Would they laugh at her, or dismiss her when she couldn’t shapeshift into a wolf?
Without missing a beat, he pressed on, lowering the clipboard. “Now for announcements. Anyone have anything to tell the pack?”
A blonde Lupine and a dark-haired man stood. Jordan vaguely remembered her. Karen, who was two years older than Jordan.
“I recognize you, Karen. And Mike. Yes?” Nolan said.
Karen waved and blushed. “I, I mean, Mike and me, have an announcement. I’m pregnant.”
Cries of delight followed, along with hearty congratulations from Nolan, who invited them up to the dais. He hugged Karen, and clapped Mike on the back.
Everyone applauded.
Seeing her mate’s easy grin and the fuss made over the happy couple made Jordan feel lonelier than ever.
You pay more attention to your people than you do to me. Would it have been so terrible to call out my name, have me join you up there?
If she didn’t speak out and address this, she remained guilty as Nolan. How could he know her wishes if she didn’t voice them?
“Anyone else have anything to say before we adjourn to the dining hall and toast Karen and Mike’s news?” Nolan asked.
Now or never. Jordan stood. “I do.”
Nolan’s expression remained guarded. “I recognize you, Jordan.”
She looked around. “First, I apologize for being late. I had to fix my hair. Got it right tangled and messy and I looked worse than a wolf tangling with a porcupine.”
Smiles broke out and a few chuckles. Good. Nolan’s broad shoulders relaxed a little.
“Second, I want to thank y’all for attending our wedding. It was real good to see you all again, and have you there on our special day.”
More smiles and nods.
“Third,” she looked directly at Nolan. “Now that I’m Nolan’s mate and the alpha female, I believe my place isn’t in the audience, but at his side during meetings. On the dais. What do you say, mate of mine?”
A few gasps and shocked looks. Nolan’s hand tightened on the gavel. “Females have never been allowed on the dais during meetings, unless they are on the committees. The alpha female’s place is in the audience amongst the pack, not up here.”
“Why?” she blurted out.
“It’s tradition.” His knuckles turned white as he nearly cracked the gavel.
“Simply because it’s a tradition isn’t an excuse.” Jordan folded her arms across her chest. “Invite me up to join you on the dais.”
Everyone stared at her, and then Nolan.
His jaw tightened. “Sit down, Jordan.”
She stared at him.
He growled. “Sit. Now.”
Jordan sat. The crowd murmured, looking at Nolan with respect. Jordan’s stomach roiled with anger and embarrassment as Erica and Shirl glanced her way and smirked.
“If there’s no further new business, we’re adjourned.” Nolan slammed the gavel on the podium, and everyone got up to leave.
Pushing her way out of the crowd, she headed for the door, wishing she had never agreed to return to the Mitchell pack.
And Nolan, who honored his relationship with the past more than he honored her.
The needs of the pack must come before his own needs.
Including his need for his mate. Nolan hated this, but as alpha, he had little choice.
Pack first, was the family saying. And now Jordan was angry with him over it.
She hadn’t shown up at the congratulatory toast for the newly pregnant couple. When he went upstairs to find her, she told him she was tired and wanted to rest. Not hungry. Jordan, for the first time since her arrival, turned away from him.
He’d had to go downstairs and make excuses for her. Nolan was more worried about Jordan slipping away, growing disenchanted with pack life.
Leaving.
He tried one more time at dinner, hoping to coax her downstairs. But Jordan pretended to be asleep as he entered the bedroom.
Pausing with his hand on the light switch, he spoke quietly. “If you get hungry later, I’ll have a tray brought to our room.”
He went into the dining hall, but had little appetite. Spotting Sam in the corner by himself, he walked to his table.
Sam dug into his prime rib. “Where’s your bride?”
“Resting upstairs.” Nolan looked around. Most of the pack had elected to eat here tonight at the same time, even the families who had their own cabins apart from the lodge.
“You wore her out last night. Poor thing.” Sam winked.
Nolan laughed, but it sounded forced even to his ears.
