He’s already watched one woman he loves slip away. Cancer took their happily ever after. Just when he figured his heart could never love another person, he met Clarke. Now he’s faced with the same ending.
Clarke runs after him. “Tim, please don’t walk away. It was a mistake. It will never happen again. I love you. I want to be with you and be your wife. You have to believe me. I know you’re the one I want to be with. You’re the right choice.”
“Choice? How can you say it like that and not make me feel like it’s about convenience?”
“It’s not. You know how I feel about you. My past with Eli is so complicated. It was a terrible mistake. I left right after it happened. I regret it.”
“Do you, Clarke? Do you regret falling back into his arms? Do you regret feeling him hold you?” Tim is beginning to let his emotions get the best of him. “When he was inside of you did you think of me, or were you too caught up in being with Eli?”
Clarke’s mouth falls open. She knows this is the reaction she deserves, but she pictured it going differently. “I –.”
“You can’t answer. Don’t worry. The truth is plastered across your face.” Running his hand through his hair, Tim takes a few deep breaths. “I gave you space because I needed to know for sure. In all honesty, I didn’t think it would happen so fast. I knew you two had unresolved feelings for each other. You were both manipulated and it wasn’t fair. From the moment you told me you’d learned the truth, and what it was, I saw you fading away. I knew I couldn’t compete with the kind of love you shared with Eli. You two are connected with a child. Even if I wanted to fight, I’d never take away the chance for Tyler to have the best life possible.”
“Please don’t say it, Tim. Don’t say what I know you’re going to say.”
“Clarke, you’re in love with Eli. Even if you love me too, I can’t share you. Even if it’s never physical again, it can’t share your heart. I’m selfish. I want you to myself. “
“I’ll do anything.”
“I’m afraid there’s nothing you can do. I love you. I’ll probably always love you.” His voice cracks when he says it. He can’t believe it’s come to this so quickly. “But I have to let you go. You deserve to be happy too, and as much as I know you’re sorry for what happened, a part of you can’t regret it. Take me out of the equation for a second and think about how last night made you feel.”
Clarke just stares at Tim with a lost set of eyes. “No.”
“You won’t because you know I’m right. That kind of love doesn’t die off. I know, because I had it before. It’s forever. It’s so damn powerful it consumes every part of you until you’re half of a person without them.”
She tugs at his arms until he gives in and holds her. They both share a few minutes of cries before Tim pulls away. Clarke wipes his eyes, but she knows his pain and suffering has only just begun. “I do love you, Tim.”
“I know. It’s just not the kind of love that can move mountains. You’re a beautiful, compassionate woman with a second chance that most of us will never get. From the moment I first saw the two of you together I knew it was only a matter of time before I lost you. Please stop fighting it. Stop trying to convince yourself that it was a mistake when we both know it happened for a reason.”
She looks down at her engagement ring. When she starts to take it off he stops her. “Keep it. Let it always remind you of the time we shared together. Let it remind you that you always a friend who cares deeply for you.”
He takes both of her hands and kisses them at the same time. “I’m going to head out for a while. I’ll give you space and time.”
“Please don’t go.”
“I’m sorry, Clarke, but I can’t be here with you. It hurts way too much. I can’t watch you pack your things and say goodbye.”
She cries harder, her bellows making Tim feel worse. He wants nothing more than to be able to comfort her, but he’s reeling in pain. He’s destroyed, and it’s probably his fault for allowing it to happen. He just needed to know.
As Clarke watches the man she was planning a future with walk out the door, she looks around at the memories she’ll have to cherish and loses it all over again. It’s too much to carry. Loving to men. Losing herself physically and emotionally, it’s all too much to deal with it.
In tears, and unable to cope with what’s falling apart around her, Clarke reaches out to her father. He tells her Eli had visited him and talked to him about letting her go. Now Clarke feels like neither really want her. She’s betrayed them both in different ways, and now she has to live with the guilt.
Before the call ends she tells her father she’ll be coming back home. She knows he’s probably thrilled, while she’s a mess. All she wanted was to feel the love from Eli one more time. She wanted to get lost in those eyes she missed. She needed to feel that connection no one else has ever given her. When it was over she knew nothing would ever be the same. Clarke knew she’d just changed her future, she just didn’t know it would catch up to her so fast.
Packing up as much as possible, Clarke fills her car until only she can fit in the driver’s side. She’s heading down the road to get to her dad’s when she passes by the route that would take her back to Eli’s. Making a U-turn illegally, she heads back in that direction to face the second man who is reeling from her poor decisions.
Power tools are being operated when she steps out from her vehicle. She heads inside to find him crouched down with his other son, Jonny. They’re putting together a huge car that looks to be a bed frame. The craftsmanship is spectacular. For a few seconds she takes it in and appreciates the talent behind it.
Eli looks back and sees her standing there. He quickly stands and tells Jonny to take a short break. After telling him where the cookies are hidden, the boy disappears downstairs.
Then it’s just Eli and Clarke.
He doesn’t approach her. “I didn’t think I’d hear from you so soon.”
The sun is beginning to set, and as Eli peers out the window he sees a car stuffed full of items. His eyes narrow back to Clarke. “What happened?”
