by Cee Bowerman
Finn and his brothers had waited to hold the funeral until Bellamy could be commemorated with her husband, sister, and parents.
I bowed my head as the priest prayed over the family, wishing blessings on Finn and his brothers and the two little babies that were waiting for us in the nursery of the hospital. Once I raised my head, I turned to look down the row of Conner brothers and saw that all of them were stoic and dry eyed. Even Finn was staring straight ahead, barely showing any emotion at all.
I had silent tears running down my cheeks and I had never met the family they had lost. But the pictures up front and the song playing over the sound system had me bawling.
As the opening notes of the song ‘Will The Circle Be Unbroken’ played, I heard Finn’s breath hitch, so I leaned over to rest my head on his shoulder. Johnny Cash’s deep voice started out the song, and I turned when I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. All six of the men to my right had their heads down now and were fighting tears as the song sang about a man saying goodbye to his Mother as the hearse took her away.
The priest, the same man who had prayed with the brothers in the hospital corridor just a few days ago started to talk about Lorna Conner, and how much she loved her husband and her children. He talked about how Lorna and Altus had met, and how they had stuck together through the births and even the deaths of some of their children. I listened as the priest talked about how Lorna and Altus had always been a team, whether it was in raising their children or working to build The Conner House so that other parents could be comfortable while their own children were in the hospital’s care.
The priest stepped back to sit down on a bench behind him, and the lights in the church went down. After a few seconds of silence, a picture appeared on the big screen above the priest’s head, and the song by Norman Greenbaum, ‘Spirit In The Sky’, started to play. Pictures of Finn’s parents filled the screen. They were together on a motorcycle, both smiling, Lorna Conner’s bell bottoms and Altus Conner’s long hair covered in a red bandana and sideburns showed that it was sometime in the 1970’s. Other pictures followed of the couple together, always smiling and happy, usually with Altus’s arm around his love, Lorna. Finally, there were pictures of their wedding and then of Lorna with a large belly, carrying Finn and Bellamy before they were born. The song faded out to play, ’19 Something’ by Mark Wills, the more upbeat song showing Lorna and Altus with two little babies in their arms.
The next picture showed the two babies never more than a foot or two apart, and as the pictures scrolled, I saw Finn and his twin sister growing up before my eyes. Then, a picture of a smiling Finn with short hair and Bellamy with her hair in little pig tails as they sat side by side in a recliner, each holding a tiny baby in their arms. I heard Finn’s breath huff out and he leaned around to look at Royal and Ronan. The next few pictures were of the four kids as they got older, and then the school aged Finn and Bellamy were sitting on a couch with the toddlers Royal and Ronan on each side of them as they held the newest little babies in the family, Mace and Angus. A few more pictures followed showing the boys playing and laughing, and I watched Finn and Bellamy growing up, and then holding a tiny baby in a pink blanket. It was Greer without her twin but surrounded by her other siblings. Just a few slides later showed Finn and Bellamy, both almost teenagers, holding the two youngest Conner kids, Tavin and Chess, as the rest of the Conner kids crowded around them smiling. Jimmy Eat World, ‘Hear You Me’, began to play as a slideshow of family pictures kept going, following all of the kids and their parents smiling and laughing together. Pictures of Bellamy in a cheerleading uniform, a large Mum with streaming ribbons hanging from the front of her uniform. Another picture showed Bellamy and Greer together on a float, lounging together in a pool, their brothers playing in the water behind them.
The pictures showed all the kids getting older, until finally they were standing in an airport with a man in a military uniform. More pictures followed, and finally more wedding photos showed up, with all the Conner brothers in Tuxedos, Dylan in his dress uniform, Bellamy wearing a beautiful white gown and Greer beside her in her Maid of Honor dress. Pictures of the happy couple and their parents followed, and then a picture of all of Bellamy’s siblings decorating their car with streamers and shoe polish outside the church. The same church we were sitting in today as the family said goodbye to them.
The final picture as the last notes of the song played was of Dylan with his one arm around his pregnant wife and the other around Greer as they smiled together, Mr. and Mrs. Conner over to the side with their arms around each other as Lorna smiled lovingly up into Altus’ eyes.
I heard crying and sniffling in all the rows behind me when the music stopped, that final picture still up on the big screen behind the priest who was using a tissue to dry his eyes.
The priest stood up and continued the service, but his words ran together, and I couldn’t pay attention. I was staring at the smiling faces of the people in the picture in front of us, all of them so happy and carefree. Bellamy was pregnant in the picture, her hand on her belly, and I knew that picture was probably taken not long before the accident that took her sister, parents and husband, and then ultimately her life.
How quickly it all could end, I thought to myself. And those little babies in the hospital wouldn’t ever get to see the love shining in their parents and grandparents’ eyes. I vowed to make sure that they saw all the love in mine, not enough to make up for never getting to know the people who created them, but enough to see that they were loved and cherished.
I turned my head and looked at Finn, his eyes dry once again. He was also staring up at that picture, saying his silent goodbye to his best friends, Bellamy and Dylan, his baby sister Greer and the loving parents who had made him the man I had fallen in love with.
