“Just someone I knew a long time ago.”
“She got a name?”
“Clarke. Why?”
“Just want to know the name of my competition, in case she decides to come back.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Before Eli can accuse her of being untrustworthy, Michelle answers. “She’s the one in all pictures. Prom. Homecoming. Cheerleader and Quarterback. Your old room is full of yearbooks and memorabilia. She was your girlfriend.”
“It was a long time ago, Michelle. She’s got her own life now. You have nothing to worry about.”
She sniffles and nods. “If that’s the case, then put the house stuff on hold and come home. You’re scaring me, Eli. You’re the first person in my life to show me respect. You take care of us. Losing you would kill me.”
He knows he’s giving her reasons to worry, and for that he’s sorry. He never expected to be thrown into all of this suddenly. Neither of them have had a real conversation about any of it. Michelle came to Georgia to support him, unknowing he was dealing with a ton of unsettled feelings. “I’m sorry. Why don’t you go on and pack your things. Get on the road and I’ll be home in a couple of days. I’ll close up the house and take some time to think about what I want to do with it.”
Michelle wipes her eyes. “Thank you. I’m not saying I don’t want you to ever come back. I’d love it if Siobhan and Jonathan came to Louisiana to visit us. She told me you left here on bad terms. I know this isn’t a good place for you, and I hate to see it drag you down a hole you can’t get out of.”
She’s right. There’s so much he left behind that he feels like he’s been buried alive. His only option is to walk away and come back with a fresh head, or else he’ll end up consumed by the regret. He waits until she’s walked away to let his thoughts out. “What have I done?”
Chapter 9
Clarke makes it a mile down the road before she breaks into a weeping fit. One second she was driving to work and the next she ended up in Eli’s driveway. She’s hyperventilating, wishing she’d never made such an irrational decision.
With her body shaking profusely, she cuts off the ignition to her Volkswagen Jetta and bellows against the steering wheel.
So much was left unsaid again. Just seeing him brought back so much pain. It was like she was reliving the exact moment she discovered he’d left her behind. She could vividly hear Siobhan telling her Eli was gone and never coming back. For years she’d had to risk running into the woman who provided her with the sad news. She’d questioned whether what she told her was the truth, but now it’s evident it was. Eli left her. He didn’t even ask about his own son. What kind of person pretends their own flesh and blood doesn’t exist?
Clarke wants to feel broken up about her visit with Eli, but as she sits there and runs through the encounter she knows there’s no reason to fear he’s staying in town for Tyler.
When the car starts back up Clarke knows exactly what she wants for her son. It’s time to have a serious talk with Tim and ask him something that will require a lot of love and devotion. If anyone can ensure those two requirements it’s him.
After making a quick call to the diner, where she’s almost too upset to speak properly, Clarke tells them she won’t be in for her shift. Not many questions are asked when the person on the other end of the call hears the sadness in her voice.
It’s upsetting to Clarke when she finally arrives back at the place she shares with Tim and still hasn’t been able to calm down. She’s a blubbering mess as her vehicle comes to a halt in the paved driveway next to his truck. For a few moments she remains in the seat sniffling and then losing it again.
Through a haze of tears she sees a figure come into view. Tim opens the door and crouches down before her. He takes one look at her and pulls her into his arms. “What’s going on, babe? Talk to me. Is it your grandpa?”
Clarke shakes her head. “No. He’s fine. I did something stupid and I need to make it right.”
Tim pulls away and wipes the tears from her eyes. She can see the worry across his face as his begins to wonder what could be causing this display of emotional distress. “Talk to me. What’s going on?”
Any other person would assume there is someone else, but not Tim. He’s confident Clarke loves him. “I want you to be Tyler’s father. It’s not fair for you to do so much for him and get nothing in return. He’s never had a dad. I was hoping you’d think about adopting him after we’re married. It’s okay if you need time to consider it.”
“I don’t need time, Clarke. I love Tyler. I’d be honored to give him my name.”
Clarke falls against his chest, celebrating in a hug she never wants to part from. This is the good news she needs. It’s what she wants for her son. This is the last part of them being a real family.
One visit with Eli wasn’t going to change that. It couldn’t. He’s nothing but a memory. There’s no reason to hold out hope of things changing. This is the life she dreamed of, and she’s tired of making excuses why it can’t happen.
“Let’s elope,” she suggests.
Tim is elated. Never in a million years did he expect this type of reaction from Clarke when she arrived home in tears. “Really? What about the white dress and guest list?”
“We’ll have a reception.”
“I’d marry you today if it was possible. You know that.”
“Oh, Tim. You have no idea how happy you make me. I can’t wait to make it official.”
“We’ll apply for the license in the morning, babe. This time next week and you’ll be my wife. Now we just need to find our forever home so we can add more kids to the mix.”
It’s music to her ears.
The only problem is since she came face to face with her past, it’s only a matter of time before it catches up to her. All those unresolved feelings. The pain and anguish she endured. The beautiful child they created. It couldn’t have all been a lie. She was there during every first experience. As much as she wishes she could forget all of them, it’s impossible when she looks into her son’s eyes and feels the unconditional love only he can give her.
