The women at Haardvik had screamed as Hakon’s men had taken them. Had they been hurt that way? But he wasn’t one of Hakon’s outlaws. She had to remember that. He was her husband.
His touch on her cheek made her jump. He turned her head with the tips of his fingers until she had to look at him. Her mother had said to do as he wanted, so she met his gaze.
He leaned over and kissed her. “We have all night, Silvi. You needn’t be like the doe that has spotted the wolf.”
“I’m sorry, Magnus. I know this is your right. I’ll—I’ll do whatever you wish.”
He drew back. “I want it to be what you wish also.”
“I do.” She met his gaze. “I want to be a good wife to you and I know this is part of it.”
“Do you understand what is to happen this night between us?”
“Of course. I understand there’s a bit of pain this first time. You needn’t worry about that. I’ll lie quietly beneath you until you’re finished.”
“By the gods.” He jerked away from her and speared his hand through his hair.
She pulled the furs up closer to her chin. What had she done wrong?
“I don’t want you to just lie quietly while I have at you.”
She stared. “You don’t?”
“No.” He got out of bed and went to the side table where a flask of mead and two glasses waited. He poured for both of them and came back. He handed one of them to her, but she didn’t drink. After swallowing his mead entirely, he set the glass aside and climbed back on the bed.
Kneeling beside her, he took her hand in his. “I want. Gods, Silvi, I want us. I want for you to care for me as I desire you. I know I can’t expect you to love me as I—” He stopped. “As I hope you might one day. Not yet. But at least I’d like desire between us. Passion even. I won’t do anything against your will.”
“It is my will. You’re my hus—husband. I won’t deny you your rights. The man takes the woman. It is he who must desire in order to. . .” She couldn’t finish the sentence.
“The woman must desire also, or else she can be hurt. I could kiss you, touch you, persuade your body to desire mine. But I want more than that. I want your heart and mind to desire me as well.”
Her throat swelled with unshed tears. He was so fine. Any other man would have been satisfied with less. Not Magnus. He deserved a woman who could love him, who could give him what he wanted. She’d never envisioned knowing the love between a man and woman. This had all happened so quickly. Not two weeks ago, she’d been certain of her destiny. It felt as though she’d been riding a fast galloping horse all her life, and without warning, it turned, launching her out of the saddle and into a future she never foresaw.
Could she ever be what he wanted, what he should have? She looked away as tears slipped down her cheeks.
He touched one of them with his thumb. “Are you so unhappy, then?”
She shook her head. How could she tell him her thoughts? He deserved so much better than she was. But then, he would be with another woman. Her heart stung.
“Go to sleep, Silvi.” He sounded resigned.
She peered at him through her tears. “What?”
“I said, go to sleep.” His voice softened as he took her cup and set it beside his. “I won’t take you when I could hurt you. I won’t have you lie still beneath me, letting me do as I want only because it is my right. When you can come to me with joy and desire, then it will be what I want. Not before.”
He got under the furs and lay down with his back to her. She reclined against the carved headboard and watched his wide shoulders rise and fall with his breathing.
This was childish. Foolish. She was a wife now. She needed to be there for him, to please him. To love him? He deserved no less.
“Magnus?”
He turned onto his back and looked up at her. Taking her hand, he kissed it. “Go to sleep, Silvi. I can’t make love to you while you weep tears I caused. We’ll work this out. Not tonight, but perhaps soon. Until then, no one will know. I’ll honor you as my wife and if I’m very lucky, one day you will honor me with your love.” He turned over again, facing away from her.
Oh gods. She slid down beneath the furs as her eyes burned with more tears. She would likely get little sleep this night, but if she looked tired in the morning, at least everyone would think it was for an entirely different reason.
His body gave off such a welcome warmth. She shifted closer to him, almost touching him. His breathing hitched, as though he held it. Not wanting to disturb him, she stilled. His heat still comforted her and she snuggled deeper under the soft furs. The long day and her tumultuous emotions took their toll. Her body grew heavy with exhaustion and she closed her eyes, determined to try to sleep. Her mother would want to know her dreams this night, and she had to be able to tell her something.
Before, she would cry or scream out the pain that burned in her. Or she would bring forth the vision to comfort her. Now the island, her haven, was gone, and with the celebration still ongoing, she couldn’t seek out her mother.
Lifa would be gone soon, returning home. She must find her own strength now. She should be able to come to her husband for comfort. But he was the cause of her pain and confusion.
No. This was her fault. Magnus was steadfast and solid. Even when she had so disappointed him, he’d still treated her gently. It was she who caused her own sadness and solitude on this night, and she who had caused his pain. She turned her face into the pillow and dried her eyes on the soft linen, welcoming the lethargy that drifted over her.
At least, for a time, she could escape this world in sleep.
She stood on the island beside the sea. The waves ran onto the sand as though trying to grab her and drag her back, but she moved away from them. She gazed along the golden beaches and up to the peaks of the verdant mountains. Light surrounded her and peace filled her. All those years she had seen the isle only in the distance, across a harsh ocean. Now, she was finally where she belonged.
