by Tara Rose
She stared into his eyes, and the world tilted just a tiny bit more. Every emotion she’d felt the past couple of days bubbled up inside, until they were all mixed up with the things she and Carma had talked about, and the damn, fucking memories of Brandt that she’d thought were dead and buried. She tried to push it down, but this time it wouldn’t go away. This time it spilled over onto her lashes and then her cheeks in the form of fat teardrops.
Her breath caught in her throat, and when she tried to speak her voice came out in hitching sobs that made no sense. Van looked confused and frustrated at the same time, and she knew he thought that he’d done something wrong. She had to control this long enough to tell him that he’d done nothing to hurt her.
Rowena forced her breathing to return to normal as he held her, stroking her hair and back. She could feel the helplessness in his touch. “You didn’t hurt me.”
“Bullshit.”
She pulled away from him and took his face in her hands. “Please. Listen. You didn’t hurt me. I mean, it stung, but that’s not what’s going on here.”
Van took her hands and held them tightly. “Then what is it? Talk to me. Please.”
Rowena blinked as fresh tears coursed down her face. “I wish I knew where to start.” She took a couple of deep breaths. “I don’t think I’m over the trust issue with Brandt. I thought I was. But I think I’m wrong. And I think all that shit is coming out now, when you restrain me and paddle me.”
“Did he do this to you?”
Van’s voice was full of incredulity, and she shook her head several times. “No. No. I wasn’t lying when I told you that. He never even tried anything kinky. That’s not what triggered it. It’s a trust issue. I think. Shit. I don’t know.”
“Then we won’t do this. It’s settled. Never again.” His voice was firm…final.
“No. That’s not a solution. Van, I want to do this. I’ve fantasized about it for so damn long now. But I never told you that because…” How could she say this to him? He’d be crushed.
“Because why? Just tell me. I swear it’ll be okay. We’ll figure this out together, Rowena. The same way we always find a solution. Just tell me. Whatever it is.”
Her heart nearly burst with love at that moment. He’d always been her partner, in every sense of the word, and even though he must be totally flustered right now, and probably upset with himself, he wanted to understand so they could work it out together. “It’s a trust thing. I thought I had it under control, but the bondage and the impact play brought it to the surface again. I fought you on trying this to begin with because I’m afraid to let go that much. I’m afraid to trust you completely with my body when I can’t stop what’s going on.”
He started to speak, but she cut him off, knowing what he was about to say. “I know, I know. I can stop it. I have safewords. But those require a level of trust as well. And I’m not there. I thought I was but I’m not.” She averted her gaze. “I can’t believe I’m saying this to you.”
“You’re not saying you don’t trust me at all. That’s not what I’m hearing. I’m hearing you say that you can’t give in as deeply as you need to in order to allow me to use bondage and impact play at the same time. Is that right?”
She lifted her gaze again and nodded. The corners of his mouth turned up slightly and he wiped away her tears, kissing the areas where they’d left their mark. “Then that’s what we’ll work on. We’ll take it slower. As slow as we need to go.”
“You’re okay with that?”
“Of course I am. If you want this—if you truly want this as much as I do—then I will do whatever it takes. I will go as slowly as we need to go, and I will go and talk to Nash, and Ian, and to every damn Dom in this town if I need to. But we will find a way to have this. I promise you that.”
Rowena laughed softly, but not because she found any of it funny. She was simply overwhelmed by his understanding and his willingness to work with her, and to do whatever was necessary. Why had she ever doubted him?
“Is there someone you can talk to? What am I saying…you do that all the time, right?”
She nodded again. “I do, but not this deeply. The only person who nailed me on the trust issues not being resolved was Carma.” Rowena told Van what she and Carma had discussed earlier in Sassy Brassy.
“Do you want to see a psychologist? Because if you do, I’ll go with you.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Absolutely.” He pulled her close and Rowena felt the weight lift from her mind in a way it hadn’t done before. She clung to him, letting his scent and his aura fill her entire being. When he kissed her neck, it was tentative, and she knew he was probably wondering whether she still wanted to have sex, or even if that was the right thing to do after all they’d just talked about. She wanted to. She always did with Van.