As much as Clarke wants to be excited for what’s to come, her brain won’t shut off. She spends the night tossing and turning, picturing different scenarios with her confrontation with Eli. She thinks about the child she saw. He looked nothing like her Tyler. In fact, he appeared to be older, which would mean he didn’t belong to him at all.
She also noticed neither of them were wearing rings. As much as she’s liked to think they weren’t involved, Clarke knew better. If Eli was anything like the charmer in high school, he’d find someone to share his time with, especially in the bedroom.
The thoughts are hard to imagine. Him loving another woman. Him being a father to someone else’s child, when he abandoned the opportunity of his own.
Nothing makes sense. Her thought process is jumbled with despair and confusion. Clarke knows what she was told. Eli left because he didn’t want to be a father. She knows he never once asked about his son. What she doesn’t know is why? Why return to a place where he knew she’d be? Why not leave as soon as the funeral was over? Why would he speak to Joe about her? Did he still care?
The more she let her imagination wander, the worse she felt inside. Clarke quietly weeps in the bed next to Tim. He sleeps soundly, unknowing she’s going through a mental breakdown only inches away.
It’s difficult for Clarke to fathom a future without Tim in it. She knows that prolonging the whole long truth could put her relationship in danger, but admitting there was ever someone else opens her up to being accused of never getting over Eli. In her heart she’s aware she wouldn’t be able to look him in the eyes and lie. It’s bad enough she’s been doing it since they met, but to be able to deny it to his face only proves there’s still something unsettled she obviously needs to sort out.
With her marriage being rushed, and now an adoption added to the mix, Clarke feels overwhelmed. She did this to
herself. If everything falls apart this time it will be her doing. There’s only so much one man can take before he gives up. Tim’s been through hell. He’s watched the woman he loved suffer for over a year before cancer took her life. He’s given back to his community. He loves like no other. She knows he’s the man she wants for her future. She’s just worried he can never be the man she needs. The one she desires deep down inside. The person who she gave her heart and soul to. The man who gave her Tyler. Clarke fears that one day she’ll wake up and know what she desires and needs isn’t love and devotion. Tim will give her that and more. She just prays he’s able to fill the void Eli left behind, because if not, she’ll never be able to really let go.
Chapter 10
Eli hasn’t slept in over thirty hours. It’s not the amount of work that needs to be done on the house, or the fact that Michelle has her vehicle packed and is urging him to come along. His mind has been focused on Clarke. He never got to ask her if she was happy. They didn’t get to have a proper goodbye in the past, or when she visited. Eli knows he’s not going to feel better until he can at least apologize, and in order to do so he’ll need to stick around town until he can gather up the courage to face her again.
Michelle sits across from him at the kitchen table. He’s playing with a tape measure, while staring at the drawing of a reconfigured kitchen. He stayed up all night visualizing all the things he’d like to do to the old house, and what will happen when he finishes.
At first he considered renting it out. He’d make a profit and eventually be able to retire from the investment. Then he contemplated selling outright. What Eli knows best is flipping. It’s what he does for a living, so why not put his own skill to work? He can skip the subcontractors and do all the labor himself, keeping costs down. When it’s all said and done the improvements will increase the market value of the home by twenty percent. It’s enough to make him want to take on the task, even if it costs him Michelle.
It’s something Eli needs to do. He needs to separate himself from everything and take the time to decided what he’s doing, where he’s headed, and how he’s going to get there.
“You’re not coming with us are you?”
He smirks and taps his thumb against the draft paper. “I think I want to stick around and get this house in better shape before I decided what to do with it.”
“How long will it take?”
“Six weeks maybe. Seven tops. As long as the weather stays nice I’ll finish well before that. There’s nothing tough. Dad had the plumbing redone after my mom died. There’s new electric in half of the house already. Everything else is cosmetic. I’m going to gut out the existing kitchen and bathrooms and put a new coat of paint everywhere.”
Michelle leans back and crosses her arms. “I feel like this is goodbye.”
“It’s not,” he assures her. “It’s just another flip.”
“Says the guy full of secrets.”
Eli takes in Michelle’s features. She takes good care of herself and looks younger than her actual age. Nearing thirty, she’s a spitfire in the sack, and one hell of a cook. Eli wonders if she’ll ever be enough for him. He’s curious to know if he’ll miss her when she leaves, or if he’ll carry on without concern. It’s these reasons that make him question his commitment to the woman. “It’s your negativity that pisses me off, you know. I’m trying to do something good here.”
“I can see that. Just tell me one thing. Why did you leave? Siobhan wouldn’t answer. She mentioned a bad breakup. Is that it? Was it the woman who came here to see you?”
Eli puts his fists down on the table with a firm bang. Michelle jumps in her seat before meeting his annoyed gaze. “I told you already, it’s not important.”
“It is to me. You forget what I’ve been through with my ex. I can’t sit around wondering if you’re ever going to come back. Home is home. It’s as simple as that. I always thought yours was in Louisiana, but now I find out you were born and raised here in Georgia by people who loved you. You have a little brother you hardly know. You’ve now inherited property from a father you obvious care very deeply for. It would only make sense for you to question whether you’re better off coming home.”
