by Kitty Neale
Jenny rolled to her side, clutching her belly as pain ripped through her. She heard Peter sobbing somewhere behind her and tried to move, but the pain held her in its grip. She hoped her father hadn’t hurt him too and was then aware of Gloria crouching beside her, a hand gently brushing her hair. ‘Dad …’ she managed to gasp.
‘It’s all right, he’s gone.’
Another cramp ripped through her stomach, taking Jenny’s breath away. When she opened her eyes, in the mud, she saw the chain with the heart pendant her dad had put around her neck the morning before. It was broken, just like her, and Jenny knew she’d never mend.
‘I … I think I’m bleeding,’ she cried.
‘I’ll call an ambulance.’
‘My baby …’ she groaned, and as tears slipped from her eyes she silently prayed for the precious life of her child.
Chapter 31
Gloria sat beside Jenny’s hospital bed. She thought her sister looked peaceful in sleep, contented even, but she knew Jenny would be facing unbearable heartache when she woke. She wished now that she’d listened to her instincts. She’d had a terrible feeling about her father, but never imagined it would lead to this. Poor Jenny, she thought, first losing Craig, and now his baby. She’d never say so to Jenny, but in the long run, maybe this was for the best. Jenny struggled to look after their brothers and could do without another child. After all, Gloria didn’t want to be lumbered with them.
‘What … where …’ Jenny whispered, sounding confused as her eyes flickered open.
Gloria jumped up and leaned over her sister. ‘It’s all right, you’re in hospital, Jen. It’s me, Gloria.’
‘My baby … Is my baby OK?’
Gloria ignored the question and poured some water from a jug on the small cabinet next to the bed. ‘Here, drink this. I bet your mouth is as dry as a camel’s.’
Jenny slowly pushed herself up, wincing. She took the glass, but then asked again, ‘Is my baby all right?’
Gloria bit on her lower lip. She detested her father for causing her to say the words she knew would break Jenny’s heart. ‘No, I’m so sorry. You’ve lost the baby and had to have a small operation.’
Jenny’s face crumbled, and then tears flowed, her body wracked with sobs. It was gut-wrenching to see, and Gloria felt totally ineffective as she tried to comfort her sister.
After what felt like an eternity, Jenny drew in juddering breaths and said, ‘The baby was all I had left of Craig. I’ve lost them both now and there’s nothing I can do to bring them back. I don’t think I can bear it.’
‘I’m so sorry, Jen,’ Gloria muttered feebly. She didn’t know what to say but knew spitting venom about their father wouldn’t help. ‘The nurse told me that there wasn’t any serious damage done and you can still have children in the future.’
‘I only wanted Craig’s baby. There’ll never be another one.’
Gloria wanted to tell her that she might feel differently in years to come but doubted Jenny would want to hear that now. Instead, she handed her sister a handkerchief and sympathetically nodded her head.
‘Do they know how I lost the baby? Do they know Dad did this to me?’
‘I don’t think so, but you need to tell them what happened.’
‘No, and you keep quiet too.’
‘What! Jenny, for the life of me, I cannot understand why you would protect that man!’
‘I don’t want to protect Dad, but I have to think about Pam and the boys.’
‘They’d be better off without him … we all would,’ Gloria snapped.
‘Where are they? You haven’t left them at home with him, have you?’
‘No, of course not. Dad buggered off after he attacked you, but Pam took them to Gran’s. If he’s back home now, he’ll probably be drunk.’
‘You’ll all have to stay with Gran until I get out of here.’
‘Yeah, we will, and to be honest, I’m not sure you’ll be able to get Peter to go back to that house, not while Dad is there. I’ve never seen him like that before … he was as stiff as a board when I tried to pick him up … rigid with fear.’
‘I don’t know what to do, Gloria. We won’t be able to stay at Gran’s for long. I can’t afford to rent a flat with bills, food, and clothes to buy for them too. It was why we moved in with Dad again, but there’s no way we can go back there now.’
