“You don’t have to spoil Tyler, Eli. He’s already thrilled to know he has a real father. He’s asked from time to time, but I didn’t know what to say. Honestly, he’s too excited to care why you’re just meeting. He could hardly contain himself ever since I told him about you.”
“Yeah,” Eli says with a please grimace. “I feel the same way. Last night Jonny stayed over. I told him I helped his mom and my dad make him when they had trouble. The story we’re going with is that I’m the sperm donor. He doesn’t know it now, but eventually he’ll ask and it’s better than telling him what really happened. I thought he’d be confused, but after he learned he had a new brother he was elated. This is a lot for me. Two kids. I’m a single father of two boys. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. Just promise you’ll be patient with me.”
“I trust you. I’m sure you’ll be fine.” She turns and heads for the door. “That reminds me. I’m just going to grab our things for the night. I’ll be right back.”
Eli steps outside to catch her. “Your things? You’re staying here too?”
“Is it okay?”
He shrugs. “Yeah. You don’t have to.”
“I want to. Tyler might wake up scared. It’s fine. He’s not used to staying overnight places.”
“What if you get scared?” He teases to break the awkwardness.
“Smartass.”
The grin on Eli’s face tells him he’s in for an interesting night, not just with Tyler, but his mother too. He knows it’s wrong because she’s involved with another man, but a part of him wishes he could take the time to convince her she’s marrying the wrong person before it’s too late.
Chapter 22
Clarke’s earlier discussion with Tim went smoother than she first assumed. He’d been understanding ever since learning that Tyler’s father was back in town. He honestly felt terrible for the way things played out; then showing up to try to buy the house from under the guy.
Even though Tim’s been through a lot of things in his young thirty five years, he can’t begin to imagine coming home to discover he was the father of not just one child, but two. It’s overwhelming, and from what Clarke and her dad have told him, Eli’s not a bad guy. He was just dealt an ugly hand and did what he thought was right at the time. He didn’t walk out on Clarke to be selfish. Had he known she was carrying his child, he would have found a way to stay.
It’s still hard for Tim to know there could be residual feelings between the two, but he’d rather them figure it out before they tie knot. As much as it will hurt, Tim needs to know where he stands.
At first the idea of Clarke staying overnight was something he felt offended over. Why would the woman claiming to love him want to stay with another man?
Clarke was honest. She told him she needed to see how Eli and Tyler would do, and if Tyler would be okay staying there without him. She promised to sleep alone, and this was only for them to bond as a family, not for she and Eli to rekindle the romance.
Tim reconsidered his decision, and after speaking to her father, he was convinced that even if something happened with Clarke and Eli he’d rather it happen now instead of down the road where it would be adultery and a big mess.
He’s not okay with knowing at some point Tyler will fall asleep. He’s picturing the worst, because deep down inside he can feel that Clarke hasn’t been the same since Eli came back to town. He’s afraid because she’s never looked at him the way he saw her looking at Eli. If she had to choose one of them, Tim fears it wouldn’t be him.
As much as he loves Clarke, he respects himself and doesn’t want her to rush into something if she’s not sure. If you love something you have to let it go to see if it comes back to you. In this case, it’s harder said than done.
Clarke suggests that the three of them play a board game. It’s something that allows them to spend time together while they’re all getting familiar. Tyler picks an old favorite of Eli’s called Trouble. There’s a dice in the center in a dome and when you push on it the dice flips and that’s how many places your pawn is allowed to move per turn. It’s easy for any age person, and perfect for them.
Tyler goes first and gets the hang of it immediately. He giggles when Eli passes him. To Clarke, it’s the smallest thing that’s making such a big impact. The two guys are in sync from the beginning. They both stick out their tongue when moving the pieces on the board. They egg each other on, as if they’ve been together for years. When something doesn’t go their way they even have the same pout face. It’s ridiculous. Clarke always knew Tyler reminded her so much of Eli, but seeing them together is pretty ridiculous. What really melts her heart is hearing Tyler refer to Eli as his daddy. It’s such a powerful word in this circumstance. A father and son are bonding over a classic game while she watches their body language mimic like they’re doing it on purpose.