But his friend, who had always seen through him, sharpened his gaze. Sam pointed to the empty chair. “Talk to me.”
Nolan pulled out the chair, reversed it and straddled it, resting his arms on the back. He lowered his voice. “She challenged my authority at the meeting and I had to stop it. Think her feelings are hurt.”
“You did what you had to. Soon as the youngsters in the pack sniffed out that you were vulnerable, they’d jump all over you.”
Nolan snorted. “Youngsters? Palmer and Todd are barely two years younger than me.”
“Which makes it even more important to stay strong to yourself and your agenda.”
“Last month, my agenda didn’t include having a mate, let alone a strong-willed one.”
“Jordan’s a wild wolf. She’ll always follow her own way. When you two were kids, that path was your path. Things have changed.” Sam sipped his sweet tea. “She’s been a loner for six years and that means adjusting to this pack’s rules and your life. If she had stayed, you both would have grown together.”
“Or not.” Not if she truly was in love with Bryce. Yet he wondered about that. When Bryce heard Jordan had left, he laughed and said ‘Good riddance.’
“Point is, it’s your pack now.” Sam gave him a level look, wise beyond his 30 years. “You run it as best as you see it. I know it, and I’m here to support you. Jordan should as well.”
“Thanks.” He appreciated that support coming from Sam, considering his friend had left because the long-ruling alpha had died.
“You have to give it a chance, Nolan. When your father died, it tore our pack apart. We were wolves chasing our own tails, trying to make sense of the fact our leader was gone. You should have had more time to grow into the job of alpha. You didn’t. So if you have to be tougher than normal, you do it.”
“It is what it is.” Nolan looked around the dining hall. “I did what I had to, and I’ll keep doing it. But I don’t want to lose her again, Sam. She turns me inside out and upside down, but the thought of her walking out that door and never coming back tears me up.”
“You’re in love,” Sam noted. “That’s what love does to you. Felt the same with my sweetheart, and then she left with her folks for Alaska. That ended that. You think I’d want to feel that again, the torment and the agony of a broken heart?”
Nolan fell silent a moment. “That’s why you really left the pack. It was Zoe. Not my father’s death.”
Sam nodded. “Wanted to tell you, but you were overwhelmed at the time with being the new alpha. I felt bad for abandoning you, Nolan, but I couldn’t stay. Not with all those memories here. That’s the real reason I wanted the job as your beta. Figured it would take my mind off Zoe.”
“I understand.” He did, too. Except he didn’t have the luxury of packing his bags and hoping to erase memories on the road. He was the alpha.
Sam gestured to the table. “You eating? I’ll get them to fetch a plate for you.”
“Not tonight.” A restlessness claimed him. “Going for a run. I’m going to hunt for my dinner the old-fashioned way.”
He saluted his friend and left the dining hall. Todd and Palmer sat on the porch, whispering. They saw him, smirked.
Nolan could read their body language. They’d seen what happened at the meeting, and saw Jordan as a weak link in his chain. He ground to a halt and turned.
“You got a p
roblem?” he asked.
“No alpha,” Todd said, lowering his gaze.
Nolan regarded them both for a long moment. “If you’re done with dinner, go help in the kitchen.”
Palmer sputtered. “That’s women’s work!”
“You eat the food, you help clean up.”
They both sulked, but stood. And then they walked over to the stairs, as if to leave.
Nolan shifted into his wolf, bolted for the stairs, blocking their exit. Baring his teeth, he snarled at them.
“Okay, okay!” Todd held up his hands. “We’re going!”
Nolan herded them toward the kitchen door, following them inside. He shifted back into Skin, clothing himself by magick, and pointed to the stacks of dishes waiting to be loaded into the dishwasher.
He waited until they began working and then gave Dan, the head of the kitchen staff, a pointed look. Dan nodded. “No worries, alpha. I’ll make sure they’re here until we’re finished.”
