by Leslie Gould
The thump of the cane stopped. “What?”
“Jah, you heard me. I’m sorry.”
The thumping started again but grew closer. Lila reappeared in the doorway.
Rose smiled. “Did you want me to say it a third time?”
Lila shook her head. “I just wanted to see your face.”
“I’m sincere,” Rose said, pushing herself up a little. “I was too harsh with you. You’ve gone through a lot.”
“Denki,” Lila said.
“And I’m sorry your birth father passed away.”
Lila nodded, her eyes welling.
“And glad you have a half brother. I look forward to meeting him someday.”
“Jah,” Lila said. “That would be nice. I’d like that. I believe you will . . . someday.” She turned again and went back into the kitchen. A cupboard opened, and there was a clatter, as if a couple of pans fell to the floor. Rose wished she could go help her sister. Instead, she pulled the quilt up to her chin and listened to the Fogles outside the living room window. She guessed a pair of robins were building a nest.
She was still on the sofa that evening, after Trudy had gone to bed. Dat and Lila sat at the kitchen table. If Rose listened carefully she could make out bits and pieces of what they were saying.
“I was wrong,” Lila said. “I’d idealized the kind of man I thought my father was.”
“So by default, I’m the better father now?”
Lila didn’t answer for a long moment. Finally she said, “I guess that’s the way it sounds.”
Rose couldn’t hear what was said next.
But then in a louder voice, Lila said, “I’m very thankful for your care.”
Dat’s voice was a little rough. “I know I was hard on you and Daniel. I didn’t know how to show you that I loved you. But I did love you. I do love you.”
“Denki,” Lila said. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited to hear that.” Her voice trembled a little. “I love you too.”
Rose wasn’t sure what happened next. Both were silent. She thought maybe they hugged, but she couldn’t be sure. Neither was very affectionate—and yet they both just had been, at least with their words.
Rose’s hand went to her belly, which had just grown taut. The Bobbli kicked against it. Her eyes filled with tears. She was going to be a parent. A mother. The highest calling she could think of, but she was sure the job was much harder than she’d ever imagined.
24
Zane sat with Gideon and Lila, a piece of Monika’s chocolate chess pie in front of him, in the Bylers’ kitchen. It was the first Saturday in April, and the afternoon sun streamed through the windows. Zane and Lila had met with the lawyer the day before, and the meeting had been disturbing. The insurance company hadn’t finalized their investigation yet, but Mr. Addison claimed he planned to sue Lila.
“All of this is hard to believe,” Gideon said. The second police report faulted Mr. Addison, and Brad had found out from the man’s cell phone company that he had been texting at the time of the accident, or at least right before it.
But Mr. Addison continued to claim that Lila had pulled out in front of him. Brad had explained the man had a right to sue and surmised Mr. Addison felt a jury of his peers, meaning Englischers, would sympathize with him.
“It goes against our beliefs, doesn’t it? To go to court?” Lila’s blue eyes lit up as she spoke. “It’s the way of the world, not our way.”
Gideon nodded. “That’s what we believe. Has anyone suggested mediation?”
Lila wrapped her hands around her coffee cup and shook her head. Zane doubted she’d want to be in the same room with the man who’d hit her to try to mediate the conflict. But if Mr. Addison took her to court, she’d have to go, unless it could be settled beforehand.
Gideon tugged on his beard. “I never would have guessed this from the few minutes I spent with Donald Addison after the accident. He seemed pretty upset.”
Zane’s neck tightened. “The man called 9-1-1 and gave them false information.”
“Perhaps it’s what he believed though,” Gideon said.
“Or what he convinced himself to believe.” Zane tried to relax. “But how can he argue against the investigation? Or his cell phone record?”
Lila twisted her mouth in that endearing way she had. “I think he might live down that lane right before the school.”
“On Derry Road?”
Lila nodded. “Rose and I saw a vehicle that looked like his turn down that way. We followed it to a house, but the driver had already gone inside.”
