by Theda Vallee
We sat in somber silence, each of us lost in our own thoughts. Nonna was right, even if Gia didn’t want to accept it. I wasn’t so sure about things being driven by fate, but we each had a role to play right now. Our lives depended on it. If we let them drive a wedge between us, we’d lost already. The only hope we had was to stick together, no matter how hard it got.
“So, you’re coming with us tonight?” Nerina asked.
“If that’s okay. Luc had to report to headquarters. It’s going to take most of the evening. We’re meeting at the beach house later for a nightcap.”
“Is that for you to have the makeup sex?” Aunt Sophia asked.
Everyone at the table gasped, swiveling to stare at Aunt Sophia like she’d just sprouted a third head. Sex was a taboo subject when Nonna was in the room. She still covered the television when the actors kissed too long.
Nonna’s eyes narrowed into slits. “Etta will not be doing that. We are good Catholic women. No one in this house should be having premarital relations.”
I didn’t dare contradict her, but how did she not know? What did she think I did when I stayed over at Luc’s? The way Nerina prattled on, there was no way it wasn’t obvious she’d slept with half of Palermo Bay. Gia didn’t talk about her relationships too much, but we all knew she had a few ‘friends with benefits.’ I figured as long as we said our rosaries every Sunday, Nonna saw it as a wash. The look on her face right now told me she had no clue. She’d turn this house into a nunnery if she realized the depths of our depravity.
A giggle escaped from me before I could stop it. Thinking about the house as a convent with Nonna as the Mother Superior, was kind of hysterical. The three glasses of wine I’d downed probably didn’t help. I looked at Nerina and Gia across the table, and another giggle escaped. The three of us made eye contact, smirking despite the death stare Nonna was serving us. Gia tried to hide a giggle with a very fake cough, and that was our undoing. All three of us laughed, unable to contain it.
“We should get going. It’s going to take forever to find parking,” Nerina said, her face contorting as she tried to keep from laughing again.
I nodded in agreement, grabbing my plate off the table, and stifling the giggles that were bubbling up inside me. “You can leave the dishes, Nonna. We’ll get them when we get back tonight.”
Gia smiled, jumping up from the table as well, running with us to the kitchen to let out the peals of laughter we were holding in. One day, we were going to move out and live real grown-up lives, but not just yet.
Chapter Three
The neon letters on the marquee read ‘Welcome M.O.D. Lovers.’ This was one of my favorite buildings in Palermo Bay. The decadent art-deco theater had been registered as a national landmark a few years back, saving it from destruction. The theater was too outdated to screen movies, so they’d converted it into an event space.
Tonight, we were attending a charity auction for a supernatural teen shelter. Brady was in lust with the man who ran the charity, or at least that’s what I’d gathered listening to him explain the event to me. You don’t spend twenty minutes describing someone’s ass unless you’re lusting after it.
As we marched up to the building, sequins glittered in every direction, creating a halo of color. The crowd towered over me despite my height. Nerina and Gia were dwarfed entirely in the sea of sparkles.
“Where the hell did all these giant women come from? It’s weird being the short one,” I said to Nerina as we stood in line at the will-call window.
Gia stared at me, shaking her head in disgust. She leaned over, whispering in my ear. “They’re drag queens. The Ministry of Drag or M.O.D.? Not ringing a bell?”
I felt like an idiot. I’d thought an influx of Amazonian women had moved to town. In my defense, they looked damn good for guys. I glanced down at my hoodie and jeans, suddenly feeling underdressed. If Nerina didn’t complain about every outfit I ever wore, maybe I would have listened to her and changed before we left. I unzipped my hoodie to expose the sequined pineapple underneath. It was pathetic compared to the gowns surrounding me, but it was all the pizzazz I had to offer.
Nerina stepped up to the ticket window and picked up our auction packets. After today, the last thing I had wanted to do was attend a stuffy charity auction, but now I was burning with curiosity. What did drag queens auction off?