Rowena licked his neck, and then she ran her hands down his back, moaning at the way his muscles rippled underneath her fingers. When he pulled out of her arms and looked at her, a question in his eyes, she smiled. “Make love to me, Van. Make love to me like we might never do it again. I love you so much.”
“Oh, Rowena…I love you, too.” He kissed her until she could hardly breathe, and then he kissed her a second time until she groaned loudly in the back of her throat and practically pushed him away. Her entire body felt like it was on fire. He took off her corset and tossed it on the floor, then he bent down and removed her shoes. He pulled her down on top of him and she straddled him, grasping his dick in both hands. He reached up to knead her breasts, moaning as he did so.
“I do believe you said you wanted to fuck those.”
“Yes.” His voice was deep and rough, and she knew he was barely hanging on. “Oh yes. I do. But first I want to watch you come.” He moved his hands to her clit, rubbing it in exactly the way he knew would give her an orgasm in the shortest time possible, and she closed her eyes as it began to build.
She kept her hands on his cock but loosened the grip as she felt herself floating away, so she wouldn’t accidentally hurt him. As it started, she screamed and he moaned. “Oh God, baby. I love to watch your fucking beautiful face when you do that.”
She didn’t answer him. She couldn’t. All she could do was toss her head back and ride the wave. Before it finished, Rowena let go of his cock, then she slid lower over his thighs and bent down until his dick was between her breasts. She squeezed them together and then she glanced up at him, grinning. “Do you want to come in between them, or in my pussy?”
“Oh fuck…”
She chuckled. “Never mind. I’ll just go for it.” She squeezed her breasts together as tightly as she could, and then she moved them up and down his shaft, but she wasn’t sure it was enough friction.
“Are you really going to let me fuck your tits?”
“Yes. I want you to.”
“Then lie on your back. I’ve got an idea.” She did as he asked and then watched as he squirted some lube into his hands. He straddled her, and she couldn’t take her eyes off his dick. It was so fucking huge, and it looked ready to explode. He lathered her breasts with the lube, and then he moved closer to her face. “Hold your tits together for me, sweetheart.”
She did, and Van threw back his head and groaned loudly as he moved his cock in between them. It didn’t take long at all. Her face and chin were splashed with hot cum, and Rowena only wished she’d caught some inside her mouth because she loved the taste of it.
When he finished, he lay on top of her, breathing hard. She tangled her fingers in his hair and stroked it, not knowing how it was possible to be more in love with her sexy, incredible husband than she was right now.
Chapter Nine
Two days after the New Year, Rowena picked up Eve at her house, driving Van’s SUV. They’d decided that since it was large enough to accommodate all six women plus luggage, it was the logical choice for their road trip to Racy, Indiana. Rowena didn’t drive the SUV very often, but she knew she’d be fine on this trip with it. Plu
s, it had satellite radio, a built-in navigation system, and heated leather seats.
She and Van hadn’t played again since the day after Christmas, but Rowena was all right with that because they’d still made love. They also hadn’t discussed her seeing a psychologist again. She suspected that Van was waiting until after she’d taken this trip to bring up either subject, but she also knew that wasn’t the only thing on his mind right now.
Four days earlier, he’d received a late-night call from Tommy Farley. That was unusual enough, but when Van had relayed the gist of the conversation to her afterwards, she’d almost cancelled this trip. It had taken him over an hour to convince her to go.
“Who’s next to pick up?”
Rowena glanced sideways at Eve, who looked nothing short of radiant. She waved again, and Rowena glanced past her to watch cousins Phil and Knox Parkwood, her Doms, wave to her from the front porch.
“They’re waving at you, too,” said Eve.
Rowena waved at them both, and then she put the SUV in gear. “Carma is next. Then we’ll swing back into town and pick up the others before heading south for I-70.” She gave Eve another glance. “I’ve never seen you look this happy.”