“Jah, his address online indicates that he lives there now,” Zane said. “Before that he lived in Ephrata.”
“Perhaps he had just moved,” Gideon said. “Or was looking at the house. We can’t know for sure he was getting ready to turn, so we should expect the best of him, jah?”
Zane hesitated, not sure if he should speak up or not.
Lila gave him one of her looks.
Gideon sighed and said, “Go ahead, Zane. Tell me what you think.”
Zane inhaled, sure they thought him too aggressive. “It’s just that I don’t know that we should think the best of this man. What if he’s taking advantage of Lila because he doesn’t think she’ll pursue justice? These medical bills are a lot of money. And now that Rose is having complications, it could put even more stress on the mutual aid fund.”
“I hope you don’t think any of us expect you to be responsible for Lila’s medical bills,” Gideon said. “Because we don’t. If we can’t cover it, we’ll hold fundraisers. And other districts will contribute too.”
“Denki,” Zane said, relieved. He knew the district would do what they could, but he’d feared he and Lila would be responsible for the rest. “But this man’s insurance should cover Lila’s expenses—there’s no way she, or the district, should have to pay for the repairs to his SUV.”
Gideon tugged on his beard. “You know as well as I do that life isn’t fair. That’s why we leave justice to the Lord.”
“I know that.” Zane sighed. “I’ll leave this up to Lila, with your advice.”
“How about if I talk to this lawyer you know?” Gideon asked. “Would you be all right with that? And we’ll pray that his insurance company’s investigation agrees with the police report.”
Lila nodded.
Zane tried to relax. He didn’t want his anxiety to make things worse for Lila, but he did want justice. However, he might have to learn how to give up that desire, to take one more step to truly becoming Amish.
“We should talk about when you two plan to marry,” Gideon said.
Zane searched Lila’s face, but she wouldn’t look at him.
“I’d rather not talk about that yet,” Lila said.
“Why not?” Gideon asked.
Lila’s face grew red.
Gideon leaned across the table. “What is it?”
Lila didn’t answer, but finally she looked at Zane.
He shrugged but said, “Lila wants to wait until after Rose has her baby.” He was beginning to feel that was just an excuse though.
“Lila?” Gideon asked. “Is that why you don’t want to set a date?”
Her eyes welled with tears, and she glanced at her cane propped against the table. “Jah.”
Gideon took another sip of coffee and then asked quietly, “Would you feel more comfortable talking to Monika?”
She shook her head. “There’s really not anything to talk about.”
When Gideon didn’t respond, Lila said, “I’m working at healing. I’m done with the physical therapist, but I’m still doing all of my exercises. I am getting stronger.” She sighed. “I feel as if everyone’s trying to rush me. I love Zane. I want to marry him. But if I need a few more months to make sure Rose and the baby are settled and to be certain I’m healthier—well, then, that’s what I need.”
“I see.” Gideon glanced at Zane.
Zane kept his eyes on Lila, not wanting to make her feel as if he were disagreeing with
her by making eye contact with Gideon. She was right to say what she needed, and he shouldn’t take it as a rejection. Even though he felt it was.
“How is Rose doing?” Gideon asked.
Lila sat up a little straighter. “She’s feeling fine. She says she thinks the doctor made the whole bed rest thing up.” Lila smiled a little. “The Bobbli’s moving quite a bit. Thankfully Rose is gaining more weight.”
“I see,” Gideon said again, but Zane wasn’t sure what he meant. Perhaps he was understanding what Lila didn’t want to discuss.
On the way home, in the buggy, Zane stayed quiet. He wasn’t going to force Lila to talk about anything else—or force her to take action she wasn’t ready to. He’d been reading 1 Corinthians 13 over and over, not in the King James Version, which their district sometimes used instead of the High German Scripture, but in his old Bible, the New International Version from when he was a boy. “Love is patient, love is kind . . . It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking . . . It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
That was the way he wanted to love Lila. He wouldn’t fail her. He’d give her the time she needed.