She’s already starting to cry when the words come out. “I had to tell him the truth.”
“Which was?”
“I told him we slept together.”
“Did he kick you out?” As Eli asks he’s torn with how he feels about it. Seeing Clarke upset isn’t what he wants, but the idea of her being free is wonderful for him.
“No. He just said he couldn’t be with a person who was so much in love with someone else.”
Eli places his hands in his pockets and nods. “I get it. I don’t think I could be with someone that way either. It’s the not knowing that eats you alive.”
“I hurt him so much. We shouldn’t have…it was wrong of us to be so selfish.”
“Maybe. I don’t regret a single second of it. If anything, it only proved to me that I’ll never be able to get you out of my system.”
Clarke speaks quickly. “I can’t be with you, Eli. Not like this. Not when you’re the only option. I need time.”
It hurts. Its really does. Eli saw his chance to have it all back, but she’s shooting him down. “The only option huh? What about being the right option?”
“I know you’re right. I know we should be together. I just can’t jump into it. I love Tim too, and until I can sort those feelings out and live with the hurt I’ve caused him, I can’t give myself to you. I won’t. I only came here to tell you how I feel.”
Eli stops her before she’s able to walk out of the room. “I love you. You love me. When you’re ready, I know we’ll be together.”
She’s still crying when she leaves the house and drives away. Clarke knows being alone is the best way for her to sort through her feelings, even if it’s the hardest thing she’s ever had to do.
Chapter 27
It’s been two weeks since Eli got his boys together for the first time. Since then he’s spent every moment possible making them a family. Siobhan ag
reed to give him the same visitation schedule as his father had, and after getting in touch with Clarke through her dad, he managed to convince her to give him the same with Tyler. Since summer vacation is coming up, he’s hoping to put Tyler in the same school as Jonny. People are going to think they’re twins. They’re not identical, but it’s obvious they’re brothers. Nothing is more fulfilling then seeing them play together like they’ve been friends since birth. Even with a hole in Eli’s heart that still waits for his second chance with Clarke, he feels happy. He’s loved like he’s never been before. He has two young boys who now depend on him to always be around. He couldn’t ask for a better future to look forward to.
It’s only when Eli doesn’t have the boys when he gets depressed. He visited Louisiana when he was due to serve reserves, and while he was there he checked on Michelle and put in his transfer to Georgia.
Michelle still has hope that they can be long distance lovers, even though Eli told her he has way too much on his plate for that kind of commitment. He was happy to see his house still standing and in order, and while he was there he wrote up a lease agreement to put her mind at ease that he wouldn’t be selling it out from under her.
Returning to a quiet empty home isn’t ideal. Scattered around each room are reminders that kids are back in the house. He can’t begin to count how many times he’s suffered the worst possible pain from stepping on left behind Legos. Whoever invented them needs to be forced to walk through miles of them at once to experience how it feels. He thinks the Marines should incorporate them in boot camp. It’s that hard.
In his spare time, Eli looks for local foreclosures with the potential to flip. While meeting with his realtor, he runs into Tim. Knowing the man deals with mostly commercial buildings, Eli decides to be cordial and say hello. It’s not like they’re competing.
Tim is displeased to see Eli approaching, but suddenly remembers the guy isn’t out for blood. They’re both alone and missing Clarke. He extends his hand for him to shake. “Eli, it’s been a while. How are things going with the boys and the home improvements.”
“Both are great. The house is pretty much done. That’s why I’m here today. I need to get my hands into another project.”
Tim points to his realtor, who happens to be a partner of Eli’s. “We were just looking at this commercial building with rental units above. You wouldn’t happen to be interested in a joint project would you? We were just trying to figure out what contractor to use.”
Just like that, the two of them sit down and talk business.
A month goes by. During the day Eli works on the new project. He and Tim have become fast friends. They have a lot in common, and it’s easier for Tim to visit with Tyler when he’s with his father, rather than having to see Clarke. He misses her like crazy, but the more he gets to know Eli he’s sure about his decision. Eli was never really a threat. The truth is, Clarke was never Tim’s to begin with. She’d given her heart to someone way before he came along.
Tim and Eli both joke about becoming friends through Clarke. He keeps telling Eli that she’ll come to her senses, but he’s not holding his breath. She refuses to see either of the men, even if it’s to drop off Tyler. She either has her father do it, or arranges for Eli to pick him up from the house when she’s not there.
Giving her space is difficult, especially at night when he doesn’t have the boys with him. As a special treat, and to give him company when he didn’t have his sons, he went out and purchased an English Bulldog puppy he named Delilah. They boys went crazy when they saw such a wonderful surprise. Eli soon realized getting the dog made the boys want to stay with him all the time. He felt bad, but also appreciated they were so easy to please.
Tyler and Jonny look forward to when they visit their dad, because they get to see each other. They’ve remodeled the playhouse, and Eli plans on adding an addition so it’s even bigger. Sometimes they spend the night up there when the weather is nice. Eli, the dog, and two boys all cuddle up in a double sleeping bag on the hard wooden floor. Each time they do something fun Eli knows they’ll hold those moments dear in their hearts forever. Neither one of them talk about before Eli was in their lives. He’s being the best dad he knows how to be. Since he’s not involved with a woman, he spends all of his time catering to them, which is probably for the best. At least at night he gets to sleep with Delilah when they aren’t around to steal her attention.
