by Cee Bowerman
I stood up and Finn stopped as soon as he saw the look on my face.
“What’s wrong?”
“A nurse called when she couldn’t find you. She said that,” I looked back down at my notepad and read her exact words to the brothers, “She’s gone into labor. The doctor is about to scrub in. He can’t wait too long.”
When I looked back up, all the blood had drained from Finn’s face and he was leaned against Royal for support. Tavin was crying silently, his tears running down to get lost in his beard, the look on his face reminded me of a lost child out looking for his Mama.
“What’s going on.”
“I’ve got to go to her.” Finn croaked out and tried to stand. “I’ve got to say goodbye before they take her away from me.”
“Finn, give me your truck keys. I’ll drive, you call your other brothers.” I grabbed my purse from the drawer I had it stashed in and pulled my keys out of the side pocket. “Go. Now. Get in the truck.”
I shooed them out the door and then set the alarm before I walked out. I fumbled with my keys for a minute and then finally found the one to lock the front door. I ran down the steps and jumped into Finns truck and started it. I accelerated quickly, spraying gravel as I started down the long drive out to the road. I glanced over at Finn and saw that now he too had tears streaming down his cheeks as he spoke on the phone to one of his brothers.
I reached over and took his hand in mine and tried not to wince when he squeezed it too hard.
“She could wake up.” Finn croaked. “She could still wake up. Maybe when she hears them cry?”
“No, brother. You know that’s not going to happen.” Royal put his arm up between the seats and squeezed Finn’s shoulder. “Don’t think like that. You know this is how it has to happen. It’s how she’d want it to be.”
“I can’t take care of those babies, Royal. Not without her. I can’t be their father. I’m not supposed to be anything without her.”
Finn was still squeezing my hand, but I was having a problem understanding how he could be practically living with me, kissing me senseless before he got in his truck to leave for the jobsite every morning, when there was a woman in a hospital having his child right now.
“I can’t make it without her, Roy. Could you do it?”
Royal didn’t answer, but I heard him sniff loudly and clear his throat. Tavin was still on the phone, I assumed he was talking to Chess.
“Did you get in touch with everyone? You’re not missing one of the guys?”
“I got Ronan.” Royal said quietly.
“I called Chess and Angus.” I heard Tavin say softly.
“I told Mace. He’s on his way.” Finn whispered.
“Okay. I’ll drop you guys off at the door, but you call me when you’re ready for me to come back and get you, okay?” I asked the guys as we pulled up in front of the hospital.
“Stay with me?” Finn asked quietly as he put his other hand on top of mine. “I didn’t have a chance to tell you about her. About what’s going on.”
I took a deep breath and nodded my head. If this was another woman in that hospital having his child, or children, I was a little confused about that part, surely he wouldn’t want me there beside him. If he was stupid enough to think I was going to be okay with that, then I was going to have to put my new steel toed boot up his ass. Sideways.
“I’ll go with you.”
I let go of Finn’s hand and opened the console. I pulled out the box of tissues I had seen stored in there and set it on the top after I closed it back up. I heard all three of the men grabbing a few tissues, and then one of the men in the back blew his nose.
Whatever was going on was hard on all three of them, and I was going to assume that the other four brothers were feeling the same pain.
I pulled up into the hospital parking lot and jumped out to speak to the valet. He gave me my ticket as the brothers all piled up behind me, and the four of us turned when we heard Mace yell at us from the parking lot.
I saw Mace and Chess running toward us, the two of them sprinting side by side. Before I could turn around, I heard Ronan’s voice behind me and heard his hands slap Finn’s back as he pulled him in for a long hug.
“Okay, so we’re just missing Angus now.”
“I’m here.” Angus huffed out behind me, and I saw that he had jogged toward us from inside the hospital and was now outside the main doors with us.
All seven of the men just stood there silently, so I felt the urge to push them forward, to whatever it was that they were about to face.
“Let’s go. All of you are together now. You can do anything together, right?”
No one answered me so I asked them again, this time a little more forcefully.
“You can get through anything if you stick together, right?”
All seven of the men around me nodded and voiced their agreement. I reached out and took Finn’s hand. He seemed to be taking this harder than his brothers, but all of them were visibly upset. Finn was devastated. That was the only word I could think of to describe it. Devastated.
The men all seemed to know exactly where to go, so I followed behind them, my hand held tightly in Finn’s. I squeezed his hand and looked up into his face, his sad eyes almost brought me to tears.
“What’s going on?” I whispered to him.
Fresh tears fell from his eyes as he whispered back to me, “My twin sister is going to die today.”
✽✽✽
When we arrived at the room, a priest was standing outside Finn’s sister’s door, having just said a prayer for her. He shook hands with all the Conner men, calling each of them by name. They bowed their heads and prayed together, and then he walked away. All the brothers watched him get into the elevator, and then Royal and Ronan walked together into the hospital room to say goodbye.
