by Kitty Neale
‘It sounds about typical of Mum, and I’m glad you refused to wake Jenny. It’s nearly lunchtime now, though, so do you think I should take a cup of tea up to her?’
Gloria thought the longer Jenny stayed in bed today, the better it would be for all of them. ‘No, let her sleep. Today is going to be especially tough for her. Tell you what, why don’t you take the boys out again, perhaps round to Gran’s. I think it’ll be difficult for Jenny to put on a brave face today and it’s not good for them to see her upset.’
Pamela nodded as she dried her hands on a tea-towel. ‘She was trying to hide it, but I heard her crying last night.’
‘Well, it’s no wonder. She reckons she’s going back to work on Monday, but I don’t think she’s really up to it.’
Pamela didn’t comment; she rarely did. In fact, Gloria had been surprised that Pamela had said anything this morning. She watched her sister gather the boys into the kitchen, then waved them off as they left to visit their gran. She heard the front door close behind them, then turned her thoughts back to Jenny and wondered if she was awake, consumed with sorrow and grief. ‘Best leave her be,’ she said to herself as she scraped her chair back and began to search for the biscuit tin.
The kitchen door creaked open and Gloria turned to see Jenny walk in. She could tell her sister had been crying but was relieved that she was now dry-eyed. Gloria snatched her hand back from the biscuit tin and said, ‘There’s tea in the pot, do you want one?’
‘Yes, please,’ Jenny answered as she pulled a chair out and slumped down. ‘Where are Pam and the boys?’
‘They’ve gone to see Gran,’ Gloria replied. She refrained from asking how Jenny was feeling in case it started the tears off again and asked instead, ‘Would you like a bacon sarnie?’
‘No, thanks. I can’t face the thought of food.’
Gloria took a seat opposite Jenny and pushed a cup of tea across the table towards her. She felt awkward and didn’t know what to say. She wanted to avoid any talk of the wedding but knew it would be inevitable.
Jenny stared into her cup as she spoke, ‘I would have been Mrs Brice in an hour.’
‘I know. Look, Jen, I realise today is probably one of the most difficult days of your life, but I’m not sure moping around the house and dwelling on it is a good idea.’
‘Actually, burying Craig was the worst day of my life,’ Jenny said sharply.
‘Of course, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.’
‘No, I’m sorry, you’re only trying to help.’
‘I really want to, but I don’t know how,’ Gloria said.
‘You can’t, but you’re right. I shouldn’t sit around all day dwelling on what was supposed to be happening, but I don’t have the energy or the inclination to do anything else. I just want Craig …’
Gloria heard her sister’s voice break, then saw tears forming in her eyes. She jumped from her chair and ran to Jenny’s side, just as they heard a knock on the front door.
Jenny dropped her head into her folded arms on the table, her voice muffled, ‘Please, I don’t know who that is, but don’t let them in. I know people want to be nice, but I can’t face seeing anyone, not today.’
‘I’ll get rid of ’em,’ Gloria assured her sister, then went to answer the door. When she pulled it open, her heart sank to see their dad standing there. ‘Oh, great,’ she said sarcastically, ‘this is all we need! First Mum, and now you.’
‘I’ve come to see how Jenny is.’
‘How do you think she is? She should be at the register office saying her vows but instead she’s breaking her heart in the kitchen.’
‘I know, that’s why I’m here.’
‘As I told Mum, seeing her isn’t going to help, and the same goes for you.’
‘Gloria, what’s done is done, I can’t change the past, but Jenny needs her family around her now.’
‘She’s got her family around her, Dad.’
Her legs were shaking and her heart pounding, but she bravely went to close the door in his face. Her dad pushed against it, and she saw a flash of anger in his eyes.
‘I just want to see my girl and make sure she’s all right,’ he hissed.
‘Jenny doesn’t want to see anyone.’
‘Look, Gloria, I’m not anyone. I’m her father.’
His voice had softened, but Gloria didn’t trust him. ‘Dad, please, any day but not today. She’s really not up to it.’
