by Bijou Hunter
“Well, at least, I can admit when I’m wrong. Judd still believes you’re gay, and he thinks MJ is your beard.”
Judd leans out of the kitchen and gives me a knowing wink.
“You two spend too much time gossiping,” Colton says, having lost interest in stretching in front of the windows. “Quaid and MJ are the real deal.”
“Well, if you think so, then…” Tawny says, waving around her hand.
“I do. They have chemistry.”
“Chemistry, huh?”
“They’re horny for each other,” Colton clarifies, and Tawny flips him off.
“Manners, grandma.”
“Watch it, kid. Your uncle’s been looking for someone to slap around, but no one in Pema will sit still for long enough,” Tawny threatens, mentioning the town where her kids live.
“Beat your own kids,” Farah says, exiting the kitchen to check on MJ. “Let Cooper beat ours.”
“Does he beat them, Sis?”
“Not them but him,” Farah says and gestures toward Colton. “MJ is completely out.”
“She’ll wake up soon,” I promise. “She was like this in the hospital too. Within a half hour, she started waking up enough to eat and tell me how biker gangs are misogynistic.”
“She isn’t wrong,” Tawny mutters.
Audrey points at her aunt. “Hell yeah. I would totally be in the club if I had a penis.”
“I sense a lot of things would be different if you had a penis,” Cap says and rubs her belly.
“Before we launch into a discussion of gender roles,” Judd says, entering the kitchen and standing near his wife. “Or even worse, you ladies get to talking about babies, can we do some sleuthing?”
“What?” Audrey asks, frowning at her uncle.
“Any ideas on who shot Rando?”
“MJ,” Lily corrects.
“Look, she’s like a dog,” Judd says, tilting his beer toward my sleeping beauty. “She wants to acknowledge me, she’ll respond to any name. If she plans to ignore me, it won’t matter if I use the correct name.”
“That’s more like a cat,” Audrey corrects.
Judd looks to Tawny for help, but she shakes her head. “Cats ignore people, babe.”
“I get no respect from today’s youth.”
“Or from your old lady,” Colton says, already lingering near the door in case he needs to run from a potential Judd attack.
After a little glaring in the younger man’s direction, Judd sighs. “Who did this shit and how do we plan to kill him?”
“Skin him alive,” Audrey suggests. “Is that hard?”
Cap nods at her question but adds nothing else.
“We figured it was either the Mullen dicks or the Roche assholes,” Cooper says, sitting in his recliner. “Both claim it’s not them, of course. I believe Bobby Bo Roche, but Topher Mullen is his usual shifty self.”
“I think it’s the Mullen assholes,” Colton growls from beside his father. “They’re mentally fucked people. No reason behind half of what they do. Did you see Cy’s last tattoo? Why would any sane person get a happy clown inked on their chest? Chicks don’t cream their panties over clowns.”
“He isn’t wrong,” Audrey says and pats Cap’s cheek. “No clowns.”
“You can’t be serious. That was totally the tat I planned for your birthday.”
They smile and nuzzle noses to the horror of her father, brother, and uncle. Farah and Tawny smile at the display, though.
“I don’t think it’s the Mullens,” Lily says, and her voice cracks suspiciously. “I talked to Sissy Mullen after the shooting, and she acted genuinely shocked. You know how the Mullens keep no secrets amongst them. If one of her brothers hurt MJ, Sissy would have known and acted guilty.”
Everyone stares at Lily for a few seconds too long, making me think they’re suspicious of her Mullen family knowledge. Having no idea what the town’s hierarchy looks like, I only make a mental note of their wariness. Never know when I might one day need that information.
“Why are you hanging around Sissy Mullen?” Colton asks his sister who pretends not to hear him.
“Why would either of these groups want to kill MJ?” I ask, and I swear the group looks at me as if they’d forgotten I was even in the room. My lurking abilities have never been so impressive.
“They’re nuts,” Colton says after everyone remains silent for too long.
“They wanted to hurt the club by going after what Cooper loves the most,” Farah suggests.
