by H. M. Ward
I shake me head. “Not at all. I’m on the pill. I’m not sure what happened.”
She shrugs. “Life happens unexpectedly sometimes.”
I love that song. I nod at her. “Yes, it does.”
CHAPTER 16
Holy shit. There’s a baby inside of me. A baby! This can’t be happening. I’m so excited I can’t think. I fly to Black’s and realize I need to slow down and focus. She cannot know about this. Ever. I need to be a cold businesswoman, just like her. If Black doesn’t believe me, if she isn’t certain I’m done with Sean and will do anything for whatever comes next, I’m screwed—we all are. I let out one more baby squee and lock the thought in the back of my mind along with a bunch of other things I can’t deal with right now.
This part of the plan weighs heavily on my shoulders, crushing me. I roll to a stop in front of Black’s office building.
“You can do this, Avery. You can do this,” I chant, not really believing. I yank on the rearview mirror, intending to give myself a more elaborate pep talk. It comes off in my hand. I look down at the plastic clip on the back and flip the mirror over in my palm. The glass shines up at me, and I start laughing. Even though Sean repaired and restored this car from bumper to bumper, it still had an original part. I smile to myself and sink back in my seat.
My life has taken a wild tangent, flying into territory I would never have dared to glance at, leading me to walk into a war zone as the prey and the prize. No wonder why Mom was always frantic. They hid this from me so well that I never had a clue. Dad always made sure we were under the radar and Mom was a mom. What more could a kid ask for?
Leaning forward in my seat, I place the mirror on the dashboard and run my hand over my tummy one last time thinking it’s a girl. It must be. I can feel it, which makes no sense.
I say to the baby, for the first time and possibly the last, “You and I won’t run. We won’t hide. We’ll be free from all of this. I promise you that.”
Determination I didn’t know I possessed flows up my spine, straightening me, filling me with courage. I will survive. I’ll get through this. I have to do it. For her.
When the elevator doors open, Gabe is there. He’s in his black suit and white shirt. A dark tie is knotted around his neck, and his well-worn shoes are freshly shined. He nods at me, and presses a button with one beefy finger, taking us to the top floor.
“Good evening, Miss Stanz.”
“Hey, Gabe.” I stand with my shoulders back, eyes straight ahead.
He says nothing about Mel or Sean. Nothing about tonight’s plan, but I know he has my back. I nod at him when the doors slide open, then exit the elevator. In long sleek strides, I pace across the floor, passing empty desks, and walk straight into Black’s office without knocking.
“Hello, Miss Black.” I speak with authority, with confidence I didn’t feel until a few moments ago.
She’s at her desk, annoyed I entered unbidden. “Avery, your manners could use work.”
“As could yours.” I’m clutching my purse in front of me and tip my chin up.
Black offers a half smirk and rises. A red dress hugs her slender form, scooping at the neck, and following her figure down to just below her knee. A thick gold chain hangs around her neck with three decorative keys dangling on the end. Each is a different shade of gold—yellow, white, and rose gold. One key is simple, plain, while another has diamonds glittering along the shaft. They're the keys from her nightstand, the set hidden in the secret drawer. Her lips are blood red. Coupled with her angular features, dark eye makeup, and dark hair, she’s immaculate. No better than that. Miss Black always looks better than everyone. She prides herself on it.
She arches a perfectly plucked brow as she saunters toward me, her slender arms loosely folded across her ample chest. “Did we grow a backbone?” She stops in front of me, looks down into my face less than a foot away.
“Perhaps it was there all along.” I’m careful not to smirk and repress my emotions, hiding them. They’ll fuck me over royally. I have to be cold, mirror her exactly. She needs to think I like her, that I want to be like her. She needs to believe it wholeheartedly.
Black laughs lightly. “I would have seen it.”
“I know you did.” I step closer to her and meet her intense gaze. Black isn’t the type of woman you fuck around with. She’ll wipe the floor with me if I piss her off. There’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance. I hope I’m on the right side because eating carpet doesn’t sound appealing. “You saw it in me from day one. You knew my potential, and you called me out. I was the fool who denied it.”