“I am.” Her dark eyes gleamed with mischief. “But I’ve also never been this sore.” Eve laughed loudly, which wasn’t unusual for her. “I’m not complaining. This is heaven.” Her expression grew serious. “Phil and Knox almost changed their minds about letting me go on this trip.”
“Because of the trouble in town?”
Eve shook her head. “No. Knox is worried about the weather. As for the trouble, Phil is glad I’m getting away from that right now, but he is concerned about what’s going to happen in town. The men that Phil and Tommy caught driving past Nash’s estate and your house are staying at the Shady Pines Motel. Since Knox is doing another mural for Rick at the Belle Meade, he’s going to keep an eye on them as much as possible.”
Knox was an artist as well as the owner of Knox Auto Detailing on Pioneer Lane. He occasionally did seasonal work at the Belle Meade Hotel. The hotel perched on the slope above Apache Street and overlooked Mystic Ridge Enterprises as well as the seedy Shady Pines. Knox had painted one mural inside the hotel already, and Rick Gunther, the owner, had commissioned him to paint a second one.
“Can’t they just arrest them? Or force them to leave town?”
Eve shook her head again. “Phil said they didn’t actually do anything, but when they searched their truck they found bolt cutters, burlap sacks, and a metal detector.”
“Oh, come on. How the hell did they explain those away?”
“They said they were on their way to Utah, and were going to go looking for buried Native American artifacts on the land of a friend. Which, of course, is perfectly legal.”
“Right. And the bolt cutters and other tools?”
“Necessary for their jobs. They work for a repo company.”
“What bullshit.”
Eve sighed. “I know. And Phil and Tommy know it too, but until they actually trespass or do something else criminal, there’s nothing either of them can do. They’re running down the plate, just in case.”
“It’s from Ohio, right?”
Eve nodded.
“They won’t be the only ones. Van is so upset that they named the town and gave so many details on the news.”
“I know. So are Phil and Tommy. The entire department is scrambling.”
Rowena gave Eve a tentative glanced. “It’s not too late to stay put.”
“I really want to visit Evan. And Phil is hoping this all blows over by the time we get back.”
“So is Van.”
After Carma was seated behind Eve, Rowena drove to the Stonecraft estate. Angela Davidson, her baby bump a bit larger now than when Rowena had last seen her two months ago, climbed in behind Rowena. As she, Carma, and Eve talked about June, when Angela’s baby was due, Rowena recalled Sasha asking if she and Van planned to have children. They’d discussed it in the past, but never with any finality. Both had had less-than-ideal childhoods, and were afraid to fuck it up for a child of their own.
But listening to Angela talk about Nash converting the suite of rooms next to the one she now shared with him and Ian Malloy into a nursery made Rowena wonder if she and Van weren’t taking their own pasts a bit too seriously. Just because her parents and Van’s hadn’t been fabulous role models didn’t mean she and Van would make terrible parents.
They swung by Pacos Farms to pick up Summer Andrews, who lived there with her Doms, Dalton Metcalf and Wes Danbury. Wes’s family owned the alpaca ranch. Felicity also lived there with her Doms, Maverick Orantes, Dalton’s cousin, and Kane Easton, the paranormal investigator from Connecticut who had come to Passion Peak to expose Trace Coleman.
Rowena punched in the address of Evan Rydell, Eve’s second cousin, then waited until the GPS told her to drive south on State Highway 13. From there they would pick up I-70. They would follow that route all the way to Terre Haute, Indiana, where they would then pick up US 41 north, and follow the back roads into Racy. Eve knew the way, but Rowena felt more secure having the GPS. The drive would take approximately eighteen hours, and they planned to stop that night in Kansas City, Missouri, which was a bit more than the halfway mark.
As Rowena listened to the excited chatter from her five closest friends, she smiled. This would be a lot of fun, and she would have more than a week to spend in the company of kinky people. If she didn’t have all her question answered and concerns addressed by the time she returned to Passion Peak, it would be no one’s fault but her own.