I followed the girls into the building, my head whipping in every direction. The artistry of the queens was a feast for the senses. Their outfits ran the gamut from simple, sleek ball gowns to elaborate concept pieces that were works of art. I was kicking myself for never seeing a drag show before today. If they performed half as good as they looked, I was hooked.
“I’m gonna find our seats. Do you want to get our drinks?” Nerina asked
I nodded, not bothering to ask what she wanted. Both of the girls were obsessed with Moscow Mules as of late. Walking up to the bar, I waited patiently for the bartender’s attention.
“Hey, kitten, what are you drinking?” Brady asked, as he bounced over to me from out of the crowd. “Where’s Mr. Bossman? Was he really that mad?”
“You can buy me a mojito, and Luc’s fine. He had to go do something at headquarters. I’m going to kill you for texting my sister. Do you have to tell her everything I do?” I demanded, smacking his arm.
“You made us spend time together. It’s not my fault we became besties. Don’t worry, kitten, you’ll always be my number one girl,” he said, bopping my nose affectionately.
I leaned my head on his rippling bicep while he placed our drink order. “I love you, Brady, but please think before you tell her things. Everything gets blown out of proportion at my house. Your text set off a chain reaction that ended with Nonna forbidding us to have premarital sex. That was fun.”
He laughed, his whole body shaking with it. “Wait, little Nonna actually said the ‘S’ word? How was I not there for that? I’m never turning down a dinner invite again.”
I smiled despite myself. Brady had a knack for making me see the absurdity of life. It was his most endearing, but often maddening quality. “Where’s Vee? I thought she was coming?”
“She said she didn’t feel like glamouring all night to hide herself. I told her we’d just pretend she was in drag, but I think she wanted to relax and watch Finding Nemo, again.”
I frowned, disappointed she hadn’t come. Vee and I had bonded since our first few missions together. She was fair, taking my side when it was warranted, but also giving me good feedback when I screwed up. From what I could tell, she had no other friends or family. I’d unofficially adopted her into the Massoni clan, and no one in my family seemed to mind. It was a given that Vee and Brady were included when we made plans now. It was one of the few good things to come out of the Osservatori so far.
“So, what exactly is this charity? Are we here, so you can get a date with their director? Luc said we should be careful when interacting with this group. He seems to think they have anti-Osservatori leanings. Whatever that means,” I said.
“I love that boy, but he’s just parroting what his daddy says about them. M.O.D. takes in the supernatural teens who have nowhere else to go, and they’ve been vocal about the council turning a blind eye to more significant problems in the supe community.”
“It makes no sense. With all the rules the Osservatori has, you’d think it’d be illegal to toss magical kids out into the human world with no guidance. Why do they throw the kids out, anyway?” I asked. The mother in me couldn’t imagine a reason that would ever sound good enough. If I was fortunate enough to have my daughter with me, I’d never let her go.
“Baby vamps get thrown out of their nests if they don’t develop certain powers, gay fairies like me get booted for refusing to marry women, or the elf kids who go against their caste system are sent packing. There’s bullshit politics in every race, and it can leave kids without families. The Ministry took me in when I was sixteen. They’re good people,” he said, looking me up and down. “What are you wearing
? God, what are we going to do with you?”
The lights flickered, letting us know that the show was about to start. I grabbed our drinks from the counter, shoving one into Brady’s hand, and waded into the sea of seats. It was easy to find Nerina and Gia; they were the only ones standing up and waving their arms back and forth wildly. Who could miss that?
“I thought I was going to dehydrate,” Nerina said, snatching the cup out of my hand before letting me in the aisle.
“You realize alcohol dehydrates you, right?” I asked.
“How can it dehydrate you? It’s a liquid.”
I shook my head, deciding not to argue with her. Brady and I settled into our seats just as the house lights went dark. A spotlight flared to life in the middle of the stage. The crowd quieted and all eyes were glued to the circle of light.
“The spotlight should follow me to the middle of the stage. Why would you shine it on an empty stage?” a voice boomed out over the sound system. “What do you mean you don’t know how to do that? Just give me that. I’ll do it my damn self.”
