by Maggie Hope
There had been the time he had thought she would marry him, alone and pregnant as she had been. He had been sure he could make her love him. And he might have done, but the priest had come looking for her and that had ended his dreams once again.
Robert sat up straight in his chair and gathered his papers together. This time, please God, it would be different. He would be careful, he wouldn’t rush her, he would wait until the pain she was suffering (and he knew well the pain she must be suffering, hadn’t he gone through it all his life?) had lessened. Karen was doing well on the district, the people liked her and she was a good and efficient nurse. He was friendly with his colleague in Stanhope and had had good reports of her, both from her time in the hospital and as a district nurse.
‘Dinner’s almost ready, Doctor.’ His housekeeper put her head round the door.
‘I’m just coming, Sarah,’ he replied. Rising to his feet, he turned off the lights and went through the door which communicated with the house. As he went, he was humming softly to himself.
*
Karen drove into the farmyard and switched off the engine of her little car. She sat quietly for a few moments, her thoughts ranging over the year since Luke had come to the farm. Looking round, she noted how tidy the yard was, and how the hens were already shut up for the night for there had been reports of foxes in the area.
Rays from the setting sun streamed across the yard and the August air was redolent of the cut hay which Nick and Luke had been stacking in the barn. From inside, she could hear the voices of the children and the deeper tones of Luke. He was a young man now, she thought, and a more capable farmer than she had ever been. And, on the Chapel outing to Saltburn she had seen him hand in hand with his fellow Sunday School teacher, Elsie, Fred Bainbridge’s granddaughter.
Karen was tired, it had been a trying day. There had been a spate of motor bike accidents in the dale recently, boys and young men with broken ankles and sometimes worse, and after they came out of hospital it was her duty to see to any after care which was needed. She had just returned from a visit to Tom Grainger, where she had dressed the deep gash in his leg. Tom worked a farm further down the dale. He had been proud of his new tractor until he tried to travel on ground which was much too uneven for it and it had overturned. Luckily, he was thrown clear. There were reports of tractors turning over and trapping men underneath and killing them. As it was, Tom had only a slight concussion and the gash in his leg where he had caught it on a sharp rock. Karen smiled as she thought of him as he was this afternoon. She had caught him in the hay field.
‘I’m not working, Sister,’ he had protested. ‘Just lending a hand, that’s all. What’s a man to do at hay time?’ Grinning sheepishly, he had limped back to the house with her so she could attend to his wound.
‘You have to rest the leg,’ Karen had said. ‘If you pull the gash open it will only take longer to heal. Then what will you do in the winter when you can’t go up the fell after sheep?’
She was brought out of her reverie as the house door opened.
‘Mother, are you coming in to supper?’ It was Jennie standing there, slim and tall for her age, and serious. ‘It’s all ready, Nick and me did it.’
‘Nick and I,’ Karen corrected her automatically as she got out of the car. ‘Yes, I’m coming now.’
After supper, Luke changed into his good suit and put on a collar and tie. He’d had a shave too, Karen noticed, his chin was all pink and shiny from the razor. His hair was slicked back from his forehead and gleaming with an oil which smelled strongly of bay rum.
‘Our Luke’s going with Elsie Bainbridge,’ said Brian. ‘Mind, Luke, if that smell doesn’t put her off, nothing will.’
‘Hush now, Brian, and get on with your homework,’ said Karen. ‘You going for a walk, Luke? Well, enjoy yourself, you’ve earned it.’
After he had gone off down the lonnen towards the Bainbridge place, Karen was washing up the dishes when there was the sound of a car coming into the yard. All the family looked up in surprise. No visitors were expected, the people of the dale were usually too tired during hay-making to pay visits.
‘I’ll go,’ said Brian, and had the back door open even before whoever it was could knock. When the two men came in, both so tall that they had to stoop to enter and then seemed to fill the kitchen, Karen couldn’t believe her eyes.
‘Joe!’ she cried. ‘Joe!’ And collapsed into her brother’s outstretched arms while Brian and Jennie looked on in bewilderment.
