by Leslie Gould
As he left in the moonlight, swinging his buggy wide, he noticed the buggy parked by the barn. It was an old one with a tattered caution sign on the back that needed to be replaced.
It was Tim’s buggy, he was sure.
It looked as if his Dat really was doing the right thing when it came to the Lehmans. Better now than never—he just hoped it wasn’t too late.
9
Lila stirred in the middle of the night, ready for her pain meds. Lying flat on her back with the fixator jutting out of her middle made it hard to sleep, and the pain meds were the only thing that helped. When she was wide-awake and in pain, her mind tended to race. She worried about the future. Would she be able to have a baby? Would Zane get fed up with how dependent she was? Would he become frustrated with how hard it was to be Amish?
Jah, he was her person, the one she most wanted to be with, to spend her life with. What she feared had happened. God did have another lesson for her to learn to teach her to trust him more and Zane less.
The thought brought her no comfort, only panic. And the only thing that numbed both her thoughts and her pain was another pill. She turned her head toward the cot where Casey was sleeping. Lila was completely helpless. She couldn’t move at all, not even to get her own meds and water bottle off the table.
The sound of the door opening startled her. But then Zane stepped to the end of the bed. “Are you awake?” He spoke in a normal voice.
“Jah,” she whispered. “What are you doing here?”
“I couldn’t sleep.” He had a flashlight in his hand, pointed at the floor. He wore a jacket and stocking cap. When he came around the side of the bed, she could see that he wore a pair of sweatpants instead of Amish trousers. “Do you need your pain meds?” he asked, this time his voice lower.
She nodded.
He took the pillbox off the bedside table, popped out the middle-of-the-night dose, and handed her the pill and then the water bottle. After she swallowed, she said, “You should go back to bed—you can’t keep going like this, without getting any rest.”
“I woke up worried about you,” he said.
“I’m all right.”
“I had a dream. . . .”
“A nightmare?”
He nodded. “But it wasn’t about Afghanistan.”
“What was it about?”
“You going over the top of Billie and into the creek.”
“Zane.” Lila reached for his hand, her sense of panic building. “I’m going to be fine.” She hoped so anyway.
“But you could have been killed.” He’d said the same thing a few times before. It wasn’t helpful to her. He sat down on the edge of the bed. “I keep thinking about you going through the windshield and about the man who hit you. I want to know exactly what happened.”
Lila didn’t answer.
“Was he texting?” Zane asked. “Or blind to buggies? Didn’t he see the caution sign? Because I know you wouldn’t let Billie pull out in front of the vehicle.”
“Zane,” she said. “Stop.”
He shook his head and then said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”
“You didn’t.” The pain had. “But you should go back home.”
He ignored her. “It’s good to see Simon, isn’t it?”
“Jah,” she said, lowering her voice even more, “and Casey too.” She didn’t want to wake up their friend.
Zane nodded, a faraway look in his eyes.
“Do you miss all of it?” Lila asked. “The Army? The other soldiers?”
He paused for a moment. Then he said, “No.”
Lila closed her eyes. He’d paused. They’d been all set before the accident. Marriage was a month away. Zane was adapting to living Plain. They had the support of her Dat and of Zane’s parents, and Gideon too, of course. But maybe now Zane was second-guessing everything. Transitioning to a horse and buggy was hard enough for everyday life, but throw in a catastrophe and she could see why he felt overwhelmed. He didn’t know how to cope with tragedy in the Amish way. He was used to doing something about it, fixing everything. He was wearing her out.
“I’ll leave you be,” Zane said, using an expression she was sure he’d picked up from her.
Lila nodded without opening her eyes. The numbness had started to settle in, masking the pain and slowing her thoughts. They both needed to rest. She sensed him stepping to the side of the bed and then leaning down, careful not to bump the fixator. When he kissed her forehead, she opened her eyes and said, “We’ll get through this.” She hoped it was true.
