by Jules Dixon
“I am your boyfriend, Ollie.”
My lips covered his, sealing in the moment, and washing away some of the past. He responded to the kiss with a small moan.
The door squeaked behind us. I moved to Holt’s side with a hand still clasping the back of his neck.
“Jake?”
His eyes darted around the hallway. Anywhere but on Holt and me. “Yeah, I need to go. The girl I’m seeing wants to hook up, so … yeah, bye.”
Jake passed by without even a nod to Holt, and my blood pressure climbed. I didn’t expect him to do cartwheels in celebration, but as my friend I expected acknowledgement, and as a soldier, at the minimum, respect.
“Jake!”
He turned.
“This is Holt Jamison. Holt, this is my coworker and friend, Jake Greenstein.” I made sure to emphasize “friend.”
Jake shook Holt’s hand. His constantly wandering eyes told me everything I needed to know about his discomfort.
“Jake, stay, please. I’d like you to get to know Holt.”
We weren’t going to get through any awkwardness by avoiding the subject.
“I’ll see you at VSI on Monday.” Jake took the stairs two at a time to the first floor and the door clunked closed.
“I’m sorry, Holt.”
“Like Daddy says, no skin off my nose. Not everyone is gonna like me or like us. It’s on them, Aston.”
My arm was still around Holt’s shoulders and the tensing muscles spoke a different story. He wanted to believe those words, but being accepted by my friends was important, too.
“Holt, what Jake thinks isn’t important. I accept you the way you are. I hope that’s more important to you.”
“It is.” He pecked my lips. Every molecule in me wanted to make it a real kiss, but he stepped around me. “’Bama game should be in the last minutes. I bet Cade on the score.”
I followed him inside my apartment. Bryson took the two steps to meet us with his hand outstretched. “Hi, Holt, I’m Bryson Welch.”
“Nice to meet you, Bryson.”
Not many would see the subtle changes, and I’d never admit to him that he had them because I kind of liked watching him, but Holt’s hat-covered head dipped forward to shield his eyes and his smile got a sideways tilt, both of his attraction tells. But since I’d also been charmed by Bryson, I’d let him have his little moment. This time.
After a couple of seconds, and although I wasn’t jealous in the technical meaning of the word, I didn’t need to watch my guy gawking at another guy that way. “Anyone hungry?” I walked between their hands, breaking the connection.
Bryson turned toward the kitchen. “I’m always hungry. Jake and I live off pizza and Chinese delivery.”
“I didn’t make the wings, but I did buy plenty, so eat up, Welch.”
Bryson and Holt filled their plates and sat on the sofa. I grabbed a few beers, handing them out, then took a chair next to Holt with my own plate.
“So, you got a night off from that bat-crap crazy girlfriend of yours?” I asked Bryson.
“We broke up last week.”
I paused mid wing-to-mouth. “Sorry to hear that.”
“Don’t be. She needs someone with a deeper wallet. She’s a friend of my sister’s and my sister taught her all about the finer things in life, which apparently includes using men.”
“I remember your sister from Triple R, Welch. Emerson was a nightmare behind that front desk.” His twin sister was blonde pandemonium wrapped in an attractive package. Actually, a fucking gorgeous packaging, but the gift inside wasn’t a gift at all. I’d found that out the hard way. Bryson should’ve made the no-touch pact include his sister.
“Emerson is just … Emerson,” he mumbled as he wiped hot wing sauce off his hands.
“I just joined Triple R a couple of days ago,” Holt offered a change of subject, stripping his hat from his head and placing it on the back of the sofa. His hair was longer than it was over in the desert, and the urge to run my hands through the thick dark-brown strands made me stand to go to him. Holt and Bryson continued a conversation about Triple R. I diverted my path toward Holt and went to the fridge instead, grabbing another beer to keep from ordering Bryson to leave. Screw it! Need vodka, all the vodka.
I clinked three ice cubes into a glass, filled it with alcohol, and topped it off with a splash of pop.
