by TL Gehr
As the warm water beats down on my shoulders, I scoop out some coconut oil from the jar I keep in here for general moisturizer. I tighten my fist around my cock and stifle a moan at the contact. My mind fills with Brian—his slight frame, his smile, his gasps and grunts as I took him against my desk in The Spindle. I press my forehead to the cool tiles as my knees go weak with need. I try to recall every detail of how it felt to be inside him.
“Hey, Philip?” Brian’s voice breaks into my fantasy.
“Yeah,” I call back through the bathroom door.
“Would you mind if I joined you?”
A little whimper escapes my lips, both disappointment and desire. I need the release, but I also can’t refuse the opportunity to see Brian naked.
“Sure!” I slam the tap over to the cold side and am drenched in icy water. The coconut oil flows down the drain and my erection disappears just as Brian opens the door and comes in in his boxers, hugging his toiletry bag to his chest. I’ve told him that he’s welcome to leave his toiletries out, but he’s always careful to pack them away. He’s always careful to pack everything he owns away, so there’s no sign that he’s living here at all.
He’s not living here, I have to remind myself. He’s staying here temporarily. It’s like a hotel to him, so of course he’s going to treat it like a hotel.
“Is this really okay?” Doubt flickers in his gaze. It seems out of place considering how self-confident he was earlier. Maybe he read something in my face, or my tone.
I turn the water back to hot, hold my arms out to him and smile. “Get that ass over here.”
He laughs and shucks his boxers. The water is still tepid when he steps under it and he inches closer to me, rubbing his arms. “Brr, you always shower at this temperature?”
“No.” He’s so close, I can practically feel his skin against mine. My cock stirs again.
Brian looks up into my eyes, hugging himself. He has to blink away water that’s bouncing from my chest onto his face. “I, uh, thought this might be more efficient, since we both need to wash anyway.”
I reach for the shower gel. “Good call.”
“I’m not really sure how this works, though. I’ve never shared a shower with anyone. Do we both just do our own thing, or?”
I smile. “Turn around.”
He does and I lather up the gel and start soaping his back. He hums in contentment as the water finally reaches a decent temperature. I press the tense muscles at his shoulders and he leans back into my touch. I can’t resist placing a kiss on his neck, just behind his ear, and then another against his pulse point. I move my hands from his shoulders, down his spine, massaging as I go, until I reach his perfect ass. It’s small and tight, each cheek fits perfectly in my palms. I kiss his shoulder. If he turns around, he’ll see how hard I am, how I ache for him, so I continue soaping him, moving along each arm individually. “Did you enjoy yourself tonight?”
“Mmm but not as much as I’m enjoying myself right now.”
“I enjoyed myself too. I can’t remember the last time I enjoyed one of those events so much.”
“I thought your friends would all be assholes, but they’re not. Bitchy, yeah, but in a fun way.”
I reach around him to soap his belly, careful to keep my touch firm because he said he was ticklish there and I don’t want to make him squirm in any way that would cause him pain. The bruising around his broken rib has gone pale and yellow, but it’s still a reminder of his delicate condition. “Bitchy but in a fun way. I’m going to put that on the Hanukkah cards.”
I move up to his chest, lightening my touch so I don’t hurt him. He turns in my arms and kisses me. I’m instantly lost in the taste of his lips, the feel of his skin. I hold the back of his neck, keeping him close as our tongues collide. My need surges, my erection pushes against his belly and his… his erection pushes against mine. He’s as turned on as I am and we become a soapy tangle of naked limbs, bucking against one another, swallowing each other’s moans. I’m the first to pull away, panting. “Your rib.”
“Seems fine.” He closes the distance between us again and draws my head down into another kiss.
I turn him around, pressing him against the tiles, my heartbeat drumming in my ears as my cock finds his crack. I tremble with the effort of stopping myself there.
“Oh god yes,” he breathes, cheek against the wall, eyes closed. His hand slips down between his legs and he touches himself while he pushes back against me, rubbing himself along my length.