He nodded and went outside, shifting into his wolf and leapt over the railing, landing two stories below on four paws. Gasps sounded from those watching above. Good. Let them see he was no weak Lupine who couldn’t rule the pack.
They were always watching him, testing him to see if he was strong enough to lead them. The bolder ones, like Palmer and Todd, liked to expose his weaknesses.
Jordan sure was one of them. She vexed him.
As always, the shift energized him. Smells exploded in his nostrils and the wind ruffled his dark fur as he raced toward the woods.
Nolan hunted, flushing out a rabbit that thought to have a snack on the lettuce in their vegetable garden. After eating, he ran through the woods to rid himself of the restless itch he’d had until Jordan came back into his life.
That itch calmed down when they were making love. When they had sex, he felt peaceful in his own skin for a change. Their bedroom was a haven from the pressures of pack and business, where he could lose himself in his mate’s soft body and her welcoming arms.
Picking up her scent near the path leading to the stables, he sniffed the ground, tracking her scent, the male instinct to protect, claim and hold riding him strong. He loped over to a tree and lifted his leg, marking it. Did the same with a few other trees as a warning to Todd, Palmer and the other males.
Growling, he ran through the woods until reaching the family cemetery. Nolan shifted back into skin, clothed himself by magick. He went to his father’s grave, sat by the stone. Throat tight with emotion, he ran a hand over the rough edged letters.
Damn he missed his father and yet did not miss him, a tough alpha who always had answers for everything. He resented Craig for his toughness, but after his father passed, understood the reasons why.
It took a strong alpha to lead a pack of wolves.
“I keep screwing up with her, Dad,” he confessed. “Jordan is wearing on me, tearing the pack apart with her ways. She wants to rip apart all the old traditions that glued us together for generations.”
No answers but tree frogs and cicadas making their night music, and the soft rustle of leaves driven by the wind.
“I don’t know what to do,” he muttered, burying his head in his hands. “I don’t know how to handle her anymore. If I break her spirit, she’ll wither. But she’s wild and feral and I can’t control her.”
A free spirit. He’d always loved that about her. Why change her now?
Because she’s an adult now, and different.
While he liked those changes in her, and the spark for life she always had, he sensed she hid something important from him. And that something was the reason she kept rebelling against him, and their mating.
Their relationship. Maybe even it was the reason why she’d been threatened with shifter prison itself. Tristan told him Jordan had tried to burn down a Skin house where a young boy was beaten.
Her reasons were good, even if her actions had been dangerous.
Why was she acting this way?
Something happened. He didn’t know what. Did it have to do with the real reason she left?
The sex on the first night of their mating had been terrific. And then, when he went to take her in the traditional Lupine mating position, to put his mating mark on her and claim her as his own, she’d fought him.
He’d never force her, but her reluctance had startled him. At first he’d blamed her fierce independent streak.
Nolan touched the gravestone again and had a flash of insight.
What if it wasn’t independence, but something else? Something that happened in the past?
Maybe that was why she set fire to the Skin house. Seeing the boy beaten reminded Jordan of an abuse she’d suffered.
Not the strappings she’d endured at his father’s hand. Craig had been harsh, but those punishments were limited for young Lupines. Jordan had always recovered, especially after Nolan soothed her.
Recovered to be her normal, high-spirited self, laughing and joking with him. Not this reckless Lupine driven to wild impulses.
Dangerous impulses.
Maybe something else happened to her those years she’d been gone from the pack. Another male had abused her.
His hands curled into fists. If another male had touched her without Jordan’s permission, had dared to hurt her…
A growl rumbled deep in his throat. I’ll find you and kill you for hurting my Jordan.
But he had no clue. How could he track down Jordan’s attacker, if there was one, if she refused to talk about it?
Maybe she’s loathe to talk to you about it, but she’d talk to another woman about it. Her former friends don’t like her anymore, and she doesn’t have any female companions, not since Nia left. Maybe she’d confide in them.
He ruminated over it.
Nolan dragged in a deep breath, shifted back into wolf and headed home.