Bryson excused himself to the bathroom, so I took the opportunity to sit next to Holt on the sofa. I wasted no time getting my fill of touching him. My hands slid into his hair, and my lips hovered over his until I couldn’t take it anymore. I sealed my mouth to his.
Breaking the lip-lock, I moaned. “Fuck, it’s like if I don’t touch you, you might disappear on me.”
Holt grabbed my wrists and guided my hands to his chest. “Your friend will be back soon.”
“He doesn’t care.”
“But I do. I don’t like to make people uncomfortable.”
“Bry won’t be.”
“Oliver, there is a difference between accepting someone’s orientation and wanting to see a man-on-man show.”
“I’m fine with the man-on-man show,” Bryson interjected while refilling his plate. He turned around. “Um, just wanna clarify. I don’t want to see anyone’s junk, but I’m fine with you touching or kissing each other. Doesn’t make me uncomfortable.”
Holt’s head spun to Bryson and he actually blushed.
He fucking blushed!
“See? I told you. He’s cool with us being us. If his ex-girlfriend, who was a fucking hottie…” Bryson’s head bobbed in agreement at the dining table. “If she was here, I wouldn’t expect them not to be in each other’s arms on the sofa.”
“Yeah, sorry for not sitting in the chair. That was rude of me,” Bryson commented over his shoulder. He finished filling his place with another pile of chicken wings.
“Damn, Welch, I think you might be more of a gentleman than Holt.”
“You guys want me to leave so you can be alone?” He sat and started in on the mountain of chicken.
“No!” Holt interjected a little too loudly and quickly for my liking.
I leaned back from him. Downing the now half glass of vodka, I sputtered after the burn and moved to the other end of the couch. “Better?”
Holt watched the game and ignored me. Probably a good choice.
I read things into his behavior, things that weren’t there. Through my craving to have him back I misread him and threw a few of my insecurities into the mix. His interest in Bryson and his dismissal of my affection weren’t real. He said he was my boyfriend, but if he didn’t want to admit to a relationship, even in the privacy of my own home, I feared there was something he wasn’t saying that would take away my hope for a future with him. Having a background in observation, I should have the skills for picking up on nuances, but there was one problem. Holt’s subtleties were what I loved about him and excited me about our relationship. He was strong and handsome, and could throw me around with one pinkie, but he didn’t. He wanted to be cared for. He wanted me to take him. To show him what love felt like.
At least in the desert he did. And then I fucked that up.
The game ended and the Husker fan in Bryson left smiling his wide toothy smile because of the impressive win.
I leaned up against the closed door and the vodka rolled through my system.
Chapter Eleven
Holt
Oliver closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the front door. Bryson was no longer a buffer. We were alone. Something I both wanted and feared.
Talk, Jamison.
“Ollie, tell me what you need from me.”
“I need you to explain why we can’t be ourselves in the safety of our own homes?”
That was a good question, but not easy to answer. I moved forward on the couch, preparing to stand.
Oliver pushed off the door and headed into the kitchen. “You know, don’t worry about it, Holt. I’m going to clean up.”
I rushed from the sofa and stepped in front of him. “No, you need an answer and I want to give you one.” I stared at a collage of pictures of Ollie and what I assumed were his parents over his shoulder on the wall. “A part of me has never felt safe. It’s been in hiding, protected, so that the judgments of other people couldn’t touch me.” I brought my gaze back to him. “I know you have thick skin, but I just don’t. I know I can’t keep hiding, but it’s hard to let go and be vulnerable.”
His arms wrapped around me. “See, now I can understand that. Here’s the thing, though. I can be your thick skin, you can tell me anything. Your fears, your hopes, your wants, your needs, that’s what a boyfriend is for. Well, that and other things.” He winked.
I skimmed fingers along his smooth jawline. “I still haven’t told my parents.”
“As long as you give me you here, and you’re preparing for that to happen, then I’ll wait.
“If my parents don’t understand, I’ll need you more than ever.” I closed my eyes and let the risk settle in.