Clarke can’t remember the last time she saw Tyler behave this way. He’s not just happy. He’s on cloud nine. Every time Eli pats him on the back or tells him a secret to beat her, she melts. She dreamed of this happening, but never did she feel like it could be possible.
Tyler wins the game, but only because Eli kept moving his own piece back to ensure he’d always be behind. They clean up and settle in to watch a movie. Tyler, being five, wants to watch a cartoon with talking race cars. He gets settled under a blanket between the two adults with a bowl of popcorn on his lap. Eli drapes his arm over the back of the sofa, while Clarke cozies up against her boy.
In this moment Eli feels complete. Nothing could be more perfect unless Jonny were on the other side of him. A couple times during the movie Eli catches Clarke looking at him. Like teenagers, when it happens they both turn away, until they decide to let their gazes linger longer. Pretty soon Tyler is fast asleep.
For now, Eli only has one twin bed set up in the boy’s room, but he’s building matching frames and has a second mattress on order. Eventually they’ll have a cool room with two matching beds in the shape of race cars. Eli didn’t even know his sons’ love for cars when he came up with the idea.
After carrying Tyler upstairs and tucking him in, Eli and Clarke retreat downstairs and turn on an action movie. They sit pretty far apart, but on the same couch. Clarke has her arms folded across her chest, while one of Eli’s is rested on the back of the furniture. Clarke is the first to start to nod off. Eli scratches her head to wake her. When she does, she smiles. “Some things haven’t changed. I’ve never been able to sit through a whole movie without falling asleep.” She sits up and begins to stand, only to feel his hand brushing over hers.
“Hang on. Just sit here with me for a little longer. You don’t know how many nights I wished we could do something as simple as this. God, I loved you, Clarke. People said we were too young to know what that meant, but they were wrong about us, at least about me. No one will ever be you.”
Clarke gently places the palm of her hands over his. “I loved you too. For a while I never thought I’d be able to love another person as much as I did you. I cried myself to sleep for months. It didn’t help that my hormones were awry. I couldn’t understand what went wrong, and when I decided to let it go, I had a newborn baby to take care of. I suppose in a lot of ways Tyler forced me to let go. I had to put all my energy, love and focus on him.”
“What was the delivery like?”
“Twelve hours of contractions. Mom and Dad were with me the whole way. They stayed in the room and Dad cut the cord. The pain was excruciating. People say you forget, but I don’t know how that’s possible. They had to cut me down there when he started coming out. He weighed seven pounds and two ounces and was eighteen inches long. He came out with a head full of dark black hair and wide eyes. He was the most beautiful baby I’d ever seen in my life, and the only thing that was missing was you.” By the time the last word comes out she’s tearing up.
Eli does what anyone would do in this situation and pulls her against him so she can let it out. Clarke needs this too. They’ve both done thing
s that hurt people, but it’s time to bury the past and start the future on good terms. “I’m sorry, Clarke. I wish I could have been. By then I was probably headed overseas. Even if I found out, I wouldn’t have been able to come home, not then.” He softly kisses the side of her head like he used to. It’s such an easy habit he doesn’t think anything of it, but Clarke lifts her head suddenly like it was off limits. The moment their eyes meet she knows she can’t keep denying what it feels like to be this close to her first love again. “Eli -.”
He stops her from being able to tell him this is a bad idea. Instead, he lowers his mouth to hers and closes his eyes. The kiss is full of years of pent up emotions. Neither of them pulls away, because doing so might mean it can never happen again. If all they have is right now, they’re going to embrace it, one last time.