Black inhales slowly, like she’s drawing on a cigarette. Her eyes are locked on mine, crushing me under her gaze. “Flattery is unbecoming.”
“Facts,” I correct, “are far from flattery, Miss Black.”
She narrows her eyes to slits and sweeps her gaze over me. With a manicured nail she points to the scale. “Do it. Stop wasting time.” Her last three words aren’t sharp. I can tell she likes having her ego stroked, so I don’t see it coming when she blindsides me.
I drop the dress and stand on the scale. She measures me, writes it down, and then sits on the edge of her desk without giving me permission to dress. So I stand there, scantily clad, staring at her polished, red, fuck-me heels.
Her voice is deep, direct, and laced with a warning tone. She balances the pen between her fore and middle fingers, moving it up and down. A fidgeting movement that isn’t like her at all. I wait for her to speak and remain quiet, taking in the tension in her jaw and the way she tries to look relaxed, but she doesn’t quite pull it off. I wouldn’t have seen it when I first met her, but I do now. She’s worried.
“I have a problem, Avery. A very serious dilemma. How am I to know, to be entirely confident you’ll do whatever I ask without question tonight? In the past, you’ve proven reckless, and with this client, you can’t be. You have to obey me completely without any insight, without any reason. I don’t think you’re capable of it. Your figure, yes, it’s perfect. He prefers a woman with wider hips, even in an advisory role. But your discipline is utterly lacking.”
I don’t argue with her. I feel the entire plan shifting out of my hands, heading toward a free-fall. It has to be now, tonight. Everything is in place. For a moment, I think she knows we were in her house. Maybe Connie told her. Maybe she noticed the missing letter opener. Damn it.
In the past, my thoughts would have played across my face like a movie, but not tonight. I stand there, shoulders squared, relaxed but confident. A thought crosses my mind. It’s slightly insane but I noticed it before, and it’s impossible to ignore now. The way Black’s eyes linger on my hips and the swell of my breasts. They remain there too long. Her lips part and she blinks slowly, thinking about something she can’t have—something she wants to do but knows she shouldn’t.
I act. She has to believe it’s sincere, or it won’t work. I’m not this woman. I don’t feel this way—but I know she does. I step toward her in my heels and inhale slowly, letting the air make my chest rise. My breasts strain against the sheer lace, filling the bra. I come within a whisper of Black’s face, close enough to kiss her, but not touching. I move my lips slowly, careful to barely brush the side of her mouth when I speak.
“Perhaps you never realized where my loyalties truly reside.” I pull back slightly, enough for her to catch my eye. When our gazes lock, my pulse roars in my ears.
Her gaze drops to my lips, then my bra, and back to my mouth. “Loyalty is rare.”
“I’m aware.”
Black eyes me cautiously, but she doesn’t pull away. “What are you suggesting?”
“Nothing that you don’t already want.” The words drip off my lips, slowly, surely.
Black is enthralled, watching me closely, breathing so hard that her chest swells making her tits brush mine for a moment before she exhales. Black lingers, fighting it. She knows I’m dead, gone after tonight. I suspected she wanted me, but I had no idea
how much. Standing this close this long is tormenting her, but Black can’t seem to pull herself back together. I rattled the woman with the heart of stone.
I risk lifting my hand and picking up a strand of her dark hair, letting it fall in a soft curl by her eyes. I sweep it back softly, barely touching her skin and she shudders. I finally get her. I understand her. Sex is power, but she has no interest in men. Not now. Her interest in Sean was never about him—it was me. She wanted me for herself. This changes things. I can use this. It might save us.
I chance it. I have to. There are too many lives on the line, and not just my own. I lean in, and close the distance between us, brushing my lips against hers. She stops breathing, freezes. The pen falls from her fingers and rolls under her desk. I lower my lashes and focus on her lips, pretending she’s Sean. I think about how excited it makes him to have me so close, and then I forget myself for a moment. Eyes closed, I lean in and press my lips fully to hers, stroking her seam with my tongue. Black shudders and gasps before crumbling. Her hand finds my cheek, and I force myself to make that hand Sean’s. I pretend she’s him, lean into her palm and kiss her deeper. She purrs into my mouth and tangles her nails in my hair as she stands and presses her body to mine.