A few minutes passed and the door opened. I held back a sob as I watched Royal and Ronan walk out of their sister’s hospital room, both men openly crying. They moved over to stand beside Finn against the wall to my right, and we all watched as Mace and Angus went into the room together. After just a few minutes, both men came back out, their faces wet with tears. They stood there, side by side, and watched as Tavin and Chess went into the room together to say goodbye. When Tavin and Chess came out, Finn pushed away from the wall and started toward his sister’s room. I stayed where I was, but he didn’t let go of my hand.
“Come with me? I’d like you to meet her.”
I nodded and looked around at the brothers. They were all staring at Finn, watching him closely to see if he needed their help. I trailed behind Finn, my hand in his, and walked into the hospital room of a woman I had never had the pleasure of meeting and would never get the chance to know.
The nurses who were working at the computer on the other side of the room were both visibly shaken, their eyes swollen and red. I didn’t envy them this job on any day, but especially in a situation like this.
Finn reached down and moved a stool over to the side of his sister’s bed. He kept his hand in mine, but with his other he reached up and brushed his sister’s hair back from her forehead.
I looked at his sister’s face and knew that she was the other half of Finn. She had all the same features, but they were softer and more feminine. Her hair was the same rich color as his, and I was sure that if she could open her eyes, I would see bright blue color that matched his. Her belly was huge on the small woman, and as I watched I could see it move as the babies kicked and squirmed, ready to come out and start their lives in this bright world.
A world without their Mom.
“Belly Button, I need to check just one more time. Can you hear me? If you can, move something, open your eyes for me.” Finn sobbed and touched his forehead to hers. “Please? Anything.”
I heard one of the nurses standing on the other side of the room sniff, and when I looked up, I saw she had tears streaming down her face. The other nurse had her hand over her mouth, and I watched her slowly s
hake her head as she watched Finn’s painful pleas.
“Bellamy, I promise to take care of your babies. All of us will. I’ll talk about you every day and tell them stories about when we were young. We’ll make sure that they know you and their Daddy, even if you’re not here with them.” Finn took a deep breath and continued, “The girl I told you about is here with us, Belly. I wish you could meet her. It’s new, and things are a little crazy right now, but I already know that she’s the one. When you get there will you tell Mom and Dad? Tell them I love them, and I miss them every minute of the day. Greer too. Tell her I love her too. Can’t forget her, you know. That little shit will come back and haunt me.”
Finn chuckled, and it turned into a sob.
“I miss you, sister. So fucking much. I’ve only been on this earth for three minutes without you in it. Until now, that’s the longest we’ve ever been apart.” Finn stood up and took a deep breath. “I love you, Belly.”
I watched Finn brush his sister’s hair back one final time before he turned away and faced the nurses.
“Okay.” Finn let out a breath. “I’m ready. Let me go tell my brothers and then you’ll get us suited up?”
Both nurses nodded and Finn turned to me.
“Not really how I planned to tell you, but I thought I had more time.” Finn sniffed and wiped his eyes. “How would you feel about watching my niece and nephew come into this world. I’ll be raising them as my own, and I hope that you’ll be part of that. I know it’s soon, and it’s fucking crazy, but I can see you there with me as they grow.”
I opened my mouth in shock. I had no idea what to say, so I went with my heart and said the first thing that popped into my head, “I’ll go anywhere with you, Finn Conner. You just lead the way.”
Finn nodded at me and smiled through his tears before he led me back out into the hall to talk to his brothers. The six of them were lined up against the wall across from the door, and they all stood up straight at one time and then huddled together with Finn as he cried.
After a few minutes, he pulled back and stood up straight. He let go of my hand and used both of his to wipe the tears from his face. He took a deep breath and let it out.
“They’ll move her out to surgery, and you guys can go with us as far as the surgery doors. Once we’re inside, come back here and wait in Bellamy’s room. It shouldn’t take too long, from what they’ve told me. If the babies are alright, they’ll get them cleaned up and bring them back to this room, just like they would if she was in there with them.” Finn took a deep breath. “Lena is going to go in with me.”
All six men nodded their agreement and then moved back to the wall as their sisters’ bed was pushed out of her room and taken to surgery. I walked by Finn’s side behind the nurse that was pushing Bellamy’s bed. Finn wasn’t crying anymore but looking stoically straight ahead. I turned around and saw the brothers walking behind us, all of them in paired up with their twin as they watched their big brother go to say goodbye to his own.
As the nurses waited on the doors to swing open that would take us into the surgery area, Finn turned around and spoke to his younger brothers.
“The sadness ends here. It’s going to be their birthday, and that’s something to celebrate, even if she’s not with us. We’ll put our heads up and be strong for the babies.” Finn sniffed back another round of tears. “The crying ends now.”
“Love you brother.” Angus growled. All the other men nodded their agreement and Finn smiled sadly.
“Love you too. That’s going to be tested when we’re learning how to change diapers, isn’t it?”
A chorus of “Not it!” came from each of the men, and then as a group, they all laughed together through their tears.
“I’ll see you in a few.” Finn took my hand and I walked with him through the doors. We caught up with the nurses who had been waiting on us, and a flurry of activity started as they led us into another room. Two nurses came over, both holding gowns for us. They helped Finn and I get settled, both of us wearing yellow surgical covers over our clothes, and blue caps over our hair. The nurses helped us put blue booties on over our shoes and then scurried away to do their other prep work after they led us into the surgical suite.