Chapter 23
Before Clarke can protest, her top is being lifted over her head. Her mouth crashes against Eli’s once it’s free. The kiss is like six years of solitude coming to an end. From the farthest reaches of the earth these two people could somehow find one another. They're connected in body and mind, from the first moment they fell in love. This kiss proves what they've been denying. What they share is powerful. It's innocent and all-consuming. It's precious, but most importantly forever.
Clarke isn't thinking about her life, her relationship with Tim, or the ring she wears on her left hand. This isn't about cheating or belonging to someone else, because she was never Tim's to have. She's always belonged to Eli.
Like a tornado wreaking havoc on the land, this kiss is about to change their lives.
They pull away and peer into each other’s souls. Eli lifts his hand and strokes her cheek, brushing the hair away from her flushed skin. “Everything I’ve ever wanted is right here in front of me, and you’re the only person who can stop me from taking it.”
She replies in a whisper, while dragging her lips over his. “What if I don’t want you to stop? What if I never want this to end?”
The world stops spinning. It’s quiet. There’s nothing but the two of them, getting swept away in a romance that never should have ended.
Eli doesn’t take his time. He can’t. The fear of her changing her mind keeps him moving forward. He’s being selfish and he knows it. If he does this someone will get hurt, but he has to try. This is his last ditch effort to convince Clarke that they’ll never be over. No matter how long it takes, or who she thinks she should be with, Eli knows what Clarke is afraid to admit.
He picks her up and carries her to his bedroom; a place where they’ve made love many times. Clarke helps him undress, while Eli rips away the rest of what’s covering her delectable body. They crash together in a kiss so powerful she’s left breathless.
Eli shoves her onto the bed and hovers over her, reacquainting himself with a body that’s changed from what he remembers. There’s so much to explore, but no time to consider where to start. He has to keep going, distracting her thoughts with pure ecstasy.
With her hands dug into his hips, Clarke positions Eli over her. For someone with a lot to lose, she’s completely focused on what’s to come. Eager and hungry would be how she describes being with Eli again. His strong arms and large hands explore her tender skin. He teases her, licking, kissing and sucking every inch he can reach.
He slithers down between her legs and tastes her nectar, while causing her body to spasm. Kissing his way back up to her lips, he thinks about all the times he dreamed of this happening again.
Taking his time, Eli slides into her as he exhales, his breath catching in his throat when he hears her gasp under him. Clarke’s back arches towards him, her eyes closing in pleasure. He turns his head away; not wanting to look at her, because he fears she’ll attest to this act. He can’t risk her realizing he’s not the man she’s promised herself to. He wants her to remain caught in the moment, lustful and ravenous.
Eli sets a pace to his thrusts that are sickeningly slow, the tension of the encounter coils inside of him. He works a steady rhythm, his lips teasing hers as low groans escape him. This encounter is like nothing he’s ever experienced. His body shakes against hers. He feels emotional and out of control, almost as if it’s just a dream he’s going to eventually wake up from.
Clarke’s hands tug at him, pleading for it to be harder and faster, but he refuses. In all the things he's done wrong, he wouldn't screw up this time. If this is a mistake he wants it to last as long as possible. Eli needs to etch every single minute of this into his mind to remember. He needs to be able to smile and know they had another chance to feel the power and pull that only the two of them have for each other. He’s fully inside of her now, her wet channel allowing for extreme pleasure.
Trusting his judgment, Clarke begins to explore. She touches his arms, tracing the scars on his shoulders that she wonders are from Afghanistan, or the hard work he does on constructions jobs. He kisses her neck, once for each of the years he'd abandoned her. Then he kisses her shoulder for all the times he wished he could come back into her loving arms. He kisses along her collarbone for all the nights she'd had to stay up with a newborn baby without the help of his father. She gasps into his ear like she understands what he’s doing. Eli continues his slow, apologetic rhythm.
He touches her body in all the right places, teasing her center until she writhes, so appreciative, and thankful for him.
