by Miss KP
Slipping on my J Brand skinny jeans, I also put on a white James Pearse wife beater, along with some red Valentino flip flops. Even though my red Chanel bag and diamond cross didn’t necessarily say casual, I needed to look like money at all times no matter what. It also didn’t matter that I’d gotten robbed earlier. As a woman in this game money was the one thing that always guaranteed respect. I had to let these dudes know that there was a lot more to me than just a pretty face. I could never look like I’d fallen off, which would be a sure sign of weakness.
After kissing each of the girl’s goodbye, I let Maria know that I would be out for a while and informed her to keep an eye on Denie. I also told her to call me if that nigga, Jamal, showed back up. If he felt bold and wanted to come back to my house again, this time things weren’t gonna end so peacefully.
Once I jumped in my new Range Rover Sport, I slowly pulled out of the driveway. I had no idea what possessed me to buy another SUV since the Porshe was only a year old, but when I bought Denie her Range Rover a few weeks ago, it was so hot I had to have a white one for myself.
Driving down GW Parkway, I reflected back on the conversation between me and Mia’s doctor earlier that day. Thinking all her pain was due to an infection, he’d prescribed my baby some antibiotics and wanted her to get tons of rest. He also informed me that Mia’s Leukemia had more than likely returned, but wouldn’t be sure until the test results came back. My stomach turned flips every time I thought about the cancer no longer being in remission. Thinking back to when I was pregnant with both Mia and Carmen, the doctors asked me both times if I wanted to bank their cord blood in case of an emergency, and I declined. At that time, who would’ve thought that my daughter would get sick? Now, I was at a loss. Still mourning my husband, I didn’t know what I would do if I ever lost my daughter, too.
Moments later, I turned up the radio when the song, Adore by Prince came on. This song definitely reminded me of Carlos, when things were good. Feeling like an emotional roller coaster, I wanted so badly to pull the truck over and cry my eyes out. No matter how strong I tried to be, there was so much on my mind lately. But there was no sense in crying. Tears certainly weren’t gonna bring him back.
Since there was limited parking, I pulled up to the mall’s valet parking and got my ticket. Javier had text me ten minutes ago to let me know that he’d already arrived. After making my way up to the top floor and walking inside, I immediately spotted Javier over by the pool tables. He definitely looked like money.
Maybe he doesn’t need me after all, I suddenly thought.
Javier and Jade were twins, but he was a lot darker than she was. Even though he seemed to have lost a ton of weight, his cocoa complexion, midnight black, curly hair and tall frame still made him attractive. Actually, he was finer today than I’d ever remembered in the past. He was definitely a smaller version of Malik from the BET show, The Game.
“What’s up, Javier, it’s been a while?” I greeted him with a hug.
He smelled so damn good, I could tell how sexually frustrated I was after getting a slight tingle between my thighs.
“Hey, Marisol. Damn, Ma, you lookin’ good as usual,” he flirted in his New York accent.
“I see you’ve either been in the gym or you’re on a crack diet,” I joked.
“Real funny, I see you still a jokester. I’ve been takin’ care of myself eatin’ right, that’s all.”
“Well, whatever you’re doing your ass could definitely bottle it up and sell it. Shit, it looks like you lost a good fifty pounds. It looks good on you though.”
“Thanks. That means a lot comin’ from you.”
Growing up, Javier always had a crush on me, but since we were like family he never acted on it. We made our way to the bar area, grabbed a high cocktail table, and ordered drinks.
“So, Javier, what’s up?” I got right to the point. We’d already spent enough time bullshitting.
“The first thing I wanted to talk to you about is Jade. What happened?”
“Javier, if Jade sent you here to try and talk to me, you’re wasting your time. I haven’t heard from her in months. And I don’t…”
He instantly cut me off. “Yo’ Marisol, my sister is dead! That’s what I’m here to talk to you about. This ain’t about business, this shit is personal.”
My mouth flew open. “What do you mean she’s dead? What happened? When?”