Bellamy was on a different table now, her arms spread out to her sides, a cap over her beautiful hair. The machines that were helping her breathe were still beeping and hissing, but I knew they wouldn’t be making that sound for much longer.
A nurse rolled two stools over and pushed them side by side and then urged us to both sit down by Bellamy’s head. Fin reached out and touched his sister’s face, brushing his finger back and forth along her cheek as the nurses scurried around getting ready for Bellamy’s surgery to start.
A door opened on the side of the room and a large man walked in, his hands held up and covered in gloves.
“Finn.” The man nodded. “It will go just like we talked about. We’ll get the babies out safely and then keep your sister here for the organ donation. Are you ready for this?”
Finn smiled bitterly. “I never will be, but yeah, go ahead and start.”
“I’m sorry, son. There was nothing else we could do.”
“I know.” Finn nodded and looked back down to his sister. “She would have wanted her babies to grow and get healthy. If she had to choose, she would have wanted me to keep her around until they could live safely outside her body.”
“It’s a hard decision, but you and your brothers made the right one. Now, I’m going to get your niece and nephew out into the world for you.”
Finn leaned over and kissed his sister one more time as the doctor and nurses started speaking in medical terms on the other side of the blue curtain. I tried not to listen, and only focus on Finn, but I was shocked to hear a lusty cry just a minute or two later. I watched as a nurse hurried the screaming baby over to a table and began to look it over and clean it up. Within just another minute another baby’s cry joined in, and another nurse moved over to another spot on the far wall, working with this baby to look it over.
The doctor pulled the curtain down and covered Bellamy’s still distended belly with it, taking his gloves off as he glanced over toward the crying infants.
“They’re big and healthy, Finn. Listen to them yell. They sound just like you and your sister did all those years ago. It’s a boy and a girl.” I saw that the doctor had tears in his eyes. “I’m so sorry son, so sorry.”
Finn kissed his sister’s forehead one last time and then stood up straight and looked over at me with a soft smile.
“Did you hear them? They’re loud.”
One of the nurses pushed a clear basinet over toward us, and I saw that both babies were laying together in it.
“They stopped crying as soon as we laid them down beside each other.” The nurse, her eyes red, reached down and adjusted the blanket close to one of the baby’s chin. “Let’s go over to the nursery and the two of you can help us get them cleaned up and ready to meet the world. They’re both big and healthy as far as we can tell, but we need to take some measurements and then they’ll be all yours.
I stood up next to Finn and we stared down into the clear basinet. The babies looked identical, although I knew that wasn’t true since one was a boy and the other was a girl, but right now, all bundled up the same it was hard to tell a difference in the two.
Finn and I followed the nurse down a hallway and then into a small room. We watched as she weighed and measured both babies, and then took their little footprints for their certificates. If she kept them close together, they were quiet. Once she moved more than a foot or two away while she was holding one, the two of them started to scream.
Finally, after what seemed like forever, she pushed the basinet toward us and smiled.
“Are you ready to take them to meet their uncles?”
Finn smiled brightly as he looked down at the sleeping pair. “Yeah. They’re all waiting in her room.”
We walked together down the hall, and I
couldn’t keep my eyes off the babies. The baby with the blue cap had wiggled out of his swaddle, and his hands were both touching his sister as she slept beside him. The one with the pink hat, the little girl, would twitch her lips just a bit every time the little boy moved around.
All six of the Conner men were seated in chairs around Bellamy’s hospital room. When Finn pushed the door open to let the nurse in, all of them jumped up to get a look at their newest family members.
“We’ll need to feed them in the next little bit, but for now all of you should wash your hands and get to know the little ones. Have you decided on names?”
“We have. Which one was born first?”
“The little boy was first. Four minutes later the little girl.”
Finn went to the machine on the wall and rubbed the disinfectant on his hands before he reached in and picked up the sleeping baby boy. Royal was the first brother to finish washing his hands and he reached down and gently lifted the baby girl.
“This is Dylan Altus Merrick-Conner.” Finn said as he gazed down at the tiny baby boy.
“And this little princess is Bellamy Lorna Greer Merrick-Conner.” Royal smiled down at his niece with tears in his eyes.
“We named them after their parents, their Aunt Greer and their Grammy and Grandpa. They all died together that day on the way to her sonogram.”
“Oh, those are beautiful, strong names.” The nurse backed up and then turned to the door, tears in her eyes. “Just hit the red button if you need me. I’ll be back in just a bit with bottles for the two of them.”
“What do you think, Lena?” Finn asked me as he tilted the little boy my way.
“I think they’re beautiful.” I sobbed. “They’re both so beautiful.”
“They look like little old men.” Chess whispered as he looked down at the little boy in Finn’s hands. “Really cranky old men.”
Tavin and Angus both nodded their agreement, but Mace just shook his head. “Y’all are so fucking stupid. They’ll look fine once they fatten up a little bit. Give it a few weeks.”