“Holt, you have me no matter what. I can’t imagine a life without you. I’m sorry for not waiting to listen about Suzanne. I’m even more sorry that I jumped into bed with those two women. I’m glad Suzanne has Parker. Hope they can move on, too.”
“Apology accepted, and all forgiven. They’ll be fine.” I ran my hands into his silky hair. “Oliver, have you seen anyone else while we’ve been apart?”
“No men, only women.”
“Tested?” I stared at his lips, just wishing for them to be on mine.
“Clean three weeks ago, two women since then. You?”
“Nobody after you but I’m clean, too.”
“You went over a year without sex?”
I kissed his forehead. “Without sex, yes, without an orgasm, hell no.”
Ollie rubbed his nose along mine. “I’m sorry I couldn’t wait for you.”
“I didn’t expect you to.” I tugged his forehead against mine. “Tell me how I can be enough for you, now.”
“You are enough, Holt.”
“I want you to still be you.” I swallowed down fear, and asked what I really needed to know. “Will you ever want the body of a woman?”
Oliver’s eyes dropped to my lips. “I can’t predict the future, but here’s what I can tell you. If I ever desire to be with a woman, I will let you know, and we’ll face the topic together.”
I backed him against the wall. “That’s all I can ask.” My eyes gazed into his. “I want you to be happy because Ollie…” My heart jackhammered in my chest. “Because I love you.”
His chest heaved against me. “I knew you’d say it first.” A soft smile radiated from his face. “You’re the only man I’ve ever loved, Holt, and you’ll be the last.”
“Say it right, Oliver.” My lips hovered right over his.
His fingers dug into my waist as his lips grazed mine. “Holt Jamison, I…” The soft flesh brushed mine, again sending tingles through me. “Love.” His tongue flicked my lower lip, teasing and torturing, in the best way. “You.”
My lips sealed over his, sharing a desire that had found its everlasting spark. Oliver had a way of loving me that was more than only his body. He brought a secretive piece of me to the surface, wiping the slate of the past away, building a future together that showed me who I really was and where I wanted to be.
His lips parted, and I skimmed into his mouth. The harshness of vodka and sweetness of Coke blended on his tongue. I found myself craving to taste more and feel more. His hands brushed my waist to my belt buckle. I dropped my hands to stop his.
He broke our lip-to-lip connection. “What?”
“You’re going to be mine tonight, Oliver.”
The smile that crossed his face was what I needed to see.
“I am yours, every part of me,” he responded with a flutter of his snowflake-colored eyelashes.
I grabbed his hand and pulled him into the bedroom. Oliver’s heavy breaths behind me only spurred me into action.
He reached into the nightstand and pulled out lube and condoms. “For you.”
I tugged his t-shirt over his head. “And maybe for you later.” I examined the man I had missed every moment, every day, in every way. His black “Semper Fi” tattoo of a cross making me remember where we’d come from and how far we’d come. I removed my button-up shirt and t-shirt.
Pressing our chests together, Oliver sighed into my neck, his lips riding up to my ear. “I missed you. I want you. Take me with you to the place where only you and I exist, Holt. Where nothing else matters.” His teeth pulled at the skin along my neck. “Nothing.”
I pushed him onto the bed on his back and went to work removing my boots and clothing. He rose to his elbows to watch, licking his lips when my erection rose from my body.
He reached out, but I caught his hand. “No, I’m making you mine, then you’ll be mine forever, Ollie.”
Gonna fuck my man, tonight. He’s mine.
The thought of trading places and connecting with him made me shiver with anticipation.
“Damn, Jamison, that cowboy smirk of yours does things to me. My cock is harder than fucking granite.”
I helped him shed the rest of his clothes before lying on top of him. My skin rolled with goose bumps, anticipation holding me at bay from moving. On top wasn’t my usual position. I liked feeling Oliver covering me, and when he entered me, I sheltered him. I’d never asked him to do the same for me, but I wanted to be shielded and appreciated by him tonight.
