“Well, ya got me,” he says in a whisper not loud enough for the others to hear, a toothy grin spreading across his face. “Too bad for you this is just the beginnin’. Roman’s gonna kill you, girl, you and the boy. Your friends here, too—they’re all dead men. He’s gonna kill every single last—”
My blade cuts him off mid-sentence, and a spurt of hot blood showers my face as his head tumbles to the ground. His body follows suit, slumping to its knees and collapsing in the grass, which it stains crimson. I turn to look at the others, who gape at me in horror.
“What?” I snap as I wipe the blood from my sword. “What the hell are you all looking at?”
Nathan picks himself up from the ground and clears his throat, running a hand along it as if to make sure everything is still in tact. When he seems sure he is unscathed, he looks up at me and murmurs, “You killed him.”
“Of course I killed him. What else was I supposed to do? Let him go?”
The lieutenant shakes his head. “We don’t— We’re not supposed to kill people.”
Incredulous, I turn to look at Sheppard and Claire, who nod curtly in agreement.
“What the hell do you mean you’re not supposed to kill people? Like, you’re not allowed to?”
“No, no we’re allowed to,” he says, “if our lives are in danger. But he was unarmed, Nightshade. You had him. He didn’t need to die.”
I stare at him for a moment, unable to believe that he can possibly be serious, but the group’s appalled expressions do not suggest they are joking. “And what would have happened if I hadn’t killed him?” I ask. “What then? We’d all kiss and make up?”
“We’re supposed to bring outsiders back to Reina so she can decide what to do with them,” he explains. “We’re supposed to capture if we can, not kill.”
Capture, don’t kill. What a stupid idea. We go on patrol with guns we can’t use and we’re expected to take live prisoners of people who would slaughter us in a heartbeat given the chance. Then again, if their policy was different there’s a good chance Connor and I might not be alive today.
The four of us just stand there for a while, surveying the slaughter. As I look at each of my companions in turn, I can tell they are disgusted, horrified, even frightened by what has been done here. They have been living in the remote safety of Sweetbriar’s walls for far too long. They’ve forgotten how cruel the real world can be. If they could remember what it’s really like on the outside, what it’s really like amidst the fray of this dog eat dog world, they wouldn’t have hesitated to do what I did.
Chapter 34
It takes a while for Sophia to stir back to consciousness, and when she does she nearly faints again upon seeing the bloody scene before her. When we have made certain that her injuries are not severe, Sheppard asks what we should do with the bodies. The group looks to Nathan for an answer, but he turns to me. Of course. I’m the expert on killing here, so it makes sense I would be responsible for body disposal too, right? I tell them to leave the corpses where they are. When Claire protests that they should be buried, I ask her if she thinks they would have bothered to bury us if they had taken our lives instead. That shuts her up. Besides, I point out, we can display them as a message in case there are more out there—a message that says we are not to be challenged.
Of course, I’m the only one who knows for sure that there are more out there. This small group of attackers was not meant to kill us—no, they probably weren’t even supposed to be spotted, judging by the fact that there were no guns on them. They were out here tracking Connor and me, and they almost found our hiding place. Roman is alive and waiting for them to return, looking for me, closing in. It is only a matter of time.
After some debate, we decide to finish our patrol in order to ensure there are no others lurking in the shadows. While we are walking, Claire approaches me, removes a small white handkerchief from her bag, and hands it to me.
“Your face. You’ve still got some—” She hesitates, deciding not to finish her sentence. I scrub the blood from my cheeks and forehead, then take a look at the cloth, which I have stained red, and hand it back to her. She pinches it between two fingers, as if afraid to touch the bloody parts, and places it back in her pack. “Better,” she says.
We return to camp about half an hour later. Reina doesn’t meet us at the gate today, but if she had she would’ve been in for a real surprise. Nate assures us before he enters that he will go to Reina first thing and explain the situation, but he doesn’t get the chance. As we walk through the gate, heads begin to turn, fingers point, people shout, and a crowd forms. Two dozen Sweetbriarans drop what they are doing to meet us, and they are all staring at me, every pair of eyes filled with absolute horror.
As I spin around, meeting each and every terrified gaze, my hands begin to ache for my swords and I feel my body fall into a defensive stance. They are murmuring, whispering to each other, but I can’t make out a word of it. Suddenly my winter coat feels too tight against my body and a strange heat rises within my chest. My forehead begins to drip sweat and I can hear the roar of blood pounding in my ears.
“What are they doing?” I hiss. “Why are they staring at me like that?”
“Your clothes,” Sheppard whispers.
I look down at my coat and pants to find that I am drenched in blood that does not belong to me. As I stare back at the Sweetbriarans, I can only imagine what I look like to them: blood-stained clothes, blood-smeared face, wild black hair, narrowed brown eyes. To them, I look like a monster.
And for a moment, I feel as though I really am one.
No, I’m not a monster. I just risked my life to protect these people, to protect the people who protect them. I don’t deserve to be gawked at like some kind of murderer. If they want to be afraid of me, let them. If they want a monster, they’ve got one.