I leaned my head back and closed my eyes, sending up a prayer for Finn’s family, both the ones in heaven and the ones left here to survive this loss together. I made sure to put in the parting words to Bellamy and Lorna that I would do everything I could to help the brothers be happy, and to raise Bella and Dylan to know love and happiness just like I had seen shining through in those pictures.
The rest of the morning was a blur, and I was glad when we were able to head back up to the hospital to be with the twins. I knew that Finn and his brothers needed to see them, hold them, touch the only things they had left of some of the people they had loved with all their hearts.
✽✽✽
FINN
“I’m happy to say that both babies are doing excellent. They’ve each gained a few ounces since they were born, and they’re both already over six pounds. Their heart rates are perfect, their oxygen levels are great, they are both keeping the formula down easily. They have some guardian angels watching over them, and they are lucky to have all of you here on earth too.” The pediatrician, a beautiful woman who seemed way too young to be a doctor, had already inspected both babies while we were at the service for our family, and deemed them healthy and fine. My brothers and I were ecstatic, and Lena was giddy with the news. “I’ve already got the paperwork in motion, and we should have all of you out of here within the next hour or so. I’ll want to see them at my office in a week, and I’ll have one of my nurses call to make an appointment with you, Mr. Conner.”
“Let me give you Lena’s number too, since there are times I can’t answer my cell. You can talk to her about anything baby related, just like you can talk to my brothers and me.” The doctor nodded and smiled over at Lena. “Lucky for us, Lena has experience with little ones, and she has enough patience to teach us what we need to know.”
“I only met your sister a few times in social situations, but she was a wonderful woman. Dylan and I became friends when we played softball together, and I know that he would be happy to see his children so well loved and well taken care of since he and Bellamy can’t be here to do it themselves.” Dr. Sheffield smiled sadly. “The world suffered a great loss when your parents died, Conner House has h
elped so many people, and it was all made possible by your family.”
“We’re going to keep it going just like they would have.” I smiled at the doctor and reached out to shake her hand. “So, we get them dressed now, and start to pack them up for the trip home?”
“Go ahead and do that, I’ll expedite your paperwork and get all of you on your way. It was a pleasure meeting all of you, and I’m sure I’ll see you here and there in the future.” All of us were quiet as we watched Dr. Sheffield leave the room.
Lena bounced up and down, clapping her hands.
“Let the fun begin!”
✽✽✽
LENA
I heard one of the babies start to fuss, so I quietly got out of bed and made my way out of the bedroom to the nursery. I didn’t know my way around Finn’s house in the dark, so I switched on a lamp as soon as I entered the living room.
I jumped when I saw Angus in the recliner with one of the babies on his shoulder. He smiled at me and then looked back down at the baby. The blanket was covering the baby in his arms, so I couldn’t tell which child he had.
“I didn’t mean to wake you up.” Angus said softly.
“You didn’t. Have you been out here long?”
“Yeah, Dylan and I were just chatting for a bit before I put him back in bed.”
“Bella is awake too, I heard her moving around.” I walked through the living room and turned down the short hallway to the nursery. As I walked through the door, I saw Mace bent over the changing table, cooing at Bellamy.
“You got this?” I asked him. He jumped and turned around to look at me.
“I’m trying to talk myself through my first diaper change. Moral support?”
“I’ll talk you through it.” I chuckled. “Pretty soon all of you will be old hands at this. I didn’t realize you were here, I thought only Angus was going to stay.”
“He was, but I couldn’t sleep so I came over. Met up with Chess in the front yard and he’s here too, sleeping in the guest room. Tavin was here for a little bit, but he went home when Ronan and Royal did about an hour ago.”
“Are you doing okay?”
“We are all doing better than I thought we would be. I guess Bellamy’s really been gone since the accident, but all of us had that secret hope that the doctors were wrong. That she’d feel them kicking and wake up, or she’d hear their first cry and open her eyes.”
“She’s their guardian angel now, along with your other sister and your parents.”
“Yeah. There are others up there too, you know. Mom finally gets to be with her babies that died, Greer can meet her twin, Dylan and Bellamy can be together and watch over the babies.”
“Your parents had more than one child that died?”
“Yeah. There was a baby right after Finn and Bellamy. She died when she was a few days old from a heart defect they couldn’t fix. There were two kids between us and Tavin and Chess. They were Irish twins, born eleven months apart, both of them still births. Mom always remembered their birthdays and would go to the hospital and look at the babies in the nursery while she thought of them.”
“That’s so sad.”
“Yeah. She never forgot them.”
“There were singles between all the identical twins.”
“Angus and I aren’t identical.” Mace shook his head as he took the tiny diaper off Bellamy and reached to open the clean one.
“Info for future diaper changes; have the diaper open and ready before you take the other one off. Girls pee sometimes, I guess, but little boys plan their attack and will pee all over you.”
“Good to know.”
“You two aren’t identical?”
“No, we’re not. We’re fraternal, we just look alike.”
“Hmmm. I’d have never known.”
“It’s easier to see when we’re clean shaven. I’m better looking than he is.” I watched as Mace situated the diaper under Bella and then pulled the tabs over to shut it.