“Her body was found in a vacant buildin’ in West Baltimore a few weeks ago. Well, actually her remains were found.”
“A few weeks ago? Why didn’t you tell me this sooner? Why are you just telling me this now?” I immediately felt bad about allperson shit I’d been talking about her.
“Marisol, I’ve been tryin’ to call you ever since Jade went missin’, but you never hit me back. The last time anybody saw her was right before your husband’s memorial service.”
“Oh my God, are you serious?” I questioned in disbelief.
“Yeah. At first the fam wasn’t that worried because Jade was known to disappear wit’ dudes on a regular basis, especially after she met that nigga, Rich. But after a week or so went by, and she still hadn’t called my mom, that’s when we started to get concerned,” Javier replied. “I tried to call you right after they found her remains. I even tried a few times after her private funeral last Saturday, but again you didn’t answer. You’re one hard woman to get in touch wit’. This ain’t some shit you just leave on a voicemail.”
“I’m so sorry, Javier. I’ve been dealing with a lot since Carlos died, so that was probably why I never answered. I can’t believe this.”
“Me either. I’m still in shock.”
“Do you all have any leads on what happened?” I asked.
“Well, that’s why I’m here. The autopsy showed that Jade was shot in her mouth wit’ a .45, so we at least know how she died. I just need to know who did that shit. After Carlos’ memorial she called me hysterical. She said that she feared for her life.”
“For what?”
“Apparently Jade had somethin’ on Rich, but she wouldn’t tell me what it was. That shit had her shook though. I mean Marisol I’d never seen that side of my sister before. You know how she was. She was never scared of anybody, but ever since she started datin’ Rich, she hadn’t been the same. She started actin’ weird. I need answers. My sister was all I had. Man, I swear if Rich had somethin’ to do wit’ my sister bein’ murdered, I swear…” Javier explained.
“Okay, let’s not jump to any conclusions yet, Javier. I’m tired of all these empty accusations. Holler at me when you got some concrete proof,” I said, then attempted to get up from the table.
“Well, maybe this is the evidence you need. Jade gave me this before she left town.” He handed me a white envelope. “She made me promise her that I would never open it. Even if somethin’ happened to her, she made me swear that you were the only one to open it. As you can see, I’ve kept my word.”
I was in complete shock, especially knowing that Jade had disappeared right after Carlos’ memorial. Instantly, visions of her running out after her outburst ran through my mind. I had no idea what was going to be revealed, so I decided to open it later.
“I wasn’t prepared for you to tell me this. I think I’m gonna be sick. I gotta go.” I got up from the table and threw a couple of twenties on the table.
“Yo’ Marisol, wait a minute, there might be answers in there that reveals what happened to my sister!” Javier yelled.
“If it is, I’ll be in touch,” I quickly answered.
Making my way down the escalator and out the front door, I gave the valet guy my ticket then paced back and forth while waiting for my car. My mind raced with suspicion of what the envelope would reveal to me. Finally, after my truck pulled up a few minutes later, I quickly pulled out of the parking lot and made my way toward Rockville Pike. However, I didn’t make it very far before the contents of the envelope flooded my thoughts. As I made a right on Tuckerman Street and pulled over, I
placed the truck in park before nervously ripping the envelope open.
Dear Marisol,
First, I want to start off by saying that no matter what you think I love you and I’m sorry for my actions lately. If you’re reading this letter, I have moved on to join Carlos. My guilt couldn’t allow me to be around you with all that I know has happened. Let me just get to the point- Carlos and Lisa were having an affair and Rich killed him because of it. He told me this out his own mouth. This is the reason why I cut him off. He threatened my life and I know it’s a matter of time before he kills me, so I just want to make things right. Please forgive me for keeping this from you.
Love you forever,
Jade
I was in a complete state of shock and at this point I don’t know who to trust or what to believe.