‘How are you, Sis?’ he asked. ‘I’ve come to see what you’ve been up to all this time. Robert here was kind enough to run me up.’
She gazed up into his face and he grinned down at her, his teeth white against the deep brown of his tan. A confident, mature face, but nevertheless she could see her little brother’s eyes twinkling back at her. ‘Oh, Joe,’ she said, half between a laugh and a cry, ‘what are you doing here?’
‘I had to come to London on business, so I took a few days to come up and see you all. And here I am, large as life.’
‘On business?’
Joe’s grin grew wider. ‘That’s right, gold mining business. You never thought your little Joe would become a globe-trotting businessman, did you?’
‘Mam,’ said Jennie, tugging on Karen’s skirts, ‘is this Uncle Joe from Australia?’
Joe laughed as he bent down and swung the young girl in the air and waltzed her round the room. ‘I am, I am, and who are you, may I ask? You can’t be baby Jennie. No, of course you’re not, you’re far too tall and beautiful.’ And Jennie was suddenly a tiny girl again, blushing and giggling.
Karen turned to Robert. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she said, ‘I didn’t mean to ignore you but in the excitement of seeing Joe … Well, how are you? It was so good of you to bring him all the way up here.’
‘Actually, I wanted to see you in any case,’ he answered. ‘So when Joe said he wanted to come, I thought it was a good time.’
She glanced at her brother who had sat down on the settee, with Brian on one side of him and Jennie on the other. He was telling them tall stories of the size of the kangaroos and encounters with Aborigines and the children were listening, spellbound. ‘Come into the sitting room,’ she said to Robert. ‘We can’t hear ourselves speak in here. Would you like some tea?’
‘No thanks, I have to get back.’
‘Well …’ Leading the way into the front room, Karen was suddenly conscious of him as a man, a strongly attractive man, and the feeling was such a shock to her she almost stumbled over the edge of the rug and he put out a swift hand to take her arm.
‘Steady.’
Karen bent her head to the table lamp, lifting the glass and fumbling for the box of matches to light it. She was glad of the dusk and took her time in lighting the match, trying to get her confused feelings under control. What was happening to her? She loved Patrick, there was no other man in the world for her, how could she possibly be so drawn towards another man and that man Robert? Why, she had known him all her life. Her fingers trembled and she dropped the match.
‘Here, let me,’ he said, and took the matches from her. The touch of his fingers made her pull back in confusion. He lit the lamp and soft light glowed on her face and wide dark eyes. He drew in his breath sharply.
‘Karen …’ he began and turned away abruptly, clenching his hands. I must not rush it, he told himself, I must not.
‘Yes, Robert?’
‘I … I wonder if you would be interested in moving, changing your job?’
‘Changing my job?’
She was standing perfectly still, gazing up at him as though she had never seen him before. He glanced away, he had to if he was to keep his voice calm and neutral. ‘Yes. I need a good nurse, Karen, the village needs a good nurse. You know what it is – no one wants to come to a dirty old mining village to work when there are so many other places.’ He swallowed hard and stepped towards her, his resolve weakening as it always did with Karen. ‘Remember how I
dreamed of us working together on the mission field in Africa, Karen? Well, we’re older now. I know there is as much good work to be done right here, by both of us. Can’t you see it, Karen?’
He took hold of her hands and drew her to him. She was enveloped in a warm, magnetic haze. Her will to resist gone, she lifted her face for his kiss.
‘Mam! Mam! Uncle Joe says … Mam!’ Whatever Uncle Joe said was forgotten as Brian saw his mother spring apart from Doctor Richardson, just a moment too late for he had seen them wrapped in each other’s arms. And so had Joe. He was in the doorway behind Brian and he was grinning widely.
‘Sorry we disturbed you,’ he said. But Karen had regained her senses. She couldn’t believe she had almost kissed Robert, couldn’t believe how she had felt as he’d held her. Now she felt only shocked and confused. Gathering her wits together, she brushed past them all and went into the kitchen. She hardly heard as Robert said his goodbyes.