‘If you only had to keep yourself you’d manage. Once you’re back at work you could find a little bedsit, and I could do the same. At the end of the day Pam and the boys aren’t your responsibility, or mine. I think the best thing to do is put them in a children’s home. They’d be fine, clothed, fed, and, best of all, they’d be out of Dad’s way.’
‘No, no,’ Jenny protested, dashing the tears from her eyes. ‘I won’t hear of it. I refuse to allow this family to be split up. We’ve only got each other, and we need to stick together.’
‘All right, calm down. It was only a suggestion,’ Gloria soothed, kicking herself for adding to Jenny’s distress. She had just lost her baby, but now had to worry about Pam and the boys too. ‘Look, if I get a job in the factory with you, we could pool our wages. We won’t be able to afford much, but we’d manage.’
‘Possibly,’ Jenny answered, ‘but it isn’t great pay, especially for women. If we can stretch to rent something, it’d be a right dump.’
‘Who cares? Anything’s got to be better than living with him,’ Gloria said. She didn’t fancy having to spend her wages on her siblings, but with Jenny in this state, and nowhere else to live, there was little choice.
The ward sister rang a bell, which signalled that visiting time was over. Gloria found it hard to cope with Jenny and her tears, felt useless, and was pleased to hear the sound. She couldn’t wait to leave the hospital. ‘I’ve got to go, but I’ll be back tomorrow. Try and get some rest,’ she said, and kissed her sister on the cheek.
As she turned to walk away, Gloria saw Jenny’s eyes well up again. It was horrible to see her sister in such distress, but she wasn’t clever enough to find the words to comfort her. Anyway, Gloria told herself, maybe Jenny was best left to cry out her pain and grief alone.
‘She was going to tell you today, Gran,’ Pamela whispered, ‘but I don’t think she’s having a baby now.’
Edith could see how upset her granddaughter was, but worse, how was poor Jenny feeling? She’d lost several babies herself over the years, but never in such violent circumstances. Edith wished now that she’d insisted they moved in with her instead of allowing them to go back to that evil bastard. She took a deep breath and put on a brave face. She had to be strong for the sake of her grandchildren but wanted to cry for Jenny.
‘Let’s hope she and the baby are fine. Gloria will be here soon, and she’ll be able to tell us more. Now try not to worry, and go and check on your brothers. They’re far too quiet in my bedroom which means they’re probably up to no good.’
Once Pamela had left the lounge, Edith sat back in her armchair and looked upwards, talking to her dead husband as though he could hear her. ‘If you’re watching all this, Cecil, I hope you make sure Henry gets his comeuppance!’
*
Henry rolled through his front door to be confronted with silence. His mind was fuddled with beer, but he knew his kids had left again. ‘Fuck ’em,’ he drawled, and staggered through to the front room.
The Christmas tree was up, and toys littered the floor. The box from Lizzie that Peter had been protecting was abandoned next to the sofa. Henry kicked it, sending it flying across the room. Then, in his mind’s eye, he saw the image of Jenny lying in the mud as he booted her stomach. The thought made him cringe with self-loathing and he slumped onto the sofa. He was sure Gloria had said that Jenny was pregnant.
He replayed the scene over and over until he couldn’t bear to think about it any longer and stumbled through to the kitchen. There, he found his bottle of whiskey. He swigged down several gulps, then looked at the bottle in his hand. Whiskey, he thought, his new
best friend. At least it would stop him from remembering what he’d done … for now.
Chapter 32
The seeing-in of 1962 bypassed Jenny. Her body had healed but her mind was tormented by images of her lost child. Would the baby have been a boy or a girl? She wondered if it would have had Craig’s sandy hair, or her red unruly frizz. She longed to hold the child in her arms and look into its eyes to see Craig looking back at her. Gloria’s voice interrupted her thoughts.
‘Hello, Gran, where are the boys?’
‘Pamela’s taken them to the swings over the road,’ Edith answered.
‘That’s good, and Jenny, Miss Aston wants to know when you’re coming back to work.’
Jenny looked up from where she was sitting on the sofa. It was Monday, the second week of the new year. Gloria had stuck to her promise and was now working at the factory, and Pamela and her brothers were back at school.