A voice and the rap, rap, rap of knuckles on the open door sound from behind me. “Is this a new job requirement?” Mel asks, half joking.
Trembling, Black pulls away quickly. Her eyes flash with a softness I’ve never seen on her. I’m not the one who breaks the kiss. I’m not the one who pulls away. She does and practically skitters behind her desk like a spooked cat. Mel caught her so off-guard that Black can’t seem to speak, so I do.
“Yeah, come here.” I hold out my arms to her and grin.
Mel snorts and waves a hand at me. “If it’s all the same to you, I prefer men.”
I shrug my shoulders and lie, “That’s what I thought until rather recently.” I turn and look at Black over my shoulder with a serene confidence I sure as hell don't feel. My mind was going nuts, and my body was fucking confused. Add in a baby lotion commercial, and I’ll act completely insane in every possible way all at once.
Mel gives me a WTF look when Black has her eyes on the floor. I shrug like it’s not a big deal and then give her a look that says to drop it. “Switching teams?” There’s a dual meaning to her question, a sharpness about it that worries me.
Black gains control of herself again. Her head snaps up, and she scolds Mel. “Choosing sides isn’t necessarily a switch, not when she’s had no choice in the matter. I apologize for overlooking that aspect of things. It won’t happen again.”
Mel’s jaw drops, and I smile. “Don’t apologize. Ever. You're better than that. Better than all of us.”
Mel’s eyes widen as her forehead wrinkles, but Black doesn’t see it. Her eyes are on me, locked with mine. I either just made the best decision or the worst one possible. It’s still too soon to tell.
Black watches me, her eyes soft and her expression unreadable. I have no idea what she’s thinking, but when she snaps out of it and glances at Mel, she’s back to her old self. “Ladies, tonight’s client has unusual tastes. I’m glad to see you’re willing to go the extra mile, Miss Stanz.”
The way she looks at me makes my cheeks burn. I don’t hide my face. I just nod. It doesn’t escape my notice that she uses my last name. She favors formality with those she respects. This set me apart from Mel in her mind. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing, but at least now I know what frazzles her. It might help me gain the upper hand if I lose it tonight. I’ll do anything, try anything to get through this. I don’t like the thought of Black ending up in a body bag, but it’s a necessary evil. Zipped, lifeless, and behind a layer of plastic is the only way I’ll be free from her.
Something in the back of my mind cries out, forcing a tremor down my arms. My skin prickles in unison, from fingertips to neck, in a quick wave. It takes everything I have to keep the emotions off my face, to remain stoic—strong. But I feel it all the same. The blood on my hands, the man I shot—the man that rests in the woods. His location is unknown. His family never saw him again. He vanished without a trace, and I was the one responsible. I know it was self-defense, but that doesn’t do a thing for my conscience. I could have and should have tried to find another way. The man would have lived. I could have survived. Killing is never justified, and yet, here I am preparing to slaughter the people trying to kill me. It’s a preemptive move. It’s justified. But part of me knows it’s not. The part of me that's shoved into my mental closet, locked away forever, banished from the light of day because I can’t face those facts, cries out in anguish. I don’t like who I’ve become. It’s too late to change course. If I do, my friends die with me.
Black blinks at me, waiting for a response to a question that I didn’t hear. Mel widens her eyes and pulls her brows together giving me an ‘answer her, you idiot’ face.
At some point, the skeletons in my closet turned into demons. They aren’t lifeless, waiting to be discovered. They’re brewing just below the surface, always there, eager for a chance to ruin me. I’m not a fool. I know sifting through the things I’ve done will only make me crumble. If I have to be a fucking sociopath to live through tonight, I will be—I’ll do it. I won’t think twice. I’ll slaughter myself to make sure my baby has a chance to live. I’ll destroy any chance I have at reconciling who I am with what I’ve done if it means Sean will be able to hold his daughter. I wonder if this how Constance ended up the way she is, if she got too close to the edge of the slippery slope and once fallen, couldn’t rise. The race to the bottom isn’t glorious. It isn't noble. It’s despicable, and I’m part of it. I’m no better than Constance. No better than Black. I swallow hard as these thoughts flicker through my mind. They come in a rapid burst that barely consumes the time it takes to exhale.