A queen bedecked in a short, blue-sequin cocktail dress, peeked out from the wings. She waved to the crowd before ducking back out of sight. A moment later, she stepped out onto the stage holding a flashlight. She shook it a few times as if struggling to work it, until a thin beam of light flickered to life. Moving across the stage in the highest heels I’d ever seen, she held the flashlight under her face until she reached the spotlight in the middle. Her brunette hair was piled on her head in a sky-high bouffant, crowned with a golden birdcage. A trail of glittering birds nestled in her coif, their golden wings catching the light with every turn of her head. Her makeup was a riot of matching blues with ruby-red lips that glistened with glitter.
“You see how they treat me? All these years as a working girl, and a bitch still has to work her own spotlight,” she said, tossing the flashlight behind her. “Welcome to the third annual charity event for the Ministry of Drag. If you’re here, it’s because your family or you have a lot of money. Either way, we love you. In case my fame hasn’t spread to whatever rock you’ve been under, I’m Ms. Maxine Factor, your host for the evening. I’m also the President and head witch in charge of the Ministry.”
The packed theater broke out in raucous applause at her opening introduction. Clearly, her fame had reached just about everyone here.
“If I didn’t have three hundred layers of foundation on, you could see I’m actually blushing. You bitches like me. You really like me. For those of you that haven’t been with us before, everything about tonight is for the children. So, when you pull your wallet out, think of the damn kids. We run a thirty-bed home for teens who have no place to go. Along with the home, we provide a myriad of other programs to help these kids get on their feet. I don’t want to turn this into a sob fest, just know those kids are watching backstage and some of them come from rough hoods. That’s not a threat. Just a warning. I hope you locked your cars.”
I sipped my mojito, entertained by her introduction. I had a feeling that we were in for a fantastic evening.
“All right, so tonight will unfold in two parts. First up is a cabaret-style show, performed by some of the fiercest queens you’ll ever meet. We expect you to hoot, holler, and give us a few dollars. We’ll spend the next hour working our padded asses off to entertain you. Every dollar you throw our way will go directly to feed these hungry-ass kids. Once we’ve got you dancing in the aisles, and drunk enough to spend your life savings, the auction you’ve all been waiting for will begin. I don’t want to get you too excited, but I believe this may be the best set of lamb chops I’ve ever seen at auction. I needed three cold showers before I could even leave my dressing room,” she said, fanning herself. “For real bitches, I’ve out done myself. The eligible bachelor auction is going to knock your tits off this year. All right, I’ll shut up now and get this show on the road. Our first queen of the night will leave you gagging in the aisles. She comes to us all the way from Memphis, and she’s ready to enter-taint you. Sit back, tuck in, and get ready for the ride of a lifetime, hunties. Please welcome the ever-fabulous, Ms. Fonda Cox.”
The next hour flew by in a heart-stopping riot of color, lip syncing, and dance. Not only were these men strutting through the room in sky-high heels, but some of them were also performing straight up acrobatics. A queen named Mothership towered above all the other girls and was squarely in the plus-size category. When she dropped into the splits as easily as butter sliding across toast, the entire room jumped out of their seats.
I was glad Nerina had thought to steal my debit card and load up on dollar bills before we came. I handed out every last one. Each new queen seemed to top the one before. By the time the hostess stepped back on to the stage, I was smiling so big my face hurt.
“Well, children, are you not entertained?” Maxine said, sashaying across the stage. “Now that you’re all riled up, it’s time to give you what you really want.”
A lone woman in the front row jumped to her feet, swinging her sweater over her head, cheering at the top of her lungs. I cringed, wondering how many drinks she’d had.
“Well, aren’t you adorable? Calm your tits and sit your ass down, sweetie, or you ain’t getting any tonight,” Maxine said. “Lord, you can’t take some people out in public. Now, as I was saying, it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for; the fabled auction. Tonight, we have twenty men who are dying to spend a night on the town with the highest bidder. So, without further ado, we’ll get this little man parade started. Get your paddles out and get ready to fight for your man. With cash only, please. We fight with our wallets, not our fists.”