He nodded. “I know. I just wish I could have protected you.”
She tried to smile as she reached for his hand. “Think about everything you’re doing. Where would I be without your help?”
Zane looked pathetically sad. “I just wish I could fix it now.”
She squeezed his hand. “Go back to bed.”
He yawned. “See you tomorrow.” He stopped at the wood stove and stoked the fire. A minute later the front door closed behind him.
“Everything all right?” It was Casey’s voice from across the room.
“Fine,” Lila answered. “Sorry we woke you.”
“No worries.” By the sound of it, Casey had flopped over to her side.
There were many times Lila wished the accident had happened after the wedding. Then Zane could have taken care of her. Then they’d be together all night long, not just for a quick visit when Zane couldn’t sleep. But then, if he changed his mind about staying Amish, it was a blessing they hadn’t married yet. She had to trust God—and trust his timing.
Lila woke the next morning to a clatter in the kitchen and the smell of bacon frying. She couldn’t imagine that Casey was much of a cook. Maybe Shani had arrived already.
“Shoot!” It was Casey all right, probably doing her best to control her language.
“What happened?” Lila called out.
“Nothing.” There was another clatter. Then silence.
“Do you need anything?” Lila asked.
“No,” Casey said, her voice sharp.
Lila adjusted the backrest until she could see the counter left of the sink through the kitchen doorway. A wooden spoon sat in a mixing bowl. There was a mug next to it. Lila breathed in the smell of bacon mixed with coffee.
Her stomach began to growl for the first time since the accident. “How about a cup of that coffee?” Lila called out.
“Coming right up.” Casey poked her head around the corner. “With cream?”
“Black,” Lila said.
A minute later Casey appeared with a mug in her hand. Her dark hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and she was wearing a pair of Army sweats. Even in the drab gray, she looked beautiful.
“Here you go.” She put the mug on the table beside the bed. “Do you need your meds?”
Lila nodded. It had definitely been four hours since her last pill—both the pain and anxiety had returned. “Thanks.” Once she’d swallowed the medicine, using the coffee to wash it down, she asked, “What are you making in there?”
Casey smiled. “You’ll see.”
“I didn’t take you for much of a cook.”
Casey stopped smiling.
“What’s the matter? Did I say something wrong?”
Casey shook her head. “No one seems to think I’ll be able to run a house, including Simon.”
Lila couldn’t help but laugh. “What does Simon care? He’s the biggest slob—” She stopped, realizing she shouldn’t have said that.
“Right?” Casey responded. “But he still seems to think I should be able to cook.”
“Wait,” Lila said. “What are you two planning?”
“Well, we’re not exactly planning anything yet. But we’re talking.”
“M-marriage?” Lila stammered.
Casey nodded, a smile spreading across her face. “Is that all right with you?”
“Of course,” Lila said. It meant Simon really wouldn’t come home and join the chu
rch, but she hadn’t expected he would. She inhaled. But she hoped he wouldn’t stay in the military much longer. “Is Simon planning to make a career out of the Army?”
“Perhaps,” Casey said.
“And what about you?”
“We’ll see,” she answered. “I don’t want to be one of those couples where both parents get deployed and the kids end up going to stay with grandparents.” She paused a moment and then said, “I’m going to admit that I snooped, but here goes. I’m curious is all. I opened the door to the room upstairs after my shower, the one at the top of the landing.”
“Oh?” Lila said, shifting a little in the bed.
“Yeah, I shouldn’t have. I know.” Casey wrinkled her nose. “So do all Amish couples furnish a nursery before they get married?”
Lila gasped. “The room’s furnished?”
Casey nodded, a confused look on her face. “Crib. Bureau. Rocking chair.”
Lila shook her head. “No, it’s not normal. Zane did all of that.”
“Oh, sorry,” Casey said. “I shouldn’t have snooped. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
“No,” Lila said. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”
Casey nodded toward the kitchen. “Simon and Rose will be here soon, so I need to get back to work. I want things to be ready when they get here.”