Someone was behind her. She started to turn, but before she could see who it was, the island vanished from beneath her. Cold waters closed over her, plunging her into darkness.
Chapter Seven
The morning sun came much too early. It glared at her through the smoke hole in the roof and the small windows set along the side of the chamber. Silvi stretched, trying to get her limbs moving. Then she remembered, and all traces of sleep left her. She was a wife now.
She pulled the furs up over her head to hide from both that fact and the memory of the night. But there was no escaping them. How could she face Magnus again? His side of the bed was empty and cold, so at least she wouldn’t have to right away. He’d awakened early at Haardvik. Perhaps that was his way and not an indication of how he felt toward her.
Women’s voices drifted to her from outside the door. She peeked over the furs as Lifa walked in, the older women following her.
“Ah, good. You’re awake. We’ve come to dress you for the day. Magnus has been up for some time.” Lifa pulled the furs from her.
Silvie grabbed them back. Being naked in front of the women when it was late at night and dark was one thing. But in the morning light they would see the clean sheets. As she wrapped the fur around her shoulders, she glanced down. A little red smear marked the bedding. How?
She drew in a breath. Magnus must have cut himself and put his own blood there. He’d said no one else would know, and he’d kept his word.
He was so honorable. So kind and patient. Tears rose in her eyes, but she hid them behind the curtain of her hair as she slipped out of bed. The women laughed and commented on the stain as they dressed her in another fine gown. They brushed her hair, braided it, and put it up in the style that married women often wore. But she hadn’t earned it. She was yet a maiden.
Lifa stood to the side, and when the women left, she sat down in front of Silvi.
“He was kind to you.” It was not a question.
“Very.” Much more so th
an she deserved. She bit her lip.
“Then what’s wrong, my love?” Lifa touched the beautiful braids on Silvi’s head.
She couldn’t tell her mother about her failings. But she could tell her about the dream. Or was it a vision? Either way, her mother needed to hear it, as was tradition. “I had a disturbing dream.”
“Tell me.” Lifa straightened and raised her head, as always the rune mistress who dispensed wisdom.
Silvi told her the dream she’d awoken from during the night. “I had the isle right under my feet this time, but I lost it again. The gods were telling me I had a chance for it, for all I’ve ever wanted, then they pulled it out from under me because I married.”
“Don’t be so certain you know their minds, Silvi. They don’t always speak to us in ways we can understand. Always question. Always wonder and look for another path, another meaning. Just as each rune holds many meanings, so do our dreams.”
“Then how can we ever know anything? If all we do is question—”
“That is the beginning of understanding.” She rose and held out her hand. Silvi took it and stood. Her mother embraced her. “Consider this. The gods did not abandon me because I chose to marry your father. Instead, they blessed me in so many more ways than I could have dreamed.”
That was true. There was no one who walked closer with the gods than Lifa. And yet she had left the temple to marry, even after she’d studied there. How had she known that was the right thing to do?
Before she could ask, Lifa took her hand again. “Everyone is waiting on you for the morning meal. Magnus had the men clear out all the drunks very early so the servants could prepare the common room. Plus, your morning gifts are waiting.”
She hadn’t thought of that. The new husband gave his bride gifts in exchange for her virginity. She swallowed. How could he do this when she hadn’t lived up to her side of the marriage? No one will know.
She glanced at her mother. Lifa would perceive something was wrong. She always did. But she said nothing as she led Silvi into the common room. It was as she’d thought. She must find her own strength. A piece of her childhood slipped away, forever lost.
The crowd parted before her, but she saw only Magnus as he walked to her. He was dressed in a fine tan shirt and tunic, his long legs clad in darker trousers. They’d slept in his chamber, so he must have dressed very quietly. And perhaps watched her sleeping.
He took her hand from Lifa’s and raised it to his lips. “You are even more beautiful as my wife than you were as my betrothed.”
She smiled her thanks, but couldn’t speak past the fullness in her throat. They went to their places at the head table and servants brought them food. She had to eat. If she didn’t, people would speculate. If only her stomach would settle. Magnus ate a hearty meal, while she chose porridge and cream.
After the servants cleared away the remains of the morning meal, others brought in boxes and chests. They placed them in front of the high seats.
“I hope you’ll find pleasure in these things, Silvi. I give them all to you in token of your gift to me.”
He meant her maidenhood. She sought his gaze, trying to see what lay beneath his words, but could sense no mockery. He took a small box from the pile and opened it. He drew out a necklace made from stones of many colors. It caught the light in a brilliant burst of radiance.
“This is my personal gift to you. Not for your virginity, nor for any monetary value you hold. It’s simply for you.” He settled it over her head, letting it drape down the front of her gown. “Your beauty is such that even this necklace cannot add to it.”
The women in the room sighed while the men banged on the tables in approval. She took a shuddering breath.
“I thank you, Husband. I shall always wear and cherish this.” She touched it.The stones felt warm beneath her hand, as though they’d already absorbed the heat of her body.