I wound my arms under his arms and grasped behind his neck. “I’ve only done this a couple of times, Ollie.”
“I can tell. Do you want me to top?” His lips pecked mine, soothing a little of the fear. “Baby, I just want to be with you. The logistics of our bodies isn’t the important part to me.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
He chuckled, but his body stiffened under mine. “Well, since I haven’t been a bottom in almost two years, Cowboy, I can’t lie to you, it’s probably gonna hurt. But I’ll love being yours and that’s the important part. Go slow and I’ll let you know if it’s too much.”
I rubbed my nose along his. “You promise?”
His hands stopped my motion and made me look at him. “We don’t need promises. Holt, I trust you more than any set of words.”
Tonight I wasn’t denying who I was any longer. I was a gay man. I would have sex how I damn well pleased, and the way that pleased the love of my life. The glistening in Oliver’s eyes demonstrated his feelings and to hear his sincerity was all I needed. My cock hardened to its own slab of granite. He moved so our bodies aligned our erections next to each other. Lifting his hips he rubbed his silky steel along mine.
He hissed, “Damn, I missed you.”
Missed you more than I could ever explain.
I parted his legs with mine and reached between us to touch him. His body rocked with a quake of recognition when my calloused hand grasped his cock. He was an impressive length and girth. Internally, I questioned my decision, and my back tensed at his touch.
His hands cupped my face. “It’s only you and me, Holt. Whatever happens, it’ll still be great because ... it’s only … you … and me in this room. No one else.”
I forced my tongue into his mouth and he moaned in appreciation. I reached to the end table while continuing to kiss him deeply, only a start to our connections for the night. I slathered my fingers, and he adjusted his legs as an invitation to explore and invade his body. One finger, then two, connected us while we kissed away any of his lingering discomfort. Ollie moaned, and that was the moment he fully relaxed, muscles clenching but softening as his body accepted my fingers deeper. I found his prostate and massaged the area a couple of times. He grunted an impending release.
I broke our kiss. “Ollie, wait! I want to be inside of you when you come. Please, babe.”
He reached between us and pinched the head of his cock between his thumb and forefinger wh
ile I tugged his testicles away from his body to delay ejaculation, but not necessarily orgasm, and his groan and deep body shudder told me he was fighting the release. And he did it for me. His breathing slowed as he calmed his body.
I slipped on a condom, coated both of us, and lined up as he continued his deep breathing.
“Jamison, please, I can’t wait any longer.”
I thrust my hips and after an initial tightness we both exhaled with excitement, acknowledging the foreplay had done its job quite well. Inching forward gradually, I wanted Ollie to remain comfortable.
Planted deep inside his body, stilling as I kissed him. “You okay?”
“Fuck, if I knew you’d feel this good, I would have bottomed from the beginning.” He rolled his head on the bedsheet. “Shit, it’s been too long and it feels too good. Make love to me, Holt.”
His body clenched around me as he raced to his orgasm. Every muscle of his lanky physique tightened around me, draining my endurance and stealing my breath from me. I cussed as Ollie separated and brought us back together. With that one breathtaking movement, I was lost in him and to him.
“Damn, Aston, how have I never done this with you?” I planted my knees, joining his thrusting. Reaching between us, I worked his hardened flesh in time to our bodies.
His fingernails dug into my scalp, and his sparkling eyes gazed into to mine while his broad and cocky smirk tugged at my heart. “Cowboy, nothing and no one has ever made me feel as loved as this. I love you, Holt.”
His honesty was what I needed to hear. My body coupled deeper and faster with his. He reached his pinnacle and his cock spasmed hot and fast in my hand. While he muttered loving words through his pleasure, I met him with a deep plunge into his tight ass. Together, we freed any past hurt into the night.
“I love you, too,” I whispered in his ear. We held each other as our breathing settled.
****
After cleaning up, I didn’t know what the expectation was or even if there was one for me to spend the night. I slipped on my boxers and started to pull on my jeans when my satiated, grinning boyfriend stepped into the doorway and leaned against the jam. Naked.