Happier than he’s ever been in his life, Eli knows what’s meant to be will find a way. Clarke may be gone, but Tyler is the part of her he’ll always have, and Jonny gives him the years he lost with his dad. They don’t need a woman at home to be their own kind of family. It’s just as fun to have guy time, which they tend to have a lot of. Tim has introduced Eli to a bunch of his friends. He often comes over to play poker or watch sports. They’re talking about more joint ventures in real estate, and have even considered forming a LLC for tax purposes. Tim jokes that Eli got him in the breakup instead of Clarke. He’s right for the most part. He’s helped him find plenty of work and been a friend when they’re both down on their luck in the romance department. Tim says that Clarke is going to show up at Eli’s door one day with her bags already packed and ready to move in. They put a hundred dollar bet on it. Eli doesn’t think so. As each day passes he knows she’s less likely to show.
After three months the boys are getting ready to start the new school year together. They’ll be wearing uniforms and attending the private academy nearby. Since Eli couldn’t convince Siobhan to let Jonny go to public school, he had to cave and get Clarke to agree to enroll Tyler in private. Instead of making just one of them switch, he picked the other local Christian Academy where they could start off making new friends together.
Agreeing to school shop together was Clarke’s idea. Eli couldn’t believe it when she called him out of the blue. They’d only ever been in contact through text messages and once to sign papers for enrollment.
Jonny and Tyler are already at the house when Clarke shows up to go with them. She’s still in her diner uniform and carries a change of clothes with her into the house. The boys say hello for a split second before taking two cardboard formed airplanes out to launch them from the fort. A wrinkly little bulldog does flying out the door chasing them, leaving Clarke to face Eli alone. “Well, they seem excited.”
“If you knew how long it took us to put those stupid things together you’d think I was crazy.”
She laughs to break the awkward feeling she has in the pit of her stomach. Since staying away, Clarke has given herself time to really think about her life and where she wants to be. Recently she cut back on her hours at the diner to take a few online classes. She knows she’s got too much on her plate to attend medical school, but becoming a nurse is possible now that she has Eli, and even Tim to give her dad a break. For the first time in her life she feels like she can breathe. Tyler is happier than he’s ever been before. All he talks about is his brother this and his father that. She thinks it’s pretty weird that Eli and Tim are friends, but loves that they do things together with the boys, like taking them to baseball games and signing up to be the soccer coaches for the upcoming season. Clarke’s Dad jokes and says breaking their hearts turned them into gay lovers. Always a sense of humor on that one.
“Are you ready to head out? I just need to change my clothes.”
“Go ahead. I’ll give them about five minutes before one of the planes does a nosedive and won’t fly anymore.”
She hurries upstairs to find the boy’s room a mess, but beyond the new toys and clothing tossed on the floor she sees a room filled with love. Matching handmade beds. Matching bath robes. Matching lamps and pillowcases with their names. It brings tears to her eyes as she takes it all in. She’s not just happy for Tyler, but also for Eli and Jonny. For so long Eli thought he was without a family, and now his life is so full he doesn’t know what to do with himself. It’s the most wonderful thing she’s ever witnessed.
His gruff voice fills
the space behind her. “Yeah, I meant to straighten up earlier.”
“It’s fine. I’m sure they play hard.”
“You’re telling me.”
She turns and faces Eli, really taking in his traits. “You’ve changed.”
He shrugs. “Yeah, maybe. I never expected any of this.”
“You were meant to be here, Eli. I couldn’t ask for a better father to help me raise my son. Even Jonny. Siobhan has to feel the same way I do, even if she doesn’t admit it. Her son not only has a brother, but a best friend for life. They’re practically twins.”
“They get that a lot.”
The awkward silence is back. Clarke licks her lips and takes a step backward. “I’m going to change and be downstairs.”
He stops her before she’s able to close the door between them. “Clarke, I know you think my life is full, and maybe it’s the whole Jonny thing that bothers you, or maybe it’s just everything that’s happened, but there’s always going to be room for you.”
“What about Tim? I don’t know if your buddy would feel that way.”
“It’s true. We have your face in the center of the dart board and take turns putting holes through it.” She shoves him and laughs. “Okay, I’m kidding. Tim and I are partners. He knows how I feel about you, and he’s fine with it.”
“I’m going to college. I start next week. Nursing school.”
“That’s fantastic.”
“Yeah. I figured it’s time. Since you have Tyler half the week I’ll be able to study.”
“If you lived here we wouldn’t have to share him. It’s just a suggestion.”
Clarke sighs. She knows he’s right. She didn’t want to jump into something so soon. Now months have passed and it’s hard getting used to sharing her son, even when he’s with someone she loves and trusts. She shocks Eli when she replies. “I suppose I could. Are you sure there’s room for me?”
He’s elated. Breaking the space between them, he pulls her into his arms, but waits to kiss her. “I love you.”
Flip My Life Page 14