‘Did you hear me, Jen?’ Gloria asked.
‘Erm … yes. I don’t know … soon.’
‘I think she wants something a bit more concrete than “soon”.’
‘Maybe it would do you good, love, you know, take your mind off things,’ her gran said with her voice full of sympathy.
‘I suppose,’ Jenny answered, but she felt she didn’t have the energy to face returning to work.
‘Shall I tell her you’ll be back next week?’
‘No, I’ll come in with you tomorrow,’ Jenny replied, though she dreaded the thought. Her gran was probably right, it would do her good, and they needed the money. Her gran tried to pretend that she didn’t mind them all being there, but she’d noticed the woman’s patience was wearing thin and she’d snapped at the boys a few times. It was time they started saving and looking for a place of their own. Her sisters were sharing a single bed and she was sleeping in with her gran, but it wasn’t comfortable for any of them, least of all her brothers, who were sharing a sofa. Despite the cramped sleeping arrangements, Jenny wasn’t sure if she wanted to leave. She’d always felt safe at her gran’s flat and had spent many hours hiding there, away from her dad or her parents arguing, but now it felt different. Everything reminded her of living upstairs with Craig. There was no escape from her memories or anguish, but a part of her wanted to stay and be close to Craig.
Henry hadn’t been back to work since Christmas, even though it was their busiest time of year. He’d blamed it on a bad back, but there was nothing wrong with him. He’d found solace in whiskey and had been drunk for nearly two weeks. All his Christmas tips had been spent on alcohol, and now his pockets were empty.
He looked at the alarm clock by the side of his bed. It was six-thirty, but he didn’t know if it was morning or evening. He wasn’t even sure what day it was. He crawled out of his filthy sheets and into the bathroom. His guts hurt, and his head was pounding. As he leaned against the sink, he looked at his reflection in the mirror with repulsion. In the mornings, when he was sober, he had to face the consequences of what he’d done to Jenny. He still blamed Lizzie, but there was no excuse for possibly damaging or even killing his unborn grandchild. The thought of it turned his stomach and he hung his head over the toilet. He knew he’d gone too far this time, and she’d never forgive him.
Owen reached over and lit Lizzie’s long pink cigarette.
‘I do like these cocktail cigarettes, they look ever so sophisticated,’ she said as her eyes flitted around the bar. It was an exclusive members club near Harrods in Knightsbridge and Lizzie was busy trying to spot celebrities.
‘So, what do you think?’ Owen asked.
‘Sorry, darling, I wasn’t paying attention. What do I think about what?’
‘A winter holiday, somewhere with blue skies and golden sands. Anywhere away from this miserable weather.’
Lizzie had never been abroad before and was thrilled at the idea. ‘Yes, that would be wonderful,’ she answered, ‘but I’d need a new wardrobe. None of my clothes are suited to somewhere exotic.’
As she’d expected, Owen pulled out his cheque book and, using his gold pen, signed a blank check. ‘Take this into Harrods in the morning and get what you need.’
Lizzie accepted the cheque with a wry grin, then folded it in half and slipped it into her bra. She leaned across the small, round bistro table and kissed Owen’s cheek. His aged skin felt papery on her lips. He’d never told her his age, but she guessed he must be in his late sixties. ‘Thank you,’ she said sweetly. ‘So, where are you going to whisk me away to?’
‘I’m not sure, maybe Spain or Malta.’
Lizzie didn’t know anything about either country and wasn’t sure where they were. She didn’t care, she was just excited about travelling abroad. ‘How long will we be away?’
‘As the weather seems stuck in a rut, I thought we may as well make the most of it and come back in the spring.’
‘Really? Goodness, I thought you was going to say a week or two.’
‘Is it a problem for you?’
‘No, but I should go to see my kids, let them know that I won’t be around for a few months.’
‘Wouldn’t it be better to write to them? Surely you don’t want to be confronted by your ex-husband again?’
‘No, I’ll be fine. They always visit my mum on Sundays, so I’ll see them there. Perhaps you’d like to drive me?’