“Make it tighter or the pee will come out and you’ll have to change her clothes.”
“I don’t want to hurt her. She’s so fucking little.”
“You won’t hurt her. Here, watch.” I moved the tabs to tighten the diaper, and then showed him that it was snug but stretched a bit as I put one finger down between Bella’s skin and the diaper. I pointed to the footie pajamas that were still on the top half of Bella, “Now, the easiest way to put that back on is to put in her right foot first.”
“Why are they sleeping in sacks? That seems barbaric.” Mace adjusted the sleep sac over Bella, making sure her arms and legs were tucked in so she didn’t get cold.
“They help to make sure they don’t kick off the covers and get too cold, or so the blanket doesn’t go over their face.”
“Hmmm. Okay.” Mace gently picked Bella up and held her in the crook of his arm. He turned around and laid her in the car seat and started to strap her in.
“Are you going for a ride?”
“No, but I have to go into the kitchen and make her bottle, and then get settled in there.”
“Just carry her in there, you don’t need to strap her in.”
“No. I don’t want to drop her. I’ll just put her in the bucket.”
I watched Mace finish strapping Bellamy into her little car seat, and then followed them into the living room. I went to get a bottle ready for her, and then handed it to Mace when it was ready. Bella was working up to a good cry before he got her out of the seat and situated in his arms to eat. I noticed that Angus and Mace were both holding the baby in a specific way, and they both kept glancing down at the laptop on the table between them.
While they were busy, I walked around the couch to see what they were so engrossed in, and almost tripped over the other car seat on the floor beside the recliner that Angus was sitting in. When I caught my balance, I walked behind the two men and saw that they were watching a video of a woman feeding a baby a bottle. When she moved, they moved. When she took the bottle out of her baby’s mouth and put it up on her shoulder, Mace and Angus did the same thing.
These two big men were watching a how-to video on feeding a baby. I guess you really can find anything on the internet. I walked back into the kitchen and grabbed the digital camera Shirley had bought when she got everything to set up the house, and then I walked back behind the men to take a picture of the two of them as they learned to take care of the babies.
I looked down at the picture on the small screen and saw that it was perfect. Both men, the babies awake peeking over their left shoulders, and the screen with the video on it were clearly visible in the shot. I couldn’t wait to add it to the baby book, and even get a print to add to the nursery wall.
“Pause it, she hasn’t burped yet.” Mace said as he softly patted Bella’s back.
Mace reached over and hit a button, and the laptop paused the screen. Mace kept gently patting Bella’s back, and she started to squirm.
“Fuck, I think I did it wrong.” Mace grumbled.
“Can I show you?” I asked as I walked around the couch.
“Yeah. We tried to watch earlier, but there was a lot going on and we couldn’t see everything you did.”
I explained that they needed to let the babies drink a little more before they tried to burp them and watched as Mace and Angus moved the babies back down into their arms and put the bottles back in their mouths. Their movements were in perfect sync, so perfect that it was a little eerie.
Once the babies had eaten enough to need a burp, I took Bellamy out of Mace’s arms and showed him and Angus a few different ways to hold the babies while they burped, explaining the merits of each position, and the drawbacks.
Once Bella was back in Mace’s arms, he put her back on his shoulder and started to pat her back softly again.
I then had to show the two of them how to pat the babies a little harder to get a burp to come up. Angus was the first one to get a little burp, and he was so proud. He high fived Mace after Bella belched loud
ly, the two of them proud of what they’d accomplished so far.
I left them there to finish feeding the twins and went into the kitchen to make some coffee. I glanced back into the living room occasionally to see what progress the men were making and had to smile every time I saw how nervous the two of them were.
I felt Finn behind me before I heard him, and I smiled when his arms came around my waist.
“You are so good with them.” Finn whispered in my ear. I turned in his arms and smiled up at him.
“I love babies.”
“No, I mean my brothers. You’re so good with them. I think the lot of them are half in love with you.”
“Nah. I’m just the funny chic that’s been chasing their big brother around.”
“Well, you caught me, now what are you going to do?’
“Keep you?”
“I like that idea. I’m going to go chat with the guys, no sense going back to bed now, but I’m definitely going to need a nap later.”
“Yeah. We’ll have to figure out their schedule and work our way around it so we can all get some sleep.”
“Later on, when we take our nap can we do it naked?”
“Oh, most definitely. Naked naps have to become a thing now. I decree it.”
“Of course, my Queen. As you wish.” Finn chuckled and then kissed me softly before he turned around and joined his brothers in the living room. I finished making the coffee and decided to give the guys a lesson in bottle sanitizing and formula measurements once they got the babies to sleep.
I heard someone walking through the back door, and I looked up to see Royal coming in. He was shirtless, wearing a pair of basketball shorts and his cowboy boots.
“I saw the light on and thought I’d come over and make sure everything is okay.” He said as he sat down on the couch with Finn. “You guys need anything?”
A few minutes later the door opened again and Ronan and Tavin both came in. Both were dressed almost the same as Royal, and I laughed at their attire.