‘Goodbye, Robert,’ she said coolly, gazing at a point somewhere over his shoulder.
‘You’ll think about it?’ he asked.
‘I will, but I’m afraid the answer will be no. I’m sorry.’
Joe looked on, mystified, as Robert went out. He waited until the sound of Robert’s car died away in the distance before turning to Karen, his eyes full of questions.
‘Let it be, Joe, let it be,’ she said quickly with a warning glance at the children, and he subsided. But later, when the children were in bed, he would not be put off.
‘What’s it all about, Sis?’
Karen gazed at him, her little brother Joe. When they had been children they had always told each other everything. ‘You know about Patrick?’
He nodded. ‘I know he has deserted you. But that doesn’t mean your life is over, Karen. Now Robert –’
‘I can’t love anyone else, I can’t even think of it, Joe! I’ll never marry again, I won’t.’
‘Well, that wasn’t the impression I got when I barged in on you and Robert earlier.’
Karen looked down at her hands and slowly the tears came and increased to a torrent. With them the story poured out too, the whole story, nothing held back, not even the final horror, the death of Dave and how, incredibly, she had found the strength to put him down the mineshaft. Gradually the tears stopped and she gazed at Joe anxiously. Would he be horrified and shocked, would he think he should go to the police?
Joe got to his feet and strode to the window, looking out at the dark of the yard and the outline of the rowan tree, black against the paler sky. He was silent for a while and she desperately wanted to know what he was thinking but was afraid to ask.
‘Karen, I’m so sorry, pet,’ he said. ‘It was me told you Dave was dead, wasn’t it? Mind, what that rotten sod has to answer for, may he rot in hell!’
‘Joe!’ Even in her emotional state, Karen was shocked to hear him swear.
‘Well, I’m right, aren’t I? And the priest, how could he do that to you?’
‘Patrick is a good man,’ she said sharply.
‘Oh, yes, I’m sure. So good that he deserted –’
‘He did what he thought was right.’
‘Yes, of course. How many times has that been used as an excuse for ruining people’s lives, I wonder? Oh, Karen, why could you not have had Robert? Years ago I knew he loved you. He’s a good honest man who still loves you too, you know he does.’
It was her turn to rise to her feet in agitation. ‘I can’t marry Robert, I’ll only ruin his life, can’t you see that, Joe? Now come on, let’s forget about it all. Here you are, home from the other side of the world, we only have a short time together and you haven’t said a word about how you are getting on.’
‘I’m doing fine, never better. And we’re not going to forget about it, I’m going to sort you out if it’s the last thing I do! Good Lord, Karen, you’re not going to let the past rule your life, are you? Anyone with half an eye could see how Robert feels about you, and after what I saw tonight, I believe you feel the same way about him. Put the rest behind you, woman, show some sense!’
She gazed at him. All this time she had carried her woes around with her, a black burden deep inside of her. Ever since Patrick left, or before even. Grief had become a companion, a friend almost: she allowed her mind to probe for it, but it was different now. Oh, perhaps it would never leave her altogether but it had faded as her love for Patrick had faded, she realized. Joe was right and he had forced her to see it. And now there was a dawning hope, a feeling of release.
There was a footstep in the yard and the door opened. Luke came in and Karen watched as he greeted his uncle. She saw he was almost as tall as Joe and equally as strong. She had no reason to worry about the farm either, she thought. Luke was running it now, he had a right to it. He would bring Elsie here one day and the old holding would flourish again with a new family.
‘I’ll run you back to Morton Main tomorrow, Joe,’ she said. ‘I have to go anyway, I have to see a man about a job.’
‘You mean –’ he began, and grinned all over his face. ‘There now, our Karen, now you’re talking a bit of sense!’
The spring morning was crisp and fresh as Karen drove out of the yard and into the lane. Stopping the car, she got out and closed the gate for there were a couple of young pigs rooting about by the barn and a pet lamb cropping grass under the hedge. Karen stood for a moment, looking at the old farmstead. She was doing the right thing, oh yes, she was. It was better by far to move away from the place, time for a new start.