‘Certainly, I’d like to meet your mother. I’m sure she’ll be more amenable than mine.’
Lizzie sipped her gin and tonic. She couldn’t wait to tell her family about the holiday. They’d be so excited for her! It’d be good to show her mum that she’d done well for herself and had met an honest man. One who could afford to look after her. She just hoped her mother wouldn’t see through her charade. Lizzie was good at putting on a front, but her mum always seemed to know what she was up to. In truth, she didn’t love Owen, but she loved his money, and once he’d inherited from his decrepit mother, she didn’t think it would be too long before she’d be getting an inheritance too. However, before she could bring that about by marrying Owen, she had to divorce Henry.
Chapter 33
‘Jenny … Jenny …’
Jenny could hear Gloria’s voice calling her name and could feel her sister gently shaking her, but she didn’t want to wake up and open her eyes. She’d been dreaming about Craig, and it had felt so real that she hadn’t wanted it to end.
‘Come on, you’ve got to get up if you’re coming back to work today.’
Jenny opened one eye and saw her sister was already dressed and wearing a full face of make-up. Gloria looked more like she was going to a dance than to work. She opened her other eye and pushed herself up in bed. ‘That’s a bit much for the factory, isn’t it?’
‘What’s wrong with bringing in a bit of glamour to the place?’
Jenny didn’t answer but she suspected there was more to it. Knowing her sister, she thought Gloria probably had her eye on one of the blokes now that Hughie was out of the picture.
Pamela walked in carrying a cup of tea. ‘Gran made you this,’ she said as she handed it to Jenny.
‘Thanks. Am I the last one up?’
‘Yep, so get a move on,’ Gloria told her.
Jenny sipped the hot tea. It wasn’t like Gloria to be conscientious about being on time for work, and it confirmed her suspicions. ‘So who is he?’ she asked.
‘What?’ Gloria answered, and flounced towards the bedroom door.
‘Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. Who have you got your eye on at work?’
‘Blimey, can’t a girl make an effort without getting interrogated? Anyway, it’s not like I’ve got loads of outfits to choose from. Pam only managed to pack a few things for us.’
Gloria walked away before Jenny could question her further but hoped to get the truth out of her as they walked to work. She was right about their clothes though. Pamela had been in a state of panic waiting for the ambulance to arrive, and sick with fear that their dad would come back. Somehow she’d manage
d to throw some clothes in bags for them all, but Jenny knew they needed the rest of their things. She’d been putting off thinking about how to retrieve them, but it really was time to work out a plan.
Jenny pushed the thought aside for now, and taking a deep breath, she forced herself out of bed. The room felt cold. She shivered as she pulled on a cardigan and dashed to the bathroom. She found toothpaste splattered over the sink and strands of Gloria’s long blonde hair in the plughole. The bath had been left with a scum-line, and a wet towel had been thrown in the corner. Their gran was a stickler for cleanliness – no wonder she was becoming irritated. Jenny quickly tidied up before getting herself ready.
When she was finally able to brush her hair, Jenny gave up any hope of trying to tame it, but she didn’t care how she looked. It was going to be difficult enough walking through the factory gates, let alone worrying about her appearance.
‘It’s bloody freezing,’ Gloria moaned as she walked alongside her sister on the way to work. Miss Aston had given her a job a week ago, and though she found the work boring, she liked the banter with the women. There was one fella who had caught her eye too, and she’d seen him looking at her in the staff canteen. The women sat on one side of the room, and the men on the other, but she’d bumped into him in the corridor and he’d told her his name was Brian. Since then they’d met in secret a couple of times, and though it was only in dark corners of the factory, they’d struck up a bit of a romance.
As they reached the gates, Gloria grabbed her sister’s hand. ‘There’s something I need to tell you,’ she said, and paused, swallowing hard before she continued. ‘The women, they know what happened.’
‘What do you mean?’ Jenny asked.
‘They know you lost a baby.’
Jenny’s eyes flared with panic, ‘How do they know … did … did you tell them?’
‘Of course I didn’t. Joan’s daughter works at the hospital and recognised you. She shouldn’t have, but she told Joan.’
