it at all.
Ty ran a hand over his head, his nails sinking into the skin. I understood his tension and need for answers. I had more questions than I did answers.
“If anyone would know it would be your father, I mean you might hate me right now after everything that has come out but we have to work together to save Killer. The only reason he would revert back to Stage Black on his own without being forced there is because he’s fearful of something that could occur or already has. It’s a way of coping with the things you can’t control.” Ty explained.
“How do you know that?” I blinked.
“I know because that person I said I’ve seen revert back to Stage black on their own was me.” Ty’s words were honest. I wanted to tell him it was okay, even ask him what had happened but I didn’t want to take him back there. Back to the blackness that eats away your soul, yet I had too if it meant bringing Killer back.
Thirteen
Killer
Black Out
I felt like shit. Like someone had stabbed me a million times all over my body. My limbs tingled, my eyes burning with darkness. Swinging them around the room, even more, blackness met them. But through the shadows, I could see bars lining all four sides. A sinister laugh escaped my mouth, making my voice even more vicious. Did they truly think this could contain me?
“You know man; you’re fucking scary as shit when you go off on a binge like that?” A man that looked familiar but at the same time A complete stranger to me spoke, lingering on the outside of the cell.
“Binge? You think that was an act?” Again, I laughed. These people were idiots if they thought I wasn’t going to escape this cell and kill every single one of them. Death was all I could promise to these people, at the very least I would be doing them a favor.
“Maggie’s scared. She’s worried about you, dude.” Maggie? The name meant something to me. I could feel it in my chest as soon as he said the name, but still, I pushed that feeling off to the side. I didn’t care for anyone, let alone some woman.
“I don’t know who Maggie is… Nor do I fucking care.” I groaned, eyeing the bars. I needed to find a way out of here. I could always make someone open the cell, but that wouldn’t be much fun.
The asshole laughed at me, like right in my face and I growled in warning, all but telling him to walk the fuck away before it was too late.
“Maggie. The woman you love more than life. She’s left the Brotherhood with Ty, our leader here to find answers. To save your life.” I stood from the makeshift cot they had me on and moved over to the bars where he was standing.
“Let me tell you who I love. No one. I kill, that’s my job. I’ll kill you if you open up these fucking doors, maybe I’ll make it quick just because you let me out.” I smiled sinisterly. The name Maggie bounced around in my head once more as I spoke to him. A dull ache formed at the back of my head. I wasn’t going to do this again; I wasn’t going to be taken under into the deep end of the pool of memories. There was no Maggie to my beast and there certainly was no love. There was blood and death, and I bathed in that shit. I lived and fed off of it like a starving motherfucker.
There was no room for love when all I cared for was destruction.
“Are you kidding me?” He sounded shocked and it almost made me want to laugh out loud. In reality, all I really wanted to do was reach through the bars and beat his head against one. He was a fucking idiot if he thought anything good existed inside of me. Hell, I would prove it just to prove how right I was.
“Kidding you? You think I’m stupid, that you can change me? That you can convince me that I love someone?!” His comment set me off, the urge to make him feel pain coming forth wildly.
“There is no convincing, Killer. It’s right inside that thick skull of yours.” He pointed at my head, a somber look on his face. Pity. Empathy. Things that didn’t exist in my mind, showed in his eyes.
“I know what is real!” I screamed at him, saliva flying from my mouth. I was over being told what I believed in. I gripped the bars as hard as I could, wanting nothing more than to rip them away and escape this hellhole. I was only dangerous to those that fucked with me.
“Maggie saved your life. She rescued you from yourself. You were on a crash course with death and you didn’t even care. You even tried to kill her and still here you stand, and there she goes trying to find a way to save you again.” I could feel the slap of his words against my skin as if someone had just slapped my face with all their might. He was insulting me and I knew I should’ve been offended. His comments were supposed to hurt me. The tragic part is, they didn’t. I didn’t give a fuck. Not about this Maggie girl, or anything she had done for me in the past.
“Congratulations to her for caring about me and knowing that I wouldn’t give two shits about her. Human life is unneeded; remember why we are the way we are next time you thi
nk about human life being so precious.” I sneered, pacing behind the bars. Anxiety covered me in a cold ass blanket. I hated being caged, it turned me into a ravaging lunatic, but at the same time, it was bittersweet because it was all I knew so I embraced it.
“She risked her life for you. She killed for you. She lives and breathes for you, and you shut your emotions off because you can’t handle the pain or the past.” I stopped in my tracks, my mind catching up and digesting the idiot’s words. Taking a breath I realized that I could hardly breathe, my chest ached, and pain shot through my abdomen right before my knees hit the hard concrete flooring.
“You’re lying. Stop making shit up! Stop trying to condition me.” I growled, on my hands and knees as I looked up at the asshole through the bars. I would rip his throat out and feed it to the sharks if I ever got my hands on him. The man was as good as fucking dead. He better believe that.
“Stop conditioning yourself. Focus on Maggie. Her scent, the beat of her heart, the way her eyes twinkle in the light, the softness of her skin, and the warmth of her body against yours. Focus on her, because if you don’t you’ll lose her and every chance of protecting her that you have.”
Fire consumed me as I was forced to listen to him speak words that I didn’t want to hear. Images of this Maggie forced their way through my mind, hitting my brick walls with enough force to knock them down.
“STOP!” I screamed, pain searing my insides, my body burned as if someone was charring my skin. My hands gave way forcing my upper body to hit the ground. I could feel nothing but Maggie, then everything hit me in one large wave, knocking over that impenetrable brick wall. Each brick came tumbling down, a memory slipping into its place.
“You’re far more than I ever wanted or ever deserved, but you’re mine and that’s all that matters now.”
Nausea overcame me, acid and bile rising in my throat until it spewed from my mouth.