The sun shone on the rowan tree, lighting up the new blossom, and she reached up and picked a spray and stuck it in her buttonhole before walking back to the car. ‘You’re not changing your mind, Sis?’ asked Joe, and she shook her head as she slipped the car into gear and set off on the journey to Morton Main and Robert. Dropping Joe off at Kezia’s front door, she went on to the surgery, her heart beating painfully as she entered the waiting room.
Fool! she told herself sternly, halting for a moment before knocking on Robert’s door. After all, it was a job she was seeing him about today, that was all. She wasn’t committing her whole life to him, was she? No, it was just a matter of her career, that was all. Perhaps he had changed his mind, perhaps he didn’t want her any more. Perhaps – oh God, what was the matter with her? Resolutely she lifted her hand and tapped on the door and opened it without waiting for his ‘Come in’.
Robert lifted his head from the case notes he was studying, smiling professionally as he did so. In that split second she saw how careworn he looked, the tiny lines between his brows and under his eyes. And then he saw it was Karen and his smile opened up into such a radiant welcome all her doubts were dissolved.
‘Karen,’ he said. ‘It’s you.’ Rising to his feet he came round the desk and took her hands in his. And it was enough. It was true, she thought, there was plenty of time, there was all the time in the world for them.
Epilogue
THE ITEM WAS tucked away in the middle pages of the Northern Echo. Doctor Brian Richardson would have missed it altogether if the name Low Rigg Farm had not caught his eye as he glanced through the paper over breakfast.
‘Skeleton found in old mineshaft’, he read. ‘Farmer Luke Nesbitt found more than he bargained for when he set out to search for his lost dog, a border terrier named Gyp. Somehow Gyp had survived a fall into the old shaft, a relic of lead-mining days, quite close to Mr Nesbitt’s farm. The dog had fallen on what looked like a heap of old clothes but when Mr Nesbitt climbed down the shaft to bring up Gyp, he found a motor bike and the skeleton of a man. There was no indication of how the body got into the shaft. Police think he had been dead for forty years or more.’
Brian scratched his head, trying to think back forty years. They had been living on the farm then; it was before his mother had moved to work in Morton Main. He could only have been six or seven at the time. But he could remember some things though his memories were scrappy. He remembered Nick, how he and Jennie had loved him, dea
d now these twenty years. And he remembered a man who came on a motor bike, oh, he did, he had had nightmares about him. Even after the man stopped coming, every time he heard a motor bike he had been filled with fear for he knew his mother was afraid of that man. In fact, he remembered him better than he did his own father.
Rising to his feet, Brian moved over to the bay window of his house and looked out over the miners’ rows of Morton Main. He tried to remember what his father had looked like but though he could picture him sitting in the rocking chair by the fire, he couldn’t picture his face. He hadn’t even thought about his father for years. The last time had been when he visited a patient in Weston and the powerful smell of whiskey on the man’s breath brought back a dim image of Patrick Murphy.
‘Morning.’
Brian turned from the window and smiled at his father, his true father, the man he had looked up to all his life. The man who, after he had married Brian’s mother in 1930, had adopted Brian and his sister Jennie. The man who had helped him through Medical School and taken him into his practice afterwards, the man he would always love and revere.
‘Good morning, Father,’ he said. ‘Come on in, there’s fresh tea in the pot if you want a cup?’
‘Thanks, I could use one,’ said Robert. ‘I’ve been for a walk. Just up to the cemetery, you know, and there’s a chill wind up there. Winter’s coming on, I suppose.’
Brian poured tea into the cup which was ready and waiting on the table. Robert dropped in most mornings since Karen had died last year. He was lonely since he’d retired and Jennie had married and gone to live in Yorkshire. And besides, he liked to discuss the practice with Brian, liked to keep abreast of what was happening in medicine today.
‘Any news in the Echo? asked the older man as he sipped his tea.