I hedge, as I try to stop the tidal wave of horror building within me. “I’m not certain I understood that. Can you say it another way?”
Mel sighs so loud that she spits. She talks with her hands, annoyed. “Miss Black wants us to stay together tonight. She’s making an introduction that has connections to people you'll want as clients when you’re a madam.” Mel knows I wasn’t listening and repeats the facts, so I don’t miss anything. “Black set up the introduction, and already presented him the terms. All you have to do is show up with his spec sheet and walk him through filling it out. Oh, and she’s coming with us.” Mel flicks a finger toward Black and gives me a hopeless look.
Black wasn’t supposed to be there. That’s not part of the plan and causes a major problem for the rest of us. “I’m sorry, you’re coming?” I look at Miss Black and smile at her softly, lowering my voice to a gentle whisper. “That’s not really necessary, is it?” I touch her arm with the pads of my fingers and barely brush her skin.
Black becomes rigid, stopping mid-breath, with her lungs filling her chest. It forces her breasts to swell and push against the red fabric of her dress. Her dark eyes meet mine, and she lets out the breath slowly. “No, it’s not. In fact, I hadn’t planned on escorting you. However…” her voice trails off as her gaze remains locked on mine with an unreadable expression. Is that regret? I can’t tell.
Mel offers, “I can handle him if needed. Plus Gabe will be around, so you only need to come out if you want.”
“And I want to.” There’s a finality in her tone that closes the conversation.
I glance at Mel, and know we're both thinking the same thing. We’re screwed.
CHAPTER 17
We were supposed to confer with Gabe on the drive to Vic Jr.'s estate, finalize any last-second changes with Marty, and then rendezvous with Sean and Henry once we were inside the building. That’s not possible with Black in tow.
I sit at the back of the limo and trade nervous glances with Mel. Neither of us says a word as we speed toward the South Shore of Long Island. Gabe doesn’t look at us, doesn’t have any telltale signs of tension from the front seat. I wonder how
long he’s been undercover because I’m ready to puke.
I twist the gold bracelet around my wrist and rub the round black bead between my fingers. Mel’s matches mine perfectly, but she doesn’t fidget. The movement draws Black’s eye, and she glances at my fingers, the stone, and then up at my face.
“You got the bracelet fitted, I see.”
What? I glance at the golden band. It's identical to my old one with one exception—it’s the right size. I forgot my original bracelet was so big I had to wear it on my ankle. Black notices little details like that, details Henry overlooked when making the bracelets.
I smile like it’s a fond memory and drop the bead. “Yes, it fits much better now. Doesn’t fall off.”
Black inclines her head, holds out a hand, and waits for me to offer my wrist. Mel carefully ignores us. If the bracelets don’t make it into Vic’s estate, then we’re all fucked. My heart pounds as I offer my wrist to the woman. She takes my hand and examines the fit, nodding and then releasing my arm.
“Well done.”
I swallow hard and say nothing. Her gaze resumes the blank stare forward. The car fills with a palpable tension the closer we get to Vic’s. When we arrive, we pull into the winding, tree-lined driveway and head toward the great house. It’s set back on the property, offering the seclusion and privacy a sick bastard like Vic needs.
My heart slams into my ribs, and my palms grow slick with sweat. I focus on the mission, trying to remain calm. If I lose my shit, I won’t be able to think. And it’s evident I’ll need to be on my toes tonight. The car pulls into the circle drive in front of the home. The façade is slate and gray stone. Lights flood across the stone, accenting the sweeping architectural lines of the building. Tall narrow trees form spires in the flowerbeds, and in the center of the circle drive is an enormous fountain big enough to swim in. It has four tiers where water trickles down into a massive base that looks more like an in-ground pool than landscaping embellishments.