She shudders under him, desperately wanting the pace faster, but lets him do what he pleases. Clarke knows he needs this. Eli pushes in deep, his lips sliding along her neck. He wishes he could tell her he was sorry for the way he left, sorry for the pain he caused, sorry for the emptiness she felt, but mostly sorry for ever believing she’d give up on him. He feels guilty for putting her through it all, for walking away when all she wanted was to be with him. He didn't deserve her love, but it wouldn't stop him from trying to make amends. Giving up is no longer in Eli’s vocabulary.
His hands trail down her hips. She reaches up to touch him, to reciprocate, but he takes her hand and pushes it down, lacing all of his fingers with hers. He feels her engagement ring against his fingers and feels a rush of guilt. She’s betraying someone she loves. He’s making her choose without saying the words. Eli swallows the lump in his throat and kisses her again, grabbing at her thighs while thrusting a bit harder. His lips graze her ear, his forehead resting against hers. His voice is raspy as he speaks. “Please forgive me, Clarke. I’ll never forgive myself for what I put you through.”
She opens her mouth to speak, but he stops her with another hungry kiss.
"I'm so sorry," he whispers again while picking up his pace.
Clarke holds back all the things she wants to say and chooses to keep this moment. Her arms slide across his back, pulling him closer to her. She groans in his ear as he thrusts into her harder, feeling him quicken and shudder. He’s losing control and it feels so good.
She cries out as he kisses her hard, tongue against hers, hot and fast. His fingers curl in her hair as his breath quickens. Her legs slide up his body as he collapses against her, groaning into her neck, nipping her skin, sweat beading on his temples.
Her back arches as he grips her tightly. He bites her ear and as he slides into her over and over again. He fits perfectly, like he was made to fulfill her every desire.
Then it happens. Simultaneously, the two lost lovers come undone as one. They forge into a euphoric cloud of bliss, entangled and high on a combined orgasm.
His chest heaves as he holds her close and embraces the details in the moment. Even though he wants to continue, Eli knows not to push his luck. They’ve made love for the first time in six years. Neither of them anticipated this would happen. Emotions got in the way. One thing led to another. One compliment. Another I’m sorry. Lost feelings. Broken hearts. Tons of reasons why they shouldn’t, but a million more clouding their judgment. It’s happened. Now nothing will ever be the same.
Chapter 24
Clarke is startled awake when Eli shifts in the
bed. It takes a few seconds for her to remember how she got here and the reason behind it. Tears. The silent kind. They creep up and consume her. She quietly sobs until she can no longer be this close to him. It’s not so much as regret, but sorrow. Her father told her this would happen. Clarke is torn between two beautiful souls. She’s lost in her own trepidation and guilt of what’s happened overwhelms her.
She’s sick to her stomach, but swallows back the bile in order to locate her articles of clothing. Once the bundle is in her arms, she rushes down the hall and dresses in front of the boys’ room.
Having no idea of the time, Clarke ambles in the room and gathers Tyler up in her arms. She doesn’t contemplate what this will do to Eli, or the fact that this could make her situation worse. All she’s thinking about is getting the hell out of there before he stops her.
She’s weak. If he walked into the room and looked at her with his sad eyes she’d end up right back in his bed. It terrifies her. She’s never had that kind of pull with Tim.
Assuming it’s because of the way things ended with Eli, so unresolved, Clarke carries her sleeping son downstairs and out to her vehicle. He stirs as she slips him into the backseat and buckles him into a regular belt instead of his booster. She’s confident he’ll be fine because the area is so rural she won’t see another vehicle this time of night.
She sobs the entire ride back to her house she shares with Tim. Thankfully, he’s decided to take a trip out of town to meet with a school friend about going into business with him. She knows she’ll only have until he arrives back to get herself together. The idea of breaking his heart strikes her down, crippling her ability to look at how perfectly it felt to be with Eli. She knows it should be considered a huge mistake, but pushes those thoughts to the furthest part of her brain anyway.
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