“What happened to her?” cries one man brave enough to voice what the others are mumbling. “Where’d all of that blood come from?”
“It’s my time of the month,” I retort.
I walk toward the crowd, chin held high, looking straight through them as if they are not there. They scramble out of the way to let me pass. I have made it ten feet when a hand grabs my wrist. As I whirl around to confront its owner, my free hand flies to my sword, but I register Nathan’s face and do not draw. I let my hand fall to my side and yank the other one from him, but he commands me to stop.
“Come with me to Reina. I need you to help me explain what happened today. You’re the hero, after all.”
Hero. He called me a hero. I search for some kind of mockery or sarcasm in his tone, but there is none. The horror in his brown eyes has disappeared, and in its place shines something different—admiration. After a moment’s consideration, I allow him to lead the way to Reina’s house.
We find the leader sitting in her study with a book in her hands. Nate raps lightly on the door to alert her of our presence, but having no time for niceties, I walk right in. When she looks up from her novel, Reina’s eyes fix on me and widen to a degree I have never seen before, and her brown face grows pale. She leaps from her chair and grabs hold of the desk in front of her, steadying herself as her entire body quakes.
“What the hell happened?” she asks, her voice anchored with worry. “Please tell me that is not your blood.”
“Nightshade is fine, Reina,” says Nate. “And so are the rest of us, thanks to her. We were ambushed.”
Nate explains how we were walking the perimeter when our patrol group was attacked, leaving out the part where I disobeyed him and went off on my own despite his order to stay with the group. Immediately Reina snaps at him, asking how nobody noticed them coming, since that is our job, after all. He glances over at me, but keeps quiet, hanging his head as she admonishes him—Nate is not the kind of man to talk back, especially not to Reina, since his devotion to her far outweighs his pride. But watching the lieutenant take the blame does not sit right with me, so I decide to interrupt and tell her the tru
th. I don’t need Nate to protect me from her; I’m not scared of Reina. Once I begin talking, I don’t stop until I have recounted the entire fight exactly as it happened, right down to how we left the bodies. When I am done, the leader sits in silence for a long time with her hands folded together and her thumbs pressed to her forehead.
When she does speak, all she says is, “It was wrong for you to go off on your own like that. You should have listened to Nate. When you are beyond that wall, he is in charge and his word is law, do you understand? We do not stand for insubordination here in Sweetbriar. And another thing—you should not have killed that last man. It is against our policy to kill unless lives are in danger, as I am sure Nate has explained to you.”
I laugh dryly, shaking my head. “Are you fucking kidding me? I should have just let him live, is that right? Do you seriously believe our lives weren’t in danger? Those people wanted to kill us. I mean look at what they did to our group—Sheppard got sliced, Sophia’s probably got a concussion, Claire was almost stabbed, and Nate would’ve had his throat cut if I hadn’t done what I did. And yeah, maybe our lives weren’t in immediate danger when I killed that man, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t deserve to die, because if the roles were reversed they wouldn’t have spared our lives and taken us back to their camp—they would’ve killed us right there like animals. Peaceful capture doesn’t work anymore, Reina, not with people who fight back. I’m sorry, but your policy is bullshit.”
Nate turns to look at me with eyes wider than a tarsier’s, but Reina remains calm and collected. If she is offended, she conceals it well.
“You may feel that way, Nightshade,” she says in a voice as smooth as velvet, “after living outside of civilization for so long. But we have rules here, rules that protect our humanity and separate us from the gangs. If he was attacking you at the time, it would have been a different story, but—”
“He was attacking. Nate almost died, doesn’t that matter to you?”
Reina’s eyes grow dark. “Of course it matters to me,” she growls. “Look, when you are the leader of your own group, you can make the rules. But right now, I am in charge, and like I said before, any more insubordination from you will result in punishment.”
“You may be in charge, but you have no idea what it’s like out there!” I yell, slamming my hands onto her desk. “All you do is sit here and play dress up all day while everybody else does real work! How many people have you sent out to get all your fancy crap, huh? How many man hours were spent getting all that lavish furniture downstairs, or all your pretty clothes? You saunter around in your stilettos all day acting like you’re so important, but you’re not. You might think you’re all high and mighty, but when it comes right down to it you do the least out of anyone here.”
Nate looks as if he’s about to faint. His knees begin to shake and it is all he can do to keep from falling. He takes a few backwards steps toward a chair in the corner of the room and sinks down into it, staring at his leader with apprehension. Judging by his reaction, I doubt anyone has ever had the balls to stand up to this woman the way I am now.
Reina folds her arms across her chest and stands up straight, looking me dead in the eye with her condescending brown gaze, as if I am a child who has gotten out of line. “You think because I enjoy wearing nice clothes and living in a house with nice furniture that that makes me a bad leader? I like pretty things. I figure no one else wants them anymore, so why should I not take them? After all, we are only on this earth for a short time. I might as well enjoy it while I can. But that does not in any way impede my ability to govern this town. When you are the leader, then you can talk about how easy my job is, how I am not important, how I work the least. You have no idea how difficult it is to do what I do, Nightshade. Now, test my patience one more time and you will be severely reprimanded.”