‘Let him in,’ she heard Jenny say and looked behind to see her sister standing in the kitchen doorway.
‘But … but …’
‘Just let him in,’ Jenny repeated.
Gloria stepped back and pulled the door open wider. She wanted to quietly warn her dad to behave himself, but fear of his temper stopped her speaking up.
‘Thank you,’ he said humbly as he passed her and walked up to Jenny with his arms open.
To Gloria’s amazement Jenny responded by falling into them, then she heard her sister sobbing into their father’s chest.
‘It’s all right, my girl,’ Henry soothed as he held Jenny’s wracking body.
After a while Jenny pulled away and wiped her wet face on the sleeve of her winceyette dressing gown.
‘Gloria, get your sister a tissue,’ he said, gently leading Jenny through to the kitchen.
Reluctant to leave them alone for long, Gloria dashed upstairs and grabbed some toilet paper. When she hurried back into the kitchen her dad was sitting opposite Jenny and telling her how sorry he was to hear about Craig’s death.
‘It was horrible, Dad. Two policemen came to the factory, then they took me to gran’s house. Later on I had to tell Pamela and the boys, and they all took it badly too.’
‘You’ve been a brave young woman, Jen, you’ve done well.’
‘I haven’t. I fell apart at his funeral. I wanted to hold it together and be strong, but I couldn’t.’
‘No one would expect you to. Here, it ain’t much, but have this –’ their dad pulled out three ten-shilling notes from his jacket pocket and placed them on the table ‘– towards the cost of the … you know … funeral.’
‘Thanks, Dad, but Craig’s uncle paid for everything.’
‘Well, keep it anyway, I’m sure it’ll come in handy for something.’
‘It will. I don’t know how I’m going to manage this place without Craig,’ Jenny answered.
‘You can come home, all of you, if you like?’
Gloria watched the scene in disbelief. She’d heard the adage that blood is thicker than water, but she hadn’t expected Jenny to forgive their father so quickly, or to seemingly need him.
Jenny stood up and went to gaze out of the kitchen window, her back to them. ‘I don’t know, Dad. It’s the home me and Craig made together, and I don’t think I’m ready to leave the memories behind yet.’
‘All right, but when you are, you’ll be welcome.’
Gloria couldn’t listen to this farce any longer and blurted, ‘Dad, you must be mad if you think we’d come back. Has it slipped your mind how you treated us? How you used to beat Jenny black and blue, once putting her in hospital?’
Jenny spun around, but their dad quickly said, ‘Yeah, I know, but I wasn’t myself after your mother walked out. It was hard for me, bringing you lot up on my own. We managed and none of you ever wanted for anything.’
Gloria looked at her sister and rolled her eyes. It angered her that there was no sign of an apology from him, just feeble excuses. And as for managing, well, they’d managed far better without him. She saw Jenny compliantly nod at their father and felt the urge to scream at her, but instead she took a deep breath, fighting to calm down. This wasn’t the time. Jenny had been through enough. It was as if Craig’s death had beaten her down more than their father ever did.
Jenny poured herself another cup of tea as Gloria saw their dad out. She’d been surprised at how much comfort she’d felt when he’d opened his arms to her. She’d wanted to stay enfolded, cocooned in hi
s arms, and it made her realise how much she’d missed a father’s love. He’d said he found it hard when their mother walked out, and worse, Jenny knew she’d gone off with another man. No wonder he’d become bitter and twisted, and Jenny found herself forgiving his atrocities.
Gloria stormed back into the kitchen with a scowl on her face. ‘How could you let him back into our lives again? I can’t believe you would even consider moving back home with him!’
‘He wasn’t always bad, Gloria. Don’t you remember how you all used to ride around on his back with Dad on all fours pretending to be a horse? Or when he used to play hide and seek and jump out from the wardrobe making you jump and giggle?’
‘So? He used to play with us, big deal! Have you forgotten how he treated Mum? It was no wonder she walked out.’
‘You’ve seen what Mum’s like, how many men she’s had, so maybe she carried on when they were together.’
‘He still shouldn’t have clouted her.’