They went to the pile of chests and he showed her the other gifts of fabrics and furs, the broaches and jewelry. There was gold for her to use as she saw fit, and glittering, flat purple stones to make into a set of runes. The people called out their approval as Magnus opened each chest.
She was speechless. Such wealth. She’d known he was a successful trader, but this was more riches than she’d ever dreamed of. And it was all hers. She’d never aspired to such things. What would she do with it all?
Her head light, she needed to sit down. But there was one more thing he had to give her. He handed her a ring of keys. “These are the keys to the household, my wife. They show your authority over all things here. You hold the keys to all locks in the village.” He lowered his voice so only she could hear him. “Just as you hold the keys to my heart.”
If he’d taken his sword and cleaved her own heart in two, it would not have hurt more. How could he be so understanding, so patient? She didn’t deserve it. Any of it.
She made it through the rest of the day with people of the village giving her gifts and wanting to speak with her. She was their mistress now, the wife of their jarl. Their problems were hers, their needs and welfare hers to see to as well. Nothing was the same any longer.
There was another feast that night, as there would be over the next week. Magnus drank more than she’d seen him do before. He wasn’t drunk, though, unlike many of the other guests. He was too controlled for that. But he was quiet, and when, at the end of the evening, he held his hand out to her, his eyes were shadowed.
He managed to fend off the laughing men who wanted to come along and assist him again, and once they’d gained their chamber, he shut the door against the noise and merriment. The boxes and chests holding her morning gifts stood along the far wall. She could hardly bear to look at them all.
“Do you like your gifts, Silvi? Your mother helped me pick these things out.” His voice held an edge she’d not heard before.
There was even more someplace? “You’re very generous with me, Magnus. In more ways than only this.” She regarded him. “You cut yourself this morning and dropped the blood on the bed. Why?”
“I told you. Only you and I will know about last night.”
“And all this? I haven’t earned any of it.”
“For the same reason as I put blood on the sheets. What would you have me do? Refuse to give you the gifts? Eirik would declare war against me for dishonoring you so badly.” He crossed his arms. “Unless we told everyone I haven’t yet claimed my own wife. That I won’t until she comes to me in desire, of her own accord.”
“If the marriage isn’t consummated, we are not truly wed.”
“Perhaps that’s what you’d like. I know you didn’t want this, that you’d rather be someplace else. Perhaps you will hold out, never giving me what I want, until I tire of it and set you free. Then you can take all this and your dowry and leave. Is that what you think?”
She gasped at his harshness. But she couldn’t speak the words to deny it entirely. The last part was exactly what she’d thought of. Until she’d met the people here and had fallen in love with the village.
“Of course, you’d beggar me and Thorsfjell. But you’d have your precious Uppsala.”
She clenched her jaw. “If you think so little of me as to believe I’d do that to you or Thorsfjell, then we have nothing more to speak of. I’ve never had any use for material things. Not like you do. They’re all you know, all you believe in. If I want to leave, I have only to announce in front of witnesses that I’m divorcing you, and it would be done. I don’t need to resort to such games as you accuse me of.”
“Then why don’t you? There are enough witnesses out there.”
“Oh no, Magnus. If you think I’ll have it on my head to destroy this village and let everyone suffer, then you insult me. You made certain I fell in love with the people here. I feel their need for me and I’ve seen their faces, heard their voices. I know their names now and I’ve held their babes. You know I can’t hurt them.” All the submerged anger and frustration building in her since she’d been
pressured into marriage poured out of her. “By manipulating me, you’ve made quite certain you can keep those precious warships and the power they bring you. That’s all that matters to you. Swords and silver. I can’t help but wonder if the reason you’re so solicitous to me is that you’re afraid I’ll leave and take my dowry and all these things. You’d be willing to put up with anything as long as you can keep the ships you bargained for. Even me.”
She turned her back to him. Magnus had the right to use the ships, but they were, by law, hers. As was all of her dowry. In spite of his fine words to her, was that all she was to him? A way to get those damned ships?
“You’re welcome to them, Magnus. I hope they rock you to sleep every night. Because I won’t.”
“Why should I expect anything different than what happened—or rather, didn’t happen—last night?”
She wouldn’t deign to answer that. Still turned away from him, she stripped off her gown and shift, and climbed into bed without even taking her hair down. It would be nice to make a grand exit after a scathing remark, but where would she go? He could always leave and finish getting drunk with the other men out in the common room.
He didn’t. As soon as she settled under the furs, with her back turned this time, his belt hit the floor and his clothing rustled as he undressed. The down mattress sagged under his weight when he got into bed beside her. After a moment, he tugged at her hair.
“What are you doing?” She tried to sit up, but he put a strong hand on her shoulder, pinning her on her side.
“Just taking your hair down.”
“Don’t be nice to me. I don’t need your help.” She jerked her head away from him.
“I suppose I’d better be nice to you, shouldn’t I? After all, I need to keep on your good side.”
“Too late for that.”
“You said you would do as I say, didn’t you?”
“That was last night. This is tonight.”
“Very observant.” His tone was dry. “Still, you did say you’d do as I wish and lie still. Do so. Lie on your stomach.”
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