Casey headed back to the kitchen, while Lila contemplated what she’d said. Zane wouldn’t understand, but what he’d done was prideful. She knew he did it as a gift to her, but it was far too early. Far too soon. Tears flooded her eyes, and she swallowed hard. Not only had she loved Zane too much and put too much of her trust in him, but he was already counting that God would bless them with children before they’d even married.
They’d both been foolish.
She dabbed at her tears. She wasn’t going to spend the day crying. Not again.
A hint of smoke came from the kitchen, overpowering the scent of bacon. Lila took a sip of her coffee. The smoke got worse. “Everything all right?” she called out to Casey.
“Fine,” she answered. “I’m just trying to get used to this stove.”
Smoke started to billow out of the kitchen just as Simon came through the front door, followed by Rose. Then the smoke alarm started wailing.
“Whoa!” Simon called out, dashing into the kitchen. “What’s going on?”
Lila couldn’t hear Casey’s answer. Rose headed toward the kitchen and then back toward Lila, a smile on her face. “She burned the hotcakes.”
“Poor Casey,” Lila said.
Rose sat down on the side of Lila’s bed.
“Is Reuben coming over later?” Lila asked.
Rose shook her head again.
“But you’re going to the singing with him. Right?” It was an off Sunday as far as church, but a singing had been planned for the evening.
“Maybe I’ll go . . .” Rose answered.
“Maybe?”
She shrugged. “I think I’d rather hang out here, see more of Simon before he leaves.”
“But you told Reuben you’d go?”
“Jah, but I’m not sure he cares that much.”
“What do you mean?” Lila wrapped her hands around her mug and held it close.
Rose shrugged again.
Lila cocked her head. Rose wasn’t being honest. “Come on, Rose. What’s going on with you and Reuben?”
“Nothing.”
“Relationships don’t just happen. You have to work at them. Nurture them. Put the other person first.”
Rose frowned. “Like you did with Reuben?”
“I never loved Reuben,” Lila answered. “But I thought you did. That’s what you said. Did that change?”
Rose frowned. “Of course not.” She stood. “We need a little break is all. He was all uptight yesterday. First at the barn raising and then over here.”
“He didn’t seem uptight.”
“He was—believe me.” She smiled then, flashing her dimples. “It’s no big deal, really. I just think he needs some time to sort things through.” Rose started toward the kitchen. Obviously she didn’t want to talk about Reuben anymore.
As she reached the doorway she barked, “Knock it off.”
Simon growled, in a teasing way, “Get out of here.”
Lila could imagine Simon sneaking a kiss in the kitchen.
“When’s breakfast?” Rose asked.
“As soon as I make the hotcakes,” Simon answered. Lila could also imagine the teasing grin he’d probably just shot Casey.
Rose stepped back into the living room.
“Who’s making breakfast for Dat?” Lila asked.
“He already ate,” Rose said. “It’s almost eight, you lazy girl.”
“Where’s Trudy?”
“With Dat. He didn’t say what they’re doing today.” Beth and Dat usually visited when it was an off Sunday. Lila couldn’t help but wonder if there was any news about Beth’s ex-husband. No one had said anything.
“How about if you transfer me to the wheelchair?” Lila didn’t particularly like the tilt of the chair, but that way she could be in the kitchen with everyone else. Her pain had started to ease and so had her worries.
Rose made a face but wheeled the chair over. She transferred Lila, tucked a blanket around her, and then pushed her into the kitchen. Simon stood at the stove making hotcakes, while Casey took a bottle of orange juice out of the refrigerator. The back door was open to air out the kitchen, and the room was soon cold. “See,” Lila said to Casey. “You don’t need to learn a thing about cooking. Simon can do it.”
Simon grinned and flipped a hotcake high into the air. It twirled back down, and instead of landing on the griddle—or even on the stove—it hit the floor. Simon laughed as he bent to pick it up.