“Ah, Mom,” Colton murmurs, hugging her. “It’s so adorable how you think that.”
Farah pushes him off and slaps his ass with her kitchen towel. “Fine, I won’t help.”
“No, Mom, your efforts are helpful,” Colton says, following her into the kitchen.
“Logistically, this guy made a lot of solid moves,” Cooper announces, sounding tired. “He used a burner phone to call the shelter so it can’t be traced. He put the kittens in a normal cardboard box with no markings on it. He used a generic run-down truck common around these parts. He picked a road people rarely frequent. He knew when MJ would be available to check out the info he called in. This wasn’t a quickie plan thrown together. The guy took his time to ensure he had MJ alone.”
Nodding, I caress MJ’s head. “Even with all that planning, he still hesitated when she got to the road. He had her where he wanted her but then let her wander off and use her phone.”
“Why hesitate?” Colton asks.
“My guess is the guy isn’t accustomed to killing. The plan looked easy in his head, but when the moment came, he choked. He had the jump on her before she found the box or thought to call anyone. Our shooter is likely someone young. Like Rudy Roche but with bigger balls. This guy possesses a killer instinct and would have gone through with it, but his nerves slowed him down, and he missed his chance.”
“Could be a lot of guys. There are more wannabe killers in these parts than cold-blooded ones,” Judd mutters.
“Attacking MJ is personal,” I say, keeping my voice steady despite my rage at remembering that day. “He didn’t have to kill those kittens. He didn’t need a fucking box there at all. He killed them to upset her. This is about her, not you or the club.”
“MJ rubs people the wrong way,” Colton says.
“This guy knows her routine, job, interests,” I continue. “He’s someone close to her. That means you likely know him too.”
“An ex-boyfriend maybe. I only know she messed around with a few nobodies from the mall,” Colton suggest. “One of them might be upset to learn she’s dating someone.”
“Doesn’t fit. I was first seen with MJ on Monday. She was shot on Wednesday. This guy didn’t pull the plan out of his ass.”
“I can’t think of anyone with a grudge against MJ,” Lily says, sounding nervous. “The locals don’t mind her.”
“Because they think she’s messed up in the head,” I whisper.
Tawny sighs. “That’s the rumor.”
“That’s where this guy went wrong,” I say, putting myself into the head of the asshole. “He thought she was too stupid to get spooked. Her gut knew the scene was off, allowing her time to fight back.”
“Someone’s protecting him,” Cooper growls. “This isn’t just one guy fucking with MJ. It’s all the people hiding him.”
Judd crosses his arms and exhales loudly as a way to prepare the room for his sage words. “Is it possible the guy set up the plan not to kill MJ but to grab her for ransom?”
“No,” MJ says, scaring the shit out of everyone. “If someone wanted to get money out of the family, they’d grab Lily instead of me.”
“Why me?”
MJ adjusts herself on the couch and smiles at me. “Hello.”
“Enjoy your nap?”
“I dreamed I was naked in the pool. Yeah, it was pretty fun,” she says and then leans her head on my arm. “Pop, the person who shot me wanted to shoot me. They didn’t like me. Who in town doesn’t like me?
”
“Wouldn’t you know?” Colton asks, returning from the kitchen with a beer in his hand.
“Little brother, I don’t care about people or their opinions. I’m much too busy thinking about the meaning of life. So does anyone know who might hate me?”
“Dash Mullen yelled at you that time at the movies,” Colton says with his mouth full of what I suspect is chicken he smuggled out of the kitchen.
“Is he the one with the clown tat?” Judd asks.
Colton shakes his head. “No, that’s Cy.”
“I’m telling you it’s not the Mullens,” Lily insists.
“How do you know?” Cooper asks his oldest child who stares as if she hadn’t ever expected this follow-up question.
“Well, obviously, if any of them wanted to kill a member of this family, they’d pick Colton,” she finally says. “He peed on Cy’s motorcycle.”
“In my defense,” Colton says with his mouth full, “Cy was sitting on the bike at the time, and he does resemble a toilet.”
“Charming shit,” Cooper growls at his son who growls back at him.