Music played while a line of men walked onto the stage, all of them shirtless. Most of them wore tight-fitting boxer briefs that didn’t leave much to the imagination. Even from a few rows back, I could tell who was circumcised. In the looks department, there wasn’t a dud in the bunch. They all rocked sculpted chests, perfect grins, and ample bulges. The temperature in the room had risen by at least ten degrees.
“Give me your debit card,” Nerina said clawing at my arm. She pointed to the stage, her body vibrating with barely contained excitement.
I scanned the row of men, looking for the prize stallion she’d become smitten with. In the middle of the herd stood Leander, oozing sexy doctor charm all over the stage. I’d seen him naked a few times. Being a lion shifter, he didn’t ever seem too concerned with modesty. It didn’t matter how many times I’d seen his chest though, it was damn impressive.
“I am not giving you carte blanche with my credit card, to bid on Leander. How many times do I have to say this? If you want to go out with him, ask like a normal person.” I clutched my purse tighter. I didn’t trust her not to snatch it out of my hands.
She’d been obsessed with Leander since we first met him. They were supposed to go on a date a few months ago, but nothing had ever come of it. Instead of calling him, she tried to throw herself in his path whenever possible, hoping he’d realize he’d never made good on his promise. It wasn’t going well for her.
“What if we agree on a limit? It’s for charity. Are you going to get stingy?” she demanded.
“How much money do you need to buy a man? I’ll spot you,” Brady said, pulling out a wad of cash.
“I don’t know if you should borrow money from Scarface,” I said to Nerina, eyeing the huge stack of bills he had. “You know she can’t afford to pay you back, right?”
Brady peeled off ten one-hundred-dollar bills from his stack and handed them to Nerina. “What my little momma wants, she gets.”
“Is it just men?” Gia asked her lip jutting out in a pout.
“Don’t worry, the ladies will be up next. There aren’t as popular as the meat market up there since this crowd skewers heavily on the side of peen lovers. They’ll have about ten ladies in the line-up, though,” Brady said.
“I’ll go get more drinks than,” Gia said, hopping up to head to the bar. “Gyrating man flesh mak
es me ill.”
The first man came up to the front of the stage as Maxine extolled his virtues. She had him turn in a circle, so the crowd could get a view of him from all angles. When his back was to the group, she coaxed him into shaking his ass. I thought the crowd was rowdy during the show, it had now devolved into full-blown chaos. When the bidding started, it was cutthroat. Paddles flew fast and furious in every direction. The bidding started at ten dollars but quickly rose from there. They auctioned the first man off for eight hundred dollars. Nerina was going to have a hard time beating out the competition.
Bidding lasted for over two hours. We drank way too many cocktails while enjoying the feeding frenzy. A very aggressive queen in spandex had outbid Nerina by a few hundred dollars. Brady stopped her from hopping over the chairs to beat the winner’s ass, but it was a hell of tussle. Seven Moscow Mules had convinced her she could morph into John Wick and mow down anyone who dared stand between her and Leander. I recorded some of her rantings for future blackmail. I was a good sister like that.
Gia lost her bid, too. Unlike Nerina, she hunted the girl down after the show and asked for her number. It would be nice if she started dating someone. Maybe then she wouldn’t have as much time on her hands to worry about her mother.
I’d texted Luc, begging off for the night. I told him I had a headache, which was only a half lie. He would have given me a headache if I had to spend the evening listening to him bitch. Tonight had been fun. I was tipsy and feeling happy. I didn’t want to end my night bored and angry. Drunk me wanted to eat tiramisu and watch a stupid sitcom before sliding into my comfy bed. He’d probably act like a kicked dog for a few days, but I deserved to enjoy myself without worrying about his damn feelings all the time.
The three of us stumbled into the backyard after Brady dropped us off. Fairies were so lucky. They metabolized everything faster than a human which meant he was sober before we even hit the parking lot. That would suck a little if you were trying to get drunk, but it would be amazing for food. It would be a dream come true to eat pasta without ever gaining weight.