“Never mind,” Lila said. As Rose pushed Lila toward the table, Zane and Trevor came through the front door. Rose left the chair and hurried into the living room. But then Zane appeared at Lila’s side and pushed her up to the table.
“I’ll need help eating,” she said. She couldn’t reach her plate with the wheelchair tilted back.
“I know,” he answered, grabbing a plate and spearing two hotcakes.
“Just one,” she said.
He put one back. Zane had fed her half of the hotcake and a piece of bacon by the time Rose and Trevor sauntered in. Rose’s face was flushed and Trevor’s eyes bright. Lila tried to catch Zane’s gaze and express her concern, but he was distracted by Simon’s antics as he flipped another hotcake.
When he finished, Simon said he had an announcement to make. Lila braced herself, expecting it was either about marrying Casey or another deployment. It was the latter.
“I’m going to Iraq,” Simon said.
“I thought all of our soldiers had come home from there,” Lila said.
“It’s not about Iraq,” Zane said. “It’s about Syria.”
Simon nodded. “They need snipers in the area, near the border.”
“That sounds horrible.” Lila glanced at Casey.
She nodded and said, “Not many are being sent. No one from our unit. But they need Simon.”
“For how long?” Lila asked.
“Six months or so,” Simon answered. “Maybe longer.”
Lila felt as if she couldn’t breathe. Not Simon. Not again. Worse than how badly she felt was how excited Simon seemed to be about going. She glanced at Casey again. She seemed subdued but not worried. Lila would never understand the lives of soldiers.
Zane offered her another bite, but she shook her head. She felt too sick at her stomach to eat any more. Maybe it was the pain meds. Or Simon’s announcement. But she felt awful. The anxiety was back.
A half hour later, Simon and Casey decided to go into Lancaster to look around, and Trevor said he’d give Rose a ride back to the house. Lila didn’t think that was a good idea, but she didn’t say anything. After they all left, once Zane had Lila back in her bed, a knock fell on the door.
“Wer
e you expecting anyone?” Zane asked.
Lila shook her head as Zane turned to open the door.
“I’m Deputy Howell,” a deep voice said. “Is Lila Lehman here? Her father directed me this way.”
“Yes, she’s here,” Zane answered. “Come on in, Officer.” Zane held the door open wider, and the deputy stepped through. He was young, maybe in his mid-twenties. Officers sometimes ate at the Plain Buffet, but Lila didn’t recognize him.
Zane introduced Lila and then pulled up a chair for the officer. He took out a little notebook and then said, “I’m sorry about your injuries.”
Lila thanked him.
“I was in the neighborhood and had a few extra minutes, but I’m sorry to come by on a Sunday.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” Lila said, meaning it as a joke, but the officer didn’t seem to take it that way.
He sat even straighter. “I stopped by the hospital soon after the accident, but you weren’t in any shape to talk with me.”
Lila had no memory of him.
“Can you tell me what you remember from the accident?”
Lila explained she was driving the horse and buggy to pick up her little sister, that the dog along the fence line was barking, and she suspected someone was coming up behind her. At that moment, just as she started to look in the mirror, she was rear-ended.
“Tell me about the horse. Any problems with him?”
“Not that day,” Lila said.
“She’s good with horses,” Zane said. “She’s been driving buggies since she was a little kid.” That might have been a little bit of an exaggeration. But she had been driving since she was twelve.
“Any chance you might not remember exactly what happened?”
Lila wasn’t sure how to answer that.
The officer paused and then said, “Tell me about your injuries. You were in pretty bad shape when I saw you before.”
She rattled off the crushed pelvis, ruptured spleen, bruised bladder and liver. She didn’t mention any of the possible long-term damage.
“How about a concussion?”
“Jah,” Lila said. “A slight one.” It had been the least of her worries. Sleeping the first four days after the accident had helped it heal, mostly.