“I beat up a few girls in high school,” MJ says as her hand again fondles my leg. “Do you think any of them could be angry enough to send a guy after me?”
“Who were they?” Cooper asks.
“One of them was named Amber.”
Her father sighs. “That’s not helpful at all.”
“I remember her!” Audrey cries. “She has four kids now and spends all her free time at church.”
“So she’s a possibility,” MJ murmurs and glances around. “Should we get a dry-erase board out to keep track of the suspects?”
“Amber didn’t try to kill you,” Audrey says, rolling her eyes.
“She knows a lot of people through her church,” MJ replies, leaning forward and glaring at her sister. “Any of them could have agreed to help her. Then because God was watching him, the shooter got jittery and missed the kill shot. Yep, Amber’s our guy. Mystery solved. Hey, Mom, is dinner ready?”
Farah leans out from the kitchen and flashes a big smile. “Yes. Colt and Lily, can you help me set the table?”
“I can help,” Audrey says, without moving from her husband’s lap.
“I can help too,” MJ says, also without making any effort to get up.
“Not to be a dick,” I grumble, “but if we assume the shooter wasn’t Amber, the Roches, or the Mullens, are we saying we have no idea who did it?”
Cooper cusses under his breath. “This is ridiculous. No one would want to kill MJ.”
“How do we know it wasn’t him?” Judd asks and gestures toward me.
“He wouldn’t know her work schedule or how Route 72 is a dead zone,” Colton says immediately. “Plus, I’d assume Quaid was looking to nail a live version of her, so there’s that.”
Cooper glares at his only son. “Shut up, and go help your mother.”
“Sorry, Daddy,” Colton says and struts to the kitchen.
“I know who it is,” MJ mumbles while fighting to get her ass off the couch. I help her stand, but she ends up wobbling until her body is attached to mine. “I just can’t put my finger on who it is.”
“Not helpful, kid,” Judd says and walks to the dining room table where food is set out.
“I remember how he moved,” she tells me. “How he moved is important, but I can’t figure out why it’s important. I just know I know him.”
“I thought you said it was Amber,” Audrey asks and runs her fingers over MJ’s injured arm.
“I still do.”
“Except it’s not.”
“No, probably not, but she was a bitch. Hey, who was that cow that harassed you when we were kids? I think I might have roughed her up too, and now she wants revenge.”
“Josi moved to Alabama.”
“Ah, so she’s suffered enough.”
Once again, everyone’s focus shifts to dinner—which is delicious—and Audrey and Cap’s gestating baby. Tawny talks about her grandkids. Judd nods at whatever his wife says. Cooper gives me a dirty look whenever MJ tries to feed me. Colton and Lily talk shit about people I don’t know, and Farah basks in glory while cutting MJ’s food for her. We’re a happy fucking family living the dream.
Except for the fact that the would-be shooter remains at large and we’re no closer to finding him.
THE ODDBALL
My mother makes the best fried chicken I’ve ever tasted, and I’ve eaten variations in forty states. She makes my favorite chunky potatoes and corn on the cob too. I eat way more than I should, but life is too short to deny myself such yummy food.
“Isn’t it great?” I ask Quaid, wanting him to love my family as much as I do.
Leaning closer, he whispers, “So good, it’s worth sporting a hard dick for the last thirty minutes.”
“Go to the bathroom and deal with that thing,” I balk, but he only grins in his Quaid-way that makes me wish we were alone and naked in my RV.
Despite enjoying my family and Quaid’s company, I remain detached because of the pain medicine. I can’t stand the way my brain works on the pills. The people I love feel far away even when at arm’s length. When Mom hugs me, I numb to her touch rather than warmed by her embrace.
Then the long summer day ends, and the sun dips below the horizon leaving a hot night behind. The rest of my family heads outside to sit on the back deck where they enjoy coffee or beer while talking in hushed tones.
I can’t follow them. The heat is unbearable on my skin, and I’m certain someone is watching me in the darkness.
“The guy’s a coward,” Colton says and tries to drag me outside. “A coward wouldn’t own the balls to sit in the dark with our hungry dogs looking for fresh meat.”