On Monday, Zane’s ride dropped him off at the intersection of Juneberry Lane and the highway in the early evening. He was thankful work hadn’t slowed down much in the winter—although it hadn’t picked up the way he’d hoped this spring either. His boss was waiting on a new contract while they did the finishing work on the last project.
As Zane walked the rest of the way home, he looked down the Lehman driveway just as he did every time he passed, just as he had since he was twelve. Searching for Lila. Always, searching for Lila. He wouldn’t stop by today. He’d give her space. Although he would head to the barn after he put his things away and help Tim with the milking.
The trees along the lane practically glowed with new growth, all in tender shades of green that made the world seem as if it had just been reborn. Zane couldn’t help but feel a sense of hope regardless of the ongoing uncertainty with Lila.
At the cedar tree he angled through the field, heading in a straight line for the little house. As he walked along briskly, Tim came up from the creek, a fence pole digger in his hand. Zane knew he’d been expanding the fence in the far field. Tim waved.
Zane picked up his pace as he made his way toward the man.
“Do you have a minute?” Tim called out, increasing his stride. As he walked, his beard blew in the wind. He definitely had more gray in it, but he was as big as ever, still standing tall, his shoulders broad and his back straight.
Zane had feared the man most of his life, and silently criticized him much of the time. But now watching him, Zane hoped that when he was nearing fifty he was as much a man as Tim Lehman, and not just in stature. Sure, Tim had made his mistakes, but his heart was good.
As they met in the middle of the field, Tim extended his hand and shook Zane’s with vigor. “I wanted to talk with you about the dairy and your plans for your future,” Tim said. “If you’re still interested.”
“I’m interested in listening,” Zane said. Tim hadn’t said any more about his idea for the last few months.
“Beth went to Ohio in March to meet with an attorney. Her first husband left her as the beneficiary of his life insurance policy and his house. It’s not a large inheritance, but it’s a fair amount. She’d like to invest the money into the farm.”
“Really?” Zane wasn’t sure how that affected him.
“I need to talk with your grandfather and your folks too, but I wanted to run my idea by you first.”
Zane nodded.
“I’d like to use the money to remodel your barn into a dairy setup, which means we could double the herd. That would increase our profits, at least some.” He smiled wryly.
Zane knew dairy profits weren’t great. “I see,” he said.
“But I need to know if you’re in, if you want to partner with me.” Tim swung the digger to his other hand. “I couldn’t manage a bigger herd by myself.”
“I don’t have anything to invest in the business,” Zane said. “It’s not as if I could come in as a partner or anything.”
“No, but your family’s investment would be considerable. We’d want to cultivate the south field, plant alfalfa. And of course there’s the barn.”
Zane nodded.
“The big question, for you, is your labor. Are you interested in becoming a farmer? In taking over the business someday when I retire?”
“I’ll think about it,” Zane said. He’d prefer to commit after he and Lila were actually married.
Tim frowned. “What are your concerns?”
Zane shrugged.
“Lila?”
Zane nodded, not wanting to say anything.
“This has gone on too long,” Tim said. “I know she’s still hurting, but she has her life. She has you. She has her family.” Zane expected him to say she needed to get over it, but he didn’t.
“Jah,” Zane said. “She just needs some more time is all.”
Tim took off his hat and rubbed his hand along his hairline. “Are you committed to her? Do you still love her—you know, as it seems you always have?”
“Of course,” Zane said. “I love her more than I ever have.”
“Then you two will figure it out.” Tim shook Zane’s hand again. “Give what I proposed some thought. Talk with your parents. There’s no rush to make a decision.”
Zane thanked him and said he’d be over to help with the milking soon.
Tim nodded and then headed on up the field toward his house, swinging the posthole digger as if it were a stick in his hand.
Zane continued on toward his house, skirting around the barn, imagining it outfitted with milking equipment. He couldn’t help but think about how much his dad hated the smell of the Lehmans’ dairy when they first moved to Juneberry Lane, but Zane hadn’t heard him complain about it for years.