Chapter 4 Lisa
Every time I looked in the mirror I was reminded of that bitch Denie. As I rubbed the permanent scar on my neck, thoughts of the day she held a knife firmly against my throat instantly pissed me off. I was also in disbelief that Denie had actually tried to poison me. I hated to admit it, but if Rich hadn’t come into the room, she would’ve probably killed me. His cheating, trifling-ass had definitely saved my life, but to this day it was still hard for me to thank him for heroic actions. Every time I thought about how Marisol and Rich had an affair behind my back made me hate his ass even more than I already did. How could Marisol let me raise her child after all these years and then come back and claim her after I did all the hard work? Along with Rich and Denie, that bitch Marisol was also on my shit list. Or should I say…hit list? I had plans to get them all back one way or the other.
Now that I didn’t have anyone else in my corner, anyone to love me, or anything to live for, I didn’t give a fuck about anyone else’s feelings. Burying my son was the hardest thing I’d ever done in my life, so I definitely had a ‘fuck the world’ attitude. Not to mention, I’m sure Marisol had something to do with his death, so I wanted to get her back first. Every time I thought about Juan’s closed casket funeral it made me enraged. Apparently, the damage to his face was so bad, they wouldn’t allow me to see him. What mother wouldn’t wanna see their son one last time?
Her ass is gonna be sick once she finds out about me and Carlos, I thought.
My blood started to boil as I thought back to a few months ago and how my life had changed drastically. Not only was I upset with everybody else, but I was also pissed off at my fucking mother. She along with that no good ex-husband of mine had conspired with each other and gotten me committed into St. Elizabeth’s Mental Institution a month after Denie tried to take my life. How they’d come up with the conclusion that I was mentally disturbed was beyond me. I wasn’t crazy and I was tired of people treating me like a damn charity case.
When I first arrived, I didn’t trip about it as much because I was still mourning Juan’s death and trying to get over my traumatic, near death experience, so my outbursts were a little out of control. On top of that, I was under the impression that I could sign myself out. However, after realizing that Rich, my mother or the doctor assigned to my case were the only ones able to sign my release papers, I became furious. The fact that Rich and my mother would play with my damn life like that had me enraged most of the time. Mental hospitals were made for sociopaths and schizophrenic motherfuckers who drooled all day. Not a distraught mother who’d just been through some tough times. I couldn’t even consider myself crazy after killing Carlie. Sure, I’d taken an innocent child’s life, but she was much better off being with my Heavenly Father than being raised by Rich.
Despite my ill feeling toward her, I’d been trying to be nice to my mother and prove to her that nothing was wrong with me, but obviously that shit wasn’t working. I’d been in this fucking hell hole four months and it didn’t seem like I was getting out anytime soon.
As thoughts continued to jump around in my head, I was finally interrupted by one of the nurses named, Betty. She was an older, black heavy-set woman with gray hair and massive breasts, who also had a sweet spirit. But no matter how nice she was to me, I just couldn’t allow myself to be kind to anyone in this Godforsaken place.
“Well, hello Ms. Lisa. Why do you have it so dark in here? Let’s get you some sun,” Nurse Betty said, in a chipper mood as she opened the blinds.
“Who the hell wants to look out of a window that has bars?” I responded irritated as hell.
“Well, if you shed some light in this room it might make you feel better.”
“Look, what do you want, lady?”
“It’s time for you to take your meds and go visit with your psychiatrist.”
It was at that moment, when I noticed the famous silver tray in her hand along with two cups.
“Y’all are gonna stop treating me like I’m crazy!” I snapped.
“Okay, Lisa let’s have a good day today. Come on, open up and take your medicine,” Nurse Betty said, as she handed me one cup that contained two pink pills and another cup filled with water.
After being in the hospital for several weeks, I finally learned that I was being given several anti depressant pills called Paxil. I hated taking the pills since they normally gave me terrible headaches and sometimes insomnia, but I still complied because I didn’t want any trouble. If I was gonna get out of here, the mt important thing to learn was self control.