I can’t hold out any longer. I make broken noise and press my body flush with his. I need this, I need him so badly. I hold his hips. All it would take is one thrust, one thrust and I’d be inside him. I nuzzle against his neck, trying to keep my head about me even as my fingers dig into his flesh. “If I enter you now,” I ask, my breath ragged with want. “Will I be safe?”
He moans and thrusts back against me again. “Yes. I got checked for everything at rehab. Do it. Do it please.”
He doesn’t ask if he’ll be safe, if I’ve been tested, even though he knows about Chase’s sleeping around. He trusts me so much, even though he knows I’m a liar.
“Please, Philip,” he begs.
That’s all the encouragement I need. I scoop out another handful of coconut oil and shove two fingers inside his hot hole to spread it inside, then I withdraw and give my cock what it’s been begging for for weeks. I sheath it in Brian.
He cries out. “Fuck, it’s so good. I can feel you.”
He stops touching himself to press his palms to the wall, giving himself leverage as he pushes back, sucking me deeper. I’m used to being squeezed by latex during sex, but now I’m being squeezed by nothing but Brian. I can feel his muscle clenching around me, hot and hungry. There’s nothing separating us. It’s so raw, so intimate. I’ve never done it like this before, I never felt safe enough to, I told myself there’d be no difference, but I was kidding myself. The sensation is so much more intense. I lose control, pounding into him. He matches my tempo, thrusting back, mewling in pleasure. I groan with each movement, swept up in a whirlwind of burning passion.
“Come inside me,” Brian pleads. “I want to feel your come in me.”
I groan, caught between wanting to make this last and the building need for release. I’m flying towards the climax, and there’s little I can do to stop myself. I piston into him, faster and harder until I fly off that cliff into oblivion. My balls contract and my cock jumps inside him, spewing molten come into his core. My legs quake as I pull out.
“Oh God, are you okay? Did I hurt you?”
Brian’s hand is a blur on his cock and he cries out as his own orgasm hits. The hot water washes his spunk down into the drain as he turns to me, smiling ear-to-ear. “No, I don’t… I don’t hurt at all.”
He hugs me, resting his head on my chest while we get our breath back. I switch off the water and wrap him in a towel, drying him with all the gentle tenderness I didn’t show when I was slamming into him. “That was incredible. Thank you. Thank you for trusting me.”
When his dark eyes flutter open, there’s a heat in them that makes my exhausted cock stir again. “You make it sound like we’re done. We’re only just getting started.”
He takes my hand and leads me out of the bathroom to the bed.
39
Brian
Philip’s fancy sheets feel exquisite against my naked skin. It must be nearly 2am. It feels like we’ve been kissing and touching for hours and I don’t want to stop. I haven’t even so much as touched myself in five weeks and now it seems like we can have sex again. Sure, my ribs ache a little, but not enough to stop me enjoying every inch of Philip.
He rolls me onto my back, holding his weight on his forearms. I can feel him down the whole length of my front. Chest to chest, rib to rib, groin to groin, feet to feet. His tongue slides around in my mouth as if he wishes to devour me while his cock presses into my stomach. When he has no choice but to stop for air, his kisses move to m
y collar bone, then to my neck. The tickle of his breath against my artery makes me twist beneath him. I thrust up against him, desperate for another release. I need him inside me again.
Then he whispers against my ear. “I want you to fuck me.” The vulgarity is so unexpected that it sends a thrill of pleasure up my spine. “Would that be okay?” The uncertainty is always there, just below the surface, even now when I am his, his, his. Surely he knows I would do anything for him?
I slide a hand down his back to his ass cheek. I press a finger against his hole. “Like this?”
He moans softly as I increase the pressure. As my finger sinks in up to the knuckle, he bites his lower lip and nods. “Yes. Yes, like that. Oh god.” I start pressing a second finger into him.
“I thought you didn’t like bottoming?”
“It’s not the same with you.” He swallows. “I need… I need…”
I’m slowly sliding the fingers in and out. “Tell me what you need.”