* * * *
Van watched Rowena drive away from Mystic Ridge Enterprises with Carma and Eve in the SUV, and almost called her to come back. Intellectually, he knew she’d be fine, but the uneasiness that had spread through him after Tommy’s phone call still had not dissipated, and that wasn’t like him. He went through the motions of working on the project, answering his crew’s questions in monosyllables when he bothered to listen to them at all.
“Gonna have a beer with us tonight after work?”
Van turned to face Bobby Malcolm. “Don’t I always?”
“Yeah, I guess you do. But some of us are gonna stick around for dinner. You joining us tonight, since Rowena is gone?”
“Why aren’t you having dinner at home?” Bobby was married to Denise, who had been in Van’s grade in school. Her mother, Judy Thompson, lived across the street. Bobby and Denise had had a rocky marriage, but with three kids in high school now, things seemed to have settled down. Van hoped nothing was amiss again. He and Bobby had played ball together, and Denise had been a cheerleader. They’d been married almost as soon as they’d graduated.
Bobby shrugged. “Things are okay. Denise is hanging around with Becca Rawlings again, though. I guess old habits die hard.”
To say Bobby’s tone was sarcastic was an understatement, but Van couldn’t blame him. Becca was one of the town sluts. A former cheerleader as well, she’d never really outgrown her high school throw-it-around ways. But at thirty-six years old, it was more embarrassing than anything, not to mention unsafe.
Larry Wilson used to be married to her, and although Van didn’t usually encourage divorce, in Larry’s case it had been warranted. Becca had cheated on him so many times that most of the town had lost count.
She’d even managed to break up Angela Davidson and Brett Warner, which wasn’t a bad thing, but the YouTube video of Brett and Becca having sex that Brett had posted before Angela finally dumped his ass for good was. The entire town was still pissed off at her and Brett for that stunt.
“What’s she doing hanging out with Becca again? I thought they’d parted ways long ago.”
Bobby shrugged again. “I don’t know. Denise says to let bygones be bygones, whatever that means, but I told her Rowena is friends with Angela, and I work for you, so it’s like a betrayal for her to still be friends with Becca, you know?”
Van bit back a smile as he t
ried to follow Bobby’s logic. “Maybe your wife just feels badly because Becca has no real friends left? Jorge said his sister has pretty much given up on her, too.” Tiffany Fuentes was also Mateo’s cousin, and she was a server at The Cranberry Roost, Passion Peak’s upscale restaurant out by Rio Blanco Lake. Another former cheerleader, she was now easily the most stable of the bunch that Denise used to hang out with.
“I know. But I don’t like it. Denise is different when she’s with her, you know?”
Van nodded. “I get that.” He didn’t know what else to say, but he made a mental note to talk to Rowena and see if she’d heard anything from Judy. He hoped Denise wasn’t going back to her old ways. She and Bobby were good together, and he needed Bobby’s full concentration when he was working. “So, where are we eating dinner?”
“The Saloon, of course.”
Van laughed. “I really started something, didn’t I?”
Bobby smiled. “Yeah, that’s right. You did. It’s all your fault.”
A few months earlier, Van had eaten a burger there one night after work out of pity for Dan, who was easily the worst cook in town. Some of his crew had followed suit, and now many of them ate there on a semi-regular basis.
While the food was digestible, Van had spent more than one restless night afterwards eating Tums and sucking down Maalox. Rowena had no pity for him, but then he hadn’t expected her to. At least she wouldn’t be around tonight to say “I told you so” each time he got up in the middle of the night.
“Sure, okay. I’ll stick around for dinner.” Rowena wouldn’t be home tonight. The thought struck him suddenly, and overwhelming loneliness settled over his mind. She wouldn’t be home for almost two weeks. Why the hell had he encouraged her to go on this trip?
* * * *
Rowena talked to Van for almost two hours at the motel where she and the other girls were staying the night. She was sharing a room with Carma and Eve, and the other three had a room next door. “I miss you.”
“I miss you, too. How’s the motel?”