“Stop pulling on me,” I complain and slap him with my good hand.
Colton doesn’t feel pain like ordinary people. I haven’t seen him cry since he was eight years old, but I have seen him seriously injure himself a million times. The guy is a fucking machine.
“Mom!” I scream when Colton grabs me around the waist and drags me toward the door
“Tick tock,” I hear in a soft tone.
My brother turns just in time to get slapped across the face by Quaid. The backhand is almost playful, but Colton reacts immediately to the attack. He throws a punch at Quaid who easily dodges his fist. I’m confused by what I’m seeing. Is Colton moving very slowly or is Quaid super-fast? All I know is my brother ends up on his ass with Quaid’s booted foot pressed on his chest.
“Don’t be a dick,” Quaid murmurs in a teasing tone.
Colton’s dark eyes flare with rage. “Get off me, or I’ll get you off me.”
“Alright but either leave your sister alone, or I’ll knock you on your ass again.”
Quaid steps back, and Colton returns to his feet immediately. Still sitting on the ground where my brother dumped me, I wait excitedly for them to fight.
Colton shakes out his shoulders. “I’m not scared of you, Army boy.”
“No one said you were, spoiled bitch.”
“Ooh, burn!” Audrey yells from the deck. “Pop, Colton’s ass is on fire!”
“Shut up!” Colton yells at our little sister.
“Shit, he’s going to cry, Cap! Get the camera!”
Colton uses the excuse of tormenting Audrey to walk away from a fight he can’t win against Quaid. Mom and Pop stand in the doorway—one smiling while the other clings to his frown.
“I had it handled,” Pop insists.
“Never said you didn’t, boss,” Quaid mumbles as he helps me to my feet.
“You’re my hero,” I announce and yank up his shirt so I can kiss his sexy belly.
“I don’t even know why I try,” Pop growls before disappearing outside.
Releasing Quaid’s shirt, I lean against him and smile at Mom. “I like him. He’s mine. I’m happy.”
“Want to come outside?”
“No fucking way,” I grumble, losing my smile as I
walk to the couch. “I want to go to the RV, but I’m scared to walk outside.”
“Let’s watch TV,” Quaid announces and sits next to me. “I admit I miss having one of these at my beck and call.”
“We’ll get a giant one for the yurt.”
“I don’t need a giant one.”
“Me either,” I coo, loving how we’re always on the same page even when we’re not. “Life should be simple. When I want to watch something on a giant screen, I can walk to my parents’ house and use their media room.”
“Fancy shit,” he says, pressing me against him while very casually stealing the remote from my grip.
“Do you hate my brother?”
“Why would I?”
“He’s annoying.”
“Lots of people are, but I don’t hate them either.”
“Who do you hate?”
“The guy who shot you. I’m also ready to beat down the people protecting him. Otherwise, no one is worth my hate.”
“What about the people who put that bomb in the car and hurt you?”
“I stopped giving a shit about them a long time ago, MJ.”
“Because caring about them is just noise.”
Quaid gives me a knowing smile, and I think about how a week ago I didn’t know he existed. How did I manage to be happy without him at my side?
My need for Quaid becomes painfully evident once we finish watching a shark versus monster squid movie. I give Mom and Pop goodnight hugs, wave at the others and make a run for my RV. Quaid jogs along with me. Once I’m inside, he kisses me goodnight at my door.
“I hate the night,” I say, gripping his shirt.
“If you need me, I’m right out here.”
His tone makes me smile, but I still ditch him and hurry inside my RV. A shower later, I’m desperate for sleep. The pill makes me groggy, but I remain scared out of my damn mind in the RV.
Was the family’s property always so loud at night? I hear movement outside. Is it the dogs? Quaid? Judd and Tawny leaving? The shooter preparing to kill us all?
Giving up on bravery and following Pop’s rules, I open the RV’s inside door and call through the screen to Quaid. “Are you awake?”
“Yes, MJ,” he says almost instantly despite thirty minutes passing since I last spoke to him.