Zane stopped for a moment at the garden. He and his mom were sharing the responsibility of it. He’d also bought chicks a few weeks ago and put them in his parents’ coop.
“Hello!”
Zane squinted toward the porch as Gideon waved. “What are you doing here?”
“I have an update on the accident.”
Zane hurried forward. “Come on in.” He opened the door and stepped into the house. It was cool inside, and the light was dim. Gideon followed. “Do you want a glass of lemonade?” Zane asked.
“Water would be great,” Gideon answered, looking around the inside of the house.
Zane motioned toward the kitchen, stepped through the doorway, put his lunch box on the counter, and filled two glasses from the tap. Gideon took his with a thank-you and then said, “You’ve done a fine job on this house.”
“Denki,” Zane answered. “I enjoyed the work.” Because it had been for Lila.
Gideon asked, “How do you like living by yourself?”
Zane exhaled. “I don’t.” He nodded toward his parents’ house. “It’s not like I’m entirely alone, but it wouldn’t be my first choice.”
Gideon nodded.
“What did Brad say?” Zane asked.
“That Mr. Addison hasn’t filed a suit yet, obviously, or else Lila would have been notified. He thinks the man is bluffing. Brad plans to meet with the insurance adjuster and talk things through. Hopefully they’ll have completed their report by then. He thinks Mr. Addison assumes, since Lila didn’t have insurance, that she doesn’t have anyone to represent her. If he steps up as her representative, maybe the man won’t sue.”
Zane held his glass in both hands. “That sounds good,” he said. “I’m grateful.”
Gideon nodded. “Well, I feel partly to blame. We all assumed Donald Addison was telling the truth that day. It made this all go on a lot longer than it should have.”
“I just hope the truth will prevail,” Zane said. “And it would be nice if Mr. Addison would agree with it. With math. And physics a
nd all that.”
“Well,” Gideon said, “we certainly don’t have any control over what he’ll agree with, but I don’t see how he can truly challenge the police report and certainly not his own insurance company’s findings. But he may still keep believing that he’s right.”
“Jah,” Zane said.
“I have another question for you.”
Zane nodded in agreement. Gideon could ask him anything.
“Are you still certain you want to live the Plain lifestyle? Has any of this changed your mind? Many people who think they want to live Plain decide they don’t after a year or so—or after something challenges their core beliefs, maybe ones that are in conflict with the way we believe.”
“Jah,” Zane answered. “My wish is to remain Plain. Yes, I’ve been confronted with things that bother me more than your average Amish man.” He smiled. “But it isn’t all just that I was raised Englisch. Part of it is my personality.” Zane shrugged. “I’m learning.”
Gideon nodded. “That’s all I can ask.”
Zane tried to smile, but he knew it came across as more of a grimace. “How’s Reuben doing?”
“He’s hanging in there,” Gideon said.
Zane wasn’t sure why he asked. Maybe just to change the subject. He didn’t expect Gideon to share anything personal about his son. Zane sighed. He felt for the guy, living alone. The idea of living without Lila for a while longer was difficult to accept—but his greater fear was that once Rose had her baby Lila would come up with another excuse not to marry.
25
Rose held on to the door handle as Eve turned her car down Juneberry Lane. The lilacs along the fence line were blooming, along with the wild irises that grew on the grassy shoulder. They were coming home from the clinic, where she’d gotten a steroid shot to help the baby’s lungs develop. The doctor was certain Rose would deliver early. If the baby’s lungs were more mature, it could make all the difference. “I appreciate you taking me,” Rose said.
“Of course.” Eve glanced toward Rose as she turned down the driveway. “Is it all a bit overwhelming?”
Rose nodded. “I’m just trying to take in everything.” The doctor had said she’d have to have a C-section, for sure—the placenta hadn’t budged. Thankfully the baby’s size, at thirty-three weeks, was good now.