My face begins to grow hot and my hands itch again for my katanas. This is it. This is the last straw. I have had enough of Sweetbriar, and enough of her. “No need. It’s been a month and Connor is strong enough to walk on his crutches now. I think it’s best that we leave and stop causing trouble for you and your people. We thank you again for your hospitality,” I say, my voice drenched with bitter indignation.
I whirl around and head for the door, but Reina hurries after me. With an outstretched arm, she beckons me to wait.
“I cannot let you do that,” she blurts out, her eyes wide and her previously threatening tone gone from her voice. Something seems to have changed within her. She appears almost flustered. “Connor may be able to use crutches, but he is still not strong enough to walk on his own. If something were to happen, I would feel personally responsible. I cannot let you two leave with a clear conscience.”
So that’s it, then. I was right. Connor and I are not as free to leave as Reina first implied. We are stuck here until his leg heals, and who knows if she will even release us then. I always knew this place was a prison.
I am about to protest when the leader quickly adds, “That reminds me, I’ve been meaning to address an issue with you. You see, since both you and Connor are staying in Sweetbriar and using our resources, it is only fair that you both provide services to earn your keep.”
I shake my head fervently. “No, no that is not what we arranged. The deal was that I hunt and patrol and Connor gets taken care of. He needs rest so he can heal as quickly as possible, and having a job won’t allow that. I’ll work extra if I have to, but you can’t make him.”
“I am afraid it is not up to you. Besides, I have already talked to him about it. He seems to think it will be good for him—it will give him a chance to get out of the house, occupy his time and all that. He suggested working in the school so that he will not have to strain himself, and I have already made arrangements for him to help take care of the younger children. Our other teacher, Savannah Kaysen, will be there to assist and mentor him. I believe the position suits him well.”
I can just barely detect the hint of smugness that hides in her neutral expression. She must have stopped by our house the night I returned Sheppard’s cards. Of course Connor would have said yes to a job—to him, anything would be better than rotting in that room all day. Whatever. As long as there is no strenuous labor involved, I have no reason to object.
“And one last thing,” she says as I take another step toward the door. She turns to address Nate, who has not said a word this entire time. “From now on, Nightshade will be your right-hand woman.”
Nate and I exchange a bewildered glance. What the shit? I just yelled at this woman for a solid ten minutes and now she’s promoting me? What the hell kind of game is she playing?
Reading my perplexed expression, Reina explains, “I may not agree with the decision you made today, but you did what you thought was right and you saved four of my people’s lives in the process. Besides, from what I have seen from you I do not think you are meant to take orders. What do you think, does it suit you?”
I nod once, slowly, hesitantly. Despite her explanation, I still can’t comprehend why she is entrusting me with this new authority. Making me Nate’s right-hand woman would give me power over the rest of the hunters in my group. They would have to listen to me, take my orders, follow my decisions. It doesn’t make sense. She barely knows me; she sure as hell shouldn’t trust me, especially not after the way I spoke to her just now. Besides, if there is anyone who is a clear choice for Nate’s second in command, it is Sheppard—he has seniority and he seems perfectly capable of being a good leader. So why me?
Despite my distrust, I decide to quietly accept my new title. Maybe Reina does have some hidden agenda, but as long as I’m in charge I don’t care. She’s right—I don’t take kindly to being told what to do, and I feel this new job might be good for me.
“I will call a town meeting and explain what has happened,” she continues. “I can only guess how agitated the townspeople must be after what they have seen. The last thing we need is rumor spreading.” Then, giving me another qui
ck once over with her eyes, she adds, “Nate, send for someone to clean her up. Get her some new clothes and dispose of the ruined ones. I cannot have her walking around like that and frightening the whole town.”
She dismisses us and Nate hurries to do her bidding. Soon a woman is sent up with a fresh set of clothing and I am quickly stripped, bathed, and re-dressed. Although the last traces of blood have been washed from my skin, I still continue to feel its sticky wetness all over my body for some time.
Chapter 35
Reina calls the town meeting as she promised, but by the time all of Sweetbriar has gathered in the auditorium the town is already abuzz with rumor. With my hair still damp from my bath, I join Nate and the other members of my patrol group on the elevated floor beside Reina’s lectern. The leader stands there, still as ever, her large brown eyes sweeping over the mass of people as they file in. I catch sight of Connor, who is escorted toward the back by Dr. Lam, and upon seeing me up here his face turns bone white. I can just imagine what’s going through his mind right now. Locked up in that house, there’s no way he could have heard the whispered talk, but now the gossip is all around him. He shakes his head in disbelief, mouthing the word “no.” To him this must look like the end of the line, like I have done something irreparable and we are about to be exiled for my actions. I wish I could explain, but we are too far apart for words.
Once the last few people have joined the crowd and the doors are closed, Reina clears her throat and the murmurs immediately settle into silence. All other things aside, if there is one thing I do admire about Reina it is her flawless command over these people that allows her to quiet a room without saying a word.
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