‘Maybe she drove him to it, but think back, Gloria. He was once a good dad … and only changed when Mum left. The one thing losing Craig has taught me is that life is too short. If I can forgive him, surely you can too?’
‘No … never! You’re too bloody nice, making excuses for him, but I ain’t like you. I ain’t forgetting that he used to knock us about, mainly you, and I hate him!’
It shocked Jenny to hear the venom in her sister’s voice. ‘You’ve got to let go of the bitterness, Gloria, it will only make you unhappy.’
‘I know you’re hurting right now, and I think it’s marred your judgement, but that man nearly killed you and terrified Pam and the boys. Just because you’ve forgiven him, taking them back to his house would be selfish and bloody stupid.’
Jenny sucked in a deep breath as anger rose. She’d already foreseen that her wages wouldn’t come close to covering the rent and bills. If she asked Gloria to come back and contribute, they’d have a chance, but she knew what Gloria’s answer would be. ‘I don’t know what you expect from me. I can’t run this place by myself, surely you can see that? Would you rather see us out on the streets?’
‘No, of course not, but there must be something other than moving back with Dad?’
‘If there is, I don’t know what. Gran’s flat is too small, and she couldn’t cope with us all there. Gawd knows where Mum is, so it seems Dad’s is the only option. I’m paid up until the end of the month, but then I have no idea what will happen to us. Anyway, you saw what Dad was like. I think he’s sorry for how he treated us, and it would be like having our old dad back.’
‘I wouldn’t bet on it. All I heard were excuses. He didn’t say he was sorry, so I hope you know what you’re doing.’
Before her dad’s visit, Jenny had dismissed any idea of moving back in with him and wasn’t even sure he’d allow it. Now though, despite what Gloria said, she felt bridges had been mended. With his offer, the worry of how she was going to look after Pam and her brothers had lifted. Their dad would take care of them all, and she would be able to grieve in peace.
Chapter 25
On Monday morning, Jenny had left for work knowing that, when she returned home, Gloria would have returned to Holborn. She’d been grateful for her sister’s short visit and felt it had taken some of the pressure of looking after Pamela and boys from her shoulders. She didn’t begrudge her sister her new life, but wished things were different. If Gloria moved back in with them and found herself a local job, Jenny wouldn’t have to worry about moving back in with their father.
The factory gates loomed ahead, and Jenny could see a flurry of people, some on bicycles, others walking. Then she heard Thelma’s voice.
‘You’re back then,’ the woman said as she walked alongside Jenny.
‘Yes.’
‘Sorry about your fella. Rotten luck that.’
‘Yes,’ Jenny managed again.
‘Looks like rain,’ Thelma said as she indicated the dark clouds above.
‘Probably,’ Jenny answered. The day was as grey as she felt.
They were soon at the clocking-in machine, and as Jenny grabbed her card she began to question if she’d made a mistake in coming back to work so soon. Thelma hadn’t said much but she knew Joan and some of the other women would have plenty to say. Jenny just hoped she could hold herself together. If she could get through today, then she’d manage tomorrow too. One day at a time, that’s what her gran had told her, just take one day at a time.
Gloria was pleased to be home and away from the gloom of her sister’s house. Her heart went out to Jenny, but she felt sure her sister would survive without her.
She kicked her shoes off and walked through to the fitted kitchen. The large apartment had high vaulted ceilings and long sash windows draped in luxurious heavy cream curtains. It felt so airy and bright compared to where Jenny was living. She’d had enough tea over the weekend to sink a battleship, so opened the fridge to get herself a bottle of cola. As Gloria reached inside, she noticed an opened bottle of white wine. She was sure that it wasn’t there before she’d left. Then she saw two wine glasses in the sink. She walked over and picked one up and immediately saw that it had pink lipstick on the rim. It wasn’t hers; she mostly wore red. Hughie had told her that her father rarely used the place, but she wondered if he’d visited whilst she’d been away. She didn’t think it would be Hughie as he knew she was going to see her sister.
Feeling flummoxed, Gloria wandered through to the sitting room to find that it all looked in order. Then she went to the bedroom. The covers on the bed had been thrown over but it was clear someone had been in it. If Hughie’s father had used his apartment, she was glad she hadn’t been around.
Gloria straightened the bed, then ran herself a bath. Hughie would be over later, and she wanted to be fresh for him. Once he arrived, she’d get to the bottom of who the mystery visitor was.
Chapter 26
It had been nearly a week since Henry had visited Jenny, and as he stood supping his pint in the Bedford, he told Ray what had happened.
‘That’s good news, mate,’ Ray said, ‘I’m glad you and Jenny have sorted out your differences.’
‘Yeah, me and all. I just wish it could have been under better circumstances.’
‘I bet, but life goes on. Did you hear Ernie’s missus had a boy last night?’
‘Yeah, we’ve had a whip round for ’em. Loony Lee’s holding it ’til Ernie comes back to work. Tell you what, Ray, it ain’t the same without you driving the cart. That bloody Lee slows us down.’
‘I know, mate, but I ain’t fit to drive with this arm. Doctor reckons I’ll have to keep it in the sling for another week. Good job it ain’t me drinking arm, eh?’ Ray said and raised his pint with his good arm.
‘Well, the sooner you get back behind the wheel, the better!’
‘Tell me about it. I’m bored shitless at home with her indoors chewing me ear off. I can’t wait to get back to work, but talking about her indoors, I’d better be off. I promised the old battleaxe that I’d be back by seven ’cos she’s going round her sister’s. Something to do with her niece getting married, but I’ve got to be honest, I switch off when she starts going on about dresses and all that.’
‘Huh, can’t say I blame you,’ Henry said and chortled. ‘See ya later, Ray.’
Henry swigged the last of his pint and considered whether to order another, but he was hungry and, since it was a Friday, he knew he had a nice bit of fish waiting for him at home.
He pulled open the pub door and was hit by the icy wind outside. He hated this time of year, and even the thought of Christmas in a few weeks did nothing to cheer him up. It was hard, working in the cold. His fingertips were cracked, and his cheeks felt chapped. Still, he knew Audrey would have the fire going and even though she bored him, for once he was looking forward to getting home.
Jenny sat on the sofa with her feet tucked under her. She gratefully sipped the cup of hot cocoa Pamela had made her before she had taken her brothers
upstairs for a bath. It had been an arduous week, but she was glad she’d gone back to work. After the initial condolences from the women, it felt like some normality had returned to her life, though the nights were still long and painful.
She could hear the boys splashing around, and their laughter brought a small smile to her face. Life carried on regardless, but she knew hers would never be the same again. After the way she’d felt about Craig, she couldn’t imagine ever falling in love with another man. She doubted she’d ever get married or have children of her own, but it didn’t matter. She had Timmy and Peter, and she’d always have her memories.
*
Edith pulled her cardigan closer around her as she looked out at the dark street through her net curtains. She saw her new upstairs neighbours hurrying towards home with their heads bowed against the wind and packages under their arms. She wondered if they’d been doing some early Christmas shopping or getting some things in for the baby. They seemed like a nice couple and were expecting their first child.
Edith hadn’t mentioned them to Jenny. She thought it might be upsetting for the girl and just hoped Jenny didn’t bump into them when she called in tomorrow. Edith was eager to see her granddaughter and keen to know how she’d fared back at work. It couldn’t be easy for Jenny, but Edith thought it was for the best. After all, sitting around all day and wallowing wouldn’t be good for her.
The smell of freshly baked scones wafted through from Edith’s kitchen. She’d made a dozen and a fruit cake. Peter and Timmy always appreciated her cooking and Pamela looked like she could do with a bit of feeding up. As she bent down to take the scones from the oven, she sighed heavily when she heard her daughter’s voice.
‘It’s me, Mum.’
Edith wanted to shout, ‘Bugger off,’ but instead she placed the scones down and walked through to the front room to see Lizzie unbuttoning her coat. It looked new and a bit flash, but Edith had no doubt Lizzie’s latest fancy man had bought it for her.