She’s absolutely right and Eli knows it. If only he could tell her the real reason he left and how Siobhan is the devil in a red dress.
Sighing heavily, Eli knows it’s time to do the right thing. “Siobhan isn’t a good person, Michelle. She did things that would make you sick to your stomach. When I found out about them I wanted to tell my father. He deserved to know. She blackmailed me. She told me she’d sabotage my relationship if I stuck around and ran my mouth. Plus she knew I didn’t want to hurt my dad. I left because I couldn’t look him in the eye and lie day after day. It would have eaten me alive.”
“So you stayed away all this time because of Siobhan?”
“Basically.”
“And the woman that came to visit, does she know?”
Eli shakes his head. “No. I left everything. One morning I got up, packed a bag and never returned. I never gave anyone a reason. They just assumed I’d walked out on them, and honestly it was better than learning the truth anyway. I left because I loved them. It’s hard to believe, but it’s true.”
Her eyes are beginning to water, and he can tell she’s about to cry when she bites down on her bottom lip. “So you left things unresolved?”
Eli shrugs, accepting that his mistake will probably cost him this relationship too. “Yeah.”
“Did that woman come here to talk about it?”
“No.” It’s one thing he’s pretty certain of. “She came to tell me she was sorry about my dad. You don’t have to worry about Clarke. She’s married, or getting married. I noticed the ring she was wearing. Trust me, that woman wants nothing to do with me.”
This puts her mind at ease. Eli watches her exhale and finally manage a smile. “I’m sorry for all the questions. I’m usually not the jealous type, but after my ex…”
“No need to apologize, Michelle. This isn’t about us. I feel like I need to do this one last thing for my father to make up for stepping out on him. Does that make sense?”
She nods. “It does. For what it’s worth, I’m so sorry for what you went through back then, and for being all chatty with Siobhan. If I’d have known she was a horrible person I wouldn’t have done that. I was only trying to be polite.”
“Yeah, I know. You’re a good person. Unfortunately, she’s the opposite. It’s a real shame too. That boy deserves better.”
“We don’t pick our parents.” As soon as the sentence rolls off her lips Eli grins. She’s right. It’s not the boy’s fault his mother is an idiot. He didn’t ask for this life.
“No. We don’t.”
“One day you’re going to be an amazing father. You’re great with kids. Maybe when you get back we can talk about that happening.”
For the first time in a few days Eli smiles. It’s a real smile, not one fabricated to pretend all is right with the world. He doesn’t know if he wants a long-term deal with Michelle, but the idea of being a real father gives him a glimmer of hope that not all love can hurt him. A child would give him that unconditional relationship he’s prevented himself from having for far too long.
Michelle and her son leave after lunch. For a little while Eli works on a small bathroom, ripping out cabinets and starting to pull up the old tile flooring. When the room gets too hot, he pauses for a short break before attempting to remove the large tub.
He sits on the newly framed back porch and sips on a glass of tea, staring out at the old yard he used to play in. A tire swing still hangs from a low branch of a willow tree in the back far corner of the property. For a moment Eli wonders if Jonathan used it, or if his mother told him it was too dirty to touch.
His mind continues to be restless until he decides to take a drive out to the old pond he used to fish in with his dad. Eli baits an old rod and casts it out into the dark water. The last time he fished this e
xact spot he caught a two foot long catfish, gutted it, and cooked it up for supper. The best part was the fact that neither his father or Eli really cared much for that type of fish. They did it to bond.
Flashes of other fun times flood his mind as he sits back and drinks a cold brew. Before he knows it he’s thinking about another time he visited this pond. He’d been fighting with Clarke over something stupid. Instead of driving her home where she’d ignore his calls, he sped up and parked where no one could interrupt them.
She used to be so cute when she was mad. She’d huff and puff and then finally allow him to coax his way back to her good side. It never failed. Little tiffs turned into the best makeup sex. That particular night she’d gotten out of the car and tried to run away from him. He recalls catching up to her and carrying her back to the vehicle while she kicked and screamed. They yelled for a time, and then he kissed her. She slapped him, so he did it again. After a while they were in a full blown make out session, forgetting what the whole fight was even over.
That’s how easy it used to be with Clarke.
Reminders of their love are all over this small town. It’s funny. Eli spent years trying to rid himself of the guilt and agony, and now he’s right back to being miserable again. It’s like he’s glutton for punishment.
When he returns to the house he’s surprised to see Siobhan’s car sitting in the driveway. Feeling as if his hard work to settle down was for nothing, Eli parks his truck and takes his time entering the home. Nothing she could say or want will lighten his shitty mood now.
Jonathan meets him at the screen door. He’s holding a hammer and Eli’s big tape measure. It’s so large the kid is having trouble gripping onto it with one hand. “Eli, I came to help you.”
He crouches down without opening the door between them. Figuring his mother is somewhere in the background, Eli speaks louder than usual. “Is that so? Where’s your mother?”
Flip My Life Page 5