When he changed back into Skin and climbed the stairs to their bedroom, he heard cries coming from the bedroom. Alarmed, he raced inside.
Jordan lay on the bed, thrashing on the covers, sobbing.
Nolan tore over to the bed, stroking her forehead. “Honey, wake up, wake up.”
The thrashing and horrific sobs stopped. Jordan blinked hard and sat up, clutching the sheet to her breasts.
“Oh.” She rubbed her head. “Guess I fell asleep.”
“What happened to you?” Nolan wiped away another tear, gentling his voice. “Why are you crying in your sleep, sweetheart? Why are you having nightmares? Did something happen?”
Jordan squeezed her eyes shut and for once, did not speak.
“Please talk to me,” he urged.
Finally she shrugged. “It was just a silly dream.”
He knew her stubborn streak, knew she didn’t want to discuss it. Nolan felt helpless to comfort her with words. So he reached out, gently pulled her into his arms. She stiffened, but did not attempt to draw away.
Nolan rubbed his cheek against her head. Sex always made things better, in his opinion, but right now she needed affection, not physical pleasure.
“Tomorrow, you and I are going on a special visit. Just the two of us.”
Jordan shrugged again. “Whatever. I’m tired. Good night.”
Troubled, he tugged off his clothing and slid between the covers. For the first time since their mating, he did not have sex with her.
Nolan didn’t know what to do with Jordan.
Surely his beloved grandmother would have answers.
10
His mother and grandmother lived only fifteen minutes from the lodge, on land Nolan’s father had purchased. Nolan hated this community. Not because it was filled with elderly Lupines, but because they should be living with the pack.
Yet for as long as he had known, the elderly Lupines were segregated. They couldn’t run as fast, shift as quickly, or contribute to work, so more than one hundred years ago, Nolan’s grandfather had built these cabins.
At least Craig had spent money renovating and updating the homes. Each cabin sat
on a quarter acre of flat land, with a good view of the Smoky Mountains. The elderly didn’t want for anything.
All their needs were cared for, except their basic need for pack and family.
Nolan released a heavy sigh as he shut off the truck engine after parking in the driveway before his grandmother’s cabin. Here was the one place where he could truly be himself. He enjoyed sitting with them in the evening hours and listening to their stories of days past.
Sometimes he gleaned nuggets of wisdom he tucked away for later. Those nuggets came in hand with the biggest dilemma he faced as alpha – being tough enough to lead without being a total prick, like his father.
MeeMaw’s cabin was the largest, honoring the fact that she was Craig’s mother.
As they entered the spacious cabin, Nolan hugged his mother. He stepped aside for Jordan and Sue to greet each other. His mother had always liked Jordan and approval shone in her dark gaze now.
Sue wiped her hands on a checked apron. “Lunch should be ready soon. Why don’t you go inside, say hello to MeeMaw?”
Nolan’s grandmother was ancient. No one knew her exact age. She sat in her favorite chair by the fireplace, her wooden cane at her side. Face a roadmap of wrinkles, she looked frail as newly blown glass. But her rheumy blue eyes were bright.
Nolan crouched down and kissed her hand. “Meemaw, this is Jordan, my mate. You remember Jordan?”
The old woman squinted at Jordan. “Come closer, child, my old eyes can’t see that well.”
Jordan bent down before her, and Meemaw ran a hand over her face. “Good bones, strong character. You’re a wild one still.”
Pink tinted Jordan’s cheeks. “Yes, m’mam.”
“But polite. I like that.” Meemaw turned to him and Nolan felt the uncomfortable weight of her sharp scrutiny. His granny might not see too well, but she saw some things far too well.
“You’ve been treating her well, Nolan Mitchell? Feeding her well, making sure she’s comfortable, bedding her each night? That old iron bed has made many mated females happy over generations, and you had better not be the first to disappoint your mate.”
Honesty was always best with the old ones. “I’m doing my best, Meemaw.”
WILD WOLF: Werewolves of Montana Book 12 Page 12