Minutes later, Nurse Betty swapped her silver tray with a wheelchair and rolled it into my room.
“Is the chair really necessary?” I asked. “I do have two legs if you hadn’t noticed.”
“You should know by now that it’s standard procedure, Lisa,” Nurse Betty replied.
I’m sure she thought I could be a complete bitch at times, but being an older nurse in this institution, I’m also sure she’d seen it all.
As Nurse Betty wheeled me to the psychiatrist’s office, I was very uncomfortable watching the other patients. Eyeing most of their blank, delusional stares I had yet to get used to the atmosphere or the disgusting smell. Instead of a disinfected scent most hospitals were known for, this place had a sewage stench that made me want to throw up half the time. I couldn’t believe my own mother thought it was best for me to be here. Patients were talking to themselves, screaming at their imaginary friends, and one lady was banging her head against the wall. It was imperative that I got out of this place quick before I became a product of my environment. Moments later, we finally we made it to the psychiatrist’s office.
“Thanks for bringing Lisa down, Betty,” Dr. Ju said. Once Betty nodded her head and walked away, the doctor turned to me. “Well, hello Lisa, how are you feeling today?”
She was a thin, very fashionable Asian woman who was in her early thirties. During every session, Dr. Ju irritated me because she always made me feel like I was less than her when I’m sure my closet would make her green with envy.
“How do you think I feel? I’m in this place as if I really need fucking help. I’m not like the rest of these people and you know it. Banging their heads and shit. I don’t do that.”
“I understand your frustration, Lisa, that’s why I’m here to help you. I want you to get better so you can go home to your family. Trust me, I’m on your side.”
“Well, get me out of here. My ex-husband and my mother committed me on purpose. They both hate me!”
“I want to help you get out, but over the course of four months, we still haven’t made much progress. This is going to be a long road to recovery if you continue to shut me out. Can you at least give me a chance to help you?”
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever.”
“Let’s get started. So, during your last session we discussed your childhood and you seemed to be very fond of your dad. Then we spoke about the birth of your son, Juan, and the relationship you had with him. On your intake sheet that your mother filled out, it states you also have a daughter, where’s your daughter now?”
“I don’t have any children, and I would rather if we spoke about something
else.”
Dr. Ju wrote something down on a piece of paper before continuing. “Okay, well let’s talk about your husband, Juan Sanchez Sr., he’s known as Rich, correct?”
“Rich is my ex-husband. We’ve been divorced now for almost a year.”
“Oh, sorry. So, was he was your first love?”
“Once upon a time I thought Rich was the best thing that ever happened to me. When we were young we were so happy. If he would’ve never been in that car accident, our lives would’ve probably been different.”
“Why do you say that?” Dr. Ju inquired.
“Well, he was a basketball star in high school and there was talk of him being drafted right into the NBA. Well, all that changed when he was in a nearly fatal car accident.”
“How so?”
“He started to get involved in the streets heavily and that’s when the infidelity started, which ultimately made our lives a lot harder.”
“Was he a good father to his children?”
“He was a great father to his daughter, but he hated my son.”
“So, you said earlier that you didn’t have any children and didn’t wanna talk about it. Can I ask why?”
“Because I don’t.” I was aggravated all of a sudden.
“Lisa, you’ve gotta learn how to deal with problems if you ever want to get better,” Dr. Ju advised. “You were doing so good. Don’t shut down now.”
I let out a huge sigh, then paused for a moment. Maybe if I give this bitch want she wants she’ll let me out of here, I thought. “Both my son and daughter passed away.”
“I’m so sorry to hear that. How did they die?”
“My son was murdered and my daughter, well she…she’s not here anymore.”
“What happened to your daughter?” Dr. Ju questioned.
“Whatever they told you they lied!” I quickly yelled. At that moment, I got hyped. “I didn’t mean to kill Carlie, but when Rich took his brother, Carlos away from me and I found out Carlos wasn’t her father, I just couldn’t help myself.”