“You. I need you. I need it to be you.”
I kiss his jaw. His flesh is burning hot and I love the feel of his stubble on my tongue. I catch a whiff of coconut oil just beneath his ear.
I can top. It’s not like I haven’t topped before when someone asked, but I’m curious about this change in him.
“You need your bit of rough?” I breathe seductively, my mind automatically going back to what Chase said. “You need your bad boy pounding into you?”
He whimpers. “No.”
“No?” I push my fingers a little deeper and he bucks against them.
“Not rough.” His lips are pink and swollen from kisses. His eyes are closed, he’s lost in pleasure. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
I withdraw my fingers. “Okay, not rough.”
Did Chase like it rough? The thought turns my stomach. I wrap my arms around Philip’s neck and kiss him again and again. My fingers tangle in his curls. He thrusts against my stomach making low throaty noises of desperation, hard again and wet with precum. I push against his chest gently so he lifts off me, then roll to the bedside drawer where I expect I’ll find condoms. He stops me, pulling me back into his warm arms and kissing me again. His hand strays down to my cock and he gives me a few slow jerks. “I want you like this.”
He wants to feel what I got to feel in the shower. Flesh against flesh. Connection.
He pulls away a little and he’s got that worried line between his eyebrows. “But we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”
“Roll over.” I try to sound dominant, but I know I have a goofy grin on my face.
He rolls onto his side, but he looks over his shoulder at me. “Is this position okay?”
“How the hell did someone as amazing as you end up with such low self-esteem?”
The concern flickers in his gaze again. I don’t believe it. He’s fucking self-conscious about being self-conscious. I grab the lube out of the drawer and throw a leg over his hip. My fingers are slick when I slide them inside again. He throws his head back against my shoulder and gasps.
“Good?” I have to check that’s a pleasure gasp and not a pain gasp.
“Yeah. So good.”
“God, you’re so tight and hot.” I press deeper, waiting for his muscles to allow me entrance. It takes a second for him to relax, then I slide all the way in. I kiss his neck while I feel around inside him looking for…
“Ahh!” He jerks against me. Bingo. I rub the tip of my index finger against his prostate and he groans.
“Things you miss out on when you’re a top,” I say. My lips are against his skin, so he might not hear me. I pull the fingers out and thrust in again. He’s slick enough that it won’t hurt. In and out, in and out, working up a rhythm, massaging his prostate when I’m inside, until he’s squirming and begging.
“Please, Brian, please…” His body shudders.
I’m rock hard. “Okay.”
I give myself a fresh coat of lube and slide the tip in. His ass squeezes me. It’s so, so tight. I want to start thrusting, but I wait for his body to accept me. I’ve never topped bareback before and I feel a little shaky at the thought of his delicate hole surrendering to me. I wrap my arms around him and draw a trembling breath. His skin is slick and his muscles are smooth and hard. I yearn to move inside him, but I wait. He’s so tense, as if he’s waiting for pain. I reach for his cock and whisper in his ear, “You need to relax. Deep breaths.”
The tip of his pink tongue is pressed between his lips. I kiss his neck and caress his erection. My legs are shaking with the self-control it’s taking not to thrust into him. “You need to tell me when.”
He makes a sound low in his throat and pushes back against me. I pull his earlobe into my mouth and suck on it. Previous times I’ve topped I’ve been high or desperate to get off. It’s been quick and dirty passion with men who knew exactly what they wanted. None of the other times ever meant anything. This time means everything. Him trusting me, after Chase. Him asking me for it. Asking me for anything. Philip gives, Philip doesn’t ask. I don’t think I am a very good top, but I want to be for him. Which means I need to take things slow and listen to his body.
I move my hand from his cock to his taint. He opens his legs for me, completely trusting, and the movement sends a rush of pleasure from my cock. I stroke the smooth piece of skin, eliciting a moan.
“Brian?”
“Yes?”
“I think I want… could you lie on top of me?”
I withdraw and roll him onto his back. As I straddle him, he’s gazing up at me with this lost look in his beautiful blue eyes. He looks so vulnerable. I brush his hair back from his face. A breeze wafts in the open window, spilling goosebumps across my back and carrying with it the scent of roses. Philip traces the planes of my face. “Please, Brian…” he shuts his eyes. “Brian I want you. All of you. All of this. To be covered in your body, to be lost in your scent, to be filled with your come, to…” he trails off. Then, in a tiny, breathy voice, “I’m sorry. Is it too much?”
I dip and kiss him. “Stop apologizing,” I say against his lips. “Stop, okay? You don’t have anything to apologize for.”
I hold his hands up above his head as I drag my lips down the side of his neck. Then I coat the fingers of my free hand in lube and I fuck him with them until he’s bucking under me, gasping. His face is open and vulnerable beneath me; lips parted, eyes closed, angelic. I let go of his wrists and his eyes flutter open. He gazes up at me as I spread his legs, kneel between them and enter him again.
“Brian…” He moans my name and clutches me tight, digging his fingers into my back as I go deeper. When his muscles stop me, I kiss him and I soothe him with light touches until he relaxes into me and then I’m thrusting—slowly, with careful deliberation, arms trembling as they hold my weight over him. His head rolls back as he gasps in desperate pleasure. Every stroke is heavenly. It feels like my cock is being milked by his skin. I’ve never felt anything like this; the intensity of his hot flesh against mine, the intimacy of being so connected to his delicate nerves. He pulls me down into another kiss. He said he wanted me to fuck him, but this isn’t fucking. This is making love. His arms wrap around my torso and his legs tangle around mine. We move together as one being made of mouths and hands and bodies, sweat-slick and noisy. I’m floating. I’m falling. My orgasm comes rushing up to me and there’s no time to warn him before I’m spurting into him. My senses burn to white as pleasure wipes away everything: past, future, present. Nothing exists except the blinding heat of this moment and his name on my lips.
When I come back to myself I’m lying against him, shivering and he’s holding me in his arms, gently stroking my back. I shift, because I need to get him off too. It’s really important that I get him off. But he tightens his arms around me and I realize there’s a wetness between us and I can no longer feel his erection. He must have come too.
Philip presses his lips to my hair and I rest against him. As I listen to his h
eartbeat, tendrils of fatigue wrap around my limbs, drawing them down into the tangled sheets. A deep, welcome sleep claims me.
I wake first, wrapped in Philip’s arms like that first morning, like every morning since. I spend ages staring at his face, trying to memorize each detail—the long blond eyelashes, the perfect pink lips, the golden curls, the square jaw, even that little frown mark that’s been etched between his eyebrows.
He promised his parents I’d leave when I’d recovered. After last night, there’s no denying that I’m well enough to go about my daily life again. Which means I need to leave soon. Our warm lazy days together are almost at an end. I could delay it, grab a few more, wait for his parents to throw me out or force Philip to fight for me to stay longer. I’m not willing to do that. I’m not going to make this more difficult for him. If it’s time to leave, it’s time to leave.
So what does that mean? I go back to my apartment. I’ll have to worry about rent, I’ll have to worry about work. Philip said that he couldn’t fire Mom without evidence, but he’s been watching her carefully, which means she’ll be even more determined to set me up. And then there’s the other thing I have to worry about, the main thing. The cravings. I haven’t had any bad ones while I’ve been here, but, like Mom said, it’s only a matter of time before I do.
I make a decision. This night we’ve shared settles something that I’ve been turning over in my mind for weeks.
I kiss Philip gently and he smiles as soon as his sleepy gaze settles on me. “Hey.”
“Hey,” I smile back at him. “We need to talk.”
Despite his sleepiness, he must hear the tension in my voice because he scrambles to sit. “What’s wrong?”
I take his hand and hold it against my chest, where my rib is barely throbbing even after a night of sex. “Your parents were watching us dancing at the charity do. I think they probably know what we so thoroughly tested out last night